.........that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I am struggling to think of a name for my new venture.


There are a lot of driving schools that have really positive sounding names, such as ‘A+’, ‘Surepass’, ‘E-Z Pass’ and ‘ProDrive’, but I just think they sound a bit crap.
It is a business, so a brand name should be something that attracts customers - that rules out ‘Demon Driving’, ‘Probable Pass’ and ‘Crack the whip’.
I don’t want anything long-winded because I am hoping it will be snappy, easy to remember and short enough to fit on a sign without needing a telescope to read the writing. I have received a few suggestions for names that have fallen at this hurdle.
I don’t just want my name, because every John, Chris or Harry does that.
Perhaps it should be something that reflects desirable qualities in a driver - I think ‘Focus’ is really good, but another local instructor (and a multinational car manufacturer) has beaten me to it, and I thought about ‘Control’ until Jane suggested it sounded a bit scary.
How about something that says I do not belong to a big driving school? ‘Independence’ - a bit dull. ‘Solo’ - a bit sad.
Many driving schools use their location in their name. But how precise should I be with this? Village? Town? County? Region? Country? ‘British School of Motoring’? That has a nice ring to it. Another difficulty is that I live in a wee village between two small towns, so I don’t want to use ‘Nairn’ or Forres’ in the name. I live almost equidistant between Inverness and Elgin, so I don’t want to use those. And I straddle both Highlands and Moray (painful). So what’s wrong with using my village name? Erm… I’m not sure that ‘Dyke Driving’ gives the exact impression I am hoping for. Actually, Brodie Castle is only half a mile away, so ‘Brodie’ is a definite contender (not to be confused with Muriel Spark’s titular character, or Lewis Collins’ character from ‘The Professionals’).
I love music, so I have been trying to think of any favourite bands, albums or tracks that might inspire me:
‘Complete Control’ (The Clash) - Not too bad, but a slight hint of fascism.
‘Unknown pleasures’ (Joy Division) - A bit…. pervy? (great album though).
‘Smash it up’ (The Damned) - Not quite the image I want to convey.
‘Upside Down’ (The Jesus and Mary Chain) - Ditto (especially after what happened to another BSM instructor in Oxfordshire this week - see the end of this post for details.)
'The Itchy Glowbo Blow' (The Cocteau Twins - ???
‘Wave of mutilation’ (The Pixies) - I’m just being silly now.
'Ooh look, there goes Concorde again' (....And the native hipsters) - Now I'm being really silly (haven't heard this in ages).
‘White Lines’ (Grandmaster Flash and Melle Mel) - I’m not sure that they were referring to road markings.
‘Life is a rollercoaster’ (Ronan Keating) - Pass me a sickbag.
‘Art of Driving’ (Black Box Recorder) - Actually, I really like this and, for weeks this has been my favourite name. I’m slightly going off the idea because it is just a bit….. immodest. And I would be worried that some drunken wag would add an ‘F’ to the name. I would probably be disappointed if I saw another instructor with this name, but would console myself with the fact that I rejected it first.

So you can see my dilemma. It’s not easy. ‘Art of Driving’ and ‘Brodie School of Motoring’ (….BSM, Damn!) have not been ruled out, but I’m not convinced. I do have one other name, which I have not yet mentioned (for fear of commercial espionage), but I am suggesting it to my pupils first to see their reaction.

Keep the suggestions coming (either on here, Twitter, or email) and I shall give a free lesson to any pupil who comes up with the perfect name, and a lifetime of gratitude and indebtedness to any non-pupil who does the same.

Meanwhile, here is the picture (and article) I referred to earlier:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/oxfordshire/8618414.stm