Freakshows and Eggheads

AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! What is WRONG with you people. Maybe it’s just me….. It must be. I know you must be getting fed up with my little rants, but please, please, please USE YOUR INDICATORS. It really isn’t that difficult. I’m beginning to suspect that people are not indicating just to deliberately wind me up, because it seems that no-one indicates anymore.

Right, I’ve got that off my chest and I promise I will not mention it anymore (at least not this year).

Other than that, life is currently full of little pleasures: Steven Gerrard being an absolute legend AGAIN and rescuing Liverpool; several of my pupils really putting extra effort into their driving this week; a BBC sports correspondent describing a goal today as ‘a crapping shot’, watching with horrified incredulity at the freak show that is X Factor (Wagner, Louie Walsh and Simon “You know what, that was, without question, blah blah blah” Cowell in particular); watching with side-splitting hilarity at the preening, narcissistic, self-loving freak show that is Gavin Henson on Strictly come dancing (especially when he screwed up the Welsh flag rather than wear it); listening to Joy Division’s Les Bains Douches and being reminded just how utterly godlike they were.
But the best thing this week was Pam.
A couple of months ago I sat by my sad little self, taking part in the weekly quiz in The Argyl, in Ullapool. At the end of the night Pam, a member of one the quiz teams, approached me and asked for an appraisal lesson as she had her driving test booked. Pam has been driving (mainly automatics) in New York for many years and, maybe as a result, her driving wasn’t quite as precise as it should be. Unfortunately she failed her test. The following Thursday she kindly invited me to join their quiz team. The quiz is hosted by Bob. Magnus Magnusson he is not…… He much prefers it when there are no children in the pub so that he may explore the more colourful extremities of the English language and put forward his own personal slant on the questions. Bob’s occasional references to my occupation has put pressure on me to help Pam pass her test, so, with Pam being unable to get a test date in Ullapool, it was especially pleasing when she passed in Lairg this week.

So the pressure is off Pam (and me), but there is increasing pressure on our quiz team. This week we recorded our tenth consecutive win. It’s getting a bit like when Liverpool used to win match after match after match. I’ve obviously got a long memory.