(15 seconds later) "Just ease off the accelerator a bit"
(10 seconds later) "Bring your speed down a bit".
I'm fully aware of the fact that, although my pupil is speeding, there is a car right up our backside (of course there is). A shame; otherwise I would have cheerfully rammed my foot down on the dual control brake. After all, actions speak louder than words.
Just five minutes earlier I had collected my pupil from his very large manor/castle (no, I'm not exaggerating).
"Good morning" I smile as I make a point of putting a new facemask on. "Do you have your facemask Sean?" (not his real name).
"Do we still have to? We don't at school (Gordonstoun - a very expensive private school that includes Prince Charles among its alumni)."
He obviously knows the answer though, because he has a facemask in his hand.
I ask him how his driving practice is going and 'what would be like to work on today?'
"Roundabouts and reversing, because I don't practice that."
I sigh internally. I encourage my pupils, who have use of a car outside of lessons, to use the time to work on perfecting their driving and practice the stuff that they struggle with. They don't though. They usually just act as a taxi service for their parents/spouse/partner. It usually builds their confidence, but, more often than not, ingrains bad habits.
Thirty seconds later we are hurtling towards Elgin and I am quickly running out of ways to politely say "SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!" Meanwhile, he is asking me utterly pointless questions, such as "Do I have to keep both hands on the wheel? Sadly, I am not joking. The reason the question is pointless is because I know that it doesn't matter what my answer is, he is arrogant enough to do exactly what he wants when.... no, if he passes his driving test. Besides, I don't want to contemplate what he wants to use his free hand for.
Fortunately, fifteen years of being a driving instructor means that I know exactly how to deal with pupils like him, which, I have to say, are very rare. I am not going to inflict his Verstappen fantasies on other road users in Elgin. We are going to go to a nice big car park and practice lots of very slow bay parking. And, if he brings his clutch up the tiniest bit too much, I shall use the dual controls and emphasise the importance of all-round, effective observation.
A Zen-like calm has spread through me; not just because I know how to deal with him, but mainly because I just don't care about his driving anymore. That's not really true, I just wrote it for shock value, but there is a smidge of truth in it. I genuinely care about my customers and do everything in my power to make them good, safe drivers..... until now.
The reason for this change? In less than two weeks I will no longer be a driving instructor. I won't be the person responsible for taking 'Sean' (and many other pupils) to their driving tests. There is no dominant reason, but, for many many different reasons I applied for a different job and, this week, I learned that I had been successful in my application. In four weeks I will be a Driving Examiner....
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