Frozen planet

December in the North-West Highlands and the weak winter sun remains low above the mountains surrounding  Ullapool, even at midday.
The herds of tourists that populate the village during the summer months have long since made the journey back South, in search of central heating, traffic and shopping centres. Small flocks of hillwalkers and climbers can still sometimes be seen but, in general, the colder weather keeps people away.
Today though, there is a nervousness amongst some of the population. Today is the day when a lone Lesser-spotted Examiner is expected to make an appearance.
This is a mixed blessing for some of the population. For many weeks the local Pale Learners have been seen, moving around the area. During these formative weeks the Pale Learners have progressed from stumbling jerkily around car parks and quieter roads to galloping around the wider area. It is during these crucial formative times that they are constantly accompanied by various species of Instructor. The Instructor doesn't let them out of sight. Initially the Pale Learners are happy with this symbiotic arrangement; the Instructor helps build their confidence and the Pale Learner helps keep the Instructor fed. But this situation cannot last; there will be a new Pale Learners coming soon, vying for the Instructor's attention, and, besides, the Pale Learners want to shed their red markings and begin the transformation into fully-fledged Drivers.
Before they can do this, they have to undertake a ritual known as the 'driving test'. By the time their turn arrives they should be competent enough to complete this with ease. They feel confident that they can do this, and so should their Instructor, but it is only under the watchful eye of the Lesser-spotted Examiners that they can demonstrate their skills. Consequently, the thought of an Examiner approaching usually causes quite a stir.
One of the Instructors seems anxious. He has been watching the skies. The weather is deteriorating and, if the conditions are not good enough then it is possible that the Examiner will not show.
Disaster strikes. Sunday morning brings the first significant snow of the Winter. This is too much for even some of the more experienced 'Drivers', whose small brains cannot cope with the change in conditions. This time they are lucky. They may be injured and their pride damaged, but, this time at least, they live to drive another day.
The Instructor paces fretfully. He has to hope that the temperature will increase and bring a thaw, or else his Pale Learners will have to wait for another opportunity to take their driving test. But the signs are not good. Monday morning he awakes to find 4 - 5 inches of snow. With only 24 hours to go it seems the fate of the Learners is out of his hands. The Pale Learners show their displeasure. Some of them venture out into the snow - it is experience that will stand them in good stead over the next few months - but many of them prefer to hide inside in the warmth, hoping that the snow will not last long.

The next day brings a thaw. The snow is melting and the Instructor peers curiously from his lair. Three of his Pale Learners are expecting to take their test today. There is nothing at the moment to suggest that the Examiner will not appear. The Instructor and the Learner move around the village, galloping, trotting and crawling, sometimes even demonstrating bizarre backwards movements. They have done all they can now. They just have to wait.
The Instructor scans the horizon, looking for any sign of a prowling Examiner.

Finally, they accept defeat. It seems as though the conditions are too much for the Examiner. Although most of the snow has gone, and although the conditions are far from harsh, it appears that the Pale Learner will have to wait another month, maybe two, before they can free themselves from the watchful eye of the Instructor and venture out alone into the wild.

A new term

It feels a little like a new term here on Planet Farle. Over the last 9 days I have had 9 pupils taking their final exams, just as a sudden influx of new pupils begin their studies.
I've already mentioned Holly's test and the less successful test the same day. I have already decided that I will no longer be giving that pupil lessons. Her attitude stinks; no-one is entitled to a driving licence, you have to earn it. Losing her business is a small price to pay. Another instructor can have the aggravation if she decides to continue driving. Rant over.
The following day started with another unsuccessful test. The difference being that, this time, the pupil did deserve her licence, based on her driving ability and her attitude to her training. After starting her lessons in Ullapool, they moved to Inverness and, when we both agreed the time was right, they booked their test. Having a mathematical inclination, they are a bit of a perfectionist. No bad thing, in fact, it's quite refreshing for me to have a pupil who will not accept 'good driving', they want to be a 'perfect driver'. So, when they started their test and got asked to complete a reverse park into a parking bay, they decided that the first attempt wasn't good enough (it was in the bay) and pulled forward to perfect it - 1 driving fault. And that was their only driving fault. Unfortunately, they picked up one serious fault - As they were preparing to stop at a traffic light controlled T-Junction the lights changed to green. So they released the brake and was just about to accelerate when they hesitated because the approaching traffic in the new road were still slowing down (not yet stopped). Of course, the vehicles behind would have expected them to go and would have had to brake because of their hesitation. The examiner was almost apologetic and suggested that it probably only have been a driver fault if there had been no vehicles behind. Next time, no problem.
Day three and another pupil taking their test for the first time. At least, their first British test, and their first manual test. Jennifer had already passed her test in an automatic car, in her native Canada. Then, earlier this year, she moved to Nairn to be with her boyfriend and he has a manual Mini. It's often interesting giving lessons to someone who can already drive. She picked up the clutch and gears very quickly but it was the roundabouts that challenged her - "Why don't they just have traffic lights?" was her view - particularly the spiral roundabouts. But we conquered them in our lessons and she breezed through her test with just three driver faults, and one of those was for the vehicle checks ("He asked me how I check the engine oil level; I heard the word 'engine' and just thought 'engine coolant'. He suggested it was not a good idea to put engine oil in the radiator.").
Congratulations also to Hazel for passing her test, again at the first attempt, on the same day. Have a great time in Australia.
Day four and it was over to Elgin for Laura's next attempt. A thoroughly miserable day, with lashing rain punctuated by bright sunshine, making for quite challenging driving conditions.Laura had come so close on her previous attempt and I have rarely seen anyone less upset at failing their test. When I asked why, she replied that 'she knew that she can drive and would definitely pass next time'. And so it proved, as she passed easily with four driver faults.
Day five was not the most straightforward. My pupil had an 8.40am test in Inverness and we had arranged for me to pick her up from Nairn at 7.30am, enjoy an easy 25 minute drive into Inverness, then spend half an hour going over anything she wanted reassurance on before her test. As I pulled up at her house she came out and told me that she could not find the paper part of her licence. I always remind my pupils, in plenty of time, to make sure they both parts of their licence ready the night before. 
"Don't panic. You must have had it for your theory test. We have plenty of time. I'll wait here while you find it."
I waited. And waited. She came back out to tell me she still couldn't find it.
"You need it. It will be somewhere. We're still ok for time. You just need to think where it could be."
The clock ticked on. I listened to the eight o'clock news, then the sport. It got to 8.10am and, with a 25 minute drive to the test centre we had run out of time. I would have to knock on the door and tell her she would have to re-book for another day. Just at that moment she came running out, clutching both parts of her licence. I didn't want to panic her, so I let her drive and would consider calling the test centre if it looked like we weren't going to make it. Luckily her driving is fine, so I can concentrate on the clock. 8.30am now and we still have a few miles to go.
We get there with 2 minutes to spare - deep sigh of relief - and she reverses into one of the DSA bays. One good thing about not arriving too early for a test is that we don't have to wait too long, letting the anxiety build, before the examiner arrives. Anyway, off she goes and I sit there wondering whether the frantic nature of the last hour will affect her.
It didn't. At least, not enough to put her off her driving. She passes with five driver faults but is still too wound up by her morning to completely enjoy the experience of passing her driving test. But well done Kim. I look forward to seeing you for the Pass Plus course (and you will need your licence for that too, so keep it safe).
Day six and yet another first attempt. Unfortunately, she stalled at a set of traffic lights ("You never stall!" was my reaction) and, after re-starting, did not check that the lights were still green before attempting to move away. One of those mistakes that you only make once.
 The week was completed when Louise passed her test, first time, on my seventh consecutive day of tests (not counting the weekend), making it 6 (including 5 first-time) passes out of 9. Her driving was helped by the fact that she lives in the midst of a narrow one-way system then has to negotiate Inverness' nastiest roundabouts within minutes of leaving her house. Having being forced to cope regularly with that, I hope she found the test comparatively easy.
Only one more test on the immediate horizon - I shouldn't tempt fate, but it is one I'm 99.9999% confident about - then a bit of a break before a bunch of tests next month. What is the collective noun for driving tests? A Panic of tests? A Perspiration of tests? A Tremble of tests?
Meanwhile, a clutch (or is it a 'nervousness' or an 'excitement') of new pupils are just starting, or about to start. Hopefully, they will all be like Holly, Jennifer, Hazel, Laura, Kim and Louise in attitude, and a LOT, LOT less like the woman who threw a hissy fit because her examiner dared to fail her.

A piece of cake

A busy day today, but I have half an hour now before my next lesson. But the day began with two tests; one in Elgin, one in Inverness. The words ‘chalk’ and ‘cheese’ spring to mind.
My first test was at 8.40am in Elgin, so it was an early start. I have been getting increasingly casual about what I eat during the day; ‘lazy’ is perhaps more honest. Rather than preparing a balanced lunch, I have been going to cafés or grabbing supermarket sandwiches. It’s not so much the calorific content, but if you add up how much it all costs over a week/month it is rather worrying. So, last night, I had good intentions. I decided I would, in the morning, prepare myself a lunch to enjoy whilst my Inverness pupil was on test (assuming she did not want me to sit in on her test - I don’t think it would have created the proper professional impression). But I forgot and, just as I was dashing out the door, I remembered and grabbed a big slab of fruitcake that Irene, our next-door neighbour, had kindly baked for us.
My first pupil began lessons with me after I had started teaching her son. Her son was not the most natural driver I have ever seen, but he was very dedicated and always determined to improve. He passed his test a few months ago with barely any driver faults and she is very proud of the way he drives.
 The mum, however, is….. ‘inconsistent’. Perhaps, deep down, I knew she wasn’t ready. I have mentioned her before and moaned about how she constantly said ‘Well, that’s not what my last instructor told me.’ She would drive along, painfully slowly; the reason being because she was spending more time continually checking her mirrors rather than reading the road ahead.
“Why are you checking your mirrors so much?” I asked.
“Because my last instructor told me to.”
“But WHY should you check your mirrors?”
“I don’t know.”
That was a typical exchange. We had another one the other day: I asked her to pull over because her pedal control did not seem as good as usual…
“Try moving your seat back a notch or two.”
“Why? What am I doing wrong? (Very defensive)
“Nothing, but I think we can improve your control. You seem to be hesitant in bring the clutch up and a bit sharp on the brakes.”
“Well my last instructor never told me that.”
She was full of things that a previous instructor had told her to do, but with no understanding of ‘why’. She works several miles from home and has to rely on public transport. With a reduction on bus services she decided that she had to pass her test, so she went ahead and booked it. I know, I know, I know…. It should be me who decides when she takes her test. I know. But I sympathised with her transport problem and perhaps my ego thought I could get her to a good standard in time. My ego was wrong.
Her test wasn’t good. When she relaxes she can drive well, but as soon as something goes wrong it dominates her thoughts and her concentration goes. Whether it was the pressure she put herself under of having to pass, or whether she made an early mistake I don’t know, but it was probably the least successful test I have had in years.
The examiner was honest in their assessment of her driving, but not rude. I didn’t catch all of the conversation but my pupil had obviously tried to argue her way to a pass. Now let’s make this clear: The examiners do not want to fail you. If, in those 40 minutes, you can convince them that you are safe, in control, are considerate of other road users and have a degree of confidence then you will pass. Once you have passed your test you will be in solo control of a potentially lethal weapon. The examiners will not change their mind and pass you just because you ‘need’ your licence.
Your driving instructor is the best judge of when you are ready for your test, not you, not your husband, wife, mum, dad, boyfriend, girlfriend or even the man in your road who used to be a driving instructor. But whatever your instructor thinks, it is the examiner you need to convince, and you do that by driving well in your test.
I had no time to dwell on the matter, or even arrange her next lesson; I had another test to get to, 40 miles away in Inverness.
Over the rest of the day, the pupil who had just failed sent me a succession of texts, all moaning about how unfair the examiner had been and asking if there was a form that she could fill in to complain about the examiner. I answered her first text, initially apologising that it had not gone to plan (after all, it was partly my fault for letting her take her test) and explaining that the examiners need to ensure that new drivers are safe drivers. But I advised against complaining about the examiner. But after that first text I didn’t bother replying to the others.
This next pupil, as I suggested earlier, could not have been more different. She undertook a fairly concentrated course of 25 hours of lessons, but went out driving regularly with her dad. Whenever I felt there was something she could work on she would ask me to write it down and she would go away and work on it (if we had not completely fixed it in her lessons). So I was as relaxed as I could be when she set off on her test.
Disaster though! I had left my chunk of Irene’s fruitcake in the boot of my car!
Meanwhile, another deluded text from my first pupil came through, still ranting about the examiner and now turning her attack on me. She said that “…doesnt say much for you because (the examiner) made it clear I wasting money and everybodys time!”
My initial reaction was to text back and remind her how well I had taught her son and perhaps the best thing she could do was to spend time in the car with him, watching how he drives. But, it would have been a waste of a text. And sometimes I can be a nice person, so I decided not to aggravate her already bad day.
My pupil returned from her test, passing well with just two driver faults - a fantastic result. Holly and her dad, who was waiting, were thrilled. I was equally pleased, especially as I could now, finally, have my cake and eat it.

Ups and downs and ups.

6.47am. Third (sometimes fourth) Wednesday in the month, so you know the score by now. I have x number of pupils taking their test in Ullapool. Yawn. Well, you don't have to read on if you don't want to.

We have been on a really good run. In March I had 6 pupils (out of 8) pass, then last month, all three passed (2 with 1 minor fault, 1 with 2 minor faults). Today I have 5 pupils on test. I am as confident as I can be about all of them, but you never know. Two of them in particular could be chauffeurs, their driving is so calm and precise, but all it takes is one momentary lapse and they come back with a fail.

9.50am. A good start. Congratulations to Matthew, passing with 3 minor faults on his first attempt. I enjoyed a Big Hot Roll (Bacon, sausage and egg) and a pot of Earl Grey at the Tea Store café while he was out and I was mildly concerned when I saw him approaching a motor-home that was stopped opposite the road he wanted to turn into, and immediately before a blind bend – it could not have picked a worse spot to park. No problem; he brought his speed right down, indicated and moved out nice and early before committing himself to pass (although a few minutes later I learned that one of his three faults had been selecting second gear a bit too early at that particular point). Anyway, a job well done and good luck with your band, 'Torridon', on the festival circuit this year.

11.01am. So far, so good. Kim, five months pregnant, and feeling under pressure to pass first time as a result, did just that; passing with 6 minor faults. As a passenger, she is possibly one of the most relaxing drivers I have had the pleasure to teach. A touch careless with the indicators and a bit of coasting, but I'm very pleased that both you and the examiner now agree with me that you can drive.

11.45am. Congratulations to Ruth. Another first-time pass. I shall miss our lessons. It was the theoretical questions she posed me that made her lessons one of the week's highlights. Questions such as “What do I do in my test if there is a spider in the car?” and, on one memorable occasion, when I asked her to pull up just by the next lamp-post, she asked “What's a lamp-post”? I considered that, being an intelligent lady, she was being all philosophical and existential, but no, she was just being dizzy. There were many more questions that tested the limits of my knowledge, but I hope I tested hers too.

Turned a bit chilly now. The sun is trying to come out, but the wind is a bit fresh. I am sat on a tree stump at The Pottery Centre, which is where the tests begin and end. My pupil currently out on test is the only one not taking her test for the first time today. I was so convinced she would pass last time (March), but she allowed herself to get too close to a slow-moving truck and consequently failed. Usually, I could let her drive around without saying a word, but nerves have got to her today and, in the four minutes we had to practice before her test, there were a couple of silly blips, such as slowing right down and engaging 1^st gear for a junction that could easily have been negotiated in 2^nd. Nothing serious, but it won't help her nerves. This is the trouble with Ullapool tests; because they are literally back-to-back, with barely 5 – 10 minutes between them, my pupils are often fairly 'cold' when they go out on test. Virtually all my pupils in other areas ask for an hour's lesson immediately preceding their test; I know I did when I took my test. However, I have two pupils in Elgin, with tests approaching, that both want to just meet me at the test centre, with no lessons beforehand. Their reasoning is that their nerves would build up in the hour before. I will go along with their wishes, but I have told them that I will keep that preceding hour free in case they change their mind.

I was amused earlier to learn that another instructor had been trying to poach one of my pupils. The cheek of it! Not just once, but on several occasions, he has asked her if she wants lessons with him, despite the fact that she has told him she is having lessons with me. Ultimately, it is the pupil's decision, but I just have to make sure that my pupils enjoy their lessons and feel as though they are making good progress. Hopefully then, they will stick with me rather than go with an unprofessional trainee instructor.

1.41pm. Alas, my fourth test pupil of the day was unsuccessful. She had to emerge out of a tricky uphill T-junction, with parked vehicles restricting her view on both sides. I wasn't sat in on the test, so I don't know, but the examiner said that she had not made thorough enough checks on both sides before emerging. At the moment she is angry and concerned that she has 'let me down'. She has done no such thing. I think her driving is comfortably good enough to pass the test, and she never lets me down in her lessons. Perhaps she honestly believed it was safe to emerge, but the examiner had not yet made up his mind. It's no big deal. It's not life or death and she'll get another chance before too long.

My last test pupil of the day is currently out, negotiating the coach-loads of tourists who are wandering aimlessly around the harbour area, and the other drivers who are doing U-turns in crossroads. I have to confess, I'm a bit jittery about her. Her last few lessons have been great and, at the end of her last lesson, I told her I was sad. “Why's that?” She asked. “Because you don't need me anymore.” was my (honest) reply. However, in the lesson immediately before her test she didn't seem to be concentrating fully and her steering was not as accurate as I would have liked. A bit of concentration though, and she should be fine.

2.39pm. Not enough concentration, obviously. Only a handful of minor faults, but a serious fault for her steering. (Hate to say I told you so, as The Hives once said). Sadly, she will not get another chance as she is returning to Poland in a couple of weeks as she and her fiancé prepare for their wedding. At least she went away smiling and confident that she would pass in Poland (so long as she maintains a bit more control on her steering).

As always (with the exception of last month), I am a bit disappointed not to have every pupil pass. Three out of five pupils isn't too bad, but it actually reduces my pass rate. Not that that is of any concern to Kim who has just text me to let me know that she has already sorted out her insurance and has been driving around the village on her own. That's what it is all about and I'm sure the two that did not pass today will soon be able to join her.
Just about time for a quick late lunch and yet another pot of tea before my last five lessons of the day (including two brand new pupils). So, despite the two hiccups and a very long day, I am rewarded with two of the best aspects of this job: Three test passes and new pupils. I would have a little dance, but I might spill my tea.