Dual-Control Freak

Quite often, pupils get the opportunity to practice their driving with friends or family. I usually encourage this because every minute in a car tends to add to their confidence; they are much less likely to stall when moving off and they tend to be that much better at judging their gap at junctions (particularly at roundabouts). The downside is that ‘bad’ habits can creep in. Common examples include indicating to overtake every single parked car and not indicating before leaving a roundabout. Sometimes it is because the accompanying driver is (understandably) over-cautious.
I had a pupil, Shana, who was improving steadily and wanted to get extra driving practice in her husband’s car. In her next lesson we were approaching a roundabout, to turn right. She checked her mirrors, indicated, braked and, just at the point where we could see it was clear, she stopped. She then put it into 1st gear and turned right at the roundabout.
I was curious, “Why do we have a roundabout here, rather than a crossroads?”
“To keep the traffic flowing.” She correctly replied.
“OK, good. Could you see that it was safe to go?”
“Yes.”
“…..um, so why didn’t you?”
“Because John (her husband) told me to stop at roundabouts.”
I understood why; in John’s car there were no dual-controls, so he was obviously nervous about her coming up to a roundabout without him checking to make sure it was safe.
I remember getting extra driving practice in my Mum’s Fiat 850. If she felt that I was approaching a junction too quickly she would brace herself by pushing against the dashboard with her left hand and protect me by flinging her right arm across my chest - I’m not sure how effective that would have been in the event of an accident.
As I have said before, I try to use verbal instruction as much as possible, and only using dual-controls when I really have to. But ‘dual-control’ is a bit of a misnomer, because there are occasions when I don’t have any control over what the pupil does.
To say the weather was ‘changeable’ today would be somewhat of an understatement. Although there had been plenty of sunshine, the showers had been heavy enough to make the roads noticeably wet. As always in these conditions, I make sure the pupil knows the dangers of driving too close to the vehicle in front and emphasise the importance of scanning the road ahead to look for any possible hazards. One thing my pupil must NOT do, in these conditions, is brake harshly.
This morning my pupil was driving through Nairn and we were intending to turn left about 100m ahead. My pupil checked her mirrors and indicated in plenty of time - there was a truck behind, but he was keeping an appropriate distance. As we approached there was a car coming towards us, indicating right (to go into the same road as we wanted). I knew my pupil was aware who had priority in this situation, but I just wanted to check, “Who has priority here? Us or them?”
“We do.”
But, the very act of asking her the question put doubt in her mind and she braked sharply. If a pupil isn’t braking fast or firmly enough I can use the dual controls to brake for them. But there is nothing I can do if they brake too fast or too firmly. If I wasn’t expecting it, the truck driver behind certainly wasn’t expecting it. In my rear-view mirror II saw him react late and brake very heavily. Somehow he just managed to stop in time. I didn’t just see the whites of his eyes, I saw the reds of the veins of the whites of his eyes.
Hey ho……… It certainly livened up my day (and the truck driver’s). You don’t get that sort of excitement sitting behind a desk (I wouldn’t have thought).

Spring forward, fall back

Silly me. The weather forecast for last night and this morning was very dreich ('wet and dismal'). Yet, I awoke to sunshine and the promise of another braw ('fine or excellent' - I'll soon have you speaking like Rab C Nesbitt) day. Perusing my vast wardrobe, I decided that short sleeves were definitely required.
Three hours later and I'm regretting that decision. The sky is greyer than an accountant's wheelie-bin, the rain is getting heavier and I'm even considering turning the temperature up a wee bit. In fact, I hate to say it, but it's all feeling a bit....... autumnal.
I find the Summer/Autumn change to be the most discrete (as opposed to 'discreet'). The changes from Autumn to Winter and Spring to Summer are less perceptible. It seems that one minute we are watching The Ashes, walking dogs in daylight at 11pm, wearing short-sleeves, drinking Pimms and hoping that the weekend will be nice enough for a barbie; the next minute 'experts' are already saying that such-and-such Premiership team are doomed/odds-on for the title, the dogs are walked at 7pm, I have to decide whether to take a jacket 'just in case', the Pimms had been replaced by Laphroaig and I am more likely to cook a ghoulash than light up the barbie.
But there is one sure sign that Autumn is definitely on its way........ Strictly come dancing.
Like millions of others who shuddered at the thought of Come dancing in the Terry Wogan era, I have to confess to liking 'Strictly' (as it is compulsory to call it). I have no idea how I could have first sat there, on a Saturday evening, thinking 'this looks to be the best thing on' (at whatever time it was). I can only imagine it must have been Jane watching it and me reading, or something; but, gradually, taking note of Brucie's professionalism or Brunos' histrionics or a dancer's ineptitude, until, like millions of others, I found myself actually enjoying (rather than scoffing at) it.
I'm hoping that Phil Tufnell and Craig Kelly ('Luke' from Coronation Street) get to the final; I like 'Tuffers' (especially on TMS), and what man doesn't like Flavia Cacace (Craig Kelly's partner)? Of course, you want them to be a bit crap to start with so you can watch them improve - you can follow their 'journey' (as they insist upon saying) - no-one should be really good at the start.
So, yes, I am sort of looking forward to sitting down on a Saturday night, with a plate of ghoulash and a hefty tumbler of Laphroaig, to watch Strictly... (although I shall be disappointed that Total Wipeout will take a break). But, at the same time, I think it's a shame that, above all, Strictly... means one thing...... Summer has gone.

Record Breakers

No doubt you were enthralled and riveted with last week's account of how I have been continuously trying to improve my average mpg and had, after weeks of being just below, reached 60mpg.
Well, I must have had a particularly Eco-friendly week because, not only did I reach the elusive '60.1 mpg' summit, but yesterday I smashed through the mystical '60.2 mpg' barrier. The possibilities are incredible.... I may, one day, shatter the impossible '60.3'!!!
I AM the Usain Bolt of Eco-safe driving.

Ruby Ruby Ruby Ruby

My pupil, Ruby, took her test yesterday - her 3rd attempt.
She drives a lot better than she thinks, but lets nerves get the better of her. In her 1st test she got Fergie, an amiable examiner in Elgin, but made a bit of a mess of her Left Reverse and failed. She got Fergie again for her 2nd test. Her route included a long stretch of A-road from Elgin to Lossiemouth. This is a national speed limit (60mph) road. However, on this occasion, there was a 1/4 mile stretch where a 20mph speed limit was posted due to resurfacing. Drivers tend to speed on this long, straight road, so there was little adherance to the temporary limit. Ruby saw the 20mph limit and started slowing down, but everyone started overtaking her and keeping up to 60mph. She hesitated then brought her speed back up to about 40, thinking that perhaps the temporary limit was no longer in force - instant fail (despite the fact that she was a lot closer to the speed limit than everyone else). She knew her mistake and was kicking herself because the rest of the test was fine.
She took a couple of month's break then had a couple of lessons before her 3rd attempt. In those lessons I basically gave her directions, there was no need for any instruction. I tried to make her route as challenging as possible, but she coped easily with some really difficult situations. Even her nemesis, the Left Reverse was fine each time.
I'm not sure whether she was pleased or disappointed to get Fergie again. But even Fergie was positive this time, "Come on Ruby, let's do it this time" he urged her. So it was a big disappointment to see Fergie open the door and beckon to me at the end of her test. He gave her a serious fault for stalling too many times - she hasn't stalled at all in the last 6 months or more - and he gave her a serious fault for inadequate observation on her Turn in the road - she ALWAYS looks all around on all her manoeuvres.
So, who knows what happened. I certainly don't and I can only put it down to nerves. Her attitude is good though and she has asked me to book her 4th attempt as soon as possible. Hopefully next time she'll crack it. She deserves to, she is definitely the best driver on my books at the moment and is better than many who have passed 1st time.... she just needs to prove it.

Friends and family.

(Photo: Iain (Sid Vicious) and me (Johnny Rotten) at The Prince of Wales Feathers. New Year's Eve 2005).

Yesterday we enjoyed a visit from our friend, Iain Prior (or 'Sweetlips' as he is/was known to friends and customers). When Jane and I ran The Prince of Wales Feathers pub in Castor, Cambridgeshire we became victims of our own success and became busier than we could manage. Right on cue, Iain walked in one day and mumbled "Gi's a job" (but not so eloquently). We just wanted extra part-time staff, but he was hoping for full-time. We gave him a trial (full-time) and he quickly became a valuable asset. So much so, that, when we bought our house in Glen Urquhart and started spending more time there, we were happy to leave Iain in charge between Mondays and Thursdays while I did the weekly 1,000 mile commute between Castor and the Highlands. There were some questions over his decision-making (he supports Crystal Palace and is a Status Quo fan), but he did a good job for us and was well-liked by the pub customers.

Since leaving the pub in 2006, he has had a varied career, including, most recently, catering for Russell Crowe et al on the set of the forthcoming Robin Hood film. Other highlights of Iain's career include window cleaning (despite having no head for heights) and lorry driving (despite what terrified passengers have told him about his driving). But that is Iain's strength, he can turn his hand to anything: He learned how to make animals from balloons - He started with simple things like worms and snakes, but has now progressed to eels. He also taught himself magic - mainly to improve his chat-up lines. And his prowess as a comedian is legendary; he is always telling jokes and making people laugh..... just not at the same time.
As you may know, the Edinburgh Fringe is in full swing. Unfortunately, modern stand-up relies more on 'observational humour', rather than jokes. However, every now and then an actual joke sneaks out. The winner of The Dave (TV) Joke of the Festival went to Dan Antopolski for his line, "Hedgehogs - Why can't they just share the hedge?". Hard to imagine that was THE BEST joke of the Fringe. Some others I preferred:
Jack Whitehall - "I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."
Rhod Gilbert - "A spa hotel? It's like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble."
Adam Hills - "Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough."
And the philosopher in me liked this one,
Paddy Lennox - "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'."
Sorry Iain, not much new material for you there..... best stick to the old material (again).

Anyway, it was good to see you Iain (yes, really). Have a safe drive back and good luck with your snake-charming, stunt-piloting, spoon-bending, brain surgery, or whatever else it is you're going to do next.

Later in the evening I called my mum. Just general chit-chat really. However, she told me she had been reading this blog! I'm going to have to be very careful what I write now now: No more jokes about going to prison for sex; no more sticking two fingers up to the Head of the FBI; no more telling you what the English translation of Pajero is; no more telling you that 'this instructor called that instructor a dickhead'; no more tales of Tinas' Slippery Nipples; and no more mildly pornographic pictures. Hmmm...... I'm stuck for something to write now. You'll just have to cover your eyes Mum.

Here is the news

Good evening. Here are tonights' headlines: Politicians, it has been discovered, will say whatever they think will appeal to the most people (voters).

Understandably, there has been a massive reaction to Scottish Justice Secretary, Kenny MacAskill's decision to release Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi on compassionate grounds. When 270 people are murdered you expect extreme emotions and opinions. What puzzles me is the furore regarding Libyans waving Scottish saltires. Would the Head of the FBI (and everyone else) have been happier if the convicted bomber had, in a couple of months, died in a Scottish prison and there were television pictures of Libyans burning the Scottish Saltire instead?

The reason I was reluctant to post this is because, like religion, I believe everyone is entitled to their own political views and who am I to say Mr. Head of the F.. B.. I, for example, is wrong with his populist knee-jerk reaction? (With my new-found keyboard bravery I am jeering at the FBI and flicking two fingers à la Rik from The Young Ones). I just felt that no-one in the media have been asking obvious questions.

There is more disappointing news with British banks: An ATM manufacturer has introduced a new language to the user options on some London cash machines - Cockney Rhyming Slang (No, I am NOT making this up). Customers will be asked to enter their 'Huckleberry Finn' (PIN) and given the option of withdrawing a 'Speckled Hen' (£10). Could it get any more ridiculous? (Honestly, this is real! -

Go to http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6077110/Cockney-rhyming-slang-introduced-in-bank-machines.html if you don't believe me). Cockney Rhyming Slang must be the most pointless and pretentious thing ever (apart from Simon Cowell).

And finally..... Congratulations to Andrew Strauss and his team on a surprising, but magnificent Ashes victory. When you think back to the 1st Test at Cardiff and how Anderson and Panesar hung on for almost an hour to earn an unlikely draw - It could so easily have been a very different result.

If you don't get Test Cricket, there is still hope for you; Lily Allen recently became a convert and spent much of her festival-filled Summer trying to keep up with Englands' exploits with the willow and leather (that's 'bat and ball', not some new perversion). On the face of it, Cricket does look like an excuse for 13 men (plus umpires) to stand out in the sun (hopefully), spend a few seconds each minute facing each other, maybe run about for another few seconds and then have a well-earned rest for Lunch, Tea and Elevenses with the other 9 men. And then repeat the process for the next four days. But, when you actually watch it, you see there is so much to the game. Watch how a bowler gradually lures a batsman to play a misjudged stroke into the hands of a fielder, or how a batsman will doggedly defend 90+ mph missiles before swatting one to the boundary from within inches of his face, or (especially with Test Cricket) how the Captain and bowlers will move their fielders around like a Grandmaster positions his chess pieces.

Because I have (so far) refused to give in and sign up to Sky, I have been denied live television coverage of this series. Radio 5live has done its best, but updates at 15 minute intervals is not enough. However, when I have been able to listen to Test Match Special on Radio 5 Sports Extra on my digital radio at home or via the internet on my laptop between lessons, the tension has almost been as great as actually being there. Even the moment when Freddie Flintoff scooped up the ball and, with a sniper's accuracy, scattered Ricky Pontings' stumps was vivid in my mind before I saw the television highlights later in the day.

Hard to say who deserved 'Man of the Series'; If you compare with the 2005 Test Series, there was no-one with the out-and-out brilliance of Shane Warne, or the superhuman heroics of Andrew Flintoff, but I think that, although he made some puzzling tactical decisions, Ricky Ponting's overall performance (and conduct) was superb. I considered giving Andrew Strauss my vote until I saw that it took both hands for him to lift that ridiculous little trophy.... wimp.

Bringing some colour(s) to your life

I confess to pinching this from the 'Diary of an ADI' website (mentioned a couple of posts ago). Obviously you can see pink, orange, blue and green stripes. Or can you?

















The 'green' and 'blue' stripes are actually the same colour (look closely).