Boys toys

The other day I was listening to Radio 5live; the presenters were talking about their new studio and how they thought the floor was not level. Apparently, one of the studio engineers then whipped out his smartphone, opened the 'spirit-level' app and confirmed that the floor was level.
Within minutes I too had downloaded a spirit-level app and was playing around with the bubbles. To be honest, I have no idea when I might use it - If I put a picture up on the wall I simply stand back to see if it is level - but you never know, who's to say I won't build a house one day? (I can just imagine Jane rolling her eyes at this thought).
The other weekend, when I was walking the dogs at sunrise on the beach, I could not see where Heath (Maggie's tiny Papillon) had got to. No problem; I clicked on the 'torch' app on my phone and it used the camera flash as a surprisingly bright torch.
The family favourite is Google Sky Map: You point the phone at any point in the sky and it shows you what planets, stars and constellations you are looking at. It was quite a revelation to find that what we assumed were stars were planets.
It's useful for my business too. I love the fact that I can enter lessons in my phone diary and it appears on my computer and vice versa. And I can go online and search/book driving tests while I am with my pupil. All these things probably seem so 2008 to many of you, but they are wondrous discoveries to me. It even makes telephone calls.
Last year, my nephew demonstrated his prowess at Angry birds. It is seemingly compulsory to have this game if you have a smartphone. It's ok, but a bit repetetive. Call me old-fashioned, but when I am queueing for my fish and chips I prefer to whip out my Samsung and have a game of chess.
I half expect, one day, to find an overlooked secret button that, when pressed, causes a penknife and a corkscrew to pop out. But, lack of Swiss Army knife facilities aside, it's not perfect: This morning I pressed the voice command app and asked it to "Write a new blog post" but all it managed was this drivel.

 (cheeky Samsung ad)

My grandchildren are more intelligent than the driver behind me.

What does this big, red 'L' sign mean? Tough question, I know, but I'll give you a clue: You see it on cars being driven by Learner drivers.
Are you still not sure? Is the question too tough for you? Then you are probably one of those drivers who drive within millimetres of the back of my car (and probably every other car).
Ok, so you found the first question a bit too difficult. Try this one: What is a learner driver?
a) Someone who is experienced at driving and, realising that you are way too close, will bring their speed down so that they will not have to brake hard if anything unexpected happens ahead.
b) Someone who is inexperienced at driving and, although very nervous (and distracted) because you are way too close, may still brake hard if anything unexpected happens ahead. Therefore giving you no time to react and avoid crashing into the back of us.
I'm sorry. Silly me. I forgot you (think you) are the world's best driver and will never crash.
Let me give you a free driving lesson: If the vehicle ahead of you is going slower than you would like to go then, by all means, consider overtaking. But, in order to make overtaking easier, stay 2 (or more) seconds back from the vehicle ahead. This gives you a better view of the road ahead (thus avoiding bending your neck at strange angles), it gives you a short distance to begin your acceleration when you want to overtake. And it also gives you time to change your mind if the situation changes. If you keep a safe distance from us and overtake when it is safe to do so, then I promise my pupil and I will not speculate on what inadequacies you have that you are trying to overcompensate with your driving prowess.
I should be used to it by now, but it still stuns me how close following vehicles get to a car that is clearly being driven by someone who is inexperienced at driving. If you get too close to us - perhaps in an attempt to make us speed up - my pupils will demonstrate their superior intellect by bringing their speed DOWN to reduce the chance of an accident. I have joked about wanting a 2 metre wide, flashing neon 'L' plate, but I don't think even that would make any difference to some drivers.

Congratulations to Fiona on passing her test in Inverness this morning. Very well deserved. Just carry on driving exactly the way you do.

Jane and I enjoyed the company of my mother and Peter this weekend, flying up from Bedfordshire. It is always a mini-challenge we set ourselves to try and come up with something new for them to see or do when they visit. But, this time they had it all organised and knew where they wanted to go in advance. It was very nice to be treated to an exceptional meal at Franklin's restaurant, at the Cluny Bank Hotel in Forres last night. But, for me, the highlight of the weekend was Sutor Creek cafe in Cromarty. Delicious potted duck, the freshest mussels imaginable, the best pizza I have tasted outside of Italy, very good wine wine, great coffee and friendly service. It's a two hour round trip for us, but it was so good that we will definitely find excuses to go there frequently.

I have had a few problems with my phone recently. It's a fairly basic Nokia smartphone, but it was all I needed. However, it crashed a few times and I finally lost my patience with it. Consequently, I treated myself to a Samsung galaxy S2, which is just jaw-droppingly good. Initially, it was like some mysterious alien being, which I could only look at from a safe distance and guess what it did. Then my grandchildren came around and, within minutes were watching videos and tv programs, tinkering with the layout, playing games on it and asking to download apps. Now I have gone from someone who, 7 years ago, didn't even want a mobile phone, to one of those bores who can't do a thing without one.
What I really need to do is to work out a way to keep idiotic drivers a sensible distance behind my car - I wonder if there's an app for that?