Ignition

ONE...............

get set

TWO.................

Are you ready?

......Actually, forget the drum roll. We'll have a countdown instead:

THREE............

Silence please

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I AM DELIGHTED AND HONOURED TO ANNOUNCE....... (drum roll)..............................................

Bring tha noize

It has been brought to my attention that Sarah Palin has carefully thought of a solution to the BP oil spill: "Gulf disaster needs divine intervention as man's efforts have been futile. Gulf lawmakers designate today Day of Prayer for solution/miracle". If any of you are going to participate in today's 'Day of Prayer for solution/miracle' would you be so kind as to ask him for a couple more new pupils, a packet of Ginger Nuts and for Liverpool to win the Premier League next year...... Although, maybe that's asking a bit too much.
While I'm casting my eye worldwide, I note that Archbishop Desmond Tutu has entered the row over the vuvuzelas at The World Cup. ""Twak, twak! Absolute twaddle," said Tutu. "You've come to SA and you are going to enjoy everything that's South African. I say blow them even louder." Quite right Desmond. Can you imagine the reaction if people from other parts of the world came to Scotland and asked for a ban on bagpipes?
A global celebration of sport should surely be full of colour and sound? Ok, I'll admit it's not the sweetest of sounds, but rather 60,000 vuvuzelas than a stadium full of snoring and (justified) booing at an England match.
The Archbishop should team up with Public Enemy. I can just picture him with Chuck D, urging "Turn it up! Bring tha noize".

Finding out what makes them tick.

On the whole, my pupils tend to be a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed bunch, keen to learn and always looking to progress. Of course, they are not all perfect and sometimes I don't quite get a response that confirms to me that they understand what I have said. One of my pupils barely said anything else other than "ok", but she recently passed with 4 minor faults, so she must have understood most of what I taught her. Sometimes I want them to argue with me, to explain their reasoning, so it can be a little frustrating when all I get is a succession of 'ok's.
Just as dogs respond to a handful of human words - "walk", "dinner", "chocolate biscuit" (although they are completely ignorant to words such as "bathtime" and "stop chewing that cat") - I sometimes feel that some of my pupils probably hear me saying "Blah blah blah Mirrors blah blah blah blah brake blah blah BRAKE blah blah blah Ambulance".
I use a variety of methods to teach and, because no two pupils are the same, always adapt my methods to suit the pupil. However, there is one method I always use when a pupil is struggling with clutch control: I find an uphill slope on a quiet, or even a private road and ask them to slow right down to walking speed and select 1st gear. Then I ask them to bring the clutch just above the biting point and get the car moving forward as slowly as possible up the hill. Once they can do this it is like a lightbulb switching on above their head and they finally 'get' clutch control. What this also highlights is the fact that the accelerator has little bearing on the speed  on such a manoeuvre, it simply reduces the chance of stalling and helps the pupil coordinate both pedals.

Pupils passing their test are easily the high-points of this job, but there are other times, such as today, when a normally monosyllabic pupil suddenly comes to life after cracking the mystery of clutch control, that are almost as rewarding as a test pass.

End to end stuff

Here we are once again. The time has come. After the contentious appointment of a foreign coach, months and months of planning, endless speculation about the line-up and a couple of disappointing pre-tournament results, it is finally time to see if the team can live up to the hype.
This is the Big One.... Martin's All-Stars V The DSA.

The omens were good. In Gairloch, the previous day, Alasdair had kept it tight to pass his test and record an expected 1 - 0 win. So I approached Wednesday's big match with confidence, but keen to ensure my team took it one game at a time and gave 110%.

The Ullapool Stadium was only half-full as the kick-off approached, but the warm weather was sure to boost the numbers as the day went on.
8.40am: An early kick-off and, straight away, I had perhaps my star performer (earning her first cap) terrorising the examiner with her textbook displays of awareness, timing and accuracy. A lumbering bin-lorry tried to block her, but she showed great awareness in checking her mirrors, indicating and accelerating out wide. She left the bin-lorry for dead but fluffed the opportunity by indicating to move back inside, thus causing confusion.
Martin's All-Stars 0 - 1 The DSA. The crowd were stunned. If this pupil couldn't raise her game under pressure, what would happen to the rest of the team.
9.37am: A very nervous Chris was sent out to earn his second cap. He was very clumsy in the warm up and it seemed likely that the DSA would add to their lead. But, as time went on, his confidence grew and he finished strongly to equalise. Back of the net!
Martin's All-Stars 1 - 1 The DSA. The crowd were going wild. Game on!
10.44am: Laura was sent on for her debut. She fully deserved her chance, although there were some small doubts about her big-match temperament. I need not have worried. She kept her cool to register an almost faultless performance....
Martin's All-Stars 2 - 1 The DSA. We just needed to keep it tight, keep our concentration and victory would be assured.
11.41am: My next pupil was making her long-overdue debut. She had been picked for the December fixture but was denied that opportunity by the snow. She seemed calm enough, but an unusual lack of awareness when tracking backwards sealed her fate.
Martin's All-Stars 2 - 2 The DSA. Could this be the turning point?
1.03pm: Another pupil making her debut. She put in a great performance and it looked as though the game had swung back in our favour, but she went too early (approaching a higher speed limit) and the examiner blew his whistle. She was sick as a parrot.
Martin's All-Stars 2 - 3 The DSA. Oh, no.... memories of England v West Germany 1970.

HALF-TIME.
2.00pm: The second half kicked off and it was time for another debut. This time it was Catherine. With her husband wearing the three lions, she had plenty of support and put in a calm, solid performance to level at..
Martin's All Stars 3 - 3 The DSA. Had the momentum swung back in our favour?
2.57pm: Karen had been recalled after a desperately unlucky debut last month. There were to be no mistakes this time as she totally nullified the examiner (with only 2 faults) to claim a lead.
Martin's All-Stars 4 - 3 The DSA. With the clock ticking, it was a great time to re-take the lead.
3.47pm: Becky was sent on. This was her second cap after a brave, but slightly shaky debut in Inverness. Nothing shaky about this performance though and she was over the moon to learn that she had passed.
Martin's All-Stars 5 - 3 The DSA. Finally some daylight between the two teams and surely time had run out for the DSA?

INJURY-TIME (+10 minutes)
4.50pm: Jamie was eager to come on for his second appearance. A calm, secure and measured performer, there were high hopes that he could seal a 6 - 3 victory. But there was to be a sickening last-minute twist... he had an old-style provisional licence but had forgotten to bring his passport. Oh my word! An own-goal! He had other forms of photo ID, but nothing that was acceptable to the examiner. The examiner very kindly allowed 10 minutes of added-time (Jamie's girlfriend was rushing to the stadium with his passport), but there was no way that she would be able to get to Ullapool from Achiltibuie in time.

The examiner brought the whistle to his lips and brought the match to an end.

FINAL SCORE: Martin's All-Stars 5 - 3 The DSA  (Own goals don't count!)

We have ways of making you Eco-safe

The Longxiang bus company, in China, has come up with a novel way of ensuring their drivers drive safely. Because “Passengers often complain that sudden braking and bad driving makes them really uncomfortable”, the bus company are hanging big bowls of water next to the drivers. This will “… discourage them from making any jolting starts, sudden braking or bad turns”. The bus company expects the water bowls to be full when the driver returns and CCTV cameras ensure the driver doesn’t top up the water en route. Genius. Many a wag has suggested that a sharp spike in the steering wheel will improve road safety more effectively than an airbag, but this is a much more fun idea.

In one of my first posts I mentioned a Polish pupil I had who was either too fast or too slow on his approach to junctions/hazards. It was only when I suggested that he was to imagine a cup of coffee on the dashboard - he had to get round the route before the coffee got cold, but without spilling a drop - that he got the idea.

Braking too sharply is a common fault among leaner (and experienced) drivers. This is may be caused by not correctly reading the road ahead, or by being under the impression that something catastrophic will happen if your right foot is not applying pressure to a pedal. The later you come off the accelerator, the more you have to brake. Result: More fuel wasted and more brake pads used. In the interests of being environmentally-friendly (and wallet-friendly), I try to encourage my pupils to read the road ahead and ease off the accelerator early if there is a potential for them to have to slow down (having checked their mirrors, of course). Not only will this save them a lot of fuel (and, therefore, money), but their passengers will feel much more comfortable. Even if you aspire to being a boy-racer, bringing your speed down early gives you more time to assess junctions/hazards, which often means you can be back on the accelerator when others (who have left their braking late) are still braking. By conserving momentum this way, you will need less accelerator (and possibly less gear-changing) to get back up to an appropriate speed.

I am now trying to think of the best way to adopt Longxiang’s idea. Perhaps a plastic beaker of freezing water secured to the top of the driver’s head restraint would do the trick. Sudden braking would send an immediate icy chill down the driver’s neck. Even with the balmy weather we have been enjoying of late, I think this would be an effective deterrent.

Now I need to come up with an equally genius idea to stop pupils caring what their friends think about their driving.

D'Oh! (again)

Just a minor addition to yesterday's post:

I had a new pupil start today. It is his 17th birthday. Before starting with the usual Cockpit drill and Controls lesson I questioned him on what experience he has already had driving. Despite the fact that he is only legally allowed to drive from today, he has has practice on his grandfather's croft and has experience of driving cars around a car park. It shows. His steering and pedal control are excellent, better than most pupils who have had 20 - 30 hours instruction. He also rides a moped, so he has good knowledge of Mirror-Signal-Position-Speed-Gear-Look and he is tackling the junctions with ease.
After Q&A on crossroads theory, I briefly introduce 'meeting traffic' and then it is time to drive home. I am very impressed by his ability and compliment him on his driving. Just as I do that we pass a few of his school friends as we are approaching a crossroads. His approach is too fast and he has to stop at the give way line when a slower approach would have given him time to see that the junction was clear.
"Why did you have to stop at that junction when you did not have to stop at the previous (similar) junction?"
"I was going too fast."
"Why was that?"
"My friends put me off. They might have thought I was driving too slow."
I did not know whether to slap my forehead or his.

Peer pressure

I was with one of my pupils this morning when she asked "Did you teach 'Nobby' to drive?"
'Nobby' (not his real name) is one of my pupils who passed his test recently. He was diligent in his learning, practiced between lessons with his dad and comfortably passed on his first attempt.
"Yes. Why do you ask?"
"Since passing his test he has become a real Boy-racer. He is always speeding around."

A short while later she asked "And you taught 'Bob' too, didn't you?"
'Bob' was an exemplary pupil who, like 'Nobby', was very keen to learn, practiced all he could and easily passed first time. However, after learning about 'Nobby', I could not believe that 'Bob' would now be a boy-racer.
"Yes. He passed recently. Why?"
"Oh, just some of my friends say he is not a good driver."
I couldn't believe this. 'Bob' was one of the best pupils I have taught.
"Why is that?"
"They say he is very careful. He drives 'properly'."
"How does that make him a 'bad' driver?
"I dunno. I think my friends find it strange that he still drives how he did before he passed his test."

This was a worrying, but not unexpected insight into the minds of 17 year-olds. From the conversation, it appeared that 'Nobby's' driving was held in higher regard than 'Bob's', at least in the eyes of their peers.  So, while Nobby raced around the village, he was considered to be a better driver than Bob, who continues to drive as I taught him.
I did my best to persuade my pupil that it would be better to follow Bob's example, not least because picking up 6 points on her licence within the first two years would result in her having to go through the whole process of taking her test again.

I am a bit of 'Poacher-turned-Gamekeeper'. I passed, first time, soon after turning 17. Straight away I was off, in my little Fiat, racing around Bedfordshire with scant regard for others and, in short, being a bit of a menace. I was lucky. Despite the odd prang, I never got caught, somehow kept a clean licence and, thankfully, was never responsible for any injury. Over the years, I bought faster cars, treated other road users as obstacles, and thought that I was a good driver simply because I could drive fast.
It wasn't until I started training to become a Driving Instructor that I finally realised just how bad my driving had become. Every day I see plenty of people (and not just Audi drivers) who drive just like I used to. But every single one of them are gambling, not just with their life, but with the lives of others.

Passing your test is a fantastic feeling and being able to drive independently is a genuine thrill. But your instructor is trying to teach you, as the DSA say, 'safe driving for life'. Once you have passed your test (and, hopefully, completed your Pass Plus course) you are then on your own. You then have a choice. You can then decide to drive as your friends encourage you to (and how I used to), potentially putting you, other road users, pedestrians and your licence at risk. Or you can choose to build on what your instructor has taught you, by continually trying to improve your driving and making allowances for drivers like Nobby.