2014: Fun, floods and facial hair.

Yet another year flies into history at a somewhat scary pace. A year when I have been very neglectful with this blog (again).
Personally, there wasn't too much drama. No births, no deaths, no marriages. I grew an experimental beard for a few weeks when we were invited to a medieval banquet. But it's not something I shall be eager to do again. And, if ever you notice that I'm slightly unshaven, would you be so kind as to remind me of these words.

As you know, I did my first bungee jump and absolutely loved it. But, apart from Liverpool ripping up the Premiership for five thrilling months, any other 'excitement' has been in lessons.
We had Shauna's intensive course in Fort William. My first time instructing there and it coincided with the most rain I have seen fall in a three day period. But not even floods and landslides were going to stop Shauna passing her test at the first attempt.

The only two times we have ever had an accident in lessons were the fault of other drivers (both when vehicles went into the back of us). This year I had a pupil leave the road, not in a lesson, but in a test! Fortunately, no-one was hurt and the only damage was to my two nearside tyres, which both burst.
But I am pleased to report that almost all other drama has been positive, with a record number of my pupils passing their tests. Last year I was thrilled to have 79 pupils pass their driving tests. I was hoping that we might have over eighty this year, but that didn't look likely early on in the year. However, the last few months have gone a bit mad and I ended up with no less than 98 pupils passing their tests in 2014. Congratulations to (deep breath)..... Abbie, Adele, Aimee, Alan, Alex, Alexander, Alice C, Alice Mac, Alice Mash, Allen, Andrea, Andrew, Angus M, Angus U, Becky N, Becky R, Ben, Bethany, Calum, Cameron, Catrina, Chantelle, Charles, Charlotte, Chloe, Conor, Craig, Craig M, Darren, Donald, Donna, Eilean, Eilidh, Elizabeth, Emma, Euan Mac, Euan Mc, Gemma, Geoff, Gregor, Hally, Hamish, Hannah, Harriet, Holly, Humzah, Ian, Innes, Jack B, Jack G, Jamie, Jeanette, Jock, Joe, Joshua, Kacey, Kate, Katie S, Katie W, Katy, Kayleigh, Keirra, Kenneth, Kieran, Lasha, Lauren, Liam, Lilleth, Mark D, Mark V, Mary D, Mary M, Matthew, Michael H, Michael M, Michael O, Michelle, Oliver, Paisley, Patrick, Rachel, Rory M, Rory R, Ruari, Ruairidh, Ryan, Scott M, Scott S, Seumas, Shauna, Sigi, Sophie, Stephen, Stuart, Tess, Tony, Tylar and Vicky. I think that's everyone, but apologies if I have missed anyone.
I am proud of every one of those, but, looking back, the ones that meant slightly more were generally the people who had been with me longer. Angus was one such pupil. He had been unsuccessful in a few tests, arguably slightly unlucky in two of them. But, the puzzling thing was that I had no worries about his driving at all during lessons. I guess it was just that nerves got the better of him on tests. In November he asked me if I would sit in on his test. I am always happy to do so, but explained to him that I cannot say or do anything throughout the duration of the test. He has been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and in tests, and even in lessons, he often found it helpful to talk himself through situations. Before the test started I simply advised him to drive exactly as he usually does and, if he wanted to, to talk himself through each situation. The test was going fine, although I would suggest that he was holding back a bit more than was necessary. He did get slightly alarmed when, at the start of his parallel park, I ducked down in the back seat to allow him more visibility. The examiner reassured him not to worry about me. As the test progressed I had counted a few minor errors, but nothing serious. As each junction and each situation was dealt with I heard a voice in my head urging him on. "Come on Angus." The test was almost over, just a few more junctions to negotiate. Come on Angus. An awkward situation with parked cars on both sides of the road, but he patiently held back and waited until it was clear, Come on Angus. A pedestrian with her back to us started walking towards the curb. He checked his mirrors and watched what she was doing. Come on Angus. The last junction coming up. He took it slightly wide. Come on Angus. The examiner asked him to pull up and switch off the engine. As far as I could tell, it was a pass, but how would the examiner interpret his slight lack of making progress when the road was clear? "I am happy to tell you that you have passed." COME ON ANGUS!!! YES!
Sometimes, this can be a frustrating job. Pupils cancel lessons and don't drive to their best ability. Other drivers tailgate and do all sorts of stupid (and dangerous) things. But all of these niggles fade away when people like Angus pass their test. And, hopefully, many more people will do so next year. Let's break the 100 barrier!

How NOT to take a driving test

I've had a few tests recently which have not gone exactly as I would have liked.
The first one wasn't her fault. She had a 9:37am test and, the night before, I went to pick her up for her last lesson.
"I've got a bit of a problem ” she said, as she got in the car. " I can't find my purse, and it's got my licence in it. "
That's not "a bit of a problem", that's a major disaster.
" I had my purse at school this afternoon, but it's not in my bag now. "
Whether it was stolen, or simply fell out of her bag we shall never know (although when she did get her purse back, money had gone from it). She reported it stolen and planned to go to the school first thing in the morning, in the hope that she might find it.
I met her at school in the morning. "The cleaners haven't come across it" she said.
"It's OK", I lied, " we have plenty of time. "
Her school was 25 minutes from the test centre and, if she didn't find it in the next half an hour, we wouldn't get there in time.
Luckily, with about fifteen minutes to spare, she came running out, clutching her purse and licence.
Very rarely does anyone go to their test completely relaxed, but finding your licence with minutes to spare certainly doesn't help.

A few days later I had another Inverness test. He hadn't been too happy about his first test: In slow moving traffic, he had held back to keep a junction on the left clear. The correct thing to do, but in the examiner's opinion, he had held back too much and possibly irritated the drivers behind. So, this time, he asked me if I would sit in the back.
All was going fine. I was completely relaxed and enjoying the drive. The examiner asked him to pull over and explained that he would like him to complete a reverse (parallel) park, using the parked car ahead. When I sit in on tests, I duck down on the back seat when they are reversing, so that I do not impede their view. This means that I can't see how the manoeuvre is going, but I had every confidence in his ability to successfully complete the parking.
At one point he braked a touch sharply and the brakes squeaked. I saw him secure the car, sit bolt upright and exclaim "OH MY GOD!!! HAVE I HIT THAT CAR?!!!"
”No, you're fine. It's just the brakes. " explained the examiner.
He successfully completed the manoeuvre and passed his test but, as the examiner pointed out to him at the end, he should have known exactly how close/far from that car he was. Shouting "OH MY GOD!!! HAVE I HIT THAT CAR?!!!" is not likely to fill the examiner with confidence.

That same week I had six pupils taking their test in Ullapool. Typically, the examiners take them out on the A835, a twisting, hilly, 60mph road, to Ardmair, a few miles north of the village. While my last test of the day was taking place I was happily enjoying a coffee. My pupil had been out for about half an hour, so it was time to finish my coffee and walk back to (hopefully) congratulate him on passing his test. Just as I was doing that my phone rang. It was the examiner. My heart sank. It couldn't be good news.
"Hello Martin. We've had a bit of an incident." It definitely wasn't good news.
Although his driving had been absolutely fine in his lessons, for some unimaginable reason he had decided to show the examiner that he was Lewis Hamilton. He took a bend too fast, left the road and burst my two nearside tyres. Thankfully, no-one was hurt, although, with hindsight, I would have liked my pupil to have suffered a little. At least he had to suffer the embarrassment of having to walk a mile or so back to the test centre with the examiner. I can't imagine it would have been the most hilarious conversation between them.
My pupil mumbled a quiet "sorry Martin" then disappeared (not that I was in the mood to discuss his next test with him !) and the examiner hurried off to his next test. That left me to rely on the ever helpful Rod Houldsworth at Ullapool garage to rescue my car and transport it 55 miles to the nearest garage that had replacement tyres in stock.
Later, once I had calmed down, I was left wondering exactly what had happened. Nothing like it has ever happened in a lesson, but I guess the examiners try to leave the pupil to it. I just hope nothing like it ever happens again.

I was writing this while Michael was successfully taking his test in Ullapool. Although he passed with just three driver errors, he didn't make it easy for himself. Ullapool tests don't have a test centre, we just park up near the Fire Station. Whilst we were waiting for the examiner Michael asked me where the nearest toilet was because he was desperate to go. There is no nearby toilet. Not even a convenient bush. We didn't have time to drive to the nearest toilet.
"We don't have time. Can you hold on?"
"I'll have to."
I wandered off whilst he took his test. A few minutes later I saw Michael drive past and do an emergency stop..... Not what you want when you need the toilet ! Not only that, but, at the end of his test he told me he had "a bit on an incident" on the road to Ardmair. "Oh no !" I thought, "what now?" He explained that, just as he went round the corner where the aforementioned pupil had gone off the road, a family of ducks had waddled across the road and he had to do a second emergency stop.

An hour later: My last test of the day. Two out of two so far and every confidence in my third pupil passing easily. Except..... Can't fault his control, can't fault his judgement, can't fault his awareness, can't fault his manoeuvres, BUT...... His mirror checks are just a bit..... random. I have explained that he should check his mirrors before any change in speed or direction, before signalling, before overtaking, before changing lanes (not that this applies in Ullapool), etc, but still I have to regularly prompt him. I have explained the consequences of not checking mirrors but, for some unknown reason, he still misses mirror checks. In the lesson before his test we analysed his driving and I stressed that his only weakness was his use of mirrors. However, I felt confident that he would put it right on his test. Result, fail for not checking mirrors. I didn't need to say  ”I told you so ", the look on his face told me he knew.

So, to summarise: Keep both parts of your licence safe, make sure you don't need the toilet before your test, listen to what your instructor says, don't ask the examiner if you have hit something and, most importantly, try to keep the car on the road....... Easy.

The longest day

According to my calendar the longest day of the year is next week. I love this time of year. It is now nearly midnight and there is still plenty of light in the sky.
According to my diary however, today was definitely the longest day..... Ever... No less than 5 tests, plus 7½ hours of other lessons in Ullapool.
Ross, Lauren and Paul did themselves (and me) proud by all passing, with a respectable eight driver errors between the three of them. Sadly, my other two tests weren't as successful, but we'll put it right next time.
A slightly strange feeling having all those tests then, at 3.30pm, realising I still have five more lessons to go. When I finally finished, at nearly 9.30pm - 13½ hours after my day started - I was really looking forward to a pint. But the best moment of the day came when, as I parked my car, Paul pulled up alongside. In the ten hours since passing his test he had bought himself a car and taken his girlfriend out for a day out in Inverness. His expression was a combination of relief, delight and, most of all, achievement.... It made my day.
Tomorrow won't be quite as demanding: Only (another) five tests and five other lessons. But, if it is half as rewarding as today, I will be the happiest instructor in Scotland.

The storm before the lull

Tuesday 17th.

I'm actually taking four days off from Thursday – the first time I have taken this much time off in maybe four years. Jane and I are flying back to sunny Bedfordshire for my youngest brother's wedding.

Meanwhile, there is no gently easing into a holiday mode for me; quite the opposite in fact. Today began with two lessons in Elgin, popping in at home to let the dogs out, dropping a birthday card round to my step-daughter's boyfriend in Auldearn, followed by a lesson in Nairn, driving to Inverness to collect some bits and pieces for the wedding, a lesson in Inverness followed by the pupil driving to Ullapool, then five lessons in Ullapool, finally finishing over twelve hours after I started.

Tomorrow is equally busy: Five tests and six other lessons, starting at eight in the morning and finally getting home just before ten at night. Don't misunderstand me – I'm certainly not complaining, I thrive on days like these. I remember a day, a few years ago, where I had five 2-hour lessons. I have to confess that, by the last lesson, I was struggling and probably didn't give the best tuition I was capable of. But, by the ninth lesson today, I still felt that the pupil was getting their money's worth.

And tomorrow isn't so daunting as might first appear: Once the examiner comes out and meets my pupil, there is nothing I can do for the next forty-five minutes. I might wander off for a coffee and maybe update this blog, or I sit in the back of the test and try to enjoy the ride. So it's not as if I will will be working eleven continuous hours.

Anyway, blah, blah, blah, boring, boring, boring..... You've heard all this stuff before.... Virtually every month in Ullapool. So I'll jump ahead to my hols...

Chris, my brother, marries the lovely Sondra in Little Horwood on Friday and, from mine and Jane's point of view, it will be the first time we have returned south of the border in over four years. Looking forward to seeing friends and family that we haven't seen in that time and looking forward to letting my hair down (all 5 millimetres of it). I do have a duty to perform: I am MC at the wedding breakfast. When I used to work at the Newton Hotel and the Bunchrew House Hotel this used to be part of my job. Initially I found this quite daunting as I was responsible for hosting the most important day (hopefully) of a couple's life. I would spend a great deal of time memorising every single detail of the day's itinerary so that there be no hiccups. I cringe when I remember one particular wedding when, just as the bride and groom were about to be piped in to the dining hall, I banged the gavel and announced “Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding and give a warm welcome to.........” I froze... I could not remember their names........ “..............the happy couple.” It was best I could come up with. Hopefully, I shouldn't have that problem with Chris and Sondra.

There's more I want to write about, but, for the time being, it is a secret from some people, so I shall have to wait until I get back on Monday.

Room for improvement (but not much)

10.00am: A bright, sunny morning and Ullapool is a patriotic palette of red tulips, whitewashed cottages and blue sky, with a variety of blossom-filled trees lining the roads. Only three pupils out on test today, so my chances of a 100% pass rate are better than usual.

Maggie is already out, on her 9.37am test. This is her third attempt and, if she can conquer her nerves, she could pass easily. She just finds the artificial aspect of tests (and even her early lessons) intimidating. A few weeks back I simply asked her to drive around Ullapool, going wherever she wanted to go. I suggested that she drive from her house to work, stop off at a shop and just drive as though I wasn’t there. She drove perfectly and I could not fault a single aspect of the drive. So we know she can do it, she just needs to forget that she has someone sitting next to her.

11.03am: Fantastic! Maggie was still shaking at the start of her test, but she passed with only 1 minor fault. Very pleased for her as she decided, early on, that, having started on her course, she was going to see it through until she passed. It’s surprising, but not every pupil is like that.

 James is currently out on his 10.44am test, his first attempt. He was with me when I was waiting for Maggie to complete her test, so he knew how well she had done. “No pressure James, but you have to beat Maggie’s result.” I suggested.

1.52pm: Alas, James could not better Maggie’s result (who could?), but he came very close, passing with just 2 minor faults. Surprisingly, they were both for just holding back slightly when it was safe to go up towards the speed limit. But that is a big effort on his part because early lessons involved a lot of me trying to slow him down.

I am trying to rush a smoked mackerel and beetroot salad and an espresso at The Ceilidh Place. Shame, because it is too good to rush, but Franci is currently out on her first attempt and will be finishing soon. High hopes that Franci will complete a clean sweep for me because, since she concentrated on her use of mirrors, it has been hard to fault her driving; I could almost nod off and have a crafty sleep during her lessons.

8.40pm: Finally, after three tests and six lessons, I am done for the day. Franci could not beat Maggie’s result either, but she matched it, passing with one single minor fault (not indicating to move off when there was a car ahead approaching). Absolutely fantastic drives from all three pupils and I finally have my clean sweep at an Ullapool test day. Ok, it was only three tests, but still 100%. James’ mum was asking me if I get nervous waiting for my pupils to return from their tests. I do; it doesn’t matter how good I think their driving is, there is always the possibility that they will make a silly mistake and I will have to gee them up and get them thinking about their next attempt. Today, I was as sure as it is possible to be that all three would pass, but Maggie, James and Franci excelled themselves and I am extremely proud of them.

It’s going to be hard to better today’s tests next month, but I will certainly try.

Ullapool tests

Tuesday 15th March 2011

7am Tuesday morning and I’m enjoying two hours of tea and tranquillity, but bracing myself for what is to come: 18 hours of lessons, plus no less than nine tests in the next three days.

Once one of my pupils has passed their theory test we discuss when to book their driving test. They can pay me and I will do it for them, or they can do it themselves. For my Inverness and Elgin pupils I advise them to quote my ADI number when booking, to avoid two pupils booking tests that clash. Where my Ullapool pupils are concerned, there is no chance of a clash because one examiner comes up once a month and he can obviously only conduct one test at a time.

A few months ago one of my Ullapool pupils told me they had booked their test at 1.33pm on 16th March. I checked my diary and saw that another of my pupils had already booked a test in Ullapool at that time. I assumed that one of them had made a mistake and did not immediately worry about it. The next week, a similar thing happened; two pupils told me they had booked their test for 10.44am on 16th March. Then two more pupils booked their test for 8.40am on the same day. What was going on? Surely they could not all be mistaken? I went online to check and, sure enough, they were all correct.
I called the DSA to find out what had happened. They confirmed that the test time were correct because TWO examiners were being sent to Ullapool that day. The problem is I only have ONE car!
I explained the situation to all six pupils and discussed the options:
1. Move their test back to a later date (not popular).
2. Try to find another test time on that date (there were none that did not clash with some of my other pupils’ tests).
3. Consider taking their test in Inverness or Gairloch (again, not popular).
4. Try to find another car.

Lots of phone calls and texts ensued and I managed to juggle a few tests around. I was still left with three pairs of clashing tests, but I had managed to switch tests around so that two of the clashing tests each had a pupil who was happy to use their own car.
With two weeks to go I still had two pupils who had no other car they could use and neither were willing to move their test back to a later date. The nightmare scenario was that, without the problem being resolved, both pupils would turn up at the test centre for their test and I would have to toss a coin to see who took their test - unthinkable.
The situation was finally resolved when I placed an ad in the local paper, asking if anyone taking the 9.37am test would be willing to swap to 10.44am. Someone responded to the ad and I was able to call the DSA and swap the two tests over. Finally. Problem solved.
Well, not quite. One of my pupils who was going to take the test in his own car has now got a problem with his car that cannot be fixed before his test. So he has been forced to ask another instructor if he can use his car.
Today I have nine pupils having lessons, then Wednesday I have eight pupils on test (plus three additional lessons). I would love to predict that all eight will pass - and they are all good enough to pass - but mathematical probability suggests it is unlikely. The big problem comes if a few of them don’t pass because they may then have to wait until June, or even July, to retake their test.
Fingers crossed then, but I have done what I can, it’s down to my pupils now.

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Wednesday 16th March 2011
I never used to be an early bird, I was much more of a night owl, but these days I often find myself waking up before my alarm - particularly on test days.

Wednesday morning it was the bright morning light that woke me soon after six. A pristine Ullapool morning with not a speck of cloud. Although maybe it was anxiety that woke me early. Yesterday, two of my lessons were with very new learner drivers and, with eight tests the following day, I was particularly anxious for them not to hit any curbs. I have only ever had two pupils damage tyres by hitting the curb, but, with no full spare tyre in my car, I dread it happening just before a test.

By eight o’clock I had refuelled, washed my car and was heading to my first lesson. I had two pupils taking the 8.40am test, with one of them using his own car (which, without power steering, was hard work for him on the manoeuvres). Ruairidh (in his own car) had previously asked if I could sit in the back of his test. It would have been strange sitting in the back of someone else’s car, watching another pupil go out in my own car, but, when the time came, Ruairidh decided he would be fine without me in the back. He was fine, passing with 2 minor faults. Unfortunately, my other pupil misjudged a junction and failed for his approach speed. A mixed start to the day.

I have three or four pupils taking their test today whose approach to junctions and hazards is perfection. Heather, taking the 9.37am test, was one such pupil. She had kindly let me move her test around a couple of times to accommodate other pupils, so I especially wanted her to pass. Seven minor faults is more than we would have liked, but still a comfortable pass.

My next pupil, taking the 10.44am test, was an equally good driver. Her pedal control is so good that her gear changes are seamless. It was therefore a big shock when the examiner opened the door at the end of her test and beckoned me over. She had been on the 60mph road to Ardmair when, in front of her, a truck had been struggling to get up the hill. Rather than hang back and look for a safe opportunity to overtake, she had let herself get too close and the examiner deemed it a serious fault. Whenever a pupil fails their test I wonder if I had left a gap in their knowledge. I may be blowing my own trumpet, but this is almost never the case. With this pupil however, I am blaming myself because, although we covered safe following distances, we rarely had the opportunity to see it in practice (most of her lessons were on quiet Sunday mornings), so I am not convinced that I had made her understand the concept. I always feel bad for the ones that don’t pass, but I do feel especially bad for her because her driving is usually textbook.

The 11.41am test was taken by a pupil who, in addition to the lessons in my car, has had plenty of practice in his parents’ car - an automatic. At first I wasn’t sure whether this was a good idea, but his clutch and gear control have not been a problem, so no harm done. His early lessons were very promising, but I seem to have spent most of his lessons trying to slow him down. My advice finally sank in and he has realised how much easier driving is when he gives himself plenty of time on approach to hazards/junctions. This was proved when he passed today with 2 minor faults. So well done Daniel, I look forward to seeing you for the Pass Plus course (and thanks to your mum for the delicious meal).

A while back I wrote about trading driving lessons for goods and accommodation. Last October, the manager of an Ullapool hotel suggested a deal where I taught his wife in return for food and accommodation. A wonderful suggestion because I usually need to stay 2 or 3 nights a week in Ullapool and his wife, Anna, was always happy to fit in wherever I had a gap in my schedule. On test days they spoil me in the hotel by providing me with a corner turreted room that overlooks several junctions (as I mentioned last month). And so it was this week. But the weather was so nice today that, while waiting for my pupils to complete their tests, I was happy to sit down by the harbour, rather than hide up in my hotel room. An heavily pregnant Anna ensured that I will have to pay for my Ullapool accommodation from now on by passing easily with 3 minor faults. Although her lessons were, effectively, free for her, Anna always continually tried to improve her driving and was always asking me very technical questions about all sorts of hypothetical driving situations. I wish all my pupils were like her. Warmest congratulations Anna and best wishes for your new arrival.

I had another pupil out on test at the same time as Anna. Ruaridh has had many lessons with me, but was happy to take the test in his own car. Unfortunately, a crack in his windscreen meant that this would not be possible. The cheapest option was to ask another instructor if he could use their car. This instructor, quite rightly, insisted on an assessment lesson before he would agree to this. This morning, while waiting for one of my pupils, I met Ruaridh and wished him well for the test. He then asked me some technical questions that had been raised by the other instructor giving advice which conflicted with the instruction I had given him:
While parallel parking I once had a pupil fail a test because, after pulling alongside the car, she secured her car and looked all around. While she did this a car was approaching from behind. Obviously, with her car in neutral, there was nothing to tell the approaching car that she was about to reverse and the car stopped just behind her, expecting her to drive on. The examiner had to tell her to drive on and she failed her test as a result. Consequently, I always advise my pupils to give a signal to approaching cars (indicator and reversing lights) as soon as possible. The other instructor told Ruaridh he needed to secure the car before selecting reverse gear.
The other conflicting advice involves an unusual situation where the examiner asks them to complete a U-turn within a rural crossroads. They have to turn left into the side road, then swing the car back round to the Give-way line, check to ensure it is safe before continuing the turn right. I advise my pupils to signal left before turning into the first road then, because they are then effectively turning right at a crossroads, they need to signal right. The other instructor told him a right signal was not necessary.
I felt sorry for Ruaridh because two instructors were giving him conflicting advice. I couldn’t say the other instructor is wrong. I could only tell Ruaridh to imagine the situations from the perspective of other approaching drivers and use his common sense. He must have done so for at least forty minutes because he too passed.
Struan had the last test of the day. All that practice in his parents’ estate car paid off because he passed with 3 minor faults. Well done Struan. See you for the Pass Plus.

It was quite a contrast then, after a whole day of test-standard pupils, to have lessons with three novice pupils, but that is one of the beauties of this job.

I am now settled, for the last night in my hotel room, watching the cliché-fest that is Masterchef. I should be proud that I had six pupils pass their test today - a record for me - but it is the two that didn’t pass that weigh on my mind. One day I will come to Ullapool and have all my pupils pass……. next month maybe?