Scene: A pupil, Oscar, and his driving instructor, Jerry, are just driving away at the start of the lesson. Oscar thinks his driving is going ok. Deep down, Jerry knows he is not a great instructor and, his conscience getting the better of him, decides to tell his pupil that he should look for a better instructor.
OSCAR: I called my friend and told him how good my driving is. He wants to drop his instructor and have lessons with you.
JERRY: Oscar, I don’t think I should teach your friend. He will have learned to drive a certain way…
OSCAR: You can change it…
JERRY: Oh, no. Look Oscar…. I’m going to level with you. I can’t teach you anymore.
OSCAR: Why not?
JERRY: Well….. To begin with, I’m not the instructor you think I am.
OSCAR: It doesn’t matter.
JERRY: And I smoke. I smoke all the time.
OSCAR: I don’t care.
JERRY: And I have a terrible past. For the last three lessons I haven’t done a thing to improve your driving.
OSCAR: I forgive you.
JERRY: Ah…..(in final desperation) But you don’t understand! (Rips up green badge). I’m a rubbish instructor!
JERRY: (Oblivious) Well… Nobody’s perfect.
A promising final scene, doncha think? What do you mean, it’s downright plagiarism?! Ok, well it might bear some similarities to the end of Some like it hot, but imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so they say.
My 100% pass rate for 2011 suffered a nasty dent this week with two fails. The first pupil has been with me for almost a year (albeit slightly sporadically). The second one has only been with me for a few weeks, but has had lessons almost every day. Obviously disappointed about both results and surprised, but confident that, with a little more concentration they will both pass next time.
Neither pupil asked me to sit in on their test, so, on both occasions I was left to luxuriate in the splendour that is Elgin test centre. I have 40 - 50 minutes to kill, so I usually take a book, but on these two tests there were other people out on test at the same time, so I chatted with their instructors.
The first instructor told me about how, when he worked for a local driving school before going independent, his lessons were very fixed. His timetable was dictated by the company and they would say, for example, Tom 9.00 - 10.00; Dick 10.00 - 11.00, Harry 11.00 - 12.00 etc.
“But what about time travelling between lessons?” I asked. He said that often they met him at the office and were dropped off there, where the next pupil would be waiting. All hyper-efficient and great for the company (who take a sizeable %age of the lesson fee), but not ideal for the pupil or the instructor - what happens if you need to powder your nose? But he then went on to explain that many pupils lived in villages, miles away from the office, and had to be collected and dropped off at home.
“So what happens then?” I asked. He explained that if a pupil’s lesson was 10.00 - 11.00, for example, he would leave the office at 10.00, drive to the pupil’s house (however long that took), give the pupil maybe a 30 - 40 minute lesson, then leave in time to get back to the office by 11.00 for the next pupil!
“But the pupil still pays for the whole hour?”
“Yes,” he replied, “they just seemed to accept it because they don‘t live in Elgin.”
My flabber was well and truly ghasted. Not only that, but if a pupil wanted to practice their hazard perception on the office’s computer, it was often part of the lesson time which, of course, they were paying for.
PUPILS! If your instructor/driving school treats you like this, DON’T STAND FOR IT! There are other instructors, i.e. ME, who will give you your full money’s worth. In fact, I am often a fool to myself by letting lessons over-run (if there is no rush to get to the next lesson).
The next day, next test, I was chatting with another instructor. As he watched his pupil complete his Bay park and drive off, he said “I hope he passes this time; it’s his seventh test. He’s an awful driver, but hopefully he‘ll get lucky.”
This is not a joke. It is not even a slight exaggeration. This is what he said.
Now, maybe I’ve got this wrong, but I thought the idea of a driving instructor was to turn ‘awful drivers’ into good drivers? The little devil on my shoulder urged me to point this out to him, but the angel on my other shoulder told me to keep quiet and mind my own business.
Not everyone passes first time, some people take two, three, or even four attempts to pass. If you were reading last year, you may remember that I had one pupil who took seven attempts to pass. The difference being that I thought she would pass first time; I thought she was a good driver (she was, she just fell apart in tests). No-one starts off being a good driver, but that is why they take lessons.
The other worrying aspect is his last comment “…hopefully he’ll get lucky”!!! What this instructor is effectively saying is ‘I want rid of this pupil, but I don’t care if he is a danger on the road because it won’t be my problem anymore’.
Perhaps….perhaps….he was exaggerating and, as an experienced ADI, he thought he WAS good enough and safe enough to be allowed on the road, but his driving was just a bit ‘rough’ (not ‘awful’). Perhaps I should give him the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately for him, but fortunately for every other road user, the examiner thought his driving wasn’t good (or safe) enough and failed him. I imagine his instructor is urging his pupil to re-book as soon as possible, hoping that, by the laws of probability, on the 8th time he might ‘get lucky’,
Meanwhile, I would urge that same pupil to FIND ANOTHER INSTRUCTOR. Nobody’s perfect, but there are limits to how much imperfection you should accept.
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