Christmas rapping

You lot are rubbish. I give you something nice and simple to do; just find me some interesting and invigorating new music and the few recommendations I did get were just….. not very good. In fact - and I can't believe that I'm saying this - possibly the freshest thing I've heard for a while is Getting ready for Christmas by Paul Simon (and I'm not a massive fan of Paul Simon or Christmas songs) Probably a good thing that I have struggled to find decent new music, it’s all too easy to load up my Amazon basket and then wonder where the money has gone.
I’ve just finished my last lesson before taking a few days off to eat, drink and be merry. I’ve got to pick up the rib of beef from the butcher then I’m just about there. We tried the potted duck the other day and that proved to be a success, so Sunday I’m subjecting my unfortunate relatives to the following experimental Christmas menu:

Potted confit of duck with Earl Grey-soaked prunes
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Prime rib of beef with celeriac and horseradish puree
Parsnip gratin
Brussels sprouts with shallots and caraway seeds
Roast beetroot and carrots
Yorkshire pudding
Roast tatties
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Christmas Pudding
Jane’s Lemon meringue ice-cream
Martin’s boozy Tiramisu

I don’t suspect for one moment that you are interested in this, but I thought that if I put it in this blog then I would know what to avoid next year (apart from Jane’s ice-cream, of course).

Mysterious goings on at The Argyll quiz on Thursday nights: As I had previously noted, the passing of the quizmaster baton from Bob to Noel had been seamless (apart from the lack of success for our team). A couple of weeks ago Noel had been stuck up in Scrabster, so had asked me if I could take his place for the evening. No problem, in fact, I secretly enjoyed it. Then yesterday, Franner, the landlady, asked me if I could run the quiz for the next couple of months because Noel wouldn’t be available. Who knows why? Perhaps he has incurred an 8 week suspension for saying something to a Man Utd player. I shouldn’t joke; obviously I’m disappointed that Suarez (such a vital player this season) has received an 8 match ban, but I would be even more disappointed if what he said to Patrice Evra really was intended as a racial slur. Anyway, Franna obviously didn’t know (or had forgotten) about my roundabout sign question shame (I’m too embarrassed to repeat it), or else she is just scraping the barrel when it comes to finding a quizmaster.. So I’m just letting you know, if you are looking for a fun night out in Ullapool on a Thursday night, but you can’t find one, come to my quiz at The Argyll. I say ‘my quiz’, but it’s not. When I had my own pubs I used to spend ages devising increasingly devious weekly quizzes. At The Argyll they buy the quizzes in from a company called Black Tooth, or something. Actually I don’t think it’s Black tooth, that doesn’t sound very enticing. Maybe it’s Red Tooth - but that doesn’t sound particularly attractive either. Whatever colour tooth it is that supplies the quizzes, they are quite entertaining; quite a good variety of questions for all ages and knowledge levels. I particularly like the 'wipeout' round at the end - Ten questions; A point for every correct answer, with 5 bonus points if you get all ten correct. But.... get one wrong and you score zilch for the round. So, if you aren't sure you leave it blank and play safe, but, especially if you are a few points behind, it is sometimes worth a gamble and going for the bonus points. I'll have to have a rummage through various boxes to see if I can find any of my old quizzes to slip into the quiz here and there. Perhaps I'll try some of them out on here...... you lucky people.

Pleased to report that temperatures have risen from -8C last Sunday to +14C yesterday. Not only that, but, as of yesterday, the nights are now getting shorter. This far north, we enjoy very long days during the Summer, but the downside is that, at the moment, sunrise is at 8.43am and sunset is at 3.12pm; just over 6 hours of daylight.

Right, no more procrastination, I've got to get to the butchers. Very best wishes for the festive season, hope it's a good one.

Never mind the ballads

Slowly, but surely, everything is getting more bland and sugary. It seems that almost every other song on telly or the radio is a boring ballad. Or else they take a once great song (by The Smiths or Blondie, for example) and water it down to make a 'pleasant' soundtrack to some tv ad. And don't even get me started on The X Factor.... To describe it as 'bland, boring, overblown, commercial crap' would be harsh on all other bland, boring, overblown, commercial crap.
I've written similar stuff before, but finding some old home-compilation cds in a box in the loft the other day, I came across such gems as Magazine's Shot by both sides, and The Slits Typical Girls, amongst others, and it really emphasised how much we need a similar injection of energy into music again. I will be eternally grateful if anyone can point me in the direction of any new music that is at least half as exciting.
Mini-rant over.
Last Thursday brought an end to a good run of driving test passes. I was as confident as it was possible to be that my pupil would pass. Recent lessons have been trying to take his driving to an advanced standard. So I was very surprised when he didn't pass. Whilst driving at 60mph towards Lossiemouth, he was asked to take the next left, but left his signal too late. He was possibly distracted by the car behind, which was too close, but this should have meant all the more reason for signalling early.
Previously, I had had 8 consecutive pupils passing. Last week Jonathan passed in Inverness. Jonathan is a music teacher at Gordonstoun school, but has recently accepted a position on the island of Montserrat, in the West Indies. He had already passed his driving test in an automatic, but the company car he is being offered in his new job is a manual. He had some lessons with J-Drive in Elgin, but, being unable to get a test before his flight, had no choice but to take his test in Inverness. Many thanks to Jason, from J-Drive, for recommending me to Jonathan (as Jason doesn't cover Inverness). So, a little bit of pressure because he wouldn't have had time for a second attempt before his flight, but he passed well with just three driver faults.
A few days earlier Liam became one of my youngest pupils to pass (also with 3 driver faults), just a few weeks after his 17th birthday. In May this year he had already become the youngest player to make his debut for Inverness Caledonian Thistle, so this capped a very good year for him.
 Saturday I took a whole day off and spent most of it experimenting in the kitchen, trying out different ideas for Christmas dinner. The peanut butter and cherry parfait wasn't too bad, but I have yet to try the potted confit duck and Earl Grey-soaked prunes. If they don't work out we may have to resort to Anna's choice - prawn cocktail.
A bit of a thaw is forecast, which is welcome. Yesterday, snow, ice and temperatures dropping to -8C did nothing to enhance my driving pleasure (although an Iggy Pop cd did). While I'm on the subject of weather, I would like to praise and thank my pupils for their attitude towards their lessons. I have had more test cancellations than lesson cancellations due to the weather. This attitude was typified by Sophie yesterday morning, who made a 3 hour round trip in the snow, from Kinlochbervie, for a one hour lesson.

Finally, I am beginning to wonder if I really exist. I have just spent an hour trying to arrange insurance renewal for Jane's Nissan Navara. Sorting out insurance is not the most exciting pastime - even less so when it is classed as a commercial vehicle. On Direct Line's website it asked for my occupation, then gave me a massive list to choose from (it wouldn't let me type in 'Driving Instructor'). Occupations on this list include Archpriest, Axeman, Bacon Curer, Busker, Embalmer, Foam converter, Lampshade maker, Pearl stringer, Whaler and (honestly) Spiderman! But NO DRIVING INSTRUCTOR!?!? I have seen the damage done to a bus when the bus driver drove into the back of me, so I know I exist, but apparently not where insurance companies are concerned.

I wonder where I apply for the job of Spiderman?

Frozen planet

December in the North-West Highlands and the weak winter sun remains low above the mountains surrounding  Ullapool, even at midday.
The herds of tourists that populate the village during the summer months have long since made the journey back South, in search of central heating, traffic and shopping centres. Small flocks of hillwalkers and climbers can still sometimes be seen but, in general, the colder weather keeps people away.
Today though, there is a nervousness amongst some of the population. Today is the day when a lone Lesser-spotted Examiner is expected to make an appearance.
This is a mixed blessing for some of the population. For many weeks the local Pale Learners have been seen, moving around the area. During these formative weeks the Pale Learners have progressed from stumbling jerkily around car parks and quieter roads to galloping around the wider area. It is during these crucial formative times that they are constantly accompanied by various species of Instructor. The Instructor doesn't let them out of sight. Initially the Pale Learners are happy with this symbiotic arrangement; the Instructor helps build their confidence and the Pale Learner helps keep the Instructor fed. But this situation cannot last; there will be a new Pale Learners coming soon, vying for the Instructor's attention, and, besides, the Pale Learners want to shed their red markings and begin the transformation into fully-fledged Drivers.
Before they can do this, they have to undertake a ritual known as the 'driving test'. By the time their turn arrives they should be competent enough to complete this with ease. They feel confident that they can do this, and so should their Instructor, but it is only under the watchful eye of the Lesser-spotted Examiners that they can demonstrate their skills. Consequently, the thought of an Examiner approaching usually causes quite a stir.
One of the Instructors seems anxious. He has been watching the skies. The weather is deteriorating and, if the conditions are not good enough then it is possible that the Examiner will not show.
Disaster strikes. Sunday morning brings the first significant snow of the Winter. This is too much for even some of the more experienced 'Drivers', whose small brains cannot cope with the change in conditions. This time they are lucky. They may be injured and their pride damaged, but, this time at least, they live to drive another day.
The Instructor paces fretfully. He has to hope that the temperature will increase and bring a thaw, or else his Pale Learners will have to wait for another opportunity to take their driving test. But the signs are not good. Monday morning he awakes to find 4 - 5 inches of snow. With only 24 hours to go it seems the fate of the Learners is out of his hands. The Pale Learners show their displeasure. Some of them venture out into the snow - it is experience that will stand them in good stead over the next few months - but many of them prefer to hide inside in the warmth, hoping that the snow will not last long.

The next day brings a thaw. The snow is melting and the Instructor peers curiously from his lair. Three of his Pale Learners are expecting to take their test today. There is nothing at the moment to suggest that the Examiner will not appear. The Instructor and the Learner move around the village, galloping, trotting and crawling, sometimes even demonstrating bizarre backwards movements. They have done all they can now. They just have to wait.
The Instructor scans the horizon, looking for any sign of a prowling Examiner.

Finally, they accept defeat. It seems as though the conditions are too much for the Examiner. Although most of the snow has gone, and although the conditions are far from harsh, it appears that the Pale Learner will have to wait another month, maybe two, before they can free themselves from the watchful eye of the Instructor and venture out alone into the wild.