Putting the theory into practice

When I was a teenager riots had proper soundtracks (Ghost Town by the Specials, as opposed to Nero, or whatever was No.1 at the time), the most sophisticated piece of mobile technology was the Sony Walkman and there was no theory test.
Instead, the examiner would, at the end of the driving test, ask a few questions about the Highway Code. I have no idea how this worked. If you had driven badly were you saved by knowing your road signs? And, if you had driven perfectly, could you still fail if you didn’t know what shape the sign for a roundabout was?
I can’t remember if I have written about this before but, at the end of my driving test I was so convinced I had failed (because I had stalled three times) that I didn’t see the point of the examiner asking me the Highway Code questions. Couldn’t he just get on with it and put me out of my misery? As he turned out, he must have been satisfied with my driving because I don’t think I convinced with my answers to the questions. I vividly remember the last question:
Examiner: “When should you check your mirrors?”
Me: “Um…..” (I had no idea) “Um…..” (I’ll take a guess) “…Every ten seconds.”
Examiner: (Sits there looking at his watch for ten seconds) “That’s quite a long time.”
Me: “Oh…..um…. Every five seconds?”
Examiner: (Looks at his watch for five seconds - it still seemed a long time)
Me: Um… quite often.
I didn’t know whether “quite often” was the precise answer he was looking for, but a few seconds later he was telling me I had passed.

So we had it easy compared to anyone who has had to go through the stress of sitting the Theory Test. These days they are expected to know how many centimetres to compress the chest when trying to resuscitate the victim of a traffic accident (4 -5 cm) and how many compressions per minute (100). They are expected to know where to send their appeal if they think their driving test was conducted unfairly. And they are expected to know exactly what to do if, while driving through a tunnel, they realised their vehicle was on fire. Admittedly, it is quite important that you do DO SOMETHING if your vehicle is a 60mph fireball underground and there are no Fire Stations handy, but I doubt that many people have their plan all worked out in advance.
Although it doesn’t cause as much nervousness as the driving part, I have had many pupils who have been very anxious about the theory test.  I guess this is mainly because tests/exams in general tend to make people nervous, but it could be partly because this is the hurdle they need to overcome before they can apply for their test. I have had quite a spate of pupils taking their theory recently. I saw one of my pupils, Seumas, on Facebook, saying that he was nervous about his theory test the next day. One of my former pupils, Andy, gave him some valuable advice about driving 'Make sure you always drive on the left'. (Although I may sometimes be a bit of a pedant, I did restrain myself from pointing out that this does not necessarily always apply). But maybe Andy's advice helped because Seumas passed the next day. Congratulations also to Emma, Jorine, Judith, Julie, Karen and Lawrence on passing within the last week.

The second part of the Theory Test is Hazard Perception. I have to confess, I thought this was a bit of a gimmick when they first introduced it, I don't anymore. To a brand new learner driver, the idea that cars could pull out in front of you, oncoming vehicles could stray onto your side of the road, pedestrians could walk out in front of you and cars could stop dead in front of you with no warning, it all seems a bit far-fetched and exaggerated. This week, in particular, we have seen pedestrians and drivers doing such STUPID things, that I am wondering whether they have been filming a whole new batch of hazard perception clips here.
This morning, Jorine, was driving along Shore St, by Ullapool harbour, and ahead of us, we could see five people having a nice chat IN THE MIDDLE OF A CROSSROADS. I asked her to check her mirror and gradually slow the car as we approached. That would give them time to realise that perhaps they should move. She brought her speed down nice and slow, 2nd gear.....1st gear.... clutch down..... holding the brakes..... still no recognition from the people in the road (it must have been a fascinating conversation they were having).
"Should I toot the horn?" She asked.
"Yes, possibly, but just give them a few seconds." I was sure they would finally realise that they should move.
After another five seconds, with a car approaching us from behind, my patience evaporated and I gave sharp toot on the horn, They just stood there looking at us before finally moving to the pavement.
And it has been like that all week! Twice I have cars approaching us on our side of the road. The first one was (almost) understandable - some Italian tourists turned right out of a petrol station towards us, but forgot that they should be driving on the left (they obviously hadn't see Andy's advice on Facebook). The second car, some Dutch tourists, were heading towards us on the wrong side of a long, straight road - with no junctions for some time previous, it is scary to wonder how long they had been driving like that.
On Wednesday, just as my pupil was about to turn in to Ullapool 'test centre' for her driving test, another Dutch car approached a 'Give way' on our left. The driver saw us (we were maybe three car lengths from the junction) and STILL pulled out in front of us! At least it gave my pupil a chance to practice her emergency stop before the test.
The worse one was on the same road as the chatting pedestrians. My pupil was approaching the Ullapool - Stornaway ferry terminal. Cars waiting to board/exit the ferry have to give way at a crossroads, but usually a policeman directs traffic. As we approached the policeman was giving us a hand signal to stop. We were still a short distance away, so my pupil was just slowing down to a comfortable slow jogging speed. The policeman then clearly gave a 'stop' signal to the cars waiting to board the ferry and waved us on. Just as my pupil went back on the accelerator a (British) car, waiting to board the ferry, ignored the policeman and the 'give way' line and tried to quickly pull out in front of us. Yet another impromptu emergency stop! The policeman yelled at the other car, complimented my pupil on her stop, then returned to the other driver to give him a bollocking. I like a bit of excitement every now and then, but, this week, I think I have had too much.

And all that was before the tests!
Wednesday saw the return of driving tests to Ullapool after, for some reason, having a break in July. It is disappointing that they had only scheduled six tests for the day. Government cut-backs are obviously now extending to DSA examiner overtime. Anyway, I had four pupils on test and, with an extra month to polish their driving to super-shiny perfection, I was very confident in them all passing.
Congratulations to Kyle Menzies on passing, first time, with four driving faults. He had the 8.40am test and asked if I could sit in 'just in case it goes wrong'. Being a slightly damp, very still morning, there were quite a few midges about and, as we all got in the car, about 28 midges joined us. When I accompany a pupil on test I have to sit quiet in the back and not do anything that could be construed as help. But when midges are buzzing around your face, it is very difficult to remain completely still.

13 of the midges remainined in the car by the time Eilidh's MacFarlane's began her test. But I had got used to their company by then, so I did not mind when she also asked me to sit in on her test. A wee bit wizzy round some of the twisting turns on the Ardmair road, but not wizzy enough to worry the examiner, who passed her with just three driving faults. Very well deserved Eilidh. I know how disappointed you were not to pass last time, but I hope you now think it has all been worth it.

Alas, my third pupil did not pass. She will not get another chance for a while as she is returning to university, but I hope she re-books for her next holidays. You were very close yesterday...... Next time.

I have been teaching two sisters from Achiltibuie for the last few months, one in Ullapool and the other in Inverness. There had been some friendly rivalry to see who would pass first. Yesterday it was Tricia MacLennan, who beat her sister to a full licence. Despite your apparent conviction that you wouldn't pass (you are just like your sister), you proved yourself wrong and passed first time. So very well-done Tricia.

To all of you who passed yesterday, don't forget, drive on the left.

Anarchy and alliteration

In the light of recent events, I am keeping a watchful eye for any signs of agitation and anarchy in Auldearn, disturbance and disorder in Dyke, or upheaval and unrest in Ullapool. In truth, it is hardly likely.... it just isn't the weather for riots and rampaging. All the Highland hoodies are sensibly at home, only causing chaos and carnage on their Playstations.
In fact, the only signs of anti-establishment behaviour are coming from parents of my pupils. I'm exaggerating of course - my pupils' parents are all wonderful people (who just so happen to pay me money) - but one or two of them have dared to question my methods...

Last week, at the end of a lesson, one of my pupil's mum arranged to pay for a block of lessons in the remaining weeks before his test. "And you're teaching him all the test routes, aren't you?" she asked.
Until last year, the DSA published the test routes for each driving test centre. Consequently, many instructors seemed to teach almost exclusively on these routes. You could almost guarantee that a particular road would have 2 or 3 learner drivers practicing their 3-point turns (alright, 'turn-in-the-roads'), and certain junctions would always have someone practicing their left-reverse (I don't think I have ever seen anyone practicing a right reverse). Then someone at the DSA said 'Hold on a minute. This isn't right. If someone is capable of passing their test they should be capable of driving anywhere.' Quite right, too. So, now, the DSA no longer publish their test routes. They still have them, and driving instructors still use them (they get to know them from sitting in on tests), but at least there has been a slight shift away from repetition of test routes.
So I politely replied "There are no set test routes anymore" and explained that I would make sure her son would be competent and confident wherever they took him on test. It simply wasn't worth getting on my soapbox about it.
Perhaps I should have told her the truth. The truth is I am not a nice person, at least not to my pupils. As they progress I will make things increasingly difficult for them. I will take them to the nastiest junctions, ask them to do a reversing manoeuvre in busy roads, and, in short, try to make their lessons as tough as I can. The idea being that, if they can cope with that, then the test should be comparatively easy. After all, once they have passed their test then they will often be on their own, so they need to be able to deal with the tough stuff.

A couple of days later, one of my pupils said that her dad would like to sit in on one of her lessons and would I mind? "Of course I don't mind.... as long as you don't." (it is her lesson, after all). I am always willing to have a pupil's parent/boyfriend/wife/whatever sit in on lessons if they want. But this was the first time in years it has happened. It was only an hour lesson, in Inverness, and I wanted to cover as much as possible to give her dad things to work on in their private practice. Her driving is coming along nicely, so I wanted to concentrate on her weaknesses and made sure that her dad could hear and see all my instruction. At the end of the lesson I turned to her dad to discuss the lesson and what they could work on when practicing.
"Can you tell me the test routes?" was his first question.

Naming and not shaming

I don't tend to name my pupils in this blog, unless I am congratulating them on passing their test. Exceptions include Anthony, last winter, when I was praising him on his skillful and intelligent driving in the snow.
Similarly, I don't name other driving instructors, even if they are trainee instructors trying to poach my pupils, or they are with RED driving school and driving through a busy town whilst using their mobile phone. I don't really have any qualms, however, naming a company, such as Mohn Aqua, because one of their drivers is driving stupidly fast, and overtaking dangerously and needlessly between Forres and Inverness.
But one of my Ullapool pupils told me that he sometimes reads my blog to see if I have mentioned him. So, Rory, consider yourself mentioned.

Is the grass greener on the other side?

Taking your driving test is not the most stressful thing in the world you can do, but try telling that to someone about to take their test. I have known pupils shaking uncontrollably because they were so nervous. It is not life or death. Sure, it costs another £62 if it doesn't go to plan, but that is nothing compared to what you will be spending on driving over the next fifty/sixty/seventy years - It's less than it costs me to fill up my fuel tank. As I suggested a few weeks ago, the nerves I believe are largely to do with what you believe others will think of you.
A few months ago I received an email from someone who was looking for an 'intensive course'. I am always a bit wary when someone asks about this. Sometimes there can be good reason, but often, if they have waited 17 years to be able to drive, why not be patient and wait another few months. Anyway, this one was different. She had taken her test (and failed) three times, in Glasgow. I did not investigate too thoroughly, but she decided that maybe a change of location was the answer. I was still wary. I have previously written about Inverness instructors taking their pupils to test in Gairloch (or Ullapool or Kingussie) because they have a higher pass rate and, supposedly, are easier. I also remember, when I was on a pink badge (a trainee instructor), another instructor advising me to take my Part 3 exam in Aberdeen, or Glasgow, because the examiners were more lenient than in Inverness (I didn't take her advice). So, my initial reaction was 'if you are not good enough to pass in Glasgow (where she lives), how will she cope with day-to-day driving once she manages to pass her test in somewhere she believed might be easier?'
Over a few emails she explained what had happened in her tests and I began to think that her driving sounded close to test standard. I explained that I mainly cover three separate test areas (Elgin, Inverness and Ullapool), briefly gave her a description of each, but explained that Elgin and Inverness would have more chance of an earlier test. To her credit, she chose Elgin.
I enjoy teaching in all three areas but, if I was pushed to say which was the hardest, I would say Elgin. Sure, Inverness is bigger, has dual-carriageways and some (slightly) weird roundabouts, but Elgin is much more concentrated. The Inverness - Aberdeen route (A96) flows through Elgin, with no obvious alternative. This means all the small roundabouts on the A96 are quite fast-flowing and, therefore, quite daunting to the novice driver. And some of them are so closely spaced that, as soon as you leave one, you have to prepare for the next.
When I met Hazel last week I quizzed her on her driving. We didn't have much time so I wanted to concentrate on her weaknesses. She suggested that 'meeting traffic' (dealing with oncoming traffic in narrow situations) was her biggest weakness. "Manoeuvres ok?" "Yes." "How about roundabouts?" "They're fine, there's quite a lot in Glasgow."
Ok, Glasgow does have a lot of roundabouts, but it had not prepared her for Elgin, and it soon became clear that, to my eyes, they were her biggest weakness. The secret is, like any junction, to give yourself plenty of time to prepare. You don't want to be still braking firmly as you are looking for the gaps in the traffic, you want to be ready to accelerate into those gaps. The slower you go, the more time you will have to see those gaps, but the slower you go, the bigger the gap you will need - quite a balance.
In her 'mini-intensive course' we covered everything, but really focused on meeting situations and roundabouts. Then, at 12.30 on Tuesday, I picked her up for a final hour before her test. The weather was not kind - it was lashing it down. While weather reports suggested England and Wales were suffering tropical temperatures, Elgin was suffering tropical rain. In addition, I don't think I have ever seen the town so busy with traffic. Not the ideal conditions to soothe pre-test nerves.
With 15 minutes before the 1.33pm test time, I had a gentle 5 minute drive back to the test centre planned. "When we get to the roundabout, turn left." I asked. She checked her mirrors, indicated left, brought her speed down, selected 2nd gear, saw the gap and accelerated...... straight across the roundabout!!! Gulp!
Having to think very quickly about an alternative route, I suggested she took a left turn up ahead. Traffic going in the other direction was at a standstill, so I didn't want to bring her back to that. She turned left only to face a temporary sign 'Road closed ahead'. Big gulp!! We were now a good 5 - 10 minutes from the test centre and less than ten minutes to go. Not only that, but my mind was racing, trying to think of the quickest route back to the test centre. I decided I didn't want Hazel sitting at the wheel in all that traffic, getting increasingly nervous as the clock counted down to 1.33pm. I asked her to pull over and, in what I hoped was a calm voice, suggested that we swap seats so that I could get her through the traffic to the test centre.
While trying to bring an air of calm, I thought I had better ask her what happened at the roundabout, why did she signal left, but not turn?
"I don't know. I think my brain just fused."
It wouldn't have been productive to have analysed the fault so close to her test, so I just reassured her and suggested that it was not something she ought to do in future.
We got to the test centre with about a minute to spare. The rain was getting heavier and the exit to the test centre car park was surrounded by inconveniently parked vehicles. I have to have complete faith in Hazel and trust that I don't need to give her any last-minute warnings about such things. So I simply ask her to drive as she normally does and she will be fine.
She meets the examiner and off she goes. I am the most nervous about a test as I have been in years. It is nothing to do with the badly parked vehicles, nothing to do with the dreadful weather conditions, nothing to do with the slightly frantic last few minutes, and nothing to do with her little faux pas at the roundabout. I am nervous because, after her initial attempts in her home city, she has arranged time away from home, paid to stay in a hotel in Elgin (plus the money she is paying me), and has put her trust in me to polish up her driving and help her pass her test - and this is my one shot at it. I can't imagine her wanting to come back to Elgin/Inverness/Ullapool (all at least three hours from south Glasgow) and do it all again if she is not successful.
It is over 50 minutes before I finally see her drive back into the car park, the rain not relenting at all. I wait outside, standing beneath a porch for shelter. The examiner looks at me and beckons me over. Oh dear, not usually a good sign. The rain is hammering down, so I am pleased I have a 5-door, so I can get into the back seat (rather than stand out in the rain). He is silent while he tots up her driving faults (five), then turns to her and tells her that she has passed. I love that moment. You will rarely see any greater expression of happiness. When the examiner tells a pupil that they have passed, they don't just smile, their whole face beams, their eyes widen and it is impossible to look more happy.
I drove Hazel to the train station and she tried to give me £10 too much. I told her it wasn't necessary and that she should put it towards her first tank of fuel. She replied "No, I shall put it towards some Champagne!" A much better idea, I thought.

Driving on to my next lesson, I had my wrist mildly slapped. Hazel had turned the headlights off after her test and I had driven off without putting them back on. It certainly wasn't dark, but, if I had realised, I would have put my lights on. Anyway, an oncoming car flashed me and I presumed they were suggesting I should put my lights on. But of all the cars that could have flashed me, it had to be an Audi driver. Aargh! The shame of having my driving corrected by an Audi driver! I wonder how they would have alerted the RED driving instructor, a few miles later in Nairn, that they really shouldn't be using their mobile phone while driving - not a good advertisement or a good example.

You are currently approaching Inshes Roundabout. Don't panic!

One of the most common searches that bring people to this site is variations on 'Inshes roundabout'. Aaarrgh! The dreaded Inshes roundabout, a 6-exit, multi-lane spiral roundabout. Actually, it is not as bad as people make out. Simply, approach in the same way that you would any other roundabout, but look out for road signs which clearly advise you which lane to take. Once you have selected your lane STAY IN IT. If you realise that you are in the wrong lane, don't panic. If you have time, check the appropriate mirror to see if it is safe to change lanes and, if so, indicate to let other know what you are doing. If you do not have time, or it is not safe to change lanes, don't panic. Simply follow your lane as it spirals out and indicate left to exit. Breathe out and look for a safe method of returning to the roundabout.

That's probably not the information your search brought you here for. You want me to tell you, step-by-step how to approach the roundabout from every possible direction, going to every possible exit. Tough. I'm not going to do that. My pupils pay me good(ish) money for that knowledge. However, I am feeling generous and will guide you a little on some of the routes:

Culloden to Hilton

1. Culloden to Hilton (thin red line on 1st photo - you can click on the photos if you want to make them bigger): After you have dealt with the pedestrian crossing, look for the left lane (you are turning left after all). DO NOT SIGNAL LEFT - YOU ARE NOT TAKING THE 1st EXIT. When it is safe to enter the roundabout, wait until you pass the 1st exit (Tesco) before indicating left, then look ahead before accelerating.

Culloden to town centre

2. Culloden to town centre (Raigmore Hospital) (wobbly yellow line on 2nd photo): The direction signs indicate that you should consider this as 'ahead' (rather than 'right'). Therefore, you should look for the lane with the 'ahead' arrow (the centre lane). Once you have entered the roundabout FOLLOW YOUR LANE. It will feel as though you are going out wide. Do not be tempted to accelerate, otherwise you will cut into the lane on your right. Indicate left as you are passing the Police station (3rd) exit.

Culloden to A9

3. Culloden to A9 (Turquoise line on 3rd photo): Easy-peasy. You are turning right (taking the 5th exit), so you should be indicating right and approaching in the right lane. After the second exit your lane spirals out, so follow it and indicate left as you pass the 4th exit. Again look ahead (especially for the pedestrian crossing) before you accelerate). if you get drawn into the next lane on your right, be very careful about trying to change lanes.

Town centre to Culloden

4. Town centre to Culloden (pretty pink line on 4th photo): Even easier! You are following the road ahead (2nd exit), so you are looking for the appropriate lane - road signs and road arrows tell you this is the centre lane. Your lane should be easy to follow, then indicate left as you pass the 1st exit. Because you will not be doing much turning after this point, ensure that you cancel your indicator after leaving the roundabout. Don't forget to look ahead for the pedestrian crossing and the bus-stop.

Hilton to Culloden

5. Hilton to Culloden (lime green line on 5th photo): Admittedly, this is a bit weird. It all starts straightforward enough; you are turning right (4th exit), so you should be indicating right and in the right lane. Enter the roundabout in the right lane (do not be tempted to go into the middle lane). Now, for some strange reason, your lanes splits into 2 lanes (at the little red 'X'). Keep to the left of your lane (unless you want to go to Tescos) and indicate left as you pass the 3rd exit. Again be careful to cancel your signal and look out for the bus-stop and the pedestrian crossing.

A9 to town centre

6. A9 to town centre (Hospital) (yellow line in 6th photo):  Now I can understand why some people get completely lost on this one, but don't panic. Firstly, you are turning right (taking the 5th exit), so you should be indicating right and approaching in the right lane. So far, so good. The left lane takes you to Culloden, the centre lane to Tesco, and the right lane takes you to Hilton. You want the next lane after the Hilton one. Blink and you will miss it, and you will end up in the 5th lane (which takes you all the way round to where you started from). Again, you may feel that you are going wide and in the wrong lane. Have a bit of faith in yourself and, keeping it slow, indicate left as you pass the 4th (police) exit. Smile as you realise you have cracked it.

Don't worry when people say "Ooh! That Inshes roundabout... it's impossible." It's easy (there are certainly harder roundabouts in Inverness). Just approach in the same way you would all roundabouts (Mirrors-signal-position-speed-gears-look). Keep looking for the safe gaps in traffic and, once you are on the roundabout, take your time and follow the lanes.

Thank you to Google Earth for the images and apologies for the wobbly lines.