(Culloden) Contracts Killer

Alpine clear skies meant that we had our first frost of the season, but it is now a beautiful morning with a warm, bright sun that has brought ultra-vivid colours to the scenery. Daisy is out on her 9.37am test, first attempt.

You may remember that I talked about 'Harry' a few weeks back. He was in a desperate rush to take his test, despite me saying that he was not ready. If you recall, he said 'his dad' had booked a last-minute test for him, which he was going to hire a car to take.

I sent him a text later that day, asking him how he got on. 'I didn't pass' was the short, but to-the-point reply. I decided not to bother him further, other than to let him know that I would always be happy to offer more help when he needed it (so far, no word from him). Anyway, on Saturday I learned that he had failed badly with four serious faults. As much as I don't want to, I guess this is my way of saying 'I told you so'. As I have said before (I think), let your instructor decide when you are ready to take your test. You (or your dad) may not agree, but your instructor has a far better idea of the standard required.

Daisy was undecided as to whether she wanted me to sit in the back of her car during the test. It is her decision - I will gladly sit in if a pupil prefers - but I steered her away from the idea. Her driving is fine, I know that and she knows it, but her nerves mean that she is constantly asking 'would that be a fault?', 'would I fail for that?', 'will the examiner tell me if I have done something wrong?' etc. If I sat in the test with her I think she would be too tempted to turn to me for help. To quote the wise words of Rihanna, "Shut up and drive."

She didn't pass. She braked a bit too sharply on approach to a T-junction and encroached on the wrong side of the road as she came up to a bend. As they say in the Bronx, NY, 'Poo happens'. Maybe it was a lack of concentration, maybe I had not been thorough enough in explaining the consequences of those two faults. The drive home after an unsuccessful test is never the best part of my job, but Daisy took it particularly badly. She has two young children and she desperately wants to be able to take them out without relying on buses. She can't see it yet, but the examiner was right to fail her for those faults. What could have happened if she had her children in the car and someone had gone into the back of her because she had braked too sharply? What happens if she gets into the habit of cutting across corners and, one day, there is a lorry coming round the bend on her side of the road? She really wasn't in the mood for a post-mortem of her test, so I told her to take a break from driving for a few days, then book a second attempt and contact me for some further lessons in good time before the test. I dropped her back at her house, very upset and angry because she thinks she is better driver than a lot of people who are already on the road. She is. But, she needs to be even better.

I drove away from Elgin, on the (60mph) A96, and, as I approached Alves, I could see a white van behind me gaining quickly. I watched him carefully as I approached the brow of a hill and was horrified to see him overtake me. I had been doing 60 mph, so he must have been in excess of 80mph with no way of knowing if there was anything coming up the other side of the hill. I braked so that he could pull back in as quickly as possible, but, thankfully, there was nothing coming the other way. So, to the driver of this white Ford Transit, registration SX06EHJ, belonging to Culloden Contracts, this time you (and I) got lucky, but keep driving like that and, one day, you'll be spread out on the tarmac like strawberry jam.

In the drive before her test, Daisy asked where I live. "Why do you ask?" I replied. "So that, when I fail, I can come and kill you." I think she was joking but, either way, that's two threats of death I have had this morning.

(Edit: I note that a few people have visited this page after searching online for 'Culloden Contracts'.... I am sure that their drivers are now the finest there is and should not be blemished with the actions of a driver that was with them 18 months ago)