How NOT to take a driving test

I've had a few tests recently which have not gone exactly as I would have liked.
The first one wasn't her fault. She had a 9:37am test and, the night before, I went to pick her up for her last lesson.
"I've got a bit of a problem ” she said, as she got in the car. " I can't find my purse, and it's got my licence in it. "
That's not "a bit of a problem", that's a major disaster.
" I had my purse at school this afternoon, but it's not in my bag now. "
Whether it was stolen, or simply fell out of her bag we shall never know (although when she did get her purse back, money had gone from it). She reported it stolen and planned to go to the school first thing in the morning, in the hope that she might find it.
I met her at school in the morning. "The cleaners haven't come across it" she said.
"It's OK", I lied, " we have plenty of time. "
Her school was 25 minutes from the test centre and, if she didn't find it in the next half an hour, we wouldn't get there in time.
Luckily, with about fifteen minutes to spare, she came running out, clutching her purse and licence.
Very rarely does anyone go to their test completely relaxed, but finding your licence with minutes to spare certainly doesn't help.

A few days later I had another Inverness test. He hadn't been too happy about his first test: In slow moving traffic, he had held back to keep a junction on the left clear. The correct thing to do, but in the examiner's opinion, he had held back too much and possibly irritated the drivers behind. So, this time, he asked me if I would sit in the back.
All was going fine. I was completely relaxed and enjoying the drive. The examiner asked him to pull over and explained that he would like him to complete a reverse (parallel) park, using the parked car ahead. When I sit in on tests, I duck down on the back seat when they are reversing, so that I do not impede their view. This means that I can't see how the manoeuvre is going, but I had every confidence in his ability to successfully complete the parking.
At one point he braked a touch sharply and the brakes squeaked. I saw him secure the car, sit bolt upright and exclaim "OH MY GOD!!! HAVE I HIT THAT CAR?!!!"
”No, you're fine. It's just the brakes. " explained the examiner.
He successfully completed the manoeuvre and passed his test but, as the examiner pointed out to him at the end, he should have known exactly how close/far from that car he was. Shouting "OH MY GOD!!! HAVE I HIT THAT CAR?!!!" is not likely to fill the examiner with confidence.

That same week I had six pupils taking their test in Ullapool. Typically, the examiners take them out on the A835, a twisting, hilly, 60mph road, to Ardmair, a few miles north of the village. While my last test of the day was taking place I was happily enjoying a coffee. My pupil had been out for about half an hour, so it was time to finish my coffee and walk back to (hopefully) congratulate him on passing his test. Just as I was doing that my phone rang. It was the examiner. My heart sank. It couldn't be good news.
"Hello Martin. We've had a bit of an incident." It definitely wasn't good news.
Although his driving had been absolutely fine in his lessons, for some unimaginable reason he had decided to show the examiner that he was Lewis Hamilton. He took a bend too fast, left the road and burst my two nearside tyres. Thankfully, no-one was hurt, although, with hindsight, I would have liked my pupil to have suffered a little. At least he had to suffer the embarrassment of having to walk a mile or so back to the test centre with the examiner. I can't imagine it would have been the most hilarious conversation between them.
My pupil mumbled a quiet "sorry Martin" then disappeared (not that I was in the mood to discuss his next test with him !) and the examiner hurried off to his next test. That left me to rely on the ever helpful Rod Houldsworth at Ullapool garage to rescue my car and transport it 55 miles to the nearest garage that had replacement tyres in stock.
Later, once I had calmed down, I was left wondering exactly what had happened. Nothing like it has ever happened in a lesson, but I guess the examiners try to leave the pupil to it. I just hope nothing like it ever happens again.

I was writing this while Michael was successfully taking his test in Ullapool. Although he passed with just three driver errors, he didn't make it easy for himself. Ullapool tests don't have a test centre, we just park up near the Fire Station. Whilst we were waiting for the examiner Michael asked me where the nearest toilet was because he was desperate to go. There is no nearby toilet. Not even a convenient bush. We didn't have time to drive to the nearest toilet.
"We don't have time. Can you hold on?"
"I'll have to."
I wandered off whilst he took his test. A few minutes later I saw Michael drive past and do an emergency stop..... Not what you want when you need the toilet ! Not only that, but, at the end of his test he told me he had "a bit on an incident" on the road to Ardmair. "Oh no !" I thought, "what now?" He explained that, just as he went round the corner where the aforementioned pupil had gone off the road, a family of ducks had waddled across the road and he had to do a second emergency stop.

An hour later: My last test of the day. Two out of two so far and every confidence in my third pupil passing easily. Except..... Can't fault his control, can't fault his judgement, can't fault his awareness, can't fault his manoeuvres, BUT...... His mirror checks are just a bit..... random. I have explained that he should check his mirrors before any change in speed or direction, before signalling, before overtaking, before changing lanes (not that this applies in Ullapool), etc, but still I have to regularly prompt him. I have explained the consequences of not checking mirrors but, for some unknown reason, he still misses mirror checks. In the lesson before his test we analysed his driving and I stressed that his only weakness was his use of mirrors. However, I felt confident that he would put it right on his test. Result, fail for not checking mirrors. I didn't need to say  ”I told you so ", the look on his face told me he knew.

So, to summarise: Keep both parts of your licence safe, make sure you don't need the toilet before your test, listen to what your instructor says, don't ask the examiner if you have hit something and, most importantly, try to keep the car on the road....... Easy.

When the going gets tough......

I like a challenge. And I get plenty in this job. 
A few months ago, I had an email enquiry, asking about an in intensive driving course. Nothing too unusual in that, intensive courses seem to be increasingly popular. I replied, asking various questions to establish previous experience, availability, whether or not the theory test has been passed, and whether they are looking for a test at the end. All her answers seemed fine until she asked what days I am in Fort William.
Ah, that's a shame, I thought, I don't cover Fort William. Fort William is 90 miles from me, not an awful lot further than Ullapool, further north on the west coast, at which I instruct several days a week. But the journey, although spectacular, is a relatively slow, wiggly drive, across to Inverness, down the side of Loch Ness, Loch Oich, the Caledonian canal, Loch Lochy, then around the western flanks of the Grampian mountains to Fort William. I would have to say 'No'. "Why not just have regular lessons with a local instructor?" I asked. She replied that she had taken some lessons, but felt that an intensive course would suit her better. She also said that she hadn't yet taken her theory test, so I suggested that that should be her priority if she really wanted an in intensive course.
A couple of months later, she emailed again to say that she had passed her theory, so could I take her on for an intensive course. I relented. She seemed such a nice person and I was impressed with her determination and excitement at the prospect of being able to drive. I did make it clear that I was not familiar with the area but, if she accepted that, I would be happy to help.

The plan was for me to hire an apartment and spend the whole weekend there, working on her driving, then take her test on the Monday lunchtime. I wanted Jane to join me. Although I would be busy during the days, she would be able to explore Fort William, walk our dogs in Glen Nevis, and hopefully enjoy a break from her own business. A perfect plan, or so I thought.....
Last Saturday morning we drove down to Fort William. The forecast was not good for the west Highlands, but it was warm and beautiful blue skies when we set off. As we progressed, a few spots of rain began to turn to a heavy downpour. By the time we reached Fort William there was a lot of water on the roads.

After getting settled in at the apartment, I left Jane staring out the windows, watching the rain getting heavier and wondering whether she should have stayed at home, in sunny Morayshire. I drove off to meet Shauna. A few years ago Shauna had had an operation on her hip which had gone wrong. Complications had left her without full use of her left leg. She told me that she had gone from being an optimistic teenager to someone who would now need crutches to help her walk and had lost interest in her future. It was only when she got herself a black Labrador puppy that her optimism returned. Having the company of the dog inspired her to get up, get out and start living again. And it was this new optimism that inspired her to learn to drive so that she and her dog could get out into the Highlands and go for more spectacular walks. 

The lessons and test were all in her car, a Polo automatic (because she was unable to use a clutch). Over Saturday and Sunday we would have two hour lessons throughout the day, with 45 minute breaks inbetween. Meanwhile, the rain was completely unrelenting. It made for even more spectacular scenery, with Britain's highest mountains spouting numerous waterfalls and the rivers churning and gushing to worryingly high levels. On the roads the puddles were getting bigger and deeper. By Sunday afternoon the roads were flooded in many places and some roads were closed. We used the opportunity to work on driving in such conditions, assessing the road and, where the water was particularly deep, keeping the car moving steadily to create a bow wave in front of the car. At one point we were on a single-track road, that was severely flooded. Some sheep had escaped from a field and were anxiously running along the verges around the car. Meanwhile, we had a cyclist braving the flooded road behind us and an oncoming car with barely room for the two cars to pass. Shauna handled the situation beautifully. I told her "If you can deal with all that, you can deal with anything".

Monday morning, the day of the test, and I was now very worried. Not about Shauna's driving, that was very hard to fault, but by the fact that I was convinced that the test would not go ahead. Despite no let up in the incessant rain, the council had worked wonders with drainage and only a few roads remained closed. But even if the roads were better, they were still bad and, most importantly, the road south of Fort William was closed due to landslides. This meant that the examiner would have to make a massive detour around the Grampians, up the A9 and back south to Fort William. It was therefore, an huge relief to see the examiner walk toward us at the test centre and an even bigger relief to find that the test would go ahead. Shauna asked me to accompany her on the test." What brings you so far from Inverness? " the examiner asked me. "Shauna asked me nicely" was my honest reply. 

The test was.... different.... The road closures and amount of traffic meant that the examiner had to rethink his route on a few occasions. This didn't matter though. Having no experience of instructing in Fort William, I had taken Shauna all over the place during the last two and a half days, and we had no preconceptions of where the test might go. It was no surprise (at least to me) when, at the end of the test, the examiner told Shauna that she had passed. 

Since then, Shauna has got insured and has been driving all over the place. It is always very rewarding for me when someone passes, but this one was more special than most. With her licence, her new freedom, and her dog, 'Ziggy Stardust' by her side, the world really is her lobster now.

Whilst we were in Fort William our daughters seemed to delight in letting Jane and me know how mild and sunny it was at home. So we took the rain back with us.