Should you drive differently in your test?

Rory wasn't the only test this week.
I have no idea about the statistics, but it seems to be accepted that, the younger you are, the more quickly you learn. Sometimes it can even be shocking how quickly 17 year-olds learn. But, somehow, it does mean that it can be more rewarding teaching more mature pupils.
My 2nd pupil on test is no longer 17 (as is also the case with Rory). She actually started with me a couple of years ago, but combining work with her family and a degree course meant that she found learning to drive just one commitment too much. But moving 10 miles further up the loch meant that learning to drive became a necessity.
Possibly, part of the reason it can harder to learn is that, at 17, people often have less fear and more confidence. Julie's biggest hurdle was her self-confidence. So, although I was confident she was ready for her test, she seemed less so. In fact, in the lessons running up to her test, she made regular comments about 'expecting to fail' and 're-booking her test as soon as she got home after failing'.
She asked me to sit in on the test. An emergency stop right at the start of her test clearly unsettled her and she stalled at the next junction. After a slightly messy couple of minutes, she got it together and began to drive as well as I know she can. But the stall and the messy driving was obviously still on her mind because she seemed completely shocked when the examiner told her she had passed.
Something else that added to Julie's lack of confidence was the fact that she had hardly any private practice outside of her lessons. Seoras was almost the opposite. His parents gave up their time so that he could practice his driving most days. Consequently, his driving became very assured and natural. But, a few bad habits, such as not checking his mirrors adequately, were beginning to creep in. So my job changed from telling him how (and why) to do things, to what could happen if he didn't do these things. As a result, Seoras passed with just a few driver errors, making it three first-time passes out of three tests for my pupils on Wednesday.
 The very next day I had another test. This pupil had also benefited from practice with parents and has become a very good, considerate driver. She also asked if I could sit in on her test. It was possibly the most comfortable I have ever felt when sitting in the back. As the test progressed I began thinking that she might complete the test with 0 driver faults. She was approaching a crossroads, with three cars parked on her side of the road, close to the junction. She checked her mirrors and started moving out to pass the cars. Just as she did so, a car turned into our road. She slowed down and the oncoming car slowed too. Unfortunately, she assumed the oncoming car was giving way to her (they probably were) and released her brake. The examiner recorded this as a serious fault and it cost her her test. It was a very split-second decision and, if she had just held back a fraction more than she did, she would have been fine. It just goes to show that EVERYTHING we do when driving should be done to cause as little inconvenience to others as possible.
Bear that last statement in mind when reading the following:
Another pupil, who has his test approaching, was talking to one of his school teachers, who has been having lessons with another instructor. She told my pupil "My instructor said that, on your test, you should slow down and go into first gear at every junction." Now, either my pupil misunderstood his teacher, or his teacher misunderstood her instructor, or her instructor is an idiot....
Imagine if you are following a vehicle and you see that vehicle indicating to turn into a side road. You would probably expect that vehicle to slow to a speed that they could check the junction is clear and negotiate the turn. If that vehicle then slows right down to below walking speed (and selects 1st gear) you will be forced into braking harder than you originally expected. This is potentially dangerous. Sure, some junctions are so tight, or so blind, that 1st gear might be appropriate, but not EVERY junction. And, as a side note, why would you ever do anything different on your test to what you would usually do? (answer: you wouldn't).
 As a driver, every day you will encounter other drivers, cyclists and pedestrians that cause you problems. Sometimes it is accidental, often it is due to ignorance, arrogance or stupidity. Whatever decisions you have to make while driving, it should always consider what causes the least problems for others.... And that includes the vehicles behind you who are braking furiously because you unnecessarily selected 1st gear.
Just in case you are left in any doubt, the answer to the question in this post's title is 'Don't be so bloody stupid!'

How refreshing.

Well I seem to have cracked that stupid solve-a-mathematical-puzzle-to-turn-the-alarm-off thing on my phone. It turns out I was answering the questions correctly but not pressing some other button. How was I supposed to know that?!
You may laugh, or sneer (but a sneer is not a flattering look on you) at the thought of my alarm shenanigans, but they are effective. So far I have found that the best tunes to rouse me are 'I fought the law' by The Clash, or 'Lust for life' by Iggy Pop - the galloping intros of either send me jolting from my pillow, arms flailing like an electrified octopus to turn the alarm off.
While my alarm helpfully tells me what day it is, the weather is not very helpful in telling me what month it is. The fact that, the other day, it was -8C and I had thick ice on my windscreen merely suggests that there is an 'r' in the month. This is further confused when, later the same day, it was +13C and I had the car window open for the first time in months.
Of course, my customers pay me for the finest and sharpest instructional mind available, so it is not too encouraging if they read about me not knowing what day, or what month, it is. They need have no fear though, for, by the time their lesson starts, I could not possibly be more awake. This was especially the case this morning...
Anyone above a certain age may remember television adverts for Skol lager. I am not sad enough to remember them precisely, but they showed people being dunked on a water wheel, or being caterpaulted into a snow bank, then declaring that it wasn't as refreshing as a pint of Skol... Or something like that. I was reminded of that advert this morning; I had an 8AM lesson to start with. Although not particularly cold, it was still dark, raining, and there was a gusting north-westerly wind. My car was parked facing North-West. The amount of grit and muck on the roads meant that keeping the car clean is a never-ending process and I get through gallons of screen wash. Last night I could tell the screen wash was getting low, so I decided to fill it before the day's lessons. Naturally, the weather decided that that was the perfect moment to deteriorate. The wind picked up, trying to take my bonnet with it and causing the horizontal rain to pelt my back. Stupidly, I wasn't wearing a coat and, within seconds, my back was soaked with Atlantic rain. It certainly refreshed me more than a pint of Skol ever could. No time to change my shirt, so I drove to Rory's, the whole journey leaning forward so I didn't get the seat wet and make him wonder if I had perspiration problems.
Matters were further complicated by the fact that Rory had his driving test at 8.40, his first attempt. So, not wanting to dampen the examiner's seat, I had to continue leaning forward until I felt my shirt had dried sufficiently - not the best health & safety practice.
Another instructor in one of the areas I cover put a statement on his website declaring that he won't spend time sat by the side of the road, he will give you as much driving as possible etc; then he added something like 'unlike some instructors - you know who you are!'. Apart from me, there is only one other instructor that covers that area, so maybe he was having an uneducated dig at me. Who knows, who cares? Anyway my (laboured) point is that, often, aspects of driving cannot be covered on the move. I always aim to give my pupils maximum value from their lessons, so I do like to get them driving as much as possible, but time spent with my sketch pad, drawing quick diagrams and explaining things is equally important.
I don't think I have ever spent as much time with a pupil, sat by the side of the road, discussing and analysing aspects of driving, as I have with Rory. It wasn't that he wasn't 'getting it', it was just that he always wanted to learn more. He is always asking me "What would happen if....?" and "What would be the best thing to do if.....?" I wish all my pupils were as inquisitive. Often he would get in the car at the start of a lesson and immediately ask "I was thinking, last night, 'what should I do if....... happened?" And the analysis would go on until, ten minutes later, I would get anxious that neighbours might think I spend too much time sat by the curb instead of driving.
In his test this morning, Rory was waiting at a crossroads to turn right when a lorry approached the junction from the road opposite. The lorry put a right indicator on, then cancelled it, so Rory had to assume it was going straight ahead and thus had priority. But the driver was waving Rory on, but he couldn't go because of other traffic. A few minutes later, Rory was on a narrow, downhill road, approaching a very blind T-junction to turn left. Suddenly a bin lorry turned in to his road, without checking that there was room for him to do so. Rory had the presence of mind to secure the car, select reverse gear, find the biting point and check over both shoulders to ensure it was safe before reversing back to a point where the bin lorry could safely pass. Perhaps if we had spent more time whizzing around the village and less time by the side of the road, analysing his driving, he might have rushed, made bad choices and not passed his test. Very well done Rory, I'm very proud of you.
So, if you are learning to drive and you don't FULLY understand something, ask your instructor if you can pull over, switch off the engine and have him/ her explain it to you. Or find a better instructor.

(and remember to bring a coat if you are going to the Highlands).

Ray and Frank

When I had the Cross Keys pub in Totternhoe, there was one couple I looked forward to seeing probably more than any other. Ray & Carol were just the most perfect customers any publican could wish for. They were polite, friendly, interesting and funny. Often, when they came for a meal I would go to take their order and they would simply say "We'll let you choose for us". Then they would let me choose the wine for them. Then, at the end of the night, Ray never asked for the bill, he would just give me a blank cheque and let me fill it in. Not that they were rich or showing off, they just trusted me to look after them.
Many people assumed they were married, but they didn't actually get married until Ray was in his late 70s. Everyone knew they were going on holiday to the U S A. When they came back from their holiday Carol came in the pub. "Hello Carol...." I began, but before I could continue, she (jokingly) said "It's 'Mrs Foster' to you." Possibly the most original way of announcing that they had got married.
They has got married in a registry office in Las Vegas and spoke so highly of the way they were treated that Jane & I decided to get married there ourselves - if it was good enough for Ray and Carol, it was good enough for anyone.
Everyone always wanted Ray to join their quiz team and I always thought that, if I ever went on 'Who wants to be a millionaire' Ray would definitely be my 'phone a friend'.
So I was very saddened to learn that Ray had passed away over Christmas. I guess he must have been in his late 80s, but I never thought of him as being anywhere near that age.
Heartfelt sympathies to Carol.
It was only a few weeks before that I had learned of the death of another friend from The Cross Keys, Frank Pulay. He had come to Britain from Hungary after the revolution and, perhaps because of his accent, was the only person who could get away with swearing in my pub. He used to say it was 'Shakespeare English' whenever I pulled him up on it, but I'm sure such words didn't crop up in any Shakespeare I read.
His gift to me was that I now know how to call people some quite obscene things in Hungarian. Useful.
Frank and Ray were both tremendous characters and I will always have many treasured memories of them both. R.I.P.

Bugger Bodmas

Well I enjoyed that. Possibly the most relaxing Christmas & New Year break I can remember. Jane & I had already done lots of prep, so Christmas dinner was a doddle, and after that it was lots of fun and games.... A far remove from our times in the hotel and pub industry, when we would work ourselves into the ground by January 1st.
Apart from one or two lessons sprinkled around New Year, I didn't really start back to work until last week, when I kicked off with Kim's Pass Plus. She passed her test with me last summer and had talked about doing the Pass Plus course, but it was only when a friend was in an accident after losing control in the snow that she decided learning how to properly control the car in such conditions would be a good idea. So it was bad luck then that the two days over which she had booked her course were so mild that almost all the snow had gone. I thought our best bet would be to drive to the ski resort on the Lecht, in the north Cairngorms. But even at that altitude the snow had almost gone. Never mind, I did what I could to make the course as challenging as possible and she made me very proud with her driving (apart from some 'unusual' steering techniques she seems to have picked up).
The trouble with taking time off, is that it is not always easy to spring back into the routine. I always used to be much more of a night owl than an early bird. From the age of about 12 I used to stay up late, listening to John Peel on my headphones. Then I stupidly went and got a part-time job delivering newspapers. I found it such a struggle getting up in time.i  had a really vicious Binatone radio/ alarm clock that would easily wake me, but I would just switch it off and fall back to sleep. I ended up going to the rather alarming extremes of putting the alarm on the far side of the room, then tying my ankle to the bed with some string. The theory was that, by the time I had undone the knot and had switched off the alarm, I would be fully awake.
Since becoming a driving instructor, my internal clock had shifted a few hours earlier and I have no problem getting up early these days, I even enjoy it. But I was reminded of my morning struggles yesterday morning:
Sometime, soon after getting this phone, I must have had too much time on my hands, because I tailored the alarm clock on it to a ridiculous extreme - I set a different mp3 as the alarm each day. So Sundays I am woken nice and gently by The Velvet Underground's 'Sunday morning'. Mondays are almost as gentle with The Mamas & The Papas 'Monday Monday'. Tuesday it's 'Ruby Tuesday' by The Rolling Stones. Wednesday it's The Undertones and 'Wednesday week'. Then David Bowie wakes me with 'Thursdays child' and, on Friday, I get 'Friday I'm in love' by The Cure. Finally, Saturday is a bit of a raucous awakening with Elton John's 'Saturday night's alright for fighting'. Now I instantly know what day it is when I wake up - genius!
But, typical of me, I couldn't simply leave it like that. Over Christmas, on a few days, I had regressed to my old habit of turning the alarm off and going back to sleep. So the other day I discovered another option on the phone's alarm where the alarm could not be switched off until I had solved a mathematical puzzle... A slightly more sensible challenge than trying to untie myself from the bed. At least, I thought it would be...
Do you know B O D M A S? This is an acronym to tell you in which order the different functions of an equation should be completed: Brackets, Of, Division, Multiplication, Addition, Subtraction. So yesterday's puzzle to switch off the alarm was '7 + 5 x 6 = ?'. Easy. Using Bodmas, I should do the multiplication before the addition. So, 7 + 30 = 37. Nothing. Mick Jagger kept singing (Ruby Tuesday). I entered my answer, '37', again but the alarm kept going. The Stones were well into the chorus by now and I still couldn't turn the thing off. I even tried 12 x 6 = 72, but it didn't like that answer either. Jane seemed to find it very funny that I couldn't switch my #*@&ing alarm off and I had to resort to switching the phone off completely before I could get silence.
I didn't think Jane would continue to find it amusing if it happened every morning, so I switched the option off last night.
Tomorrow morning I will give it another try, but if David Bowie manages to get to the chorus before I solve the puzzle, I will not be held responsible for my actions.

Christmas rapping

You lot are rubbish. I give you something nice and simple to do; just find me some interesting and invigorating new music and the few recommendations I did get were just….. not very good. In fact - and I can't believe that I'm saying this - possibly the freshest thing I've heard for a while is Getting ready for Christmas by Paul Simon (and I'm not a massive fan of Paul Simon or Christmas songs) Probably a good thing that I have struggled to find decent new music, it’s all too easy to load up my Amazon basket and then wonder where the money has gone.
I’ve just finished my last lesson before taking a few days off to eat, drink and be merry. I’ve got to pick up the rib of beef from the butcher then I’m just about there. We tried the potted duck the other day and that proved to be a success, so Sunday I’m subjecting my unfortunate relatives to the following experimental Christmas menu:

Potted confit of duck with Earl Grey-soaked prunes
**********************
Prime rib of beef with celeriac and horseradish puree
Parsnip gratin
Brussels sprouts with shallots and caraway seeds
Roast beetroot and carrots
Yorkshire pudding
Roast tatties
**********************
Christmas Pudding
Jane’s Lemon meringue ice-cream
Martin’s boozy Tiramisu

I don’t suspect for one moment that you are interested in this, but I thought that if I put it in this blog then I would know what to avoid next year (apart from Jane’s ice-cream, of course).

Mysterious goings on at The Argyll quiz on Thursday nights: As I had previously noted, the passing of the quizmaster baton from Bob to Noel had been seamless (apart from the lack of success for our team). A couple of weeks ago Noel had been stuck up in Scrabster, so had asked me if I could take his place for the evening. No problem, in fact, I secretly enjoyed it. Then yesterday, Franner, the landlady, asked me if I could run the quiz for the next couple of months because Noel wouldn’t be available. Who knows why? Perhaps he has incurred an 8 week suspension for saying something to a Man Utd player. I shouldn’t joke; obviously I’m disappointed that Suarez (such a vital player this season) has received an 8 match ban, but I would be even more disappointed if what he said to Patrice Evra really was intended as a racial slur. Anyway, Franna obviously didn’t know (or had forgotten) about my roundabout sign question shame (I’m too embarrassed to repeat it), or else she is just scraping the barrel when it comes to finding a quizmaster.. So I’m just letting you know, if you are looking for a fun night out in Ullapool on a Thursday night, but you can’t find one, come to my quiz at The Argyll. I say ‘my quiz’, but it’s not. When I had my own pubs I used to spend ages devising increasingly devious weekly quizzes. At The Argyll they buy the quizzes in from a company called Black Tooth, or something. Actually I don’t think it’s Black tooth, that doesn’t sound very enticing. Maybe it’s Red Tooth - but that doesn’t sound particularly attractive either. Whatever colour tooth it is that supplies the quizzes, they are quite entertaining; quite a good variety of questions for all ages and knowledge levels. I particularly like the 'wipeout' round at the end - Ten questions; A point for every correct answer, with 5 bonus points if you get all ten correct. But.... get one wrong and you score zilch for the round. So, if you aren't sure you leave it blank and play safe, but, especially if you are a few points behind, it is sometimes worth a gamble and going for the bonus points. I'll have to have a rummage through various boxes to see if I can find any of my old quizzes to slip into the quiz here and there. Perhaps I'll try some of them out on here...... you lucky people.

Pleased to report that temperatures have risen from -8C last Sunday to +14C yesterday. Not only that, but, as of yesterday, the nights are now getting shorter. This far north, we enjoy very long days during the Summer, but the downside is that, at the moment, sunrise is at 8.43am and sunset is at 3.12pm; just over 6 hours of daylight.

Right, no more procrastination, I've got to get to the butchers. Very best wishes for the festive season, hope it's a good one.

Never mind the ballads

Slowly, but surely, everything is getting more bland and sugary. It seems that almost every other song on telly or the radio is a boring ballad. Or else they take a once great song (by The Smiths or Blondie, for example) and water it down to make a 'pleasant' soundtrack to some tv ad. And don't even get me started on The X Factor.... To describe it as 'bland, boring, overblown, commercial crap' would be harsh on all other bland, boring, overblown, commercial crap.
I've written similar stuff before, but finding some old home-compilation cds in a box in the loft the other day, I came across such gems as Magazine's Shot by both sides, and The Slits Typical Girls, amongst others, and it really emphasised how much we need a similar injection of energy into music again. I will be eternally grateful if anyone can point me in the direction of any new music that is at least half as exciting.
Mini-rant over.
Last Thursday brought an end to a good run of driving test passes. I was as confident as it was possible to be that my pupil would pass. Recent lessons have been trying to take his driving to an advanced standard. So I was very surprised when he didn't pass. Whilst driving at 60mph towards Lossiemouth, he was asked to take the next left, but left his signal too late. He was possibly distracted by the car behind, which was too close, but this should have meant all the more reason for signalling early.
Previously, I had had 8 consecutive pupils passing. Last week Jonathan passed in Inverness. Jonathan is a music teacher at Gordonstoun school, but has recently accepted a position on the island of Montserrat, in the West Indies. He had already passed his driving test in an automatic, but the company car he is being offered in his new job is a manual. He had some lessons with J-Drive in Elgin, but, being unable to get a test before his flight, had no choice but to take his test in Inverness. Many thanks to Jason, from J-Drive, for recommending me to Jonathan (as Jason doesn't cover Inverness). So, a little bit of pressure because he wouldn't have had time for a second attempt before his flight, but he passed well with just three driver faults.
A few days earlier Liam became one of my youngest pupils to pass (also with 3 driver faults), just a few weeks after his 17th birthday. In May this year he had already become the youngest player to make his debut for Inverness Caledonian Thistle, so this capped a very good year for him.
 Saturday I took a whole day off and spent most of it experimenting in the kitchen, trying out different ideas for Christmas dinner. The peanut butter and cherry parfait wasn't too bad, but I have yet to try the potted confit duck and Earl Grey-soaked prunes. If they don't work out we may have to resort to Anna's choice - prawn cocktail.
A bit of a thaw is forecast, which is welcome. Yesterday, snow, ice and temperatures dropping to -8C did nothing to enhance my driving pleasure (although an Iggy Pop cd did). While I'm on the subject of weather, I would like to praise and thank my pupils for their attitude towards their lessons. I have had more test cancellations than lesson cancellations due to the weather. This attitude was typified by Sophie yesterday morning, who made a 3 hour round trip in the snow, from Kinlochbervie, for a one hour lesson.

Finally, I am beginning to wonder if I really exist. I have just spent an hour trying to arrange insurance renewal for Jane's Nissan Navara. Sorting out insurance is not the most exciting pastime - even less so when it is classed as a commercial vehicle. On Direct Line's website it asked for my occupation, then gave me a massive list to choose from (it wouldn't let me type in 'Driving Instructor'). Occupations on this list include Archpriest, Axeman, Bacon Curer, Busker, Embalmer, Foam converter, Lampshade maker, Pearl stringer, Whaler and (honestly) Spiderman! But NO DRIVING INSTRUCTOR!?!? I have seen the damage done to a bus when the bus driver drove into the back of me, so I know I exist, but apparently not where insurance companies are concerned.

I wonder where I apply for the job of Spiderman?

Frozen planet

December in the North-West Highlands and the weak winter sun remains low above the mountains surrounding  Ullapool, even at midday.
The herds of tourists that populate the village during the summer months have long since made the journey back South, in search of central heating, traffic and shopping centres. Small flocks of hillwalkers and climbers can still sometimes be seen but, in general, the colder weather keeps people away.
Today though, there is a nervousness amongst some of the population. Today is the day when a lone Lesser-spotted Examiner is expected to make an appearance.
This is a mixed blessing for some of the population. For many weeks the local Pale Learners have been seen, moving around the area. During these formative weeks the Pale Learners have progressed from stumbling jerkily around car parks and quieter roads to galloping around the wider area. It is during these crucial formative times that they are constantly accompanied by various species of Instructor. The Instructor doesn't let them out of sight. Initially the Pale Learners are happy with this symbiotic arrangement; the Instructor helps build their confidence and the Pale Learner helps keep the Instructor fed. But this situation cannot last; there will be a new Pale Learners coming soon, vying for the Instructor's attention, and, besides, the Pale Learners want to shed their red markings and begin the transformation into fully-fledged Drivers.
Before they can do this, they have to undertake a ritual known as the 'driving test'. By the time their turn arrives they should be competent enough to complete this with ease. They feel confident that they can do this, and so should their Instructor, but it is only under the watchful eye of the Lesser-spotted Examiners that they can demonstrate their skills. Consequently, the thought of an Examiner approaching usually causes quite a stir.
One of the Instructors seems anxious. He has been watching the skies. The weather is deteriorating and, if the conditions are not good enough then it is possible that the Examiner will not show.
Disaster strikes. Sunday morning brings the first significant snow of the Winter. This is too much for even some of the more experienced 'Drivers', whose small brains cannot cope with the change in conditions. This time they are lucky. They may be injured and their pride damaged, but, this time at least, they live to drive another day.
The Instructor paces fretfully. He has to hope that the temperature will increase and bring a thaw, or else his Pale Learners will have to wait for another opportunity to take their driving test. But the signs are not good. Monday morning he awakes to find 4 - 5 inches of snow. With only 24 hours to go it seems the fate of the Learners is out of his hands. The Pale Learners show their displeasure. Some of them venture out into the snow - it is experience that will stand them in good stead over the next few months - but many of them prefer to hide inside in the warmth, hoping that the snow will not last long.

The next day brings a thaw. The snow is melting and the Instructor peers curiously from his lair. Three of his Pale Learners are expecting to take their test today. There is nothing at the moment to suggest that the Examiner will not appear. The Instructor and the Learner move around the village, galloping, trotting and crawling, sometimes even demonstrating bizarre backwards movements. They have done all they can now. They just have to wait.
The Instructor scans the horizon, looking for any sign of a prowling Examiner.

Finally, they accept defeat. It seems as though the conditions are too much for the Examiner. Although most of the snow has gone, and although the conditions are far from harsh, it appears that the Pale Learner will have to wait another month, maybe two, before they can free themselves from the watchful eye of the Instructor and venture out alone into the wild.