Good golly Miss Molly!

I have to say, my pupils are very polite; I currently have three different pupils who call me 'Sir'(!). And they are all so restrained. I struggle to think of any pupil that swears. Actually, there is one. On the face of it, she is very polite and restrained but, if anyone steps out in front of her, or doesn't give way when they should, she lets fly with language which would make Chubby Brown blush. But she is very much the exception.
Funnily enough, the boys don't swear at all. If they do something wrong (or if another road user does something wrong), they tend to quietly grumble, at worst. Mostly they just don't react, emotionally.
The girls do tend to be more vocal with their thoughts about other drivers/cyclists/pedestrians, or their own mistakes. But very rarely is it anything stronger than 'Crap!' or 'Bugger!'
I have one pupil whose language really tickles me. She is only 17 but she uses such old-fashioned language. She will say 'Crikey!', 'Blimey!' 'Gosh!' and, best of all, 'Oh my giddy aunt!'; language that even my grandparents would have found old-fashioned. But, strangely, it sounds very natural when she says these things, it doesn't sound even slightly false. Sadly (from a very selfish point of view), she passed her test last week, so I am now denied the pleasure of her language. But, very well done Jodie. I have rarely seen anyone as shocked at passing their test (and at the first attempt) as you, but I will miss your exclamations. Congratulations also, to Conner and Robbie, who passed their tests on the same day. It was an almost identical day to the previous day: 5 tests, 3 passes and 8 driver errors between them.

When thing go wrong, either a mistake my pupil has made, or another road user has made, we talk about the consequences of such an error and, if it is our fault, we discuss how to remedy it so that it doesn't happen again. I like other drivers doing stupid things because it gives us a chance to analyse these real situations, rather than just in theory. But, after 7 years of instructing, I finally lost my temper the other day...

Take a close look at the road in this photo. It is Castle Terrace in Ullapool. If you look carefully you will see that is only wide enough for one car - the parked cars are actually parked on the pavement. I was with a relatively new pupil, doing some basic junction work. Castle Terrace is only 200 -250m long and has a bend in it that, because of the  narrow width of the road, should be approached at no more than jogging speed. She negotiated the bend nicely then a black Ford Focus, with German plates, appeared close behind us. She started bring her speed up, but no point in accelerating too much with the end of the road only 100m away. The German tourist behind us couldn't wait a matter of 15 - 20 seconds and, to my horror and incredulity, I saw that he was trying to overtake us by going on to the pavement. Ok, it is a dipped curb, and there were no pedestrians, but it is probably the most utterly stupid piece of driving I have ever seen (and that is saying something!). I immediately took the wheel, because there must have been mere centimetres between us, and braked to a stop - I didn't want him cutting too sharply back in front of us. My temper finally snapped and I gave a long, long blast on the horn.
I apologised to my pupil. I explained that I should not have used the horn like that but I just wanted the other driver to know that he was a complete...... That he was in the wrong. My knowledge of German is rubbish. I can say "That is my stick of chalk", or "That is an umbrella" in German, but I don't know how to say "Excuse me, my good man, do you know what 'adequate clearance' means?"
I wonder what Jodie would have said? I don't think "Crikey!" would have sufficed.

The longest day

According to my calendar the longest day of the year is next week. I love this time of year. It is now nearly midnight and there is still plenty of light in the sky.
According to my diary however, today was definitely the longest day..... Ever... No less than 5 tests, plus 7½ hours of other lessons in Ullapool.
Ross, Lauren and Paul did themselves (and me) proud by all passing, with a respectable eight driver errors between the three of them. Sadly, my other two tests weren't as successful, but we'll put it right next time.
A slightly strange feeling having all those tests then, at 3.30pm, realising I still have five more lessons to go. When I finally finished, at nearly 9.30pm - 13½ hours after my day started - I was really looking forward to a pint. But the best moment of the day came when, as I parked my car, Paul pulled up alongside. In the ten hours since passing his test he had bought himself a car and taken his girlfriend out for a day out in Inverness. His expression was a combination of relief, delight and, most of all, achievement.... It made my day.
Tomorrow won't be quite as demanding: Only (another) five tests and five other lessons. But, if it is half as rewarding as today, I will be the happiest instructor in Scotland.

Red, white & bloom

I caught some of the (slightly excessive) coverage of the Jubilee. I'm not the most patriotic person, but I'm always in favour of seeing hundreds of thousands of people enjoying themselves. Just a shame that the weather made everything look reddish-grey, grey and greyish-blue.
As far as the weather was concerned, it was the opposite here. And this coincided with the Highlands at perhaps their most colourful. In addition to the usual blues and greens, the scenery is awash with splashes of almost every other colour imaginable.
The trouble is, I am useless at remembering plant names. I know that the yellows are Gorse, Broom and Laburnum, and I think lots of the mauve stuff is Rhododendron, or is it Azalea? And the green bits are definitely grass.
No, botany is not my bag. Jane knows it. She puts loads of time and effort into our garden and tries to educate me in these matters, but, for some reason, I find it hard to absorb all this knowledge she has. Ask me what was the b-side of Tommy Gun by The Clash? In which geological period was Portland stone formed? Which 1975 film won the 5 major Oscars? What is the formula for calculating the volume of a sphere? What is the capital of Bhutan? Who scored the winning goal in the 1971 FA Cup final? Twin Peaks centered on whose murder? And (hopefully) which is the only circular British road sign with three arrows on it? I could answer all of these for you. But ask me what a Begonia looks like and I wouldn't have a clue.
I often join one of the teams in the weekly quiz at The Argyll, Ullapool, where, fortunately, there are very few gardening questions. In the last couple of months the quiz has had an extra frisson of competitiveness because, in addition to the usual prize (a pizza), the top team over a period of 8 weeks will go forth to some quiz final in Edinburgh in August. We had a sticky couple of weeks, where The Pact, a team of schoolteachers, beat us, but, overall, we, Way out West, qualified to represent Ullapool in the capital. I shall keep you informed of our progress.
Many locals pretend to eschew the Queen and the Jubilee but, in last night's quiz, the highest scoring round for most teams was...... The Jubilee. I did have one panicky moment when the questionmaster asked 'Who has recently appointed as the manager of Liverpool FC?' Everyone on the team turned to me (Liverpool are my team), but I had a mental block and I couldn't think! Luckily, it came to me before the end of the round. At the moment, the name Brendan Rogers doesn't have the same resonance as Shankly, Paisley, Dalglish, or even Benitez, so perhaps I could be forgiven.