As sharp as blancmange

A few years ago, I was invited to an interview for the position of Hotel Manager at The Ramnee Hotel, Forres. The interview was going well until the hotel owner asked me to tell him a joke.
It’s hard enough when they say “Tell me a bit about yourself”, but you can prepare a little for that. I have to admit that, when he asked me to tell him a joke, I stalled and my mind began to froth and lather.
My hesitation obvious, he graciously said I could think about it and he would ask me later. What should be my tactic here? The whole point of a joke is surely to make people laugh, or, at least, smile, so it had to be funny. However, a truly filthy joke would be inappropriate. Perhaps I had already blown it by not having an off-the-cuff response. Although I had a bit more time to think about it, my mind was on the questions he was now asking me, so it didn’t really help.
The end of the interview came. I thought it had gone really well. I also hoped he had forgotten about the request for a joke.
“So, Martin. What joke do you have for me?”
I had thought of two (both old). I considered telling him about the woman who went to the doctor, complaining that her toes curled up every time she had sex, and the doctor advising her to remove her tights next time. Instead, I made a mess of telling him the one about the woman who went to the doctor (I can’t remember if it was the same woman), saying that ‘Every time she sneezed, she had an orgasm. Is there anything he could give her?’ And he gives her snuff. I know, I know…. It’s the way I tell ‘em.
He had the good manners to smile. The interview ended and he said he would let me know. Obviously, he must have been roaring with laughter inside, because the next day he offered me the job. Not that it’s relevant, but I declined the offer because another hotel (The Newton, Nairn) made me a better offer the same day (without me having to tell a joke).
The ‘joke-on-the-spot’ thing bothered me though. I can respond in milliseconds with a sarcastic barb when the moment calls for it. I can recall all sorts of useless trivia (especially about music). And I have heard thousands of jokes; but something in my brain fails when I need to recall them. Therefore, I am full of admiration for someone who can immediately conjure up an appropriate joke. Years ago, I went to see Josie Lawrence and Eddie Izzard do some improv’ in London and they were so quick-thinking. Members of the audience would call out random words, such as ‘ladder’ and ‘teacup’, then they would instantly improvise a genuinely funny sketch based on those words.
So it is with humiliation and embarrassment that I tell you that I have finally thought of the joke I should have told at the interview (again, an old one):
A young waitress is just starting her new job in a hotel restaurant. The Restaurant Manager tells her that a man on table 7 has put down his menu and is ready to order. The Manager then watches while the waitress goes to take his order, but is stunned to see the girl slap the man and run off, out of the restaurant.
The Restaurant Manager approaches table 7.
“Is there a problem, Sir?”
“I asked her for a quickie, then she slapped me!”
“I think you will find it is pronounce ‘quiche’, Sir.”
Side-splitting, eh? OK, maybe not the funniest joke ever, but it would have been appropriate to the context. I just wish I had remembered it years ago.