Dual-Control Freak

Quite often, pupils get the opportunity to practice their driving with friends or family. I usually encourage this because every minute in a car tends to add to their confidence; they are much less likely to stall when moving off and they tend to be that much better at judging their gap at junctions (particularly at roundabouts). The downside is that ‘bad’ habits can creep in. Common examples include indicating to overtake every single parked car and not indicating before leaving a roundabout. Sometimes it is because the accompanying driver is (understandably) over-cautious.
I had a pupil, Shana, who was improving steadily and wanted to get extra driving practice in her husband’s car. In her next lesson we were approaching a roundabout, to turn right. She checked her mirrors, indicated, braked and, just at the point where we could see it was clear, she stopped. She then put it into 1st gear and turned right at the roundabout.
I was curious, “Why do we have a roundabout here, rather than a crossroads?”
“To keep the traffic flowing.” She correctly replied.
“OK, good. Could you see that it was safe to go?”
“Yes.”
“…..um, so why didn’t you?”
“Because John (her husband) told me to stop at roundabouts.”
I understood why; in John’s car there were no dual-controls, so he was obviously nervous about her coming up to a roundabout without him checking to make sure it was safe.
I remember getting extra driving practice in my Mum’s Fiat 850. If she felt that I was approaching a junction too quickly she would brace herself by pushing against the dashboard with her left hand and protect me by flinging her right arm across my chest - I’m not sure how effective that would have been in the event of an accident.
As I have said before, I try to use verbal instruction as much as possible, and only using dual-controls when I really have to. But ‘dual-control’ is a bit of a misnomer, because there are occasions when I don’t have any control over what the pupil does.
To say the weather was ‘changeable’ today would be somewhat of an understatement. Although there had been plenty of sunshine, the showers had been heavy enough to make the roads noticeably wet. As always in these conditions, I make sure the pupil knows the dangers of driving too close to the vehicle in front and emphasise the importance of scanning the road ahead to look for any possible hazards. One thing my pupil must NOT do, in these conditions, is brake harshly.
This morning my pupil was driving through Nairn and we were intending to turn left about 100m ahead. My pupil checked her mirrors and indicated in plenty of time - there was a truck behind, but he was keeping an appropriate distance. As we approached there was a car coming towards us, indicating right (to go into the same road as we wanted). I knew my pupil was aware who had priority in this situation, but I just wanted to check, “Who has priority here? Us or them?”
“We do.”
But, the very act of asking her the question put doubt in her mind and she braked sharply. If a pupil isn’t braking fast or firmly enough I can use the dual controls to brake for them. But there is nothing I can do if they brake too fast or too firmly. If I wasn’t expecting it, the truck driver behind certainly wasn’t expecting it. In my rear-view mirror II saw him react late and brake very heavily. Somehow he just managed to stop in time. I didn’t just see the whites of his eyes, I saw the reds of the veins of the whites of his eyes.
Hey ho……… It certainly livened up my day (and the truck driver’s). You don’t get that sort of excitement sitting behind a desk (I wouldn’t have thought).

Spring forward, fall back

Silly me. The weather forecast for last night and this morning was very dreich ('wet and dismal'). Yet, I awoke to sunshine and the promise of another braw ('fine or excellent' - I'll soon have you speaking like Rab C Nesbitt) day. Perusing my vast wardrobe, I decided that short sleeves were definitely required.
Three hours later and I'm regretting that decision. The sky is greyer than an accountant's wheelie-bin, the rain is getting heavier and I'm even considering turning the temperature up a wee bit. In fact, I hate to say it, but it's all feeling a bit....... autumnal.
I find the Summer/Autumn change to be the most discrete (as opposed to 'discreet'). The changes from Autumn to Winter and Spring to Summer are less perceptible. It seems that one minute we are watching The Ashes, walking dogs in daylight at 11pm, wearing short-sleeves, drinking Pimms and hoping that the weekend will be nice enough for a barbie; the next minute 'experts' are already saying that such-and-such Premiership team are doomed/odds-on for the title, the dogs are walked at 7pm, I have to decide whether to take a jacket 'just in case', the Pimms had been replaced by Laphroaig and I am more likely to cook a ghoulash than light up the barbie.
But there is one sure sign that Autumn is definitely on its way........ Strictly come dancing.
Like millions of others who shuddered at the thought of Come dancing in the Terry Wogan era, I have to confess to liking 'Strictly' (as it is compulsory to call it). I have no idea how I could have first sat there, on a Saturday evening, thinking 'this looks to be the best thing on' (at whatever time it was). I can only imagine it must have been Jane watching it and me reading, or something; but, gradually, taking note of Brucie's professionalism or Brunos' histrionics or a dancer's ineptitude, until, like millions of others, I found myself actually enjoying (rather than scoffing at) it.
I'm hoping that Phil Tufnell and Craig Kelly ('Luke' from Coronation Street) get to the final; I like 'Tuffers' (especially on TMS), and what man doesn't like Flavia Cacace (Craig Kelly's partner)? Of course, you want them to be a bit crap to start with so you can watch them improve - you can follow their 'journey' (as they insist upon saying) - no-one should be really good at the start.
So, yes, I am sort of looking forward to sitting down on a Saturday night, with a plate of ghoulash and a hefty tumbler of Laphroaig, to watch Strictly... (although I shall be disappointed that Total Wipeout will take a break). But, at the same time, I think it's a shame that, above all, Strictly... means one thing...... Summer has gone.

Record Breakers

No doubt you were enthralled and riveted with last week's account of how I have been continuously trying to improve my average mpg and had, after weeks of being just below, reached 60mpg.
Well, I must have had a particularly Eco-friendly week because, not only did I reach the elusive '60.1 mpg' summit, but yesterday I smashed through the mystical '60.2 mpg' barrier. The possibilities are incredible.... I may, one day, shatter the impossible '60.3'!!!
I AM the Usain Bolt of Eco-safe driving.

Ruby Ruby Ruby Ruby

My pupil, Ruby, took her test yesterday - her 3rd attempt.
She drives a lot better than she thinks, but lets nerves get the better of her. In her 1st test she got Fergie, an amiable examiner in Elgin, but made a bit of a mess of her Left Reverse and failed. She got Fergie again for her 2nd test. Her route included a long stretch of A-road from Elgin to Lossiemouth. This is a national speed limit (60mph) road. However, on this occasion, there was a 1/4 mile stretch where a 20mph speed limit was posted due to resurfacing. Drivers tend to speed on this long, straight road, so there was little adherance to the temporary limit. Ruby saw the 20mph limit and started slowing down, but everyone started overtaking her and keeping up to 60mph. She hesitated then brought her speed back up to about 40, thinking that perhaps the temporary limit was no longer in force - instant fail (despite the fact that she was a lot closer to the speed limit than everyone else). She knew her mistake and was kicking herself because the rest of the test was fine.
She took a couple of month's break then had a couple of lessons before her 3rd attempt. In those lessons I basically gave her directions, there was no need for any instruction. I tried to make her route as challenging as possible, but she coped easily with some really difficult situations. Even her nemesis, the Left Reverse was fine each time.
I'm not sure whether she was pleased or disappointed to get Fergie again. But even Fergie was positive this time, "Come on Ruby, let's do it this time" he urged her. So it was a big disappointment to see Fergie open the door and beckon to me at the end of her test. He gave her a serious fault for stalling too many times - she hasn't stalled at all in the last 6 months or more - and he gave her a serious fault for inadequate observation on her Turn in the road - she ALWAYS looks all around on all her manoeuvres.
So, who knows what happened. I certainly don't and I can only put it down to nerves. Her attitude is good though and she has asked me to book her 4th attempt as soon as possible. Hopefully next time she'll crack it. She deserves to, she is definitely the best driver on my books at the moment and is better than many who have passed 1st time.... she just needs to prove it.

Friends and family.

(Photo: Iain (Sid Vicious) and me (Johnny Rotten) at The Prince of Wales Feathers. New Year's Eve 2005).

Yesterday we enjoyed a visit from our friend, Iain Prior (or 'Sweetlips' as he is/was known to friends and customers). When Jane and I ran The Prince of Wales Feathers pub in Castor, Cambridgeshire we became victims of our own success and became busier than we could manage. Right on cue, Iain walked in one day and mumbled "Gi's a job" (but not so eloquently). We just wanted extra part-time staff, but he was hoping for full-time. We gave him a trial (full-time) and he quickly became a valuable asset. So much so, that, when we bought our house in Glen Urquhart and started spending more time there, we were happy to leave Iain in charge between Mondays and Thursdays while I did the weekly 1,000 mile commute between Castor and the Highlands. There were some questions over his decision-making (he supports Crystal Palace and is a Status Quo fan), but he did a good job for us and was well-liked by the pub customers.

Since leaving the pub in 2006, he has had a varied career, including, most recently, catering for Russell Crowe et al on the set of the forthcoming Robin Hood film. Other highlights of Iain's career include window cleaning (despite having no head for heights) and lorry driving (despite what terrified passengers have told him about his driving). But that is Iain's strength, he can turn his hand to anything: He learned how to make animals from balloons - He started with simple things like worms and snakes, but has now progressed to eels. He also taught himself magic - mainly to improve his chat-up lines. And his prowess as a comedian is legendary; he is always telling jokes and making people laugh..... just not at the same time.
As you may know, the Edinburgh Fringe is in full swing. Unfortunately, modern stand-up relies more on 'observational humour', rather than jokes. However, every now and then an actual joke sneaks out. The winner of The Dave (TV) Joke of the Festival went to Dan Antopolski for his line, "Hedgehogs - Why can't they just share the hedge?". Hard to imagine that was THE BEST joke of the Fringe. Some others I preferred:
Jack Whitehall - "I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."
Rhod Gilbert - "A spa hotel? It's like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble."
Adam Hills - "Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough."
And the philosopher in me liked this one,
Paddy Lennox - "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'."
Sorry Iain, not much new material for you there..... best stick to the old material (again).

Anyway, it was good to see you Iain (yes, really). Have a safe drive back and good luck with your snake-charming, stunt-piloting, spoon-bending, brain surgery, or whatever else it is you're going to do next.

Later in the evening I called my mum. Just general chit-chat really. However, she told me she had been reading this blog! I'm going to have to be very careful what I write now now: No more jokes about going to prison for sex; no more sticking two fingers up to the Head of the FBI; no more telling you what the English translation of Pajero is; no more telling you that 'this instructor called that instructor a dickhead'; no more tales of Tinas' Slippery Nipples; and no more mildly pornographic pictures. Hmmm...... I'm stuck for something to write now. You'll just have to cover your eyes Mum.

Here is the news

Good evening. Here are tonights' headlines: Politicians, it has been discovered, will say whatever they think will appeal to the most people (voters).

Understandably, there has been a massive reaction to Scottish Justice Secretary, Kenny MacAskill's decision to release Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi on compassionate grounds. When 270 people are murdered you expect extreme emotions and opinions. What puzzles me is the furore regarding Libyans waving Scottish saltires. Would the Head of the FBI (and everyone else) have been happier if the convicted bomber had, in a couple of months, died in a Scottish prison and there were television pictures of Libyans burning the Scottish Saltire instead?

The reason I was reluctant to post this is because, like religion, I believe everyone is entitled to their own political views and who am I to say Mr. Head of the F.. B.. I, for example, is wrong with his populist knee-jerk reaction? (With my new-found keyboard bravery I am jeering at the FBI and flicking two fingers à la Rik from The Young Ones). I just felt that no-one in the media have been asking obvious questions.

There is more disappointing news with British banks: An ATM manufacturer has introduced a new language to the user options on some London cash machines - Cockney Rhyming Slang (No, I am NOT making this up). Customers will be asked to enter their 'Huckleberry Finn' (PIN) and given the option of withdrawing a 'Speckled Hen' (£10). Could it get any more ridiculous? (Honestly, this is real! -

Go to http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6077110/Cockney-rhyming-slang-introduced-in-bank-machines.html if you don't believe me). Cockney Rhyming Slang must be the most pointless and pretentious thing ever (apart from Simon Cowell).

And finally..... Congratulations to Andrew Strauss and his team on a surprising, but magnificent Ashes victory. When you think back to the 1st Test at Cardiff and how Anderson and Panesar hung on for almost an hour to earn an unlikely draw - It could so easily have been a very different result.

If you don't get Test Cricket, there is still hope for you; Lily Allen recently became a convert and spent much of her festival-filled Summer trying to keep up with Englands' exploits with the willow and leather (that's 'bat and ball', not some new perversion). On the face of it, Cricket does look like an excuse for 13 men (plus umpires) to stand out in the sun (hopefully), spend a few seconds each minute facing each other, maybe run about for another few seconds and then have a well-earned rest for Lunch, Tea and Elevenses with the other 9 men. And then repeat the process for the next four days. But, when you actually watch it, you see there is so much to the game. Watch how a bowler gradually lures a batsman to play a misjudged stroke into the hands of a fielder, or how a batsman will doggedly defend 90+ mph missiles before swatting one to the boundary from within inches of his face, or (especially with Test Cricket) how the Captain and bowlers will move their fielders around like a Grandmaster positions his chess pieces.

Because I have (so far) refused to give in and sign up to Sky, I have been denied live television coverage of this series. Radio 5live has done its best, but updates at 15 minute intervals is not enough. However, when I have been able to listen to Test Match Special on Radio 5 Sports Extra on my digital radio at home or via the internet on my laptop between lessons, the tension has almost been as great as actually being there. Even the moment when Freddie Flintoff scooped up the ball and, with a sniper's accuracy, scattered Ricky Pontings' stumps was vivid in my mind before I saw the television highlights later in the day.

Hard to say who deserved 'Man of the Series'; If you compare with the 2005 Test Series, there was no-one with the out-and-out brilliance of Shane Warne, or the superhuman heroics of Andrew Flintoff, but I think that, although he made some puzzling tactical decisions, Ricky Ponting's overall performance (and conduct) was superb. I considered giving Andrew Strauss my vote until I saw that it took both hands for him to lift that ridiculous little trophy.... wimp.

Bringing some colour(s) to your life

I confess to pinching this from the 'Diary of an ADI' website (mentioned a couple of posts ago). Obviously you can see pink, orange, blue and green stripes. Or can you?

















The 'green' and 'blue' stripes are actually the same colour (look closely).

Martin gets a bit peeved.

Have just been perusing the BSM Instructor forum while waiting for MOTD to start. After an initial burst of favourable posts re. the Fiat 500, the general mood seems to have returned to sulking and stamping of feet.

Much of the pouting and petulance is along the lines of 'How will my poor little pupils cope with the change from the Corsa/Astra?' This conveniently forgets that many pupils get practice between lessons in family or friends' cars which range from wee Renault Twingos to people carriers and 4x4 Pick-Up trucks. Get over it! I thought we are supposed to be Driving Instructors, instructing people in driving. If your pupils really can't cope with maybe slightly different controls, biting point and handling I think you should ask yourself if you are in the right profession.

As I have previously said, I think the Driving Test is so much tougher than it used to be. Driving is an important life skill; this skill could literally make the difference between life and death. So, quite rightly, the test should be tough. People are still killing themselves (and others) on the road so it is my job to try and make each pupil a safe, controlled driver. Similarly, it is the examiner's job to assess whether they are safe and in control; hence my surprise when, yesterday, the examiner passed Scott and then suggested he take more lessons!

Early this year I was at Inverness Test Centre, teaching a pupil how to reverse into a parking bay. It was a Saturday morning and there was one other car in the car park. As it was nearly 11.30am I was fully aware that, if there was anyone on a 10.44am test, they would soon be returning. As it happened, there was a test returning, so I got my pupil to secure the car and switch off the engine while the test was finishing. Once test had finished and the examiner had left the car my pupil did one more practice at the bay park and we drove off. Ten minutes later I got a call from BSM saying that Inverness Test Centre had called, complaining about me using the TC car park to practice whilst a test was being conducted. I was incensed at this! Firstly, we were completely stationary (in a bay) during the whole time the test was being completed. Also, if someone is at the level where they feel ready to take their test, they surely should be able to deal with two cars in a car park?!

Last year, the Senior Examiner at Inverness politely asked instructors not to use the TC car park for practicing whenever tests were being conducted. This is because, during the week, the car park is usually busy and bay park practice could cause delays. Fair enough. BUT.... if a test candidate gets all the way around a test route without commiting a serious fault then, at the end of the test, they are unable to deal with other cars in a car park, they are NOT GOOD ENOUGH to pass their test, surely?

So, to all those instructors who have to suffer the outrage of your pupil having to cope with a different car, it could be a lot worse, your pupils might have to cope with (gasp) PARKED CARS!!!

.

What do you think of the pretty pictures. I'm not too sure about the white, but I think the black looks great.

Advanced Spanish

An early start this morning. Scott had an 8.40am test (his 3rd attempt) in Inverness. Because he had an hour lesson beforehand I had to set off for work at 6.45. Yes, I know that many of you probably have to get up for work before you even go to bed, but I am NOT a morning person.
Scott's lessons started promisingly back in March, he picked up the basics very quickly (or so I thought). He was intending to move to Canada in the Summer, so, with hindsight, we probably rushed into the first test before he was completely ready. I was rather confident about his 2nd attempt, but he cut across a lane whilst going ahead at a roundabout and failed.
Funnily enough, I was less confident this time; he has not had as many 'refresher' lessons since his last test as I would have liked and was having to think too much about his driving, i.e it wasn't natural to him. Also, Scott now had a definite date for his move to Canada so there was increased pressure because, if he failed, he would not have time to book a 4th test.
As I have previously mentioned, when the pupil drives back in to the Test Centre, the last thing I want to see is the examiner opening his door and gesturing for me to listen to his debrief - it means he wants me to hear what went wrong. 45 minutes after the start of his test, Scott drove back into the TC. He very carefully brought the car to a stop and I waited. Just as I was thinking that everything was ok the examiner swung opened his door and gestured to me :(
"Well....." the examiner began, "I'm pleased to tell you that you have passed...."
I could feel a 'but' coming.
"BUT,"
Told you.
".... I just feel that your driving was 'borderline' and I recommend you continue with your lessons, or take the Pass Plus course."
I thanked the examiner (as I always do - it is not in my interest to be anything less than polite to the examiners) and congratulated Scott. By the time I had dropped him off home I wasn't convinced that it had really sunk in that he had passed - his fingers were shaking when he lit up his post-test cigarette. Anyway, well done Scott and all the best for your new life in Canada.

So that was a new one for me. Personally, I think that, if the examiner thinks he isn't good enough to be let loose on the road, he should fail him. Scott incurred 8 minor faults (you are allowed 15), but anything the examiner considered to be unsafe should have warranted a serious fault and, therefore, a fail. Scott's a sensible chap; he told me that, before he flies off, he would go out a few times with his mum in the car. I also stressed to him that passing the test was just the minimum qualification required to drive on the road and that he should always look to improve his driving.... Not advice that I followed for the first twenty years of my driving, I'll readily admit.

In the hour's lesson before his test, a woman, in an obvious hurry was right up Scott's backside. I always teach my pupils the importance of making progress, keeping up with the flow of traffic, so as not to hold up other road users. It was a 40mph road and Scott was bang on 40. The flow of traffic coming in the other direction meant that there was no way she could overtake us, but she insisted on driving within a few metres of our car. I had planned to take a left turn a mile ahead, so I just told Scott not to worry about her, but to scan the road ahead and look for anything that might cause him to brake - we didn't want to have to brake harshly. As the left turn approached Scott checked his mirrors and indicated with perfect timing. He then braked progressively, changed to 2nd gear and executed a perfect turn but the woman only just missed us.
Part of my initial inspiration for this blog was that of another instructor (http://www.diaryofanadi.com/). On his website he has 'Roll of shame', in which he names and shames any driver that drives dangerously or stupidly. Personally, I can't really be bothered to take details of every 'bad' driver I come across, but you should certainly look out for, and avoid, the lady in a gold coloured Mitsubishi Pajero (registration number: K942XFF ). As a brief aside, do you know what 'Pajero' means? To find the answer try http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pajero or http://chameleon-translations.com/Index-Companies-pajero.shtml. You learn something every day!

A bit of a trek (about 45 miles) to Lossiemouth, after Scott's test, for my next lesson with Caroline. After 4 prior hours dealing with Lossie's hillside junctions, today I pushed Caroline out of the nest and into the big wide world of Elgin's roundabouts and 60mph roads. I think she held her breath for the whole two hours, but did really well and made a dramatic improvement.

I then had a couple of hours gap before my next lesson, so I sat overlooking Lossie's beach, typing this blog, enjoying a bacon roll from Smillies bakers and making the most of the clear blue sky.

Just when I thought the day could not get any better, my journey to my next pupil, Verity, coincided with Radio 5live's coverage of Stuart Broad's rampage through the Australian batting order in the decisive 5th Test at The Oval. Too early to celebrate a victory yet, but it's hard to believe that even England could cock it up now.

Saving the planet

Earlier this year the DSA added an extra category to the list of faults that may be marked in a Driving Test: Eco-safe driving. Consequently, BSM added an extra couple of pages to the 'Track Record' (a driving handbook we give to each pupil).

Initially people were sceptical. Comments typically described the move as jumping on the bandwagon in an attempt to appear modern and trendy. However, I think it is a welcome move. It is how I have always taught pupils to drive anyway, and much of it is common sense, but there is food for thought. Much of it involves looking (and reacting) earlier to what is happening ahead; if you see traffic slowing, or red lights, then why accelerate up to them then brake? Why not ease of the accelerator earlier? Use the highest possible gear that does not cause the car to struggle and, when accelerating downhill, block change gears (skip a gear, e.g 1st to 3rd, 2nd to 4th or 3rd to 5th). There is much more, but I'm a professional and you will have to pay me for further information.

Those of you who have previous experience of my driving (before I trained to become an instructor) will be gasping with incredulity that I should say such things. Regardless of what car I had, the accelerator was either 'on' or 'off'. Why do 60mph when 90mph (or more) was possible? Of course, back then I was maybe driving 8000 - 12000 miles per annum; now I cover 50,000 - 60,000 miles and that is a LOT of fuel.
Obviously it has been in my interest to change my style of driving; mainly so that I may become a better instructor, but also to save me money. When I first starting training to become an instructor I would fly over to Aberdeen in my 2.0 litre, 24 valve V6 Mazda GXi, overtaking everything in my way and leaving my poor engine smelling rather hot. I would then spend the day driving a BSM Astra in a completely different style - confident, but considerate and careful. Then I would jump back in my beloved Mazda and race back home. With time, it became apparent that, if I wanted my pupils to drive a certain way, I would have to drive that way myself... all the time. If not, then I would not be so good at spotting my pupils' mistakes.
When I first started back with BSM I was given a 1.3 diesel Corsa with about 3,000 miles on the clock. The car's computer said that, at that time, the average fuel consumption for the car(since new) was 53.4 mpg. By teaching Eco-safe driving I was able to continually improve the average mpg until, by the time the car was replaced, after 14,500 miles, I had got the average up to 57.4mpg.
The new car had only 18 miles on the clock and, again, I tried to keep improving the average fuel consumption. Of course, the more miles the car covers, the slower the rate of improvement. During the first week I managed to improve the average from an initial (showroom) 31.0mpg to 54.4 mpg. By the 2nd week it was up to 56.7, the 3rd week 58.0. A couple of weeks ago it reached 59.9mpg and I thought it had peaked there. Once or twice it dipped back down to 59.8 before returning to 59.9, but it looked as though I would never quite make the elusive 60mpg.
(Stop yawning! This is important to me.)
Yesterday, as I drove from home to my first lesson, I reached the magical 60 ('magical' in an extremely loose sense of the word). So far, despite lots of fuel-heavy driving, such as manoeuvres and hill-starts, it remains on 60.0.
We are still unsure whether we will be getting the 1.2 petrol Fiat 500 to start with, or whether we can immediately upgrade to the 1.3 diesel. Whichever model it is, I will be continuing to perfect my Eco-driving. I have calculated that the difference between the 53.4 mpg I started with, and the 60.0mpg I now attain, is a saving of £3,702 per annum for me.
When you think of it like that, do you still think 'jumping on the bandwagon' to help save the planet doesn't pay?

Gotcha!

You may have read my earlier post about certain instructors not acknowledging other instructors. This morning Scott was on his last lesson before his Test on Friday when I saw 'the miserable instructor' heading towards us. As always, I waved and smiled. He actually lifted his hand! Only as far as his chest. Then he quickly put it down again, fearing that he might be mistaken for a reasonable human being.

The acceptance of modern metrosexuals

A postscript to my decorating/grooming blog:
I was giving Erin a driving lesson yesterday. We had a 20 minute drive to Inverness, so we chat about stuff.
"A good weekend" I enquire,
"Yes... I went to the (Highland) games in Nairn.............. How was your weekend?" Erin replied.
(Casually) "Pretty good. I worked Saturday then my wife gave me a manicure."
She didn't bat an eyelid, "Oh, that's nice".

Depths of depression

Not the best start to a season, so I needed a quick fix of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWlsWbPhS3M

The difficulties of being a modern metrosexual

A different weekend for me. If I asked friends or family to describe me, two adjectives that would unlikely to crop up are 'practical' and 'groomed'.

My family tend to roll their eyes whenever my wife, Jane, tells them that I am putting a shelf up or changing a fuse (it's just an example, she doesn't really tell them each time I change a fuse) - they have memories of me struggling with such tasks. You cannot begin to imagine how they shrank in horror when Jane told them I had bought a chainsaw and was clearing trees at the back of our old house in Glen Urquhart. As they saying goes, if you want something doing properly, pay someone who is better qualified to do it... well that's my version of the saying.

And grooming? Why? How can I improve upon perfection? Will moisturising really make me live longer? Feel healthier? Earn more? OK, some of my pupils may look at me strangely when, on some days, my eyebrows protrude at ninety degrees to my face, or I have a 'pillow-ridge' in my hair. But, as long as my appearance does not cause them to crash, does it matter?

Much to the dismay of Jane, Rachel and Anna, my 'beauty regime' is as follows:

Daily: Shower, shave, clean teeth (x2).

Monthly: Let Jane give me a No.2 crop, although I will stand out in the garden and do it myself if it is a nice day (saves vacuuming).

Simple! No need for combs, conditioners or cleansers! And, no need for mirrors either - what are waste of time they are. In fact, if I do try to use a mirror to shave or cut my hair it can go horribly wrong. I remember my 18th birthday: I was invited to the wedding of Alison's brother so I thought I would use a mirror to make sure I got a really thorough shave. What a mess! I still had bits of tissue soaking up the blood as we were in the car on the way to the church.

Actually, I'm not a total troglodyte: I have been known to let Jane attack my brows with tweezers when they get too long for her to stand. And I have had my legs waxed on a couple of ('anaesthetised') occasions..... for charidee, mate.

So, with a bit of background now, you may be able to understand why (as I said at the start) this has been a different weekend for me. Not only have I been doing something manly and practical as decorating the kitchen, but I have also done something very un-manly, but well-groomed.... I had a manicure.

I know I'm supposed to use scissors, or clippers, but when my nails get within 3mm of the tips of my fingers I simply tear the tip of the nail off. Sometimes it goes wrong, but there is rarely much blood. Now Jane used to be trained in acrylic nails. Since we sold our pub in Cambridgeshire she has missed the freedom of being her own boss, so she has decided to retrain to do sculptured acrylic nails. She even has a fake hand clamped to her workstation so that she can practice (at least, I think it's fake). Anyway, she has been asking me to grow my nails so that she could give me a manicure as part of her practice. So, Saturday evening, we are watching Total Wipeout (I would LOVE to have a go on that programme) while Jane gives me a manicure and I am hoping that our neighbours don't happen to look through our window. Consequently, my nails now look perfectly rounded, trimmed and polished, with no ridges (or clotted blood).

The next day was set aside for decorating. My decorating used to be a running joke - I would always end up with more paint on me than on the wall. These days it's a different story, there is definitely less paint on me than the wall - I measured the areas. We weren't too sure about the colour. Our kitchen used to be nice and sunny, but now it looks a bit serene and cool. Actually, it has now grown on me and I quite like it, so all that manly effort was worthwhile.... even if it did play havoc with my nails.

Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough

I forgot to tell you, I finally joined the establishment a couple of weeks back; I wrote a letter to The Times. Well, when I say 'wrote a letter', it was more that I posted a comment on The Times website. The article http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/michael_gove/article6729561.ece) was poor enough, but it was really another comment that I was replying to.

I always wondered who could be bothered to write to the BBC (or The Times or whoever) saying things like "Fiona Bruce is dumbing down The Antiques Roadshow", or "The Chieftain Mk IV was the tank used at that battle, but the programme showed a Chieftain that was CLEARLY a Mk V !". Then, after posting my comment on The Times website, I realised it was people like me! Why bother? Why go to such efforts for such little (if any) reward? The answer - "Keyboard bravery".

The discussions on the BSM Instructor forum have been getting a tad heated at times recently. On one current thread this week one instructor called another a 'dickhead', triggering splutterings of shock and comments about being 'unprofessional'. 'Handbags' was the word that sprang to my mind, but I did like one comment - someone described the insult as 'keyboard bravery'. The implication being that the insultor would not have had the guts to call the insultee a 'dickhead' to his face, but was brave enough to do so from the safety of his keyboard.

Now, while I am far from bring 'Angry of Mayfair', typing from the safety of my laptop does give me the opportunity to be a bit more forthright than 'Mild-mannered Martin of Middlesex'.

Genius

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdQ9jh5GvQ8

Don't let me near your car!

Many BSM instructors in the Greater London area have had their Vauxhall replaced by the Fiat 500 this week - No news yet on when I get mine. As a lazy way to add a post to this blog, here are some inital comments from instructors on the BSM instructor forum:

"Picked up my car this morning, and had an experienced pupil on a two hour lesson at mid-day. Must say that pupil loved driving it. The car is very responsive, gear changes are a pleasure and no real issues between it and the Corsa 1.2 petrol. My pupil has four more lessons before test and she is more than happy. Leg room on the driver's side is fine, but I did find that it is a bit more squashed to use the dual controls than on the corsa and I am only 5ft 5inches. Didn't feel too close to pupil. Cannont see the speedo, but I am using that to get the pupil to take more responsibility for their own speed. Reaction from other ADIs that we passed on the road was interesting - from doubletakes, looks of surprise and waving!!!! So far so good." Debbie Thornton, Putney.

"Picked up my new car at 7 this morning. ....I LOVE IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..................." James Jesshope, Basingstoke.

" As a former Astra driver, I must say I am impressed!!! Didn't think I would be saying that!!! Drives really nicely and there is alot of room in the front!! Although having said that I don't think one of my larger pupils is going to fit!!! Boot space slightly larger than I thought. Alot of gadgets to get used to!! Haven't got a lesson today, but I think the pupils will like it! Sat in one with another instructor and was also impressed with the space between driver and passenger. On the down side, there doesn't seem to be a seatbelt adjustment, so seatbelt was digging into my neck a little!! Ok we know some of the other problems but reserve judgement until you have driven one. Don't get me wrong I would much rather still be driving the Astra, but at the moment we have not choice, so going to try and be more positive now that I have actually driven one!!!" - Karina Botting, Crawley.

"I liked it. Our Centre Manager, Eddie, picked up his Duologic Fiat 500 the other day and let me have a go. It really handled nicely and had enough oomph. I thought the visibility was good and ther was probably more room in the front than in the Corsa. I didn't understand the automatic gearbox though; it changed down ok, but I had to change up manually." Me, Inverness.

"You broke my Noddy car!" Eddie, Inverness.

"What do you mean?" Me, Inverness.

"It won't change up anymore, I have to change gear automatically." Eddie, Inverness.

"I know, I told you that." Me, Inverness.

"Yes, but it was fine before you drove it." Eddie, Inverness.

"Oops." Me, Inverness.

Say hello, wave goodbye

BSM used to be owned by the RAC, which in turn is owned by Aviva (formerly Norwich Union).... Are you following me so far? The orange L-plate 'roof hat' on my car roof says 'BSM, part of the RAC' and I have a short-sleeved shirt with the same logo on the breast. Earlier this year, however, Aviva sold BSM (but not RAC) to a German company, Arques.

The other day I wrote about driving instructors acknowledging each other with a wave as they passed. Well, the same was true with the RAC; whenever I passed one of their vans the driver would raise his hand (as a friendly gesture, not as a Nazi salute you understand) and I would reciprocate. 'A bit gay' as some people I know might say, but it's 'nice to be nice' as other people I know might say. Anyway, I have noticed that, increasingly, RAC drivers no longer acknowledge me (I presume they don't acknowledge all BSM instructors rather than being something personal against me). Perhaps they feel that, now that BSM is no longer part of the same company, there is no longer a connection; and there is logic in that. The trouble is, some of their drivers DO still raise their hand. This means that as I see a RAC van approaching I don't know whether to acknowledge them or not. What a dilemma!

This morning I was driving away from Elgin (Lucy had just passed her test, first time. Well done Lucy). A RAC van came around the corner and the driver waved.... I didn't wave back!!! For the next few minutes I was wracked with guilt. Whatever must he have thought of me?! He probably thought 'miserable bloody BSM instructor - just because they are no longer part of RAC they think they are above acknowledging me'!!!

I am interested to know how some of you would tackle this tricky matter of etiquette. Should I just wave at every orange van that passes? Or maybe, when I see a RAC van I should pretend to be looking at something very important on the left side of the car.... Do Agony Aunts answer such questions, or would they prefer to concentrate on more tittilating teasers?

I know! I'll get some Tippex (other Correction Fluids are available) and, on my roof hat, I'll write ",NO LONGER" between 'BSM' and 'part of the RAC'. That'll put an end to the confusion.

Something to fuddle your mind first thing in the morning

http://www.friends.hosted.pl/redrim/Reading_Test.jpg

The Big Bad Nasty Men at the Test Centre.

A common comment I hear from pupils nearing their test is "I've heard that the lady examiner/the examiner with glasses/the tall examiner (etc) is horrible and really strict". My reply is 'did you hear that from someone who failed their test?' If you pass your test you're not going to be telling friends how unfair the examiner was.

In October 2010 it will, apparently, become compulsory for instructors to sit in the back of the car during the test. Many instructors are against this because it 'infringes on their rights'. What twaddle. The instructor is paid for that time regardless of whether they accompany the test or whether they spend the hour at the test centre doing whatever is 'their right'! At present, if a pupil wants me to sit in the back I'll sit in the back, if they think it will put them off I stay at the TC. If they are not fussy either way I'll sit in the back if I'm not completely confident in them.

Last Tuesday Kimberley asked me to sit in on her test - she said I would be 'a calming influence'(!). She had a lot of lessons earlier in the year but, as the money dried up so did the lessons. However, she passed a mock test quite comfortably and I was happy that she was good enough to pass her test.

Off we went, out of the TC, down to the notorious Inshes (spiral) roundabout, turning right to access the A9. So far, so good. Good awareness, good control.... keep it up Kimberley. There is a long stretch of A9 down to the Kessock Bridge roundabout (another spiral). In plenty of time, the examiner asks Kimberley to turn right (3rd exit) at the roundabout. I can see that there is a long queue (maybe 800m) in the right lane. Kimberley needs to start checking her rear and right mirrors, indicating, and moving out to the right lane to join the queue...... but she doesn't. By the time she has realised her mistake she is still in the left lane with a queue of barely-moving traffic on her right. Although she slows down, she is still not indicating right and we are running out of road before the roundabout. Kimberley is starting to look rather anxious, the examiner is spinning his head and I am squirming as discreetly as possible. Finally, she indicates right and manages to nip in to a gap someone had kindly left for her. Too late though; this will be marked as a Serious Fault - Awareness/Planning.
Sometimes pupils are so nervous that they hear the examiner say 'turn left' and the pupil indicates right. It doesn't matter. As long as their car does exactly what they have indicated they are going to do then they are fine. When Cameron took his first test the examiner asked him to 'follow the road ahead (at a roundabout), taking the 2nd exit'. Something in Cameron's head translated this as 'turn right'! So indicated right and turned right - no fault. The examiner simply adjusted the route to get Cameron back on track (geographically at least).
So.... Kimberley is now approaching the roundabout, where the examiner has asked her to turn right. She has checked her mirrors, she is indicating right, she has slowed to a nice speed, in the correct gear, she has seen a gap into which she lightly accelerates, then she turns right...... round the roundabout, passing the 3rd exit, and back up the A9 heading in the opposite direction!
My bafflement at Kimberley doing this is over-ridden by my curiosity as to what the examiner will do now. Kimberley indicated right and turned right, so no fault, but the examiner now knows that there is quite a long drive ahead before he can even think about getting Kimberley back on course. Worse still, the examiner is from a different area, covering holiday leave, so I'm not even sure he knows where to go if the pupil does go off route.
Therefore I had great admiration for the examiner when he managed to direct Kimberley off the A9 - by now we are almost back at the TC - and, rather than put her through a repeat of the whole A9/roundabout experience again, he simply directed her off on a completely different test route.
As Kimberley knows, it wasn't her finest hour; I have already said that she picked up a serious fault for Awareness/Planning, thereby resulting in a fail. She went on to make further mistakes, but I was impressed with how patient and friendly the examiner was. Even at the end of the test, when he briefed her on her faults, he did not belittle her and, instead, suggested a couple of things she could do to improve.
So the next time you hear about some ogre of an examiner, don't believe a word. As one of the examiners in Elgin is fond of saying, 'he won't fail you, you can only fail yourself'. Sounds a bit corny and cliched, but it's true.

I love the way you muse

I was very pleased, yesterday, to receive a comment on Facebook from my friend, Helen, saying that she had read and enjoyed my infant blog.

Helen and I became good friends at Cedars Upper School, Linslade, Bedfordshire. We were part of a group of friends that included Alison and Ian ('Bearde'). I can't really remember how it started, but Helen, Alison and I regularly exchanged letters. Sometimes these were just notes, but others were multipage epics. Who knows what we managed to fill those letters with, but when you're 14 -18 years old even the most seemingly insignificant event could take on life-changing significance. Helen and Alison were my muses - more in manner of Thalia than Erato though.

It was nice to be reminded of those times and, coincidentally, it was on the day I was reading about how the film director, Pedro Almodovar, is inspired by his 'muse', the actress Penelope Cruz. Penelope Cruz?....Yeah.... I can understand that. But she's not exactly in Helen or Alison's league is she?

Just smile

I consider that I've been quite lucky with my career so far. I have never had a single job where I dreaded going in to work. Without doubt, I have had one or two jobs where I thought the boss was a complete tosspot, but there has always been something about each job which made me want to go in each day (and it was never the money).
As I am sure I have already said (and sorry to bore you if that is the case), but I absolutely love this job: The pupils, the freedom to choose my own hours, the variety, the challenges and, most of all, the satisfaction from seeing my pupils improve - whether it is when they pass their test, or maybe just when they struggle at, say, roundabouts, but they reach that point where it 'clicks' and they no longer fear them.
The one aspect the job lacks is camaraderie with colleagues. Having spent many years working in environments where 'the customer is always right', it was always reassuring to have workmates to chat with and swap tales of how, in fact, the customer is usually wrong.... and stupid.... and ignorant..... and rude.

Actually, to be fair, that is one of the benefits of being with BSM; we have an office/shop in Inverness where the instructors (and pupils) can go, arrange their diaries, discuss how best to tackle particular junctions etc, have a coffee, book tests, or just chat. Additionally, there is also a BSM internet forum where instructors and head office staff can post their views and discuss all aspects of the industry.
That aside, there is little interaction with other instructors. The only time when I might get to meet instructors from other schools, or independent instructors, is when we are at the test centre, waiting for anxiously for our pupils to return from their tests. Generally the conversation is fairly banal, but it is always good-natured and supportive. Because there seems to be plenty of work to go around, there is no competetiveness and, also, there is (usually) mutual respect.
That relationship between instructors is also apparent on the roads. We tend to acknowledge each other with a wave whenever we pass and we try to ensure that our own pupils are fully aware that the learner driver in the car in front of them may be less confident/competent than themselves. Of course, there are often times when I am so busy watching ensuring that my pupil is negotiating a particular junction/road/traffic light correctly that acknowledging another instructor is far down my list of priorities.
Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule.
There are two or three instructors (independents) who NEVER wave, nod or show the slightest gesture of acknowledgement. Even my pupils observe this, "He's miserable - he never waves" was a comment from one of my pupils yesterday, referring to another instructor who had just passed us. This morning I was driving into Inverness: A beautiful, sunny morning; hardly any traffic; the Moray Firth on my right is as still as a millpond and glistening in the morning sun; A few fluffy clouds float above the mountains to the west; 'Foxbase Alpha' by Saint Etienne is playing loudly on my CD player. What a glorious way to start the day - I almost started singing. I saw the 'miserable' instructor heading towards me - a straight bit of road and no pupil to concentrate on - I gave him a big, obvious wave.... nothing.

Of course, I have two options: I could just agree with my pupil and ignore him in future. But I won't do this. I shall keep waving and smiling at him. One day I might even get a smile back.

If you've got it flaunt it

You must have heard people jokingly advise leaners to wear short skirts on their driving test; now my family know how I managed to pass first time (The are plenty of you who might actually be wondering whether I am joking about that!). Well, of course, it is a ludicrous myth. Other myths include adjusting your mirrors so that you have turn your head to check them. The examiners are professionals and trained to watch everything you do, so they will see even the most fleeting mirror check. And it would make no difference whether your wore a skimpy bikini or a spacesuit. Or so I thought........
As I have previously mentioned, I took Staci for her test on Wednesday. A lovely, good-natured girl and a good, competent driver. For her test, how can I put this...... she was wearing a plunging neckline (and, no, the photo is not of Staci).
As I have also mentioned (albeit very briefly), she passed. As I got back in the car after the test I congratulated her and asked her how it went. She seemed a little shocked.
"I was convinced I failed."
"Well you obviously didn't. What made you think that?"
"I bumped the curb when I was doing the turn in the road."
"Well, as long as you were in control of the car and only just nudged the curb, then it could be viewed as a slight misjudgement rather than a loss of control."
"Yes, but I stalled when I was turning right at a T-junction."
"OK. Everyone stalls." (I kept quiet about the fact that I stalled 3 times in my test) "As long as you secured the car, got started again and moved off promptly without inconveniencing other road users."
"It was clear when I started to pull away, but by the time I stalled and got started again there were several cars waiting for me."
"Um..... I imagine the examiner must have been impressed at how you reacted to the situation." (Clutching at straws now)
Staci continued, "And then, when we were heading back to the Test Centre, I turned off Inshes roundabout and forgot to cancel my signal....."
"But you did cancel it?"
"No. After we had gone past the pedestrian crossing he leaned across and cancelled it himself!"
I always thought that, if the examiner has to intervene in any way (for example, has to use the dual brake) then that is a serious fault - you live and learn.
"Well he must have liked you then. I imagine, by that stage of the test, you must have demonstrated to his satisfaction that you are a competent and safe driver so he thought it was unfair to fail you for such a silly wee thing like leaving your indicator on." Was all I could offer as a way of explanation.

Last Tuesday Iain failed his test. The SAME examiner had asked him to stop in a suitable place. He checked his mirrors and signalled left. Once stopped he forgot to cancel his signal, so when the examiner asked him to drive on, his left indicator was still running when he moved off. On that occasion the examiner did not lean across and flick the indicator off; he gave Iain a serious fault.

There was some consistency this morning, however: Darren had his first attempt at the test. I was quite confident about Darren; he seemed to have a natural instinct for driving and awareness from the start. Like everyone (apart from liars), he was nervous as we sat waiting for the examiner. Unusually, for the 4th time this week, we got the same examiner. Happily he passed with 7 minor faults, 3 of which were for stalling. I commented on this, saying that 'it was unusual for him to stall once, let alone three times!'. "I was really nervous. I thought I had failed when I stalled in the middle of a mini-roundabout, but I secured the car, started it and moved off, and the examiner praised me for how I dealt with the situation."
This, when you think about it, is common sense. Even experienced drivers stall, but the examiner was obviously happy with the way that Darren (and Staci) dealt with a tense situation. I remain surprised about the indicator 'incident' though.

I suppose, when I think about it, Darren's polo shirt did have a slightly plunging neckline.

Death's a bitch

Apparently, life's a bitch. It is hard to disagree with that statement when bankers are awarding themselves bonuses in the hundreds of thousands of pounds while millions hopelessly search for minimum wage employment, suicide bombers are indiscriminately murdering innocent children, and politicians (elected by you) have no conscience when it comes to spending the tax on your EARNED income on the most ridiculous items.


Robert Newman is my wife's step-dad. He is the most dependable person you could ever hope to meet - If anything needs doing, Robert can and will do it. He thinks the world of his family and, I'm sure, would kill for them if pushed. Although he is 76, you would never guess that he was beyond his mid-sixties. He loves walking on Nairn beach, thinks nothing of rolling up his sleeves and tackling his granddaughter's garden, and even keeps pace with his 8 year-old great-grandson, Jordan.

At least, that used to be true until about 5-6 weeks ago.
Jane and I invited Maggie (Jane's mum) and Robert round for Sunday lunch on Father's Day. Very unusually, they declined because Robert wasn't feeling his best and had no appetite. This was just NOT like Robert.
When someone isn't feeling their best you know that, after a few days, they'll be fine. This didn't happen. Because we all thought of Robert as being fit and strong enough to laugh in the face of a silly little bug we thought little of it. So, it began to be a little of concern when, a week later, Robert still wasn't 'himself'. A visit to the doctor suggested that there was nothing to worry about - it would clear up. It was only, after another week, when his family persuaded him to go to the hospital for tests, that we learned that 'the bug' was cancer.
Isn't that a horrible word. Possibly the only thing worse than being told that you have cancer is being told that a loved one has cancer. I collapse internally when I think of Maggie (or Jane, or his granddaughters, Rachel and Anna, or his great-grandchildren, Jordan, Carmen and Charlie) sitting by his bed, looking into his eyes, trying desperately not to betray the fact that they know they are going to lose this man they love.
Robert always had hope. During the first week in hospital the doctors talked of removing the cancerous kidney and expecting the tumours in the lung and liver to remain benign. Despite the obvious risks of such surgery, Robert was keen that this was what should be done - he just wanted this evil disease out of his body as soon as possible. Just a few days later he was told that surgery was no longer 'appropriate'. Don't get me wrong; don't misread my thoughts and think for one minute that I felt the doctors were not doing enough. The doctors, nurses and all the staff from Raigmore hospital, plus the people from Macmillan Nurses were all wonderful and did everything they possibly could: Not just for Robert, but for Maggie and Jane too.
Only one more week later Maggie and Jane were told, last Tuesday, that they could come and visit Robert at any hour of the day because "it could be any time". They spent most of the day with him. They wanted to thank him for everything. They wanted to say 'goodbye'. But they knew that those words would break his heart.
Wednesday morning, the 29th July 2009, Jane got the call from the nurse saying that Robert had passed away. It was a beautiful, sunny day in the Highlands. No-one should die on such a lovely day.
Today, only seven days later, it is another perfect day. I am parked at the crematorium, wincing when a tear threatens to leak out. I am here early after I just took Staci for her driving test (she passed). I have my duties: I have to fold the cards that have the Order of Service on them and I have to make sure the crematorium knows which CD tracks to play (after Maggie, Jane and I spent a painful few hours trying to choose the music last Sunday). But, as Charles ("Buddy") Hardin Holley said, it doesn't matter anymore.
Robert, thanks for everything. Rest in peace.

Life may indeed be a bitch, but it is better than the alternative. As Terry Hall said, 'Enjoy yourself.... it's later than you think'.

Test update

Crack open the champagne. No reason, it's just a nice drink. Actually, you can celebrate Cameron passing his test. I promised Cameron I would update this.
I didn't mention it earlier, but, at the start of his test, he stalled just as he drove away from the TC (Test Centre for those not versed in Instructor jargon) - not a good start. As nerves unexpectedly got the better of him in the first test I started fearing the worst when I saw the stall. The test usually lasts 35 - 45 minutes, so my mild anxiety was becoming less mild when he still hadn't returned after 50 minutes.
After 53 minutes (there had been some traffic - unheard of in Inverness!), he returned to the TC and I waited expectantly outside. What, as an instructor, I don't want to see is the examiner looking towards me and opening his door; that almost always means that he/she wants me to hear why they have failed. Although, with Inverness being the warmest place in Britain today (a very pleasant 26 degrees C), it could have just meant the examiner wanted to cool down.
Of course, having ruined the suspense in the opening paragraph, you already know that he passed. He did so with 7 minor faults (15 is the maximum allowed), which is obviously good enough; but, if he had been a bit more careful with his handbrake (FOUR faults for not putting the handbrake all the way down!) he would have had an excellent 3 faults. Cameron!
Anyway, well done Cameron. You worked hard and learned quickly. All the best in Perth, although I know you'll be very tearful to say 'goodbye' to The Newton Hotel. Just continue driving the way you do and take care on the roads (especially when you are anywhere near me).

Another day, another test

9 days gone in my incursion into bloggology (or whatever it's called) and already I am slacking! Not a sniff of a blogg since Thursday (not that I recommend sniffing bloggs).
When I first encountered Twitter (and Facebook) I thought "Where do they find the time (to post all that stuff)?! Of course, I now see it only takes a few seconds to toss off a little tweet. But a post on a blog requires a tad more consideration ("Not in your case" I can hear you snipping).
I have already given you a little insight into the highs and lows of driving tests, but one advantage is that I get approx forty minutes to myself (unless there are other instructors to chat to) - so this is ideal blogging time. Currently, my pupil, Cameron, is off on his 2nd test. Fingers crossed, as always.
No news yet of when we are to change to the Fiat 500. BSM has an internet forum for instructors and, in general, most instructors are not happy bunnies. As I have said earlier, I drive a 1.3 diesel corsa, which is fine - quite responsive - but I think the indicators are stupid. Earlier today I took a pupil, Staci (yes, with an 'i') on a lesson in her car, a Mini. I don't know what it was, but, despite the fact that there were no dual controls, I felt more relaxed than I usually do when pupils drive my Corsa. Maybe it was because the smaller turning circle meant it was easier for her to keep in the correct lane; but I think it was mainly because, approaching junctions and roundabouts, being a petrol car, it had a bit more zip to accelerate when a gap appeared.
Like the Corsa, we are being offered (eventually) a choice between a 1.2 petrol or 1.3 diesel. I initially had the 1.2 petrol Corsa which was a slug. It felt too heavy for the engine and struggled up hills. It averaged about 44mpg, not too bad considering a lot of those miles are maneouvres and junctions (all thirsty things for a car to do). I changed to the 1.3 diesel and it was a different car altogether. Not only is it much more pokey - it will sail comfortably up hills in 5th that the petrol would struggle in 4th - but it is much cheaper. I currently average 59.9mpg (trying to break the 60 barrier) which is fantastic considering the type of driving it does (especially when diesel is the same price as petrol (I almost said 'as cheap as') at present. In fact, whenever I see a 1.2 petrol Corsa I always think 'Why?'.
As far as I know, the initial batch of Fiats will all be petrol. I can't see them being as gutless as the Corsa because it is a much lighter car, but I will looking forward to swapping it to a diesel.
Talking of 'zip', as you probably know, instructor cars are fitted with dual controls - a clutch and a brake. However, I am surely not the only instructor who has had occasions when they wish they had a dual accelerator. I try not to use the controls unless I have to. I have to scan the road ahead and see potential hazards in advance of the pupil seeing them. If I then think that the pupil is not braking effectively enough I will (calmly, I hope) say something like "Just bring your speed down a bit". If that has no effect I will up it a bit to a simple "Brake". If that still has no effect I will then use my dual brake - It is quicker than screaming "OH MY GOD, WE'RE GOING TO DIE!! BRAAAAKKKKE!!!!!!!!" Anyway, there are occasions when I need a dial accelerator. For instance, if a pupil has an opportunity to go at a roundabout, but they are a bit slow moving off, there is nothing I can physically do if a car comes round a bit fast. I can say "accelerate", but this rapidly escalates to "GET YOUR RIGHT FOOT DOWN!!!!" (it is essential to include the "RIGHT" in that sentence!).
Time to go. I am expecting Cameron to come careering into the Test Centre car-park anytime now (not really, Cameron's mum).