2014: Fun, floods and facial hair.

Yet another year flies into history at a somewhat scary pace. A year when I have been very neglectful with this blog (again).
Personally, there wasn't too much drama. No births, no deaths, no marriages. I grew an experimental beard for a few weeks when we were invited to a medieval banquet. But it's not something I shall be eager to do again. And, if ever you notice that I'm slightly unshaven, would you be so kind as to remind me of these words.

As you know, I did my first bungee jump and absolutely loved it. But, apart from Liverpool ripping up the Premiership for five thrilling months, any other 'excitement' has been in lessons.
We had Shauna's intensive course in Fort William. My first time instructing there and it coincided with the most rain I have seen fall in a three day period. But not even floods and landslides were going to stop Shauna passing her test at the first attempt.

The only two times we have ever had an accident in lessons were the fault of other drivers (both when vehicles went into the back of us). This year I had a pupil leave the road, not in a lesson, but in a test! Fortunately, no-one was hurt and the only damage was to my two nearside tyres, which both burst.
But I am pleased to report that almost all other drama has been positive, with a record number of my pupils passing their tests. Last year I was thrilled to have 79 pupils pass their driving tests. I was hoping that we might have over eighty this year, but that didn't look likely early on in the year. However, the last few months have gone a bit mad and I ended up with no less than 98 pupils passing their tests in 2014. Congratulations to (deep breath)..... Abbie, Adele, Aimee, Alan, Alex, Alexander, Alice C, Alice Mac, Alice Mash, Allen, Andrea, Andrew, Angus M, Angus U, Becky N, Becky R, Ben, Bethany, Calum, Cameron, Catrina, Chantelle, Charles, Charlotte, Chloe, Conor, Craig, Craig M, Darren, Donald, Donna, Eilean, Eilidh, Elizabeth, Emma, Euan Mac, Euan Mc, Gemma, Geoff, Gregor, Hally, Hamish, Hannah, Harriet, Holly, Humzah, Ian, Innes, Jack B, Jack G, Jamie, Jeanette, Jock, Joe, Joshua, Kacey, Kate, Katie S, Katie W, Katy, Kayleigh, Keirra, Kenneth, Kieran, Lasha, Lauren, Liam, Lilleth, Mark D, Mark V, Mary D, Mary M, Matthew, Michael H, Michael M, Michael O, Michelle, Oliver, Paisley, Patrick, Rachel, Rory M, Rory R, Ruari, Ruairidh, Ryan, Scott M, Scott S, Seumas, Shauna, Sigi, Sophie, Stephen, Stuart, Tess, Tony, Tylar and Vicky. I think that's everyone, but apologies if I have missed anyone.
I am proud of every one of those, but, looking back, the ones that meant slightly more were generally the people who had been with me longer. Angus was one such pupil. He had been unsuccessful in a few tests, arguably slightly unlucky in two of them. But, the puzzling thing was that I had no worries about his driving at all during lessons. I guess it was just that nerves got the better of him on tests. In November he asked me if I would sit in on his test. I am always happy to do so, but explained to him that I cannot say or do anything throughout the duration of the test. He has been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and in tests, and even in lessons, he often found it helpful to talk himself through situations. Before the test started I simply advised him to drive exactly as he usually does and, if he wanted to, to talk himself through each situation. The test was going fine, although I would suggest that he was holding back a bit more than was necessary. He did get slightly alarmed when, at the start of his parallel park, I ducked down in the back seat to allow him more visibility. The examiner reassured him not to worry about me. As the test progressed I had counted a few minor errors, but nothing serious. As each junction and each situation was dealt with I heard a voice in my head urging him on. "Come on Angus." The test was almost over, just a few more junctions to negotiate. Come on Angus. An awkward situation with parked cars on both sides of the road, but he patiently held back and waited until it was clear, Come on Angus. A pedestrian with her back to us started walking towards the curb. He checked his mirrors and watched what she was doing. Come on Angus. The last junction coming up. He took it slightly wide. Come on Angus. The examiner asked him to pull up and switch off the engine. As far as I could tell, it was a pass, but how would the examiner interpret his slight lack of making progress when the road was clear? "I am happy to tell you that you have passed." COME ON ANGUS!!! YES!
Sometimes, this can be a frustrating job. Pupils cancel lessons and don't drive to their best ability. Other drivers tailgate and do all sorts of stupid (and dangerous) things. But all of these niggles fade away when people like Angus pass their test. And, hopefully, many more people will do so next year. Let's break the 100 barrier!

How NOT to take a driving test

I've had a few tests recently which have not gone exactly as I would have liked.
The first one wasn't her fault. She had a 9:37am test and, the night before, I went to pick her up for her last lesson.
"I've got a bit of a problem ” she said, as she got in the car. " I can't find my purse, and it's got my licence in it. "
That's not "a bit of a problem", that's a major disaster.
" I had my purse at school this afternoon, but it's not in my bag now. "
Whether it was stolen, or simply fell out of her bag we shall never know (although when she did get her purse back, money had gone from it). She reported it stolen and planned to go to the school first thing in the morning, in the hope that she might find it.
I met her at school in the morning. "The cleaners haven't come across it" she said.
"It's OK", I lied, " we have plenty of time. "
Her school was 25 minutes from the test centre and, if she didn't find it in the next half an hour, we wouldn't get there in time.
Luckily, with about fifteen minutes to spare, she came running out, clutching her purse and licence.
Very rarely does anyone go to their test completely relaxed, but finding your licence with minutes to spare certainly doesn't help.

A few days later I had another Inverness test. He hadn't been too happy about his first test: In slow moving traffic, he had held back to keep a junction on the left clear. The correct thing to do, but in the examiner's opinion, he had held back too much and possibly irritated the drivers behind. So, this time, he asked me if I would sit in the back.
All was going fine. I was completely relaxed and enjoying the drive. The examiner asked him to pull over and explained that he would like him to complete a reverse (parallel) park, using the parked car ahead. When I sit in on tests, I duck down on the back seat when they are reversing, so that I do not impede their view. This means that I can't see how the manoeuvre is going, but I had every confidence in his ability to successfully complete the parking.
At one point he braked a touch sharply and the brakes squeaked. I saw him secure the car, sit bolt upright and exclaim "OH MY GOD!!! HAVE I HIT THAT CAR?!!!"
”No, you're fine. It's just the brakes. " explained the examiner.
He successfully completed the manoeuvre and passed his test but, as the examiner pointed out to him at the end, he should have known exactly how close/far from that car he was. Shouting "OH MY GOD!!! HAVE I HIT THAT CAR?!!!" is not likely to fill the examiner with confidence.

That same week I had six pupils taking their test in Ullapool. Typically, the examiners take them out on the A835, a twisting, hilly, 60mph road, to Ardmair, a few miles north of the village. While my last test of the day was taking place I was happily enjoying a coffee. My pupil had been out for about half an hour, so it was time to finish my coffee and walk back to (hopefully) congratulate him on passing his test. Just as I was doing that my phone rang. It was the examiner. My heart sank. It couldn't be good news.
"Hello Martin. We've had a bit of an incident." It definitely wasn't good news.
Although his driving had been absolutely fine in his lessons, for some unimaginable reason he had decided to show the examiner that he was Lewis Hamilton. He took a bend too fast, left the road and burst my two nearside tyres. Thankfully, no-one was hurt, although, with hindsight, I would have liked my pupil to have suffered a little. At least he had to suffer the embarrassment of having to walk a mile or so back to the test centre with the examiner. I can't imagine it would have been the most hilarious conversation between them.
My pupil mumbled a quiet "sorry Martin" then disappeared (not that I was in the mood to discuss his next test with him !) and the examiner hurried off to his next test. That left me to rely on the ever helpful Rod Houldsworth at Ullapool garage to rescue my car and transport it 55 miles to the nearest garage that had replacement tyres in stock.
Later, once I had calmed down, I was left wondering exactly what had happened. Nothing like it has ever happened in a lesson, but I guess the examiners try to leave the pupil to it. I just hope nothing like it ever happens again.

I was writing this while Michael was successfully taking his test in Ullapool. Although he passed with just three driver errors, he didn't make it easy for himself. Ullapool tests don't have a test centre, we just park up near the Fire Station. Whilst we were waiting for the examiner Michael asked me where the nearest toilet was because he was desperate to go. There is no nearby toilet. Not even a convenient bush. We didn't have time to drive to the nearest toilet.
"We don't have time. Can you hold on?"
"I'll have to."
I wandered off whilst he took his test. A few minutes later I saw Michael drive past and do an emergency stop..... Not what you want when you need the toilet ! Not only that, but, at the end of his test he told me he had "a bit on an incident" on the road to Ardmair. "Oh no !" I thought, "what now?" He explained that, just as he went round the corner where the aforementioned pupil had gone off the road, a family of ducks had waddled across the road and he had to do a second emergency stop.

An hour later: My last test of the day. Two out of two so far and every confidence in my third pupil passing easily. Except..... Can't fault his control, can't fault his judgement, can't fault his awareness, can't fault his manoeuvres, BUT...... His mirror checks are just a bit..... random. I have explained that he should check his mirrors before any change in speed or direction, before signalling, before overtaking, before changing lanes (not that this applies in Ullapool), etc, but still I have to regularly prompt him. I have explained the consequences of not checking mirrors but, for some unknown reason, he still misses mirror checks. In the lesson before his test we analysed his driving and I stressed that his only weakness was his use of mirrors. However, I felt confident that he would put it right on his test. Result, fail for not checking mirrors. I didn't need to say  ”I told you so ", the look on his face told me he knew.

So, to summarise: Keep both parts of your licence safe, make sure you don't need the toilet before your test, listen to what your instructor says, don't ask the examiner if you have hit something and, most importantly, try to keep the car on the road....... Easy.

Matthew's big day

Matthew's test was scheduled at 9.37am; a nice time, I think, after rush hour, but before Inverness' traffic really gets going. So we could afford to have a relaxed start to the day, with tea, bacon sandwiches and (not so relaxed) The William Tell Overture (The theme from The Lone Ranger) to liven us up.
There have been all sorts of roadworks and changes to the road system in the area around Inverness test centre recently, so we wanted a relaxed drive around the area before the test. With fifteen minutes to go it was time to turn the car round in the road and head towards the test centre. Matt seemed fine, but I was the one getting nervous, and this wasn't helped by the amount of traffic delaying his turn in the road.
"What time is my test?" asked Matthew, at 9.30am, as we approached the test centre.
"We've got plenty of time." I reassured, but anxiously aware that we only had a few minutes to spare. 

With every test I always get a little...... not nervous, but concerned. I only bring a pupil to test if I am confident that they are fine driving on their own. They don't have to be perfect (like Sarah last month), but they have to make me feel relaxed and confident in their ability. Matthew certainly drove like that. I had no doubts at all about his ability to drive but...... It is a test. And you never know what someone will do in test conditions.

For those of you who might not know, I'll explain the procedure: Matthew meets the examiner, who checks both parts of his licence and asks Matthew to sign a declaration that the car is insured and that he has lived in the UK for 6 out of the previous 12 months. The examiner then asks Matthew if he would like me to sit in on the test (he did). We walk out to the car park and the examiner checks his eyesight by asking him to read a number plate from 25 - 30m (the requirement is 20m). Then we approach the car and the examiner asks him two 'show me/tell me' questions. An incorrect answer incurs a 'driving fault' (Matthew answered both of his correctly). You will pass your test if you make 15 or fewer driving faults and no serious (or dangerous) faults. A dangerous fault is one that involves actual danger to anyone (including you and the examiner) or to any property. A serious fault is one that could potentially have been dangerous. A driving fault is one that, at the time, was not considered potentially dangerous, but making the same driving fault throughout your test could become a serious fault. Once we are all sat in the car, the examiner explains that the test will last approximately 45 minutes and that he is to follow the road ahead unless road markings or signs indicate otherwise. If the examiner wants you to turn left or right he will ask you in good time. For me, sitting in the back, I have to keep quiet and can have no influence. Sometimes the examiner might include me in the conversation, but, as a rule, I have to sit tight and shut up.

The examiner decided to get the reversing manoeuvre out the way and asked Matthew to pull out to the left or the right, straighten up, then reverse back into a bay. He is looking for control, accuracy and effective observation. This had been Matthew's least favourite manoeuvre, but he executed it perfectly.

He drove off and I began to relax. Really nice driving. Good approach to junctions and hazards. Over halfway through the test and absolutely nothing he could be faulted for; slightly over-cautious in a couple of meeting situations, but I would far rather he was cautious than take chances. We then came to a reasonably straight 30mph road with a bin lorry emptying the bins up ahead. Just beyond was a parked van on the other side of the road. If he acted quickly, he could comfortably overtake the bin lorry and safely return to his side of the road before the van became a problem. He hesitated and held back, just a fraction. The opportunity was then lost as the bin lorry neared the van and we had to wait until another gap appeared when the bin lorry had passed the white van. Hmmm. The examiner did not register anything on his sheet, but he might wait until later. It was certainly nothing serious though. 

Matthew continued to drive very nicely, dealing with some tough situations. The examiner asked him to pull over, then explained that the next section would be when he wanted Matthew to drive independently. For this part, they can either ask you to follow road signs (for example, 'follow road signs to Fort William'), or they can give you a series of directions (as opposed to step by step directions). He gave Matthew a combination of both. "I would like you to turn right at the end of the road, turn left at the next two roundabouts, then follow signs to Aberdeen." He then asked Matthew to repeat the instruction. There was a few minutes between the two roundabouts and, approaching the second, I thought his indicator was a touch early. Although there was no road between us and the roundabout, indicate too early and it could look as though you are parking. For the first time, I noticed the examiner put something on his marking sheet. Even though I thought the signal was only slightly early, I still worried that the examiner might have viewed it as serious. Ridiculous, because I knew it wasn't potentially dangerous, but I still worried.

I guess it was partly because there was definitely slightly more pressure on Matthew and me than usual. There is pressure on every test, if only because no-one wants to spend another £62 on a second attempt, but failing your test is NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. You have waited at least 17 years to get your licence. so it really is no big deal if you have to wait another few weeks (Ten working days is the minimum, but, in practice, it can be a lot more before you get another attempt). With Matthew, he was flying back to England the next day and, although his driving was easily good enough to pass wherever he chose to take his test, we really had been building up to this moment. And I know that his parents (my brother, Chris, and his wife, Sondra) would not have given it a thought if he doesn't pass but.......... I guess that, whenever someone doesn't pass, I always wonder if I have missed something in their instruction.

So now we were following signs to Aberdeen, through the busy Raigmore Interchange, and heading east on the A96. The examiner then asked him to follow signs to Culloden and Balloch. This took him right on a roundabout and into a slightly unusual road. Unusual in that it had regular streetlights, but was in fact a 60mph road. As he came off the roundabout he seemed to be slow getting the car going. With slight alarm I realised that he presumed that the street lighting mean that it was a 30mph speed limit. I could do nothing. I sat there, siliently urging him to look ahead where, in the distance, I knew there would be a reminder speed sign. fortunately he saw it, checked his mirrors to make sure that no-one was about to overtake, and put his foot down to get it up towards the speed limit. Eek. How would the examiner view that? Any vehicle behind would have expected him to accelerate towards 60mph after the roundabout, and may have been tempted to overtake when he was slow to do so. But, he had seen the first reminder sign and, importantly, had checked his mirrors before accelerating. I thought it could be viewed as a driving fault, but surely nothing serious?

Not far from the test centre now, but the bin lorry and the failure to see the national speed limit sign were heavy on my mind. As far as I was concerned, they were not serious, but I was not the one examining Matthew. Back at the test centre, he pulled carefully into a bay and the examiner asked him to switch off the engine. He looked down at his sheet and said "I'm pleased to tell you, Matthew, that you have passed." After the formalities of handing over the provisional licence and the paperwork, he quickly explained that he had recorded just two driving faults; one for hesitation at the bin lorry, and the other for indicating too early for the roundabout. He was obviously happy with the way Matthew realised that he was initially too slow, and corrected it, after the Culloden roundabout.

Matthew was delighted. It had been a very competent drive and to pass, first time, with just two driver errors is an excellent result. But it was well deserved. He had driven in every area I cover, from Elgin in the east, right up to Ullapool in the north-west, all of which provided different challenges. Jane rewarded him by taking him to sunny Findhorn for a walk on the beach and lunch outside the pub, overlooking Findhorn Bay, while I continued with quest to bring all my pupils to Matthew's standard.

The countdown.....

The day after Ben Wyvis was a little painful, but I was pleased how quickly the aching disappeared (unlike the blisters). Meanwhile, Matthew was progressing nicely. He was still sitting in on lessons (as long as my pupils were in agreement) and getting as much driving as possible inbetween. He asked if I could give him a mock test.
"We can do that, " I replied, "but I warn you that I will be strict and pick up on the slightest imperfection, otherwise there is no point."
I thought it went well, considering that we still had a week to go. I can't remember exactly, but I recorded just 5 driver errors (minor faults, if you prefer). But there were three moments I considered were serious.
He switched off the engine. "How do you think that went?" I asked him.
"Yeah, I thought that went well."
"Anything you weren't happy with?" and he talked about a couple of the things I had recorded as a minor driver error.
"How about the time when you moved out to allow traffic onto the A9 (dual-carriageway)? Your awareness and use of mirrors was really good, then you went passed them, but when should you have returned to the left lane?"
His face dropped a little, "The lane was busy."
"It was, but you had plenty of opportunity to return to the left lane earlier than you did."
"Then, toward the end, when I asked you to turn right at the roundabout, taking the fourth exit to Culloden, how were people to know where you were going?"
"I know, I forgot to indicate," he replied, "but I was watching the man at the pedestrian crossing."
"Yes, which obviously is good, but people approaching the roundabout still need to know where you are going." I don't think he was convinced. The trouble is, he sees no end of drivers approaching roundabouts (junctions) without indicators, so it might be understandable that he didn't consider it serious.
I'm struggling to remember what the other serious fault was, but I remember Matthew only grudgingly agreeing with me.
He was very quiet for a few hours afterwards. "Don't worry about it. There was no point doing a 'mock test' unless I picked up on everything that wasn't correct."
"I know, but three serious faults.'
"Yeah, but you (hopefully) understand why those things could have affected other road users, and (hopefully, again) you won't repeat them." He still wasn't happy.
The rest of the week continued to go well - more lessons, then, finally, a day off for Matthew while Joanna was busy passing her test in Elgin. "Can we do another mock test?" Matthew asked. We had two days to go. Would we be better off working on his weakness? And would a 'negative' result knock his confidence? But he really wanted another mock test, so I reminded him that I would be strict again.
At the end of the mock test I asked him "Ok, how do you think it went this time?"
He was hesitant, but I could see he wasn't disappointed. "I thought it was better."
"Anything that you think caused anyone else a problem? Or could have caused a problem?" He wasn't too sure.
"Just three minor errors this time, but......... (drumroll)..... No serious faults this time." His face lit up. "It was a nice drive. You just need to be a bit more aware of road signs and take in what information they give you. But carry on driving like that and you'll be fine."
The next day, inbetween lessons, we worked on his awareness and anything I thought could be polished further. He wanted an early night, but I thought that would be pointless, so Jane joined us for a trip to the cinema to see The Lone Ranger, which I thought was a bit too long, although good in parts. But Matthew loved it, and it did the job of taking his mind off the test.
I think I was getting more nervous than he was. Big day tomorrow.

The first few days

Picking Matthew up from Inverness airport went smoothly. We had 40 minutes to kill, so I did a bit of commentary driving to give him a taste of the city and what things he should be considering whilst driving. I then had a lesson with Jade. I had already asked most of my pupils if they would mind Matthew sitting in on the lesson, and almost all of them were quite relaxed about it.
I had already planned to base Jade's lesson on anticipation, use of mirrors and emergency stops. No reason to alter that plan. Besides, it would liven Matthew up after his flight. The first two emergency stops were slightly cautious, but the third was excellent - it certainly did the job of waking Matthew up.
Matthew had already done a bit of driving with his dad, and felt confident(ish) about driving from Jade's house to the petrol station. Unfortunately, it seemed that someone had kindly abandoned their car at the pump while they did their weekly shop in the petrol station, and, as a consequence, vehicles were having to queue back out onto the dual-carriageway. I talked him carefully through it, but, later, when Jane asked him about his day, he described that bit as 'carnage'.
After that, we took turns to drive to Ullapool, then he sat patiently in the back of the car, watching lessons with Peter, Isobel, Chanel and Katie. The last pupil was a brand new pupil, so I suggested he wait in The Ceilidh Place, as I didn't think it would be fair on the pupil.
Day two was similar. Not too much driving for Matthew, but sitting in on lessons with Caitlin, Brian and Jade in Inverness, then lessons with Becky, Ben and Niall in Ullapool. However, I suggested that he drove the eighty mile journey home. Not too technical, but a good opportunity to get him reading the road well ahead at 60mph and adjusting his speed in plenty of time. It was a very promising drive until the very end when he stalled just outside our house, much to his frustration.
Day three: A one hour lesson with Sophie in Auldearn, then a two hour lesson with Jack in Forres/Elgin. So still not too much driving for Matthew (apart from sometimes driving between lessons), but he said that, sitting in the back, he was leaning a lot.
Next pupil, in Forres, was James. James was close to being the perfect pupil: He is always outside waiting at the start of each lesson; he usually has 2 1/2 hours a week (and has NEVER cancelled). And, he listens to every suggestion I make about how to improve his driving, then tries to work on it. He went for his driving test a few weeks ago (in Elgin) and shocked me by picking up one serious fault: Early on in the test a bus, in front of him, had indicated that it was going to stop. With oncoming traffic there was no immediate chance of overtaking, so James decided to slow right down and select first gear. All very sensible. Unfortunately, he put it into first gear before he had got right down to a slow walking speed. The bus then moved off again, much earlier than James expected (perhaps he could have looked to see how many passengers (if any) were waiting to board the bus). So James brought the clutch back up, when he was still going too fast for first gear. As a result, the car suddenly slowed down (with no brake lights, of course, to warn the vehicle behind). The examiner explained that the following vehicle was far enough behind to easily react, but, with no brake lights, would have anticipated that James would accelerate when the bus moved off, not slow down.
Unfortunately (as far as his driving is concerned), James is spending the next fortnight with friends in Nottingham, before moving to Switzerland in a couple of weeks time. We have both been checking for test cancellations in Elgin, to try and get him passed before he goes, but have now run out of time, so this was to be our last lesson. He has managed to get a test booked in Nottingham, a couple of days before he flies to Switzerland, so I thought we would try to cover every aspect of driving and aim for perfection. He achieved that aim. I gave him really awkward manoeuvres in busy areas, took him to areas he had never been before, yet he took it all in his stride.
Later that day, when Matthew and I were discussing what we had covered, he said "I liked James. I learned a lot from him. He seemed to give himself lots of time at roundabouts and was always looking all around the car." I wish James all the best in Switzerland and Nottingham. Keep driving like that and show those Nottingham drivers how it's done James.

Ironing out the wrinkles

Bugger. You would think that, in mid-July, I would be quite comfortable in a short-sleeved shirt. Having said that, you would think that I had the sense to keep a fleece or light waterproof in the car 'just in case'. 
It's not particularly cold or wet, but, compared to the tourists in their coats, fleeces and goretex jackets, I feel very under-dressed. 
No test centre in Ullapool so, once again, I go for a walk, or find a cafe, when my pupils are out on test - and I have six consecutive tests today. 
It is quite a unique situation in these remote test centres. In Inverness and Elgin I occasionally get 2, or even 3, tests on the same day. It is unlikely that test candidates will know the other pupils talking their test and they nearly always get an hour's lesson prior to their test. In Ullapool however, the only pupils I can guarantee an hour's lesson before their test are the ones that book the first test of the day, or the one immediately after lunch. For the others, as is the case today, they have to meet me at the Fire Station (where the test begins and ends) and, if we are lucky, they will get a ten/fifteen minute 'warm-up' drive before their test. Then, after their test, they are often left to make their own way home as I will invariably have another pupil waiting for their warm up drive. Sometimes test days can feel a bit like a conveyor belt.

The other thing is that most of my Ullapool pupils know each other so, not only do they get anxious about their own tests, but they can sometimes worry about their friends' too. Last month, a pupil taking the last test of the day asked "How has everyone else got on today?"

"Would it help if I told you they all passed or they all failed?" I replied.

"No, you're right. I don't want to know."

Another thing is that, as much as I am confident that they should all pass, it is natural that I will be more confident in some rather than others. And it is often down to how much they have put into it themselves. As much as I try to make them as good a driver as possible, you can often get pupils who reach a good standard in relatively few hours. The problem with that is that I have less time to see how they deal with various situations. If then, during the test (or worse, after they have passed their test), a situation arises that they don't know how to deal with, then they could be in trouble. In theory, if they apply their knowledge to any situation, they should be fine, but you just never know for certain. I have had pupils who, on their test, have had to drive along a pavement to get around a lorry that was unloading. Or have had to reverse back along a narrow road from a T-junction because a lorry had blindly swung into the junction without checking into the road first. Both pupils passed, but nothing like that ever occurred during their lessons.

So, as a pupil approaches their test, I like to try to engineer situations that are going to be difficult for them. My philosophy is that, if they can deal with really difficult junctions/situations, then 99.9% of driving (and, hopefully, the driving test) will be really easy in comparison. I am trying to iron out all possible wrinkles, or polish them to perfection.

Unfortunately, sometimes a wrinkle unexpectedly occurs. My first test pupil of the day was someone who I struggled to find any fault in her driving. The photo on the right is of West Terrace, Ullapool. The 'pavement' is the area between the wall/fence and the white line. For the purpose of a turn in the road, the examiner is quite happy for the pupil to cross the white line, but, otherwise, it should be considered as a pavement. In her test, my pupil was driving on the other side of the road (towards us, as far as this photo is concerned), with numerous parked cars on her side. Another car, approaching her from ahead, had already starting encroaching on the 'pavement', to give both cars as much room as possible. My pupil should have pulled in to the left slightly and waited behind a parked car, to enable to the oncoming car to return to the correct side of the white line. But, because the oncoming car had already made room for her, she continued. And failed as a result. The ironic thing, as far as she is concerned, is that her awareness of 'meeting traffic' situations is usually perfect, so it was the last thing I would have expected her to fail on.

Later in the day, I had a pupil who had got through her teens and early twenties without learning to drive. It was only when one of her younger sisters (who had passed with me last year) bought her a voucher for driving lessons, that she decided to take the plunge. Her lessons have been quite concentrated, over a period of a few weeks and I think it was the short time span that made her doubt her ability to drive. After all, it was only a couple of months ago that she had not driven at all. So, in the run up to her test, she was having lessons almost every day. To try to eliminate her doubts I tried to work on any problem that occurred, making the 'wrinkles' smaller and fewer, until, a week before her test, it got to the point where I struggled to find a single fault in her driving. And this is by far the best way to combat pre-test nerves. Some people try various (legal) drugs, one person even tried hypnotism, but the best way is to develop your driving to the point where you KNOW you can drive, and can drive well. 

She became one of those pupils who, last week, I thought could be my first pupil to pass with no minor faults. I have now had several pass with just one minor fault/driver error, but the perfect pass had so far eluded us. Apparently, less than one in ten thousand pass with zero faults, but I do get pupils who I think "They could be 'the one'." As it turned out, she did pick up 3 minor faults, but, in a test situation, that is fantastic. So, very well done Catherine - you and Alasdair (her boyfriend, who passed with me in Inverness last month) can now have a private contest to see who is the better driver.

The rest of the tests went equally well. Piotr had failed a couple of times with a previous instructor, which didn't help the nerves, but also passed with 3 minor errors. Bethany, Erin and Olivia were all taking their test for the first time and made me very proud by all passing with just 3 - 5 minor errors. Congratulations to all five of you.

A few days earlier, Aaron took his driving test in Inverness. He had booked a block of twenty hours and his parents helped by giving him extra practice. In the latter lessons we worked hard on any weakness in his driving. He had developed his control of the car early on, but we needed to work on awareness and planning. By the day of his test I was very confident for him and was slightly surprised when he asked if I could sit in on the test. As the test progressed I couldn't find anything I could fault him for - so far. I was unusually relaxed - sitting in on a test is not usually a relaxing experience - and, as we approached Inverness test centre, I was thinking of what a good drive it had been. I knew he had passed, and the examiner confirmed it when he praised him on such a nice drive. But it still caught me by surprise when he said "I'm pleased to tell you that you have passed - and with no driver errors." !!!! We had done it! Or, more correctly, Aaron had done it. Aaron had joined that very exclusive club of a faultless drive in a test. 

I won't stop there. I'll try to get every pupil passing with 0 driver faults. It won't happen, of course, but it is a good target to aim for.

It is not just a target for me. Passing the driving test is really just the minimum standard. Everyone should always try to think of ways of improving their driving. Aaron has already asked about taking the Pass Plus course, and Catherine has already booked her Pass Plus course for next week. If they are looking to improve their driving, despite only having 3 minor errors between them, then it should serve as a lesson for everyone else.

Mum's the word.

After the temporary (I hope) blip with those two tests on the previous Tuesday, normal service was resumed the following day (and not even a hint of sandstorms).

Kerry was taking her test - her first attempt - and Inverness was enjoying beautiful blue sky and very pleasant temperatures. Although you can never be absolutely certain, I am always confident that my pupils should pass, I wouldn't be letting them take their test otherwise. With Kerry I just knew. The hour lesson before was so comfortable, perfect weather, windows open and a relaxing drive - I even had the radio on quietly, something I do very rarely in lessons.
Kerry obviously kept the standard up during her test, passing with just a couple of driver errors. Very proud of you Kerry.
Kerry had held firm against pressure from her friends who had been badgering her to reveal the date of her test. I would always recommend this course of action, it takes some of the pressure off. However, as soon as she passed, she couldn't wait to tell her friends and family by phone and Facebook.

Tuesday brought another test. When one of my pupil passes I usually add to their congratulation messages on Facebook and I often mention it on this blog. They passed easily but, afterwards, they asked me if I could not mention it on Facebook.
"Of course." I replied, and I assume they don't want me to mention their name here either. I didn't ask why, but I would never ignore such a request.
I was curious though. Had they been offered a job as Getaway driver for a gang of Bank robbers? Or maybe they were worried that all their friends were going to pester them for lifts? Possibly they just wanted to keep it secret for a few days before surprising someone. Over the years I have had several customers who have taken their lessons in secret, so that they could surprise their husband/girlfriend/parents etc when they passed.
A couple of years ago another driving instructor, Daniel, who also has a blog, asked how my customers/ pupils felt about being named. I have to confess, I had mentioned pupils by name many times, even when it was not always congratulatory, and had perhaps not given it as much thought as I should have. After Daniel's query I reconsidered mentioning people unless it is complimentary or I know they are happy about it (or even request it).

No such thing as Facebook, or even texting, when I passed my driving test. And, although I don't remember going around telling loads of people, I was keen to tell my family and friends.
The very next day I had more tests, this time in Ullapool. Congratulations to Oonagh White and Sandy Urquhart - two excellent passes, with just five driver errors between them. Within the hour they had posted on Facebook, saying how pleased and excited they were to have passed
I have never forgotten my reaction to passing my test, and I see that same reaction (sometimes even more excited) on almost every pupil when they pass their test. If I was 17 and having to go through it all again I am sure I would be straight onto Facebook after passing (or maybe after a cheeky solo drive first), but I'll always respect anyone's request for privacy.

Rat race.

Once again, a bit of snow seems to be bringing havoc to the roads.
It's funny how a few inches of snow in England becomes HEADLINE NEWS when far worse conditions north of the border rarely get more than the briefest of mentions. The reporter on Breakfast just now said "Here, in Worcestershire, we had half a centimetre of snow overnight." that's not news! That barely even qualifies as 'weather'.
Driving is all about reading the road ahead and making adjustments for the conditions. 'Conditions' include traffic and road conditions, not just weather.
One of life's little pleasures is watching other drivers NOT reading the road ahead. Admittedly this is morally dubious, like watching Alex Ferguson's blood pressure rise when things aren't going his way.
The A96, the road linking Inverness and Aberdeen, is great for Bad Driver watching. In general, it is a fairly free-flowing 60mph road (apart from the occasional tractor driver who is less considerate than most tractor drivers). In a perfect world, with good weather conditions, everyone would be driving at 57 - 60mph on the straights, easing of the accelerator in good time for the bends and roundabouts, and keeping a minimum of a 2 second gap between them and the vehicle ahead....... "in a perfect world". But, as we are reminded every day, this isn't a perfect world. There are plenty of drivers that drive at speeds significantly less than appropriate. But, who knows, maybe they are transporting something fragile? Maybe they....... (I'm struggling to think of other valid reasons for driving far too slow for the conditions). And, of course, there are plenty of drivers who think that speed limits do not apply to them, as A & E units (and undertakers) around the country will testify.
Almost every day I travel along the A96. What fascinates me is wondering what on earth its going on in the heads of some of the drivers? Early morning and late afternoon, there will usually be a continuous stream of vehicles in each direction, at consistent speeds of 50 - 60 mph. Let's take the 16 mile journey from Nairn to Inverness as an example:
In a perfect world, with everyone travelling at 60mph (and ignoring the slowing down for the three roundabouts), it would take 16 minutes to complete the journey. If, heaven forbid, you had to 'endure' sitting in traffic at 55mph, you would reach your destination a mere 87 seconds later. Even if the flow of traffic was down to 50mph, your journey would still only take a fraction over 3 minutes longer. I am sure that no-one would ever mind setting their alarm clock 4 minutes earlier (so they could allow a few minutes extra for their journey), yet so many people seem to hate sitting in steadily flowing traffic, a touch under the speed limit. Consequently, I watch with fascination/ horror/ amusement as drivers take sometimes considerable risks (and use a lot more fuel) to overtake a car or two, wait a couple of miles for another overtaking opportunity, overtake another car, wait for another opportunity etc. It so often happens that the Audi (and other cars), sitting right up behind me as I head out of Nairn, is maybe 5 or 6 vehicles (= 20 seconds) ahead of me as we reach Inverness.
Even if, like some Audi drivers, you don't believe the speed limit applies to you and you raced to Inverness at 70mph, you would only arrive just over 2 minutes before someone sticking to the speed limit. Meanwhile, you have used significantly more fuel, risked a fine, points on your license and, most importantly, risked the lives of others.
I love driving. I love the sensation of speed. And I will overtake when it is safe and necessary to do so. But I also love getting to my destination early simply because I allowed plenty of time of time for the journey, not because I risked overtaking every vehicle in front of me.
Do yourself a favour - leave a few minutes earlier and leave the anxiety and blood pressure to Alex Ferguson.

More tests, Morris Dancing, mad weather and a little bit of luck

After my less than comfortable excursion to Gairloch, it was a welcome relief to get back to my own pupils in Ullapool. It was like putting an Aretha Frankin CD on after spending the morning listening to X Factor auditions.
The next day I had four pupils taking their test:
We started at 7.30am. My first pupil first had driving lessons twenty odd years ago, but had been put off driving until one of her colleagues recommended me to her. I think she had reached the stage where she assumed she would never drive. As a result, she seemed in deep shock when she passed, first time, with just four driver faults. Very well-done Karen. Have fun with your new Suzuki and thank you very much for the bottle of Laphroaig.
Lawrence had the 9.37am test and also passed at his first attempt. Surprising how easy driving is when you give yourself time.
A wee bit of pressure on me for the 10.44am test. A few months ago Effie, one of our crack quiz team, said that her son's girlfriend had booked her test and could I help her out? Well I would be delighted to help, but would it affect our quiz team dynamic if we weren't successful?
I eased the pressure by going to The Tea Store for a Big Hot Roll and a pot of tea. The manageress and I chatted about learning to drive and it transpired that she had learned to drive near where I grew up. When the conversation came around to my pub, The Cross Keys in Totternhoe, she said "I used to dance there!" She then went on to explain that she was one of the founder members of Caddington Blues, a Morris Dancing troupe.
"You should found a Morris Dancing troupe here." I suggested.
"Hmmm. Maybe we could do something for the Ullapool dance festival next year? So I can count on your participation?"
I hadn't expected that, "Er..... er....... Sure. Yes. Count me in."
We shall see. Meanwhile, if anyone else fancies jigging about with sticks, bells, funny hats and hankies, then make yourself known at The Tea Store.
Tea and Big Hot Roll polished off, I walked back to find that Julia had also passed with just four driver faults. Very well done Julia, good luck with your interview (which you can now drive to.
At the start of October I got an email from someone asking if they could have a semi-intensive course with me in Ullapool. She would be moving back to Glasgow in January and hoped to pass her test before then. She confessed that she had initially approached another instructor in Ullapool but he only offered her lessons on the very days she said she couldn't do. Good for me though. She put the time and effort in but, unfortunately, she couldn't get a test in Ullapool, so she booked her test in Inverness. We drove to Inverness (only her third lesson there) and, despite going a different direction to that which the examiner asked, passed well with 5 driver faults. Very well deserved Zoe. See you in two weeks for your Pass Plus.
A very successful day then; four tests and four passes AND an invitation to become a Morris Dancer!

The transition from Bob to Noel at the Argyll quiz was seamless. It was as though Noel had been doing it for years. However, we have been on a bit of a winning run recently and, with one round to go, we were half a point behind. The last round is the Wipeout round. You get points for every correct answer, but if you don't know an answer you should leave it blank because one wrong answer wipes out your score for that round. The temptation though is that, if you answer all ten correctly, you get five bonus points. We were pretty confident about 8 of the 10, but we decided to gamble on going for the whole lot. Which company has a black 'M' in a white circle as their logo? We put Morrisons, but it turned out to be Motorola. We therefore wiped out and finished fourth. FOURTH?!?!? 'Bring back Bob' I say!

Now I can normally sleep through anything. Many years ago, when I was running a pub, I had such a bad hangover one day that I  was convinced I was going to die. Unfortunately, the door to my flat was blocked by a table of people in the restaurant, so I couldn't go and die in the comfort of my bed. I staggered through to the lovely cool cellar and the only space I could find to lie down was on top of a chest freezer. I thankfully fell asleep and the staff and my mother took great pleasure in showing the pub regulars me sleeping on the freezer. Thursday night however, not even I could sleep through the howling wind, rain, thunder and lightning in Ullapool. The next day it continued. In addition, we also had snow down to low hill levels, bright sunshine, sleet and thick hail. Sometimes it was so loud we could not hear ourselves talk in the car. Winter was on its way. But it was reassuring to see the snowploughs already out.

Saturday morning I had my fifth test of the week, ok, sixth, I was trying to forget the one in Gairloch. This one also in Inverness, and another first-timer. My pupil asked the examiner if I could sit in the back during his test. A bit of a nervous start, but no errors. We were coming downhill on Tower Road, down to the T-junction with Barn Church Road. It's a bit of an unusual junction; turning right is controlled by traffic lights, but turning left is a give-way. My pupil was asked to turn left. The traffic lights (for turning right) were red, but I could see that it was safe for him to proceed at the junction. He began slowing to a stop. "Noooo!" I thought. Luckily, there was nothing behind us or he would certainly have incurred a serious fault. He realised, just in time, that he should be ignoring the lights, and only picked up a driver (minor) fault for 'planning'. He only had one other driver fault and thus passed with just two faults. So, apart from those couple of seconds where you had me squirming, it was a very good drive. Congratulations Robert, enjoy all that extra time you will have now you don't have to rely on public transport.

It's always a bit strange when you spend time with people such as Robert, Zoe, Julia, Lawrence and Karen, and then go on to pupils who are still struggling with aspects of their driving. The thing is to treat each person as an individual. Solutions for one pupil may not work for another, that is where the core competencies are so vital (for those of you doing Pt 3 training). It may take a matter of weeks (such as in Zoe's case), or it may take months, but they all get there in the end.

My grandchildren are more intelligent than the driver behind me.

What does this big, red 'L' sign mean? Tough question, I know, but I'll give you a clue: You see it on cars being driven by Learner drivers.
Are you still not sure? Is the question too tough for you? Then you are probably one of those drivers who drive within millimetres of the back of my car (and probably every other car).
Ok, so you found the first question a bit too difficult. Try this one: What is a learner driver?
a) Someone who is experienced at driving and, realising that you are way too close, will bring their speed down so that they will not have to brake hard if anything unexpected happens ahead.
b) Someone who is inexperienced at driving and, although very nervous (and distracted) because you are way too close, may still brake hard if anything unexpected happens ahead. Therefore giving you no time to react and avoid crashing into the back of us.
I'm sorry. Silly me. I forgot you (think you) are the world's best driver and will never crash.
Let me give you a free driving lesson: If the vehicle ahead of you is going slower than you would like to go then, by all means, consider overtaking. But, in order to make overtaking easier, stay 2 (or more) seconds back from the vehicle ahead. This gives you a better view of the road ahead (thus avoiding bending your neck at strange angles), it gives you a short distance to begin your acceleration when you want to overtake. And it also gives you time to change your mind if the situation changes. If you keep a safe distance from us and overtake when it is safe to do so, then I promise my pupil and I will not speculate on what inadequacies you have that you are trying to overcompensate with your driving prowess.
I should be used to it by now, but it still stuns me how close following vehicles get to a car that is clearly being driven by someone who is inexperienced at driving. If you get too close to us - perhaps in an attempt to make us speed up - my pupils will demonstrate their superior intellect by bringing their speed DOWN to reduce the chance of an accident. I have joked about wanting a 2 metre wide, flashing neon 'L' plate, but I don't think even that would make any difference to some drivers.

Congratulations to Fiona on passing her test in Inverness this morning. Very well deserved. Just carry on driving exactly the way you do.

Jane and I enjoyed the company of my mother and Peter this weekend, flying up from Bedfordshire. It is always a mini-challenge we set ourselves to try and come up with something new for them to see or do when they visit. But, this time they had it all organised and knew where they wanted to go in advance. It was very nice to be treated to an exceptional meal at Franklin's restaurant, at the Cluny Bank Hotel in Forres last night. But, for me, the highlight of the weekend was Sutor Creek cafe in Cromarty. Delicious potted duck, the freshest mussels imaginable, the best pizza I have tasted outside of Italy, very good wine wine, great coffee and friendly service. It's a two hour round trip for us, but it was so good that we will definitely find excuses to go there frequently.

I have had a few problems with my phone recently. It's a fairly basic Nokia smartphone, but it was all I needed. However, it crashed a few times and I finally lost my patience with it. Consequently, I treated myself to a Samsung galaxy S2, which is just jaw-droppingly good. Initially, it was like some mysterious alien being, which I could only look at from a safe distance and guess what it did. Then my grandchildren came around and, within minutes were watching videos and tv programs, tinkering with the layout, playing games on it and asking to download apps. Now I have gone from someone who, 7 years ago, didn't even want a mobile phone, to one of those bores who can't do a thing without one.
What I really need to do is to work out a way to keep idiotic drivers a sensible distance behind my car - I wonder if there's an app for that?

If Carlsberg ran driving test centres.....

Picture the scene; four ageing driving instructors are sat in Inverness driving test centre. The year is 2041 and driving test centres have changed. The four instructors sit in plush, comfy chairs with their feet immersed in basins while Hepatitis-free fish give them pedicures. Waiting staff bring them a choice of drinks and a selection of tasty food on demand. The sweet vintage sounds of The Pixies, White Stripes, The Clash et al play on the MP7 player, while a 2 metre 3D television plays sport, comedy or films of their choice.


1st Instructor: "Ahh... Very passable this, very passable."
2nd Instructor: "Nothing like a good cup of cappuccino, eh?"
3rd Instructor: "You're right there."
4th Instructor: "Who'd a thought thirty years ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking the finest Italian cappuccino?"
1st Instructor: "Aye. In them days we'd a' been glad to have instant coffee from a vending machine."
2nd Instructor: "A cup of cold  coffee."
3rd Instructor: "Without milk or sugar."
4th instructor: "Or coffee!"
1st Instructor: "In a filthy, plastic cup."
2nd Instructor: "We never used to have a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up What Car magazine."
3rd Instructor: "The best WE could manage was to suck the coffee granules that were stuck to the spoon."
4th Instructor: "But you know, we were happy in those days, though the DSA were poor."
1st Instructor: "BECAUSE they were poor. Old David Cameron used to say to us, "Money doesn't buy you happiness. We need to make more cuts."
2nd Instructor: 'E was right. I was happier then and the DSA had NOTHIN'. This test centre used to be a dreary, overheated room with blue, metal chairs and a bathroom where the light only came on when you were leaving."
3rd Instructor: "Bathroom? You were lucky to have a BATHROOM! At Elgin test centre we used to have a tiny, dark room, with no vending machine, just a kettle. And you had to walk next door to the Community Centre if you needed the bathroom."
4th Instructor: You were LUCKY to have a Community Centre. At Grantown test centre there was no room, no bathroom and nowhere nearby if you needed the toilet; you would have to find a plastic bottle."
1st Instructor: "Ohh, we used to DREAM of finding a plastic bottle. At Gailoch test centre, if you needed the toilet, the only way you could get privacy was to wander into a field and squat down in the middle of a flock of sheep. Bathroom? Hhmmph!"
2nd Instructor: "Well, when I say a 'bathroom' it was only an adjoining wall of a building people referred to as the 'test centre', but it were a test centre to us."
3rd instructor: "We were evicted from our test centre. In Ullapool, we had to meet at the Pottery Centre car park, then stand around in the rain, snow and gales, peering through the window, pretending to be interested in pottery for 45 minutes."
4th Instructor: "You were lucky to have a car park! In Gairloch we had to park up on a narrow country lane, stand there in the howling Atlantic weather because the cafe was shut. Then, when you were just about to die from frostbite, you would have to wait even longer because your pupil's test had been held up by a farmer herding his sheep through the village."
1st Instructor: "Frostbite you say?"
4th Instructor: "Aye."
1st Instructor: "You were lucky. At Alness test centre we would have dreamed of dying from frostbite. The few magazines left scattered on the table were so old that you died of boredom before your pupil returned from their test."
2nd Instructor: "Well we had it tough. At Elgin test centre we had to arrive 4 hours early, carry the examiner on our shoulders to the car. Then, if the pupil failed their test, the examiner would leap out of the car and slice us in two with a bread knife."
3rd Instructor: "RIGHT. At Ullapool test centre, we had to arrive 2 days early, walk in front of the examiner, licking the ground clean for him as he walked towards the car. Stand in a blizzard for 3 weeks because our pupil had got buried in a snow drift Then, when the examiner failed the pupil, he would kill us both and dance around on our graves singing "Hallelujah!"
4th Instructor: "But you try and tell the young instructors today that and they won't believe ya."

A new term

It feels a little like a new term here on Planet Farle. Over the last 9 days I have had 9 pupils taking their final exams, just as a sudden influx of new pupils begin their studies.
I've already mentioned Holly's test and the less successful test the same day. I have already decided that I will no longer be giving that pupil lessons. Her attitude stinks; no-one is entitled to a driving licence, you have to earn it. Losing her business is a small price to pay. Another instructor can have the aggravation if she decides to continue driving. Rant over.
The following day started with another unsuccessful test. The difference being that, this time, the pupil did deserve her licence, based on her driving ability and her attitude to her training. After starting her lessons in Ullapool, they moved to Inverness and, when we both agreed the time was right, they booked their test. Having a mathematical inclination, they are a bit of a perfectionist. No bad thing, in fact, it's quite refreshing for me to have a pupil who will not accept 'good driving', they want to be a 'perfect driver'. So, when they started their test and got asked to complete a reverse park into a parking bay, they decided that the first attempt wasn't good enough (it was in the bay) and pulled forward to perfect it - 1 driving fault. And that was their only driving fault. Unfortunately, they picked up one serious fault - As they were preparing to stop at a traffic light controlled T-Junction the lights changed to green. So they released the brake and was just about to accelerate when they hesitated because the approaching traffic in the new road were still slowing down (not yet stopped). Of course, the vehicles behind would have expected them to go and would have had to brake because of their hesitation. The examiner was almost apologetic and suggested that it probably only have been a driver fault if there had been no vehicles behind. Next time, no problem.
Day three and another pupil taking their test for the first time. At least, their first British test, and their first manual test. Jennifer had already passed her test in an automatic car, in her native Canada. Then, earlier this year, she moved to Nairn to be with her boyfriend and he has a manual Mini. It's often interesting giving lessons to someone who can already drive. She picked up the clutch and gears very quickly but it was the roundabouts that challenged her - "Why don't they just have traffic lights?" was her view - particularly the spiral roundabouts. But we conquered them in our lessons and she breezed through her test with just three driver faults, and one of those was for the vehicle checks ("He asked me how I check the engine oil level; I heard the word 'engine' and just thought 'engine coolant'. He suggested it was not a good idea to put engine oil in the radiator.").
Congratulations also to Hazel for passing her test, again at the first attempt, on the same day. Have a great time in Australia.
Day four and it was over to Elgin for Laura's next attempt. A thoroughly miserable day, with lashing rain punctuated by bright sunshine, making for quite challenging driving conditions.Laura had come so close on her previous attempt and I have rarely seen anyone less upset at failing their test. When I asked why, she replied that 'she knew that she can drive and would definitely pass next time'. And so it proved, as she passed easily with four driver faults.
Day five was not the most straightforward. My pupil had an 8.40am test in Inverness and we had arranged for me to pick her up from Nairn at 7.30am, enjoy an easy 25 minute drive into Inverness, then spend half an hour going over anything she wanted reassurance on before her test. As I pulled up at her house she came out and told me that she could not find the paper part of her licence. I always remind my pupils, in plenty of time, to make sure they both parts of their licence ready the night before. 
"Don't panic. You must have had it for your theory test. We have plenty of time. I'll wait here while you find it."
I waited. And waited. She came back out to tell me she still couldn't find it.
"You need it. It will be somewhere. We're still ok for time. You just need to think where it could be."
The clock ticked on. I listened to the eight o'clock news, then the sport. It got to 8.10am and, with a 25 minute drive to the test centre we had run out of time. I would have to knock on the door and tell her she would have to re-book for another day. Just at that moment she came running out, clutching both parts of her licence. I didn't want to panic her, so I let her drive and would consider calling the test centre if it looked like we weren't going to make it. Luckily her driving is fine, so I can concentrate on the clock. 8.30am now and we still have a few miles to go.
We get there with 2 minutes to spare - deep sigh of relief - and she reverses into one of the DSA bays. One good thing about not arriving too early for a test is that we don't have to wait too long, letting the anxiety build, before the examiner arrives. Anyway, off she goes and I sit there wondering whether the frantic nature of the last hour will affect her.
It didn't. At least, not enough to put her off her driving. She passes with five driver faults but is still too wound up by her morning to completely enjoy the experience of passing her driving test. But well done Kim. I look forward to seeing you for the Pass Plus course (and you will need your licence for that too, so keep it safe).
Day six and yet another first attempt. Unfortunately, she stalled at a set of traffic lights ("You never stall!" was my reaction) and, after re-starting, did not check that the lights were still green before attempting to move away. One of those mistakes that you only make once.
 The week was completed when Louise passed her test, first time, on my seventh consecutive day of tests (not counting the weekend), making it 6 (including 5 first-time) passes out of 9. Her driving was helped by the fact that she lives in the midst of a narrow one-way system then has to negotiate Inverness' nastiest roundabouts within minutes of leaving her house. Having being forced to cope regularly with that, I hope she found the test comparatively easy.
Only one more test on the immediate horizon - I shouldn't tempt fate, but it is one I'm 99.9999% confident about - then a bit of a break before a bunch of tests next month. What is the collective noun for driving tests? A Panic of tests? A Perspiration of tests? A Tremble of tests?
Meanwhile, a clutch (or is it a 'nervousness' or an 'excitement') of new pupils are just starting, or about to start. Hopefully, they will all be like Holly, Jennifer, Hazel, Laura, Kim and Louise in attitude, and a LOT, LOT less like the woman who threw a hissy fit because her examiner dared to fail her.

A piece of cake

A busy day today, but I have half an hour now before my next lesson. But the day began with two tests; one in Elgin, one in Inverness. The words ‘chalk’ and ‘cheese’ spring to mind.
My first test was at 8.40am in Elgin, so it was an early start. I have been getting increasingly casual about what I eat during the day; ‘lazy’ is perhaps more honest. Rather than preparing a balanced lunch, I have been going to cafés or grabbing supermarket sandwiches. It’s not so much the calorific content, but if you add up how much it all costs over a week/month it is rather worrying. So, last night, I had good intentions. I decided I would, in the morning, prepare myself a lunch to enjoy whilst my Inverness pupil was on test (assuming she did not want me to sit in on her test - I don’t think it would have created the proper professional impression). But I forgot and, just as I was dashing out the door, I remembered and grabbed a big slab of fruitcake that Irene, our next-door neighbour, had kindly baked for us.
My first pupil began lessons with me after I had started teaching her son. Her son was not the most natural driver I have ever seen, but he was very dedicated and always determined to improve. He passed his test a few months ago with barely any driver faults and she is very proud of the way he drives.
 The mum, however, is….. ‘inconsistent’. Perhaps, deep down, I knew she wasn’t ready. I have mentioned her before and moaned about how she constantly said ‘Well, that’s not what my last instructor told me.’ She would drive along, painfully slowly; the reason being because she was spending more time continually checking her mirrors rather than reading the road ahead.
“Why are you checking your mirrors so much?” I asked.
“Because my last instructor told me to.”
“But WHY should you check your mirrors?”
“I don’t know.”
That was a typical exchange. We had another one the other day: I asked her to pull over because her pedal control did not seem as good as usual…
“Try moving your seat back a notch or two.”
“Why? What am I doing wrong? (Very defensive)
“Nothing, but I think we can improve your control. You seem to be hesitant in bring the clutch up and a bit sharp on the brakes.”
“Well my last instructor never told me that.”
She was full of things that a previous instructor had told her to do, but with no understanding of ‘why’. She works several miles from home and has to rely on public transport. With a reduction on bus services she decided that she had to pass her test, so she went ahead and booked it. I know, I know, I know…. It should be me who decides when she takes her test. I know. But I sympathised with her transport problem and perhaps my ego thought I could get her to a good standard in time. My ego was wrong.
Her test wasn’t good. When she relaxes she can drive well, but as soon as something goes wrong it dominates her thoughts and her concentration goes. Whether it was the pressure she put herself under of having to pass, or whether she made an early mistake I don’t know, but it was probably the least successful test I have had in years.
The examiner was honest in their assessment of her driving, but not rude. I didn’t catch all of the conversation but my pupil had obviously tried to argue her way to a pass. Now let’s make this clear: The examiners do not want to fail you. If, in those 40 minutes, you can convince them that you are safe, in control, are considerate of other road users and have a degree of confidence then you will pass. Once you have passed your test you will be in solo control of a potentially lethal weapon. The examiners will not change their mind and pass you just because you ‘need’ your licence.
Your driving instructor is the best judge of when you are ready for your test, not you, not your husband, wife, mum, dad, boyfriend, girlfriend or even the man in your road who used to be a driving instructor. But whatever your instructor thinks, it is the examiner you need to convince, and you do that by driving well in your test.
I had no time to dwell on the matter, or even arrange her next lesson; I had another test to get to, 40 miles away in Inverness.
Over the rest of the day, the pupil who had just failed sent me a succession of texts, all moaning about how unfair the examiner had been and asking if there was a form that she could fill in to complain about the examiner. I answered her first text, initially apologising that it had not gone to plan (after all, it was partly my fault for letting her take her test) and explaining that the examiners need to ensure that new drivers are safe drivers. But I advised against complaining about the examiner. But after that first text I didn’t bother replying to the others.
This next pupil, as I suggested earlier, could not have been more different. She undertook a fairly concentrated course of 25 hours of lessons, but went out driving regularly with her dad. Whenever I felt there was something she could work on she would ask me to write it down and she would go away and work on it (if we had not completely fixed it in her lessons). So I was as relaxed as I could be when she set off on her test.
Disaster though! I had left my chunk of Irene’s fruitcake in the boot of my car!
Meanwhile, another deluded text from my first pupil came through, still ranting about the examiner and now turning her attack on me. She said that “…doesnt say much for you because (the examiner) made it clear I wasting money and everybodys time!”
My initial reaction was to text back and remind her how well I had taught her son and perhaps the best thing she could do was to spend time in the car with him, watching how he drives. But, it would have been a waste of a text. And sometimes I can be a nice person, so I decided not to aggravate her already bad day.
My pupil returned from her test, passing well with just two driver faults - a fantastic result. Holly and her dad, who was waiting, were thrilled. I was equally pleased, especially as I could now, finally, have my cake and eat it.

Anarchy and alliteration

In the light of recent events, I am keeping a watchful eye for any signs of agitation and anarchy in Auldearn, disturbance and disorder in Dyke, or upheaval and unrest in Ullapool. In truth, it is hardly likely.... it just isn't the weather for riots and rampaging. All the Highland hoodies are sensibly at home, only causing chaos and carnage on their Playstations.
In fact, the only signs of anti-establishment behaviour are coming from parents of my pupils. I'm exaggerating of course - my pupils' parents are all wonderful people (who just so happen to pay me money) - but one or two of them have dared to question my methods...

Last week, at the end of a lesson, one of my pupil's mum arranged to pay for a block of lessons in the remaining weeks before his test. "And you're teaching him all the test routes, aren't you?" she asked.
Until last year, the DSA published the test routes for each driving test centre. Consequently, many instructors seemed to teach almost exclusively on these routes. You could almost guarantee that a particular road would have 2 or 3 learner drivers practicing their 3-point turns (alright, 'turn-in-the-roads'), and certain junctions would always have someone practicing their left-reverse (I don't think I have ever seen anyone practicing a right reverse). Then someone at the DSA said 'Hold on a minute. This isn't right. If someone is capable of passing their test they should be capable of driving anywhere.' Quite right, too. So, now, the DSA no longer publish their test routes. They still have them, and driving instructors still use them (they get to know them from sitting in on tests), but at least there has been a slight shift away from repetition of test routes.
So I politely replied "There are no set test routes anymore" and explained that I would make sure her son would be competent and confident wherever they took him on test. It simply wasn't worth getting on my soapbox about it.
Perhaps I should have told her the truth. The truth is I am not a nice person, at least not to my pupils. As they progress I will make things increasingly difficult for them. I will take them to the nastiest junctions, ask them to do a reversing manoeuvre in busy roads, and, in short, try to make their lessons as tough as I can. The idea being that, if they can cope with that, then the test should be comparatively easy. After all, once they have passed their test then they will often be on their own, so they need to be able to deal with the tough stuff.

A couple of days later, one of my pupils said that her dad would like to sit in on one of her lessons and would I mind? "Of course I don't mind.... as long as you don't." (it is her lesson, after all). I am always willing to have a pupil's parent/boyfriend/wife/whatever sit in on lessons if they want. But this was the first time in years it has happened. It was only an hour lesson, in Inverness, and I wanted to cover as much as possible to give her dad things to work on in their private practice. Her driving is coming along nicely, so I wanted to concentrate on her weaknesses and made sure that her dad could hear and see all my instruction. At the end of the lesson I turned to her dad to discuss the lesson and what they could work on when practicing.
"Can you tell me the test routes?" was his first question.

You are currently approaching Inshes Roundabout. Don't panic!

One of the most common searches that bring people to this site is variations on 'Inshes roundabout'. Aaarrgh! The dreaded Inshes roundabout, a 6-exit, multi-lane spiral roundabout. Actually, it is not as bad as people make out. Simply, approach in the same way that you would any other roundabout, but look out for road signs which clearly advise you which lane to take. Once you have selected your lane STAY IN IT. If you realise that you are in the wrong lane, don't panic. If you have time, check the appropriate mirror to see if it is safe to change lanes and, if so, indicate to let other know what you are doing. If you do not have time, or it is not safe to change lanes, don't panic. Simply follow your lane as it spirals out and indicate left to exit. Breathe out and look for a safe method of returning to the roundabout.

That's probably not the information your search brought you here for. You want me to tell you, step-by-step how to approach the roundabout from every possible direction, going to every possible exit. Tough. I'm not going to do that. My pupils pay me good(ish) money for that knowledge. However, I am feeling generous and will guide you a little on some of the routes:

Culloden to Hilton

1. Culloden to Hilton (thin red line on 1st photo - you can click on the photos if you want to make them bigger): After you have dealt with the pedestrian crossing, look for the left lane (you are turning left after all). DO NOT SIGNAL LEFT - YOU ARE NOT TAKING THE 1st EXIT. When it is safe to enter the roundabout, wait until you pass the 1st exit (Tesco) before indicating left, then look ahead before accelerating.

Culloden to town centre

2. Culloden to town centre (Raigmore Hospital) (wobbly yellow line on 2nd photo): The direction signs indicate that you should consider this as 'ahead' (rather than 'right'). Therefore, you should look for the lane with the 'ahead' arrow (the centre lane). Once you have entered the roundabout FOLLOW YOUR LANE. It will feel as though you are going out wide. Do not be tempted to accelerate, otherwise you will cut into the lane on your right. Indicate left as you are passing the Police station (3rd) exit.

Culloden to A9

3. Culloden to A9 (Turquoise line on 3rd photo): Easy-peasy. You are turning right (taking the 5th exit), so you should be indicating right and approaching in the right lane. After the second exit your lane spirals out, so follow it and indicate left as you pass the 4th exit. Again look ahead (especially for the pedestrian crossing) before you accelerate). if you get drawn into the next lane on your right, be very careful about trying to change lanes.

Town centre to Culloden

4. Town centre to Culloden (pretty pink line on 4th photo): Even easier! You are following the road ahead (2nd exit), so you are looking for the appropriate lane - road signs and road arrows tell you this is the centre lane. Your lane should be easy to follow, then indicate left as you pass the 1st exit. Because you will not be doing much turning after this point, ensure that you cancel your indicator after leaving the roundabout. Don't forget to look ahead for the pedestrian crossing and the bus-stop.

Hilton to Culloden

5. Hilton to Culloden (lime green line on 5th photo): Admittedly, this is a bit weird. It all starts straightforward enough; you are turning right (4th exit), so you should be indicating right and in the right lane. Enter the roundabout in the right lane (do not be tempted to go into the middle lane). Now, for some strange reason, your lanes splits into 2 lanes (at the little red 'X'). Keep to the left of your lane (unless you want to go to Tescos) and indicate left as you pass the 3rd exit. Again be careful to cancel your signal and look out for the bus-stop and the pedestrian crossing.

A9 to town centre

6. A9 to town centre (Hospital) (yellow line in 6th photo):  Now I can understand why some people get completely lost on this one, but don't panic. Firstly, you are turning right (taking the 5th exit), so you should be indicating right and approaching in the right lane. So far, so good. The left lane takes you to Culloden, the centre lane to Tesco, and the right lane takes you to Hilton. You want the next lane after the Hilton one. Blink and you will miss it, and you will end up in the 5th lane (which takes you all the way round to where you started from). Again, you may feel that you are going wide and in the wrong lane. Have a bit of faith in yourself and, keeping it slow, indicate left as you pass the 4th (police) exit. Smile as you realise you have cracked it.

Don't worry when people say "Ooh! That Inshes roundabout... it's impossible." It's easy (there are certainly harder roundabouts in Inverness). Just approach in the same way you would all roundabouts (Mirrors-signal-position-speed-gears-look). Keep looking for the safe gaps in traffic and, once you are on the roundabout, take your time and follow the lanes.

Thank you to Google Earth for the images and apologies for the wobbly lines.

BSM Inverness R.I.P.

I notice that the BSM instructors around here are gradually losing their Fiat 500s and returning to the Vauxhall Corsa. If I was still with BSM I would be disappointed by this, but I imagine I would be in the minority. Prefer the new livery though - the livery on the Fiat did not really stand out.
I also notice (in fact this happened a few weeks ago), that the BSM office in Inverness has finally closed. A shame, because it was where I started. It clearly made good economic sense to close High St centres as people increasingly use the internet to book lessons, but Inverness still had a large walk-in trade.
Good luck to Eddie, the office manager, with whatever he is doing now. He told me that BSM had offered to train him to become an instructor, but he was undecided.
Good luck also to Susan, a former BSM instructor who has now gone independent and, very sensibly plumped for a Clio to teach in.

Nobody likes a Smartarse

I had very little experience of teaching anyone to drive before I became a driving instructor. The only time I can think of was when I was Landlord of The Cross Keys, Totternhoe. One of my bar staff said that she wanted to learn to drive and could I teach her? 'No problem, I thought. I had been driving for over ten years by then, thought I knew everything there was to know about driving and would be happy to pass on my expertise to someone else.
I am having a mental block and cannot remember her real name - we called her 'Squirty', in reference to her verbal diarrhoea. I think I had an old Ford Mondeo, but, obviously, no dual-controls. The pub car park wasn't the biggest, but I thought it would be an ideal area to teach her how to get the car moving, do a bit of steering, then she would be able to drive out of the village (looking back, I obviously had no idea then of how to teach someone to drive). Needless to say, we never even got out of the car park and I don't know if she ever learned to drive.
When I met Jane, my wife, her eldest daughter, Rachel, had already passed her driving test. Then, a few years later, her other daughter, Anna, took lessons and passed her test in Inverness while I was still working in Cambridgeshire. So I had no input when it came to how either of them drive (so don't blame me). Anna's boyfriend, Ross, is 23 but had never got around to learning to drive. It's his decision if he wants to learn to drive, or not, so I have never interfered. When Anna and Ross discovered that Anna was expecting their second child, they decided that perhaps it was time Ross finally learned to drive.
So, this morning, it was Ross' first attempt at the driving test. No matter how much I try to relax my pupils, they will be nervous. I have only ever had two, maybe three pupils who genuinely did not seem even the slightest bit nervous before their test. Ross was definitely not one of those.
What is there to be nervous about? It could be various reasons:
It is your first test and you are not sure what will happen.
It is not your first test and you know what is going to happen.
You are not confident in your driving.
Your lessons have not been going as well as you would have liked recently.
You just don’t like exam situations.
You have heard stories about certain examiners or things they might ask you to do.
You don’t want to go through it all again
It could be any, some, or none of the above. I would guess, however, that the most likely reason is the worry of what others might think. Think about it; if no-one knew about your test, would it matter quite so much if you did not pass?
I only remember bits and pieces of my own driving test, when I was 17. But I clearly remember being told that both my parents, my aunties and uncles, my grandparents and my cousin had ALL passed first time…. No pressure then.
 I stalled three times in my test and was absolutely convinced I had failed. As we approached the end of the test, all I could think about was my younger brothers finding it hilarious that I had been the first in our family to have failed. Fortunately, my examiner considered that, even having stalled, I had demonstrated that I was safe and (usually) in control, so he passed me and I couldn’t wait to tell everyone.
I think this especially true in Ross’ case. He was nervous because he was probably worried about what Anna, his friends and his family might say. The thing is, because I know his family, and because his girlfriend is my step-daughter, I also felt that same pressure and (stupidly) wondered what they might think about my qualities as a driving instructor if I didn’t get Ross through his test, first-time, with flying colours.
Therefore, I was as happy as Ross when he passed with 3 minor faults. And I was straight on the phone to Jane before Ross had even got out of the car (I allowed him the pleasure of telling Anna the good news).
So everybody’s happy today. Being the dad of his girlfriend, however, I have been robbed of something I could tease him about. Unfortunately, for Ross, there is one thing about which I can tease him: His test was today, Wednesday morning at 10.44am, and we had planned a final lesson on Tuesday evening, after he finished work. Late Monday night he text me to ask “Is it tomorrow night my lesson?” I could not resist replying “Unless you would rather leave it until after your test?”
Don’t you just hate it when your girlfriend’s dad is a smartarse.