Martin's driving

Rat race.

2012-02-05T15:56:00.001Z

Once again, a bit of snow seems to be bringing havoc to the roads.
It's funny how a few inches of snow in England becomes HEADLINE NEWS when far worse conditions north of the border rarely get more than the briefest of mentions. The reporter on Breakfast just now said "Here, in Worcestershire, we had half a centimetre of snow overnight." that's not news! That barely even qualifies as 'weather'.
Driving is all about reading the road ahead and making adjustments for the conditions. 'Conditions' include traffic and road conditions, not just weather.
One of life's little pleasures is watching other drivers NOT reading the road ahead. Admittedly this is morally dubious, like watching Alex Ferguson's blood pressure rise when things aren't going his way.
The A96, the road linking Inverness and Aberdeen, is great for Bad Driver watching. In general, it is a fairly free-flowing 60mph road (apart from the occasional tractor driver who is less considerate than most tractor drivers). In a perfect world, with good weather conditions, everyone would be driving at 57 - 60mph on the straights, easing of the accelerator in good time for the bends and roundabouts, and keeping a minimum of a 2 second gap between them and the vehicle ahead....... "in a perfect world". But, as we are reminded every day, this isn't a perfect world. There are plenty of drivers that drive at speeds significantly less than appropriate. But, who knows, maybe they are transporting something fragile? Maybe they....... (I'm struggling to think of other valid reasons for driving far too slow for the conditions). And, of course, there are plenty of drivers who think that speed limits do not apply to them, as A & E units (and undertakers) around the country will testify.
Almost every day I travel along the A96. What fascinates me is wondering what on earth its going on in the heads of some of the drivers? Early morning and late afternoon, there will usually be a continuous stream of vehicles in each direction, at consistent speeds of 50 - 60 mph. Let's take the 16 mile journey from Nairn to Inverness as an example:
In a perfect world, with everyone travelling at 60mph (and ignoring the slowing down for the three roundabouts), it would take 16 minutes to complete the journey. If, heaven forbid, you had to 'endure' sitting in traffic at 55mph, you would reach your destination a mere 87 seconds later. Even if the flow of traffic was down to 50mph, your journey would still only take a fraction over 3 minutes longer. I am sure that no-one would ever mind setting their alarm clock 4 minutes earlier (so they could allow a few minutes extra for their journey), yet so many people seem to hate sitting in steadily flowing traffic, a touch under the speed limit. Consequently, I watch with fascination/ horror/ amusement as drivers take sometimes considerable risks (and use a lot more fuel) to overtake a car or two, wait a couple of miles for another overtaking opportunity, overtake another car, wait for another opportunity etc. It so often happens that the Audi (and other cars), sitting right up behind me as I head out of Nairn, is maybe 5 or 6 vehicles (= 20 seconds) ahead of me as we reach Inverness.
Even if, like some Audi drivers, you don't believe the speed limit applies to you and you raced to Inverness at 70mph, you would only arrive just over 2 minutes before someone sticking to the speed limit. Meanwhile, you have used significantly more fuel, risked a fine, points on your license and, most importantly, risked the lives of others.
I love driving. I love the sensation of speed. And I will overtake when it is safe and necessary to do so. But I also love getting to my destination early simply because I allowed plenty of time of time for the journey, not because I risked overtaking every vehicle in front of me.
Do yourself a favour - leave a few minutes earlier and leave the anxiety and blood pressure to Alex Ferguson.

Should you drive differently in your test?

2012-01-20T08:55:00.001Z

Rory wasn't the only test this week.
I have no idea about the statistics, but it seems to be accepted that, the younger you are, the more quickly you learn. Sometimes it can even be shocking how quickly 17 year-olds learn. But, somehow, it does mean that it can be more rewarding teaching more mature pupils.
My 2nd pupil on test is no longer 17 (as is also the case with Rory). She actually started with me a couple of years ago, but combining work with her family and a degree course meant that she found learning to drive just one commitment too much. But moving 10 miles further up the loch meant that learning to drive became a necessity.
Possibly, part of the reason it can harder to learn is that, at 17, people often have less fear and more confidence. Julie's biggest hurdle was her self-confidence. So, although I was confident she was ready for her test, she seemed less so. In fact, in the lessons running up to her test, she made regular comments about 'expecting to fail' and 're-booking her test as soon as she got home after failing'.
She asked me to sit in on the test. An emergency stop right at the start of her test clearly unsettled her and she stalled at the next junction. After a slightly messy couple of minutes, she got it together and began to drive as well as I know she can. But the stall and the messy driving was obviously still on her mind because she seemed completely shocked when the examiner told her she had passed.
Something else that added to Julie's lack of confidence was the fact that she had hardly any private practice outside of her lessons. Seoras was almost the opposite. His parents gave up their time so that he could practice his driving most days. Consequently, his driving became very assured and natural. But, a few bad habits, such as not checking his mirrors adequately, were beginning to creep in. So my job changed from telling him how (and why) to do things, to what could happen if he didn't do these things. As a result, Seoras passed with just a few driver errors, making it three first-time passes out of three tests for my pupils on Wednesday.
The very next day I had another test. This pupil had also benefited from practice with parents and has become a very good, considerate driver. She also asked if I could sit in on her test. It was possibly the most comfortable I have ever felt when sitting in the back. As the test progressed I began thinking that she might complete the test with 0 driver faults. She was approaching a crossroads, with three cars parked on her side of the road, close to the junction. She checked her mirrors and started moving out to pass the cars. Just as she did so, a car turned into our road. She slowed down and the oncoming car slowed too. Unfortunately, she assumed the oncoming car was giving way to her (they probably were) and released her brake. The examiner recorded this as a serious fault and it cost her her test. It was a very split-second decision and, if she had just held back a fraction more than she did, she would have been fine. It just goes to show that EVERYTHING we do when driving should be done to cause as little inconvenience to others as possible.
Bear that last statement in mind when reading the following:
Another pupil, who has his test approaching, was talking to one of his school teachers, who has been having lessons with another instructor. She told my pupil "My instructor said that, on your test, you should slow down and go into first gear at every junction." Now, either my pupil misunderstood his teacher, or his teacher misunderstood her instructor, or her instructor is an idiot....
Imagine if you are following a vehicle and you see that vehicle indicating to turn into a side road. You would probably expect that vehicle to slow to a speed that they could check the junction is clear and negotiate the turn. If that vehicle then slows right down to below walking speed (and selects 1st gear) you will be forced into braking harder than you originally expected. This is potentially dangerous. Sure, some junctions are so tight, or so blind, that 1st gear might be appropriate, but not EVERY junction. And, as a side note, why would you ever do anything different on your test to what you would usually do? (answer: you wouldn't).
As a driver, every day you will encounter other drivers, cyclists and pedestrians that cause you problems. Sometimes it is accidental, often it is due to ignorance, arrogance or stupidity. Whatever decisions you have to make while driving, it should always consider what causes the least problems for others.... And that includes the vehicles behind you who are braking furiously because you unnecessarily selected 1st gear.
Just in case you are left in any doubt, the answer to the question in this post's title is 'Don't be so bloody stupid!'

How refreshing.

2012-01-18T09:12:00.001Z

Well I seem to have cracked that stupid solve-a-mathematical-puzzle-to-turn-the-alarm-off thing on my phone. It turns out I was answering the questions correctly but not pressing some other button. How was I supposed to know that?!
You may laugh, or sneer (but a sneer is not a flattering look on you) at the thought of my alarm shenanigans, but they are effective. So far I have found that the best tunes to rouse me are 'I fought the law' by The Clash, or 'Lust for life' by Iggy Pop - the galloping intros of either send me jolting from my pillow, arms flailing like an electrified octopus to turn the alarm off.
While my alarm helpfully tells me what day it is, the weather is not very helpful in telling me what month it is. The fact that, the other day, it was -8C and I had thick ice on my windscreen merely suggests that there is an 'r' in the month. This is further confused when, later the same day, it was +13C and I had the car window open for the first time in months.
Of course, my customers pay me for the finest and sharpest instructional mind available, so it is not too encouraging if they read about me not knowing what day, or what month, it is. They need have no fear though, for, by the time their lesson starts, I could not possibly be more awake. This was especially the case this morning...
Anyone above a certain age may remember television adverts for Skol lager. I am not sad enough to remember them precisely, but they showed people being dunked on a water wheel, or being caterpaulted into a snow bank, then declaring that it wasn't as refreshing as a pint of Skol... Or something like that. I was reminded of that advert this morning; I had an 8AM lesson to start with. Although not particularly cold, it was still dark, raining, and there was a gusting north-westerly wind. My car was parked facing North-West. The amount of grit and muck on the roads meant that keeping the car clean is a never-ending process and I get through gallons of screen wash. Last night I could tell the screen wash was getting low, so I decided to fill it before the day's lessons. Naturally, the weather decided that that was the perfect moment to deteriorate. The wind picked up, trying to take my bonnet with it and causing the horizontal rain to pelt my back. Stupidly, I wasn't wearing a coat and, within seconds, my back was soaked with Atlantic rain. It certainly refreshed me more than a pint of Skol ever could. No time to change my shirt, so I drove to Rory's, the whole journey leaning forward so I didn't get the seat wet and make him wonder if I had perspiration problems.
Matters were further complicated by the fact that Rory had his driving test at 8.40, his first attempt. So, not wanting to dampen the examiner's seat, I had to continue leaning forward until I felt my shirt had dried sufficiently - not the best health & safety practice.
Another instructor in one of the areas I cover put a statement on his website declaring that he won't spend time sat by the side of the road, he will give you as much driving as possible etc; then he added something like 'unlike some instructors - you know who you are!'. Apart from me, there is only one other instructor that covers that area, so maybe he was having an uneducated dig at me. Who knows, who cares? Anyway my (laboured) point is that, often, aspects of driving cannot be covered on the move. I always aim to give my pupils maximum value from their lessons, so I do like to get them driving as much as possible, but time spent with my sketch pad, drawing quick diagrams and explaining things is equally important.
I don't think I have ever spent as much time with a pupil, sat by the side of the road, discussing and analysing aspects of driving, as I have with Rory. It wasn't that he wasn't 'getting it', it was just that he always wanted to learn more. He is always asking me "What would happen if....?" and "What would be the best thing to do if.....?" I wish all my pupils were as inquisitive. Often he would get in the car at the start of a lesson and immediately ask "I was thinking, last night, 'what should I do if....... happened?" And the analysis would go on until, ten minutes later, I would get anxious that neighbours might think I spend too much time sat by the curb instead of driving.
In his test this morning, Rory was waiting at a crossroads to turn right when a lorry approached the junction from the road opposite. The lorry put a right indicator on, then cancelled it, so Rory had to assume it was going straight ahead and thus had priority. But the driver was waving Rory on, but he couldn't go because of other traffic. A few minutes later, Rory was on a narrow, downhill road, approaching a very blind T-junction to turn left. Suddenly a bin lorry turned in to his road, without checking that there was room for him to do so. Rory had the presence of mind to secure the car, select reverse gear, find the biting point and check over both shoulders to ensure it was safe before reversing back to a point where the bin lorry could safely pass. Perhaps if we had spent more time whizzing around the village and less time by the side of the road, analysing his driving, he might have rushed, made bad choices and not passed his test. Very well done Rory, I'm very proud of you.
So, if you are learning to drive and you don't FULLY understand something, ask your instructor if you can pull over, switch off the engine and have him/ her explain it to you. Or find a better instructor.

(and remember to bring a coat if you are going to the Highlands).

Ray and Frank

2012-01-13T00:13:00.001Z

When I had the Cross Keys pub in Totternhoe, there was one couple I looked forward to seeing probably more than any other. Ray & Carol were just the most perfect customers any publican could wish for. They were polite, friendly, interesting and funny. Often, when they came for a meal I would go to take their order and they would simply say "We'll let you choose for us". Then they would let me choose the wine for them. Then, at the end of the night, Ray never asked for the bill, he would just give me a blank cheque and let me fill it in. Not that they were rich or showing off, they just trusted me to look after them.
Many people assumed they were married, but they didn't actually get married until Ray was in his late 70s. Everyone knew they were going on holiday to the U S A. When they came back from their holiday Carol came in the pub. "Hello Carol...." I began, but before I could continue, she (jokingly) said "It's 'Mrs Foster' to you." Possibly the most original way of announcing that they had got married.
They has got married in a registry office in Las Vegas and spoke so highly of the way they were treated that Jane & I decided to get married there ourselves - if it was good enough for Ray and Carol, it was good enough for anyone.
Everyone always wanted Ray to join their quiz team and I always thought that, if I ever went on 'Who wants to be a millionaire' Ray would definitely be my 'phone a friend'.
So I was very saddened to learn that Ray had passed away over Christmas. I guess he must have been in his late 80s, but I never thought of him as being anywhere near that age.
Heartfelt sympathies to Carol.
It was only a few weeks before that I had learned of the death of another friend from The Cross Keys, Frank Pulay. He had come to Britain from Hungary after the revolution and, perhaps because of his accent, was the only person who could get away with swearing in my pub. He used to say it was 'Shakespeare English' whenever I pulled him up on it, but I'm sure such words didn't crop up in any Shakespeare I read.
His gift to me was that I now know how to call people some quite obscene things in Hungarian. Useful.
Frank and Ray were both tremendous characters and I will always have many treasured memories of them both. R.I.P.

Bugger Bodmas

2012-01-11T23:52:00.001Z

Well I enjoyed that. Possibly the most relaxing Christmas & New Year break I can remember. Jane & I had already done lots of prep, so Christmas dinner was a doddle, and after that it was lots of fun and games.... A far remove from our times in the hotel and pub industry, when we would work ourselves into the ground by January 1st.
Apart from one or two lessons sprinkled around New Year, I didn't really start back to work until last week, when I kicked off with Kim's Pass Plus. She passed her test with me last summer and had talked about doing the Pass Plus course, but it was only when a friend was in an accident after losing control in the snow that she decided learning how to properly control the car in such conditions would be a good idea. So it was bad luck then that the two days over which she had booked her course were so mild that almost all the snow had gone. I thought our best bet would be to drive to the ski resort on the Lecht, in the north Cairngorms. But even at that altitude the snow had almost gone. Never mind, I did what I could to make the course as challenging as possible and she made me very proud with her driving (apart from some 'unusual' steering techniques she seems to have picked up).
The trouble with taking time off, is that it is not always easy to spring back into the routine. I always used to be much more of a night owl than an early bird. From the age of about 12 I used to stay up late, listening to John Peel on my headphones. Then I stupidly went and got a part-time job delivering newspapers. I found it such a struggle getting up in time.i had a really vicious Binatone radio/ alarm clock that would easily wake me, but I would just switch it off and fall back to sleep. I ended up going to the rather alarming extremes of putting the alarm on the far side of the room, then tying my ankle to the bed with some string. The theory was that, by the time I had undone the knot and had switched off the alarm, I would be fully awake.
Since becoming a driving instructor, my internal clock had shifted a few hours earlier and I have no problem getting up early these days, I even enjoy it. But I was reminded of my morning struggles yesterday morning:
Sometime, soon after getting this phone, I must have had too much time on my hands, because I tailored the alarm clock on it to a ridiculous extreme - I set a different mp3 as the alarm each day. So Sundays I am woken nice and gently by The Velvet Underground's 'Sunday morning'. Mondays are almost as gentle with The Mamas & The Papas 'Monday Monday'. Tuesday it's 'Ruby Tuesday' by The Rolling Stones. Wednesday it's The Undertones and 'Wednesday week'. Then David Bowie wakes me with 'Thursdays child' and, on Friday, I get 'Friday I'm in love' by The Cure. Finally, Saturday is a bit of a raucous awakening with Elton John's 'Saturday night's alright for fighting'. Now I instantly know what day it is when I wake up - genius!
But, typical of me, I couldn't simply leave it like that. Over Christmas, on a few days, I had regressed to my old habit of turning the alarm off and going back to sleep. So the other day I discovered another option on the phone's alarm where the alarm could not be switched off until I had solved a mathematical puzzle... A slightly more sensible challenge than trying to untie myself from the bed. At least, I thought it would be...
Do you know B O D M A S? This is an acronym to tell you in which order the different functions of an equation should be completed: Brackets, Of, Division, Multiplication, Addition, Subtraction. So yesterday's puzzle to switch off the alarm was '7 + 5 x 6 = ?'. Easy. Using Bodmas, I should do the multiplication before the addition. So, 7 + 30 = 37. Nothing. Mick Jagger kept singing (Ruby Tuesday). I entered my answer, '37', again but the alarm kept going. The Stones were well into the chorus by now and I still couldn't turn the thing off. I even tried 12 x 6 = 72, but it didn't like that answer either. Jane seemed to find it very funny that I couldn't switch my #*@&ing alarm off and I had to resort to switching the phone off completely before I could get silence.
I didn't think Jane would continue to find it amusing if it happened every morning, so I switched the option off last night.
Tomorrow morning I will give it another try, but if David Bowie manages to get to the chorus before I solve the puzzle, I will not be held responsible for my actions.

Christmas rapping

2011-12-23T12:23:00.000Z

You lot are rubbish. I give you something nice and simple to do; just find me some interesting and invigorating new music and the few recommendations I did get were just….. not very good. In fact - and I can't believe that I'm saying this - possibly the freshest thing I've heard for a while is Getting ready for Christmas by Paul Simon (and I'm not a massive fan of Paul Simon or Christmas songs) Probably a good thing that I have struggled to find decent new music, it’s all too easy to load up my Amazon basket and then wonder where the money has gone.
I’ve just finished my last lesson before taking a few days off to eat, drink and be merry. I’ve got to pick up the rib of beef from the butcher then I’m just about there. We tried the potted duck the other day and that proved to be a success, so Sunday I’m subjecting my unfortunate relatives to the following experimental Christmas menu:

Potted confit of duck with Earl Grey-soaked prunes
**********************
Prime rib of beef with celeriac and horseradish puree
Parsnip gratin
Brussels sprouts with shallots and caraway seeds
Roast beetroot and carrots
Yorkshire pudding
Roast tatties
**********************
Christmas Pudding
Jane’s Lemon meringue ice-cream
Martin’s boozy Tiramisu

I don’t suspect for one moment that you are interested in this, but I thought that if I put it in this blog then I would know what to avoid next year (apart from Jane’s ice-cream, of course).

Mysterious goings on at The Argyll quiz on Thursday nights: As I had previously noted, the passing of the quizmaster baton from Bob to Noel had been seamless (apart from the lack of success for our team). A couple of weeks ago Noel had been stuck up in Scrabster, so had asked me if I could take his place for the evening. No problem, in fact, I secretly enjoyed it. Then yesterday, Franner, the landlady, asked me if I could run the quiz for the next couple of months because Noel wouldn’t be available. Who knows why? Perhaps he has incurred an 8 week suspension for saying something to a Man Utd player. I shouldn’t joke; obviously I’m disappointed that Suarez (such a vital player this season) has received an 8 match ban, but I would be even more disappointed if what he said to Patrice Evra really was intended as a racial slur. Anyway, Franna obviously didn’t know (or had forgotten) about my roundabout sign question shame (I’m too embarrassed to repeat it), or else she is just scraping the barrel when it comes to finding a quizmaster.. So I’m just letting you know, if you are looking for a fun night out in Ullapool on a Thursday night, but you can’t find one, come to my quiz at The Argyll. I say ‘my quiz’, but it’s not. When I had my own pubs I used to spend ages devising increasingly devious weekly quizzes. At The Argyll they buy the quizzes in from a company called Black Tooth, or something. Actually I don’t think it’s Black tooth, that doesn’t sound very enticing. Maybe it’s Red Tooth - but that doesn’t sound particularly attractive either. Whatever colour tooth it is that supplies the quizzes, they are quite entertaining; quite a good variety of questions for all ages and knowledge levels. I particularly like the 'wipeout' round at the end - Ten questions; A point for every correct answer, with 5 bonus points if you get all ten correct. But.... get one wrong and you score zilch for the round. So, if you aren't sure you leave it blank and play safe, but, especially if you are a few points behind, it is sometimes worth a gamble and going for the bonus points. I'll have to have a rummage through various boxes to see if I can find any of my old quizzes to slip into the quiz here and there. Perhaps I'll try some of them out on here...... you lucky people.

Pleased to report that temperatures have risen from -8C last Sunday to +14C yesterday. Not only that, but, as of yesterday, the nights are now getting shorter. This far north, we enjoy very long days during the Summer, but the downside is that, at the moment, sunrise is at 8.43am and sunset is at 3.12pm; just over 6 hours of daylight.

Right, no more procrastination, I've got to get to the butchers. Very best wishes for the festive season, hope it's a good one.

Never mind the ballads

2011-12-17T16:30:00.002Z

Slowly, but surely, everything is getting more bland and sugary. It seems that almost every other song on telly or the radio is a boring ballad. Or else they take a once great song (by The Smiths or Blondie, for example) and water it down to make a 'pleasant' soundtrack to some tv ad. And don't even get me started on The X Factor.... To describe it as 'bland, boring, overblown, commercial crap' would be harsh on all other bland, boring, overblown, commercial crap.
I've written similar stuff before, but finding some old home-compilation cds in a box in the loft the other day, I came across such gems as Magazine's Shot by both sides, and The Slits Typical Girls, amongst others, and it really emphasised how much we need a similar injection of energy into music again. I will be eternally grateful if anyone can point me in the direction of any new music that is at least half as exciting.
Mini-rant over.
Last Thursday brought an end to a good run of driving test passes. I was as confident as it was possible to be that my pupil would pass. Recent lessons have been trying to take his driving to an advanced standard. So I was very surprised when he didn't pass. Whilst driving at 60mph towards Lossiemouth, he was asked to take the next left, but left his signal too late. He was possibly distracted by the car behind, which was too close, but this should have meant all the more reason for signalling early.
Previously, I had had 8 consecutive pupils passing. Last week Jonathan passed in Inverness. Jonathan is a music teacher at Gordonstoun school, but has recently accepted a position on the island of Montserrat, in the West Indies. He had already passed his driving test in an automatic, but the company car he is being offered in his new job is a manual. He had some lessons with J-Drive in Elgin, but, being unable to get a test before his flight, had no choice but to take his test in Inverness. Many thanks to Jason, from J-Drive, for recommending me to Jonathan (as Jason doesn't cover Inverness). So, a little bit of pressure because he wouldn't have had time for a second attempt before his flight, but he passed well with just three driver faults.
A few days earlier Liam became one of my youngest pupils to pass (also with 3 driver faults), just a few weeks after his 17th birthday. In May this year he had already become the youngest player to make his debut for Inverness Caledonian Thistle, so this capped a very good year for him.
Saturday I took a whole day off and spent most of it experimenting in the kitchen, trying out different ideas for Christmas dinner. The peanut butter and cherry parfait wasn't too bad, but I have yet to try the potted confit duck and Earl Grey-soaked prunes. If they don't work out we may have to resort to Anna's choice - prawn cocktail.
A bit of a thaw is forecast, which is welcome. Yesterday, snow, ice and temperatures dropping to -8C did nothing to enhance my driving pleasure (although an Iggy Pop cd did). While I'm on the subject of weather, I would like to praise and thank my pupils for their attitude towards their lessons. I have had more test cancellations than lesson cancellations due to the weather. This attitude was typified by Sophie yesterday morning, who made a 3 hour round trip in the snow, from Kinlochbervie, for a one hour lesson.

Finally, I am beginning to wonder if I really exist. I have just spent an hour trying to arrange insurance renewal for Jane's Nissan Navara. Sorting out insurance is not the most exciting pastime - even less so when it is classed as a commercial vehicle. On Direct Line's website it asked for my occupation, then gave me a massive list to choose from (it wouldn't let me type in 'Driving Instructor'). Occupations on this list include Archpriest, Axeman, Bacon Curer, Busker, Embalmer, Foam converter, Lampshade maker, Pearl stringer, Whaler and (honestly) Spiderman! But NO DRIVING INSTRUCTOR!?!? I have seen the damage done to a bus when the bus driver drove into the back of me, so I know I exist, but apparently not where insurance companies are concerned.

I wonder where I apply for the job of Spiderman?

Frozen planet

2011-12-06T12:51:00.001Z

December in the North-West Highlands and the weak winter sun remains low above the mountains surrounding Ullapool, even at midday.
The herds of tourists that populate the village during the summer months have long since made the journey back South, in search of central heating, traffic and shopping centres. Small flocks of hillwalkers and climbers can still sometimes be seen but, in general, the colder weather keeps people away.
Today though, there is a nervousness amongst some of the population. Today is the day when a lone Lesser-spotted Examiner is expected to make an appearance.
This is a mixed blessing for some of the population. For many weeks the local Pale Learners have been seen, moving around the area. During these formative weeks the Pale Learners have progressed from stumbling jerkily around car parks and quieter roads to galloping around the wider area. It is during these crucial formative times that they are constantly accompanied by various species of Instructor. The Instructor doesn't let them out of sight. Initially the Pale Learners are happy with this symbiotic arrangement; the Instructor helps build their confidence and the Pale Learner helps keep the Instructor fed. But this situation cannot last; there will be a new Pale Learners coming soon, vying for the Instructor's attention, and, besides, the Pale Learners want to shed their red markings and begin the transformation into fully-fledged Drivers.
Before they can do this, they have to undertake a ritual known as the 'driving test'. By the time their turn arrives they should be competent enough to complete this with ease. They feel confident that they can do this, and so should their Instructor, but it is only under the watchful eye of the Lesser-spotted Examiners that they can demonstrate their skills. Consequently, the thought of an Examiner approaching usually causes quite a stir.
One of the Instructors seems anxious. He has been watching the skies. The weather is deteriorating and, if the conditions are not good enough then it is possible that the Examiner will not show.
Disaster strikes. Sunday morning brings the first significant snow of the Winter. This is too much for even some of the more experienced 'Drivers', whose small brains cannot cope with the change in conditions. This time they are lucky. They may be injured and their pride damaged, but, this time at least, they live to drive another day.
The Instructor paces fretfully. He has to hope that the temperature will increase and bring a thaw, or else his Pale Learners will have to wait for another opportunity to take their driving test. But the signs are not good. Monday morning he awakes to find 4 - 5 inches of snow. With only 24 hours to go it seems the fate of the Learners is out of his hands. The Pale Learners show their displeasure. Some of them venture out into the snow - it is experience that will stand them in good stead over the next few months - but many of them prefer to hide inside in the warmth, hoping that the snow will not last long.

The next day brings a thaw. The snow is melting and the Instructor peers curiously from his lair. Three of his Pale Learners are expecting to take their test today. There is nothing at the moment to suggest that the Examiner will not appear. The Instructor and the Learner move around the village, galloping, trotting and crawling, sometimes even demonstrating bizarre backwards movements. They have done all they can now. They just have to wait.
The Instructor scans the horizon, looking for any sign of a prowling Examiner.

Finally, they accept defeat. It seems as though the conditions are too much for the Examiner. Although most of the snow has gone, and although the conditions are far from harsh, it appears that the Pale Learner will have to wait another month, maybe two, before they can free themselves from the watchful eye of the Instructor and venture out alone into the wild.

More tests, Morris Dancing, mad weather and a little bit of luck

2011-11-27T17:57:00.001Z

After my less than comfortable excursion to Gairloch, it was a welcome relief to get back to my own pupils in Ullapool. It was like putting an Aretha Frankin CD on after spending the morning listening to X Factor auditions.
The next day I had four pupils taking their test:
We started at 7.30am. My first pupil first had driving lessons twenty odd years ago, but had been put off driving until one of her colleagues recommended me to her. I think she had reached the stage where she assumed she would never drive. As a result, she seemed in deep shock when she passed, first time, with just four driver faults. Very well-done Karen. Have fun with your new Suzuki and thank you very much for the bottle of Laphroaig.
Lawrence had the 9.37am test and also passed at his first attempt. Surprising how easy driving is when you give yourself time.
A wee bit of pressure on me for the 10.44am test. A few months ago Effie, one of our crack quiz team, said that her son's girlfriend had booked her test and could I help her out? Well I would be delighted to help, but would it affect our quiz team dynamic if we weren't successful?
I eased the pressure by going to The Tea Store for a Big Hot Roll and a pot of tea. The manageress and I chatted about learning to drive and it transpired that she had learned to drive near where I grew up. When the conversation came around to my pub, The Cross Keys in Totternhoe, she said "I used to dance there!" She then went on to explain that she was one of the founder members of Caddington Blues, a Morris Dancing troupe.
"You should found a Morris Dancing troupe here." I suggested.
"Hmmm. Maybe we could do something for the Ullapool dance festival next year? So I can count on your participation?"
I hadn't expected that, "Er..... er....... Sure. Yes. Count me in."
We shall see. Meanwhile, if anyone else fancies jigging about with sticks, bells, funny hats and hankies, then make yourself known at The Tea Store.
Tea and Big Hot Roll polished off, I walked back to find that Julia had also passed with just four driver faults. Very well done Julia, good luck with your interview (which you can now drive to.
At the start of October I got an email from someone asking if they could have a semi-intensive course with me in Ullapool. She would be moving back to Glasgow in January and hoped to pass her test before then. She confessed that she had initially approached another instructor in Ullapool but he only offered her lessons on the very days she said she couldn't do. Good for me though. She put the time and effort in but, unfortunately, she couldn't get a test in Ullapool, so she booked her test in Inverness. We drove to Inverness (only her third lesson there) and, despite going a different direction to that which the examiner asked, passed well with 5 driver faults. Very well deserved Zoe. See you in two weeks for your Pass Plus.
A very successful day then; four tests and four passes AND an invitation to become a Morris Dancer!

The transition from Bob to Noel at the Argyll quiz was seamless. It was as though Noel had been doing it for years. However, we have been on a bit of a winning run recently and, with one round to go, we were half a point behind. The last round is the Wipeout round. You get points for every correct answer, but if you don't know an answer you should leave it blank because one wrong answer wipes out your score for that round. The temptation though is that, if you answer all ten correctly, you get five bonus points. We were pretty confident about 8 of the 10, but we decided to gamble on going for the whole lot. Which company has a black 'M' in a white circle as their logo? We put Morrisons, but it turned out to be Motorola. We therefore wiped out and finished fourth. FOURTH?!?!? 'Bring back Bob' I say!

Now I can normally sleep through anything. Many years ago, when I was running a pub, I had such a bad hangover one day that I was convinced I was going to die. Unfortunately, the door to my flat was blocked by a table of people in the restaurant, so I couldn't go and die in the comfort of my bed. I staggered through to the lovely cool cellar and the only space I could find to lie down was on top of a chest freezer. I thankfully fell asleep and the staff and my mother took great pleasure in showing the pub regulars me sleeping on the freezer. Thursday night however, not even I could sleep through the howling wind, rain, thunder and lightning in Ullapool. The next day it continued. In addition, we also had snow down to low hill levels, bright sunshine, sleet and thick hail. Sometimes it was so loud we could not hear ourselves talk in the car. Winter was on its way. But it was reassuring to see the snowploughs already out.

Saturday morning I had my fifth test of the week, ok, sixth, I was trying to forget the one in Gairloch. This one also in Inverness, and another first-timer. My pupil asked the examiner if I could sit in the back during his test. A bit of a nervous start, but no errors. We were coming downhill on Tower Road, down to the T-junction with Barn Church Road. It's a bit of an unusual junction; turning right is controlled by traffic lights, but turning left is a give-way. My pupil was asked to turn left. The traffic lights (for turning right) were red, but I could see that it was safe for him to proceed at the junction. He began slowing to a stop. "Noooo!" I thought. Luckily, there was nothing behind us or he would certainly have incurred a serious fault. He realised, just in time, that he should be ignoring the lights, and only picked up a driver (minor) fault for 'planning'. He only had one other driver fault and thus passed with just two faults. So, apart from those couple of seconds where you had me squirming, it was a very good drive. Congratulations Robert, enjoy all that extra time you will have now you don't have to rely on public transport.

It's always a bit strange when you spend time with people such as Robert, Zoe, Julia, Lawrence and Karen, and then go on to pupils who are still struggling with aspects of their driving. The thing is to treat each person as an individual. Solutions for one pupil may not work for another, that is where the core competencies are so vital (for those of you doing Pt 3 training). It may take a matter of weeks (such as in Zoe's case), or it may take months, but they all get there in the end.

Aural torture

2011-11-24T18:33:00.003Z

The other day I was driving home, listening to the radio, when I heard a fantastic track. I didn't catch the title, but it was by Etta James. I love her version of 'I would rather go blind' and am now kicking myself for not catching the song title - it has been ages since I have heard something that had such an impact on me.
Amazingly, the next night, another track also had a big impact on me. Unfortunately, not in a good way. We were watching BBC's Children in need and they introduced 'The Collective' performing the 2011 Children in need single, Teardrop. My jaw dropped as 'The Collective' proceeded to massacre Massive Attack's song. Ok, I may be a tad biased, as Elisabeth Fraser was the vocalist on the original, but Tulisa's vocal was unbelievably bad in comparison. The next morning I was waiting at a garage when the same track came on the radio. On the single Tulisa's voice was slightly improved by autotune, but I was almost hopping round in anguish, being forced to listen to it.
Saturday night was apparently 'movies night' on The X Factor. One of them sang a cover of Aretha Franklin's Think, from The Blues Brothers (and also, apparently, from Bridget Jones' diary). Tulisa, now in her role as 'singing judge' declared that it was "a bad song choice" because 'she had never heard that track' causing my jaw to drop for the second consecutive night. It was a bit like a film critic saying they had never heard of Jaws.

Wednesday night saw the end of an era when Bob hosted his last ever quiz at The Argyll in Ullapool. He is moving to Edinburgh in the pursuit of true love and we wish him well. Apparently Noel will take over the mic, I wonder whether he will continue the actress/bishop 'jokes' and the abuse of teams with unimaginative names.

Monday afternoon I received a text enquiry from someone asking if I gave lessons in Gairloch. The short answer is 'no, I don't.' Gairloch is 92 miles (over 2 hours) from me and 56 miles (an hour and a quarter) from Ullapool. I have taken pupils for test there when they have been unable to get a test in Ullapool, but I have to charge them for every hour, so it's not a cheap option. The person then called me and said that he had seen on this blog that I have taken pupils for test in Gairloch. I explained the logistics and he said that he would be willing to pay for my time because 'his test was the next morning'! I politely declined and suggested he call Kenny, the only instructor I knew of that covered Gairloch.
A while later he called back and said that Kenny could not help. I did not have to be in Ullapool until 12pm, so, with his test being at 9.37am, it was just possible to get over to Gairloch, let him take his test, and get to Ullapool in time for my afternoon lessons, but it would mean setting off at 6am, so I calculated what it would cost him. But, before we agreed, I needed to know if he was ready for his test. So I quizzed him on his experience.
"I have had over 30 hours of lessons in London and I have taken one test, but I failed because I didn't cancel my indicator. And now I am in Gairloch."
Now, I have plenty of experience of driving in London and some experience of driving in Gairloch. I thought that, if he had been close to passing his test in London, he should be ok to take his test in Gairloch.
"Ok," I agreed, "I should be in Gairloch about 8.15 - 8.30, giving us a good hour to have a look at anything you're not sure about."
"I'm staying in Inverness tonight. Can you pick me up there?"
"That's fine," Inverness is on the way to Gairloch from where I stay, "I'll be there at 7am."
So, 7 o'clock Tuesday morning, I arrive at the address in Inverness, check his licence and tell him that he can drive, to give him a chance to get used to the car. We set off and..... something's not quite right.....
He can't drive...... Ok, an exaggeration. He can drive a bit, but not well. And certainly not well enough to pass his test. Do I refuse to take him and waste my entire morning? Or do I carry on, give him as much instruction as I can in the next two hours? It is too late now to question him further on his previous driving experience, I just have to teach him what I can.
"So what brought you to Gairloch from London?" I ask.
"To take my driving test."
"Yes, but why did you move to Gairloch?"
"No, I live in London. But I see that Gairloch has the highest test pass rate in the country, so I decide to take my test there."
I wanted to bang my head on a wall. He had come all the way to the Highlands to take his test (in an area he had never even seen before), purely because he had learned Gairloch had a high pass rate. He had not considered that it might be because Kenny might be a very good instructor. Kenny gets sick of other instructors bringing their pupils to Gairloch for a supposedly easier test, and I don't blame him. Yet, here I was, conned into doing the same.

Gairloch coos

As we neared Gairloch, the hills became steeper and he couldn't cope with it. He couldn't hear the engine struggling in 5th gear and reacted far too slow to my instruction to change down. We came to a stalling stop - on a 60 mph road.
I'll cut the story short: We got to Gairloch. I had done my best, but his driving was still poor. I shouldn't present someone for test unless I am confident they are going to be safe and in control without me. It's a waste of everyone's time and not a pleasant situation for the examiner (even if my car does have dual controls - the examiner does not want to use them). I was kicking myself for agreeing to let him take his test without an assessment of his driving. I did the only thing I could do. I hid. I took my ADI licence out of the window and removed my signage. We drove to the narrow lane where the test starts from. I told him to go into the fire-station to meet the examiner and I would return at the end of the test. So, while the poor examiner was presumably subjected to 40 minutes of buttock-clenching discomfort, I sat in the cosy Mountain Coffee cafe, enjoying a fine coffee and a delicious (and substantial) ginger and date scone (I had hoped for one of their excellent marmalade scones, but they had sold out).
Eventually, I watched my car return and I trudged up the hill to see how he had got on. 'You never know', I thought, 'he may have pulled it all together'. I was deluded. Although he seemed quite happy that he had 'Only got 11 driving faults. That's less than last time', he had 3 serious faults (steering, gears and approach speed to junctions - poor examiner).
I told him where he could catch the bus back to Inverness but he asked if he could go with me to Ullapool. I had no immediate reason to refuse. Damn. Big mistake.
His initial acceptance of the test result soon changed to one of anger.
"I can't believe he failed me."
I try to be diplomatic, "Perhaps you didn't quite convince him that you will be fine on the roads?" I suggested, imagining white terror on the examiner's face.
"But how can he fail me in Gairloch? It has a 70% pass rate."
I tried to explain that that meant 30% of people fail, but I didn't add that most of those are probably much better drivers than him. But I am glad he failed. Coming all the way to Inverness and Gairloch (plus my fee) would not have been cheap. He obviously thought it would be a cheap way of obtaining his licence, which backfired badly. However, I admit that I was wrong to take him without assessing his driving first and I apologise to the examiner.
The drive from Gairloch to Ullapool is breathtaking. It was a beautiful clear day and the drive should have been a real pleasure. Unfortunately, he spent most of the journey ignoring the scenery and telling me how wrong the examiner was and how it didn't matter anyway because he had friends who could get him a dodgy Zimbabwean driving licence which would be valid in the UK. I am not au fait with Zimbabwe/UK licence matters so I didn't comment - I'm sure he would not have listened to any alternative I may have suggested, such as 'take more driving lessons and get your licence legally'.
Thankfully, he started to fall asleep after an hour, so I tried to drive ultra carefully so as to not wake him and listen to more rubbish. I had already heard enough rubbish this week, whether from deluded learner drivers or X Factor judges.

Boys toys

2011-11-17T09:32:00.001Z

The other day I was listening to Radio 5live; the presenters were talking about their new studio and how they thought the floor was not level. Apparently, one of the studio engineers then whipped out his smartphone, opened the 'spirit-level' app and confirmed that the floor was level.
Within minutes I too had downloaded a spirit-level app and was playing around with the bubbles. To be honest, I have no idea when I might use it - If I put a picture up on the wall I simply stand back to see if it is level - but you never know, who's to say I won't build a house one day? (I can just imagine Jane rolling her eyes at this thought).
The other weekend, when I was walking the dogs at sunrise on the beach, I could not see where Heath (Maggie's tiny Papillon) had got to. No problem; I clicked on the 'torch' app on my phone and it used the camera flash as a surprisingly bright torch.
The family favourite is Google Sky Map: You point the phone at any point in the sky and it shows you what planets, stars and constellations you are looking at. It was quite a revelation to find that what we assumed were stars were planets.
It's useful for my business too. I love the fact that I can enter lessons in my phone diary and it appears on my computer and vice versa. And I can go online and search/book driving tests while I am with my pupil. All these things probably seem so 2008 to many of you, but they are wondrous discoveries to me. It even makes telephone calls.
Last year, my nephew demonstrated his prowess at Angry birds. It is seemingly compulsory to have this game if you have a smartphone. It's ok, but a bit repetetive. Call me old-fashioned, but when I am queueing for my fish and chips I prefer to whip out my Samsung and have a game of chess.
I half expect, one day, to find an overlooked secret button that, when pressed, causes a penknife and a corkscrew to pop out. But, lack of Swiss Army knife facilities aside, it's not perfect: This morning I pressed the voice command app and asked it to "Write a new blog post" but all it managed was this drivel.

(cheeky Samsung ad)

You take the low road and we'll take the high road

2011-11-13T19:44:00.001Z

"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional." (Chili Davis)

Why am I starting this post with such a quote? Here are two more clues:

"Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest." (Larry Lorenzoni)
"There's still no cure for the common birthday." (John Glenn)

Yes, I had another birthday this week. It's ok, really. I LIKE birthdays. I hope I always will. I no longer compile lists of CDs and Playstation games I must have, but the odd new shirt or bottle of Lagavulin/Macallan/Laphroaig is always welcome.
"What do you want to do on your birthday?" Jane asked.
"I fancy a drive over to the West coast."
"But that's what you do all the time."
"I know, but I like it. We haven't been to Applecross for a while. I'd like to go there."

So, yesterday morning, Jane, Maggie and I (plus our three dogs in the back of our pick-up) set off for Applecross. I don't know why we don't go more often, it is just THE BEST drive. The first two hours are good, but it is the last twenty miles that are stunning, especially the Bealach na Ba (Pass of the Cattle), a (very) winding, narrow mountain pass. This is a photo I took near the start of the pass (yes, I had stopped). The photo doesn't convey how steep the road gets, but the road goes over the top of those mountains. You only have to Google 'Applecross' or 'Bealach na Ba' to find a wealth of stunning images.

To give you an even better idea, have a look at this video (and there are several more on YouTube).
It wouldn't be a top, TOP day out without a decent lunch and our lunch at The Applecross Inn was way beyond 'decent'. We shared a selection of the freshest crab, lobster and langoustines imaginable, with a window view of Raasay and Skye backlit by a low, November Sun.
The 'Undiscovered Scotland' website recommended returning via the northern coastal road to Shieldaig, but we wanted to drive the pass again. However, A wee bit of online searching suggests that the coastal road is worth us going back to in the near future.
By all means visit Loch Ness, Edinburgh, Skye, Glencoe and 101 other places when you come to Scotland, but you will never forget a day out to Applecross.

Remember remember...

2011-11-08T14:06:00.000Z

Another little quiz for you:
Scenario 1: You are fast asleep in an hotel when the fire alarm wakes you. You check your watch and it is 2am. Do you..
a) Assume it is a false alarm and wait for someone to turn the damn thing off?
b) Jump out of bed, get dressed and make your way calmly to the meeting point?

Scenario 2: You are driving along a motorway at approximately 70mph. Ahead of you the vehicles start braking. Do you...
a) Assume that the vehicles ahead are being overcautious, or are too close to other vehicles, and expect them to release the brakes and carry on driving?
b) React quickly, checking your mirrors and begin braking until you see the situation easing ahead?

Ross - my youngest step-daughter's boyfriend - works for a holiday company and, now the season has finished, offered Jane, Anna, Maggie, our three grand-daughters and me this weekend at one of their sites at Embo, near Dornoch. A fantastic setting, right on the beautiful, sandy beach.
I had lessons during the day (while the others drove over to Embo), then I enjoyed the 90 minute drive in the late afternoon. The route, along the A96 and A9, stays close to the Moray Firth coast for the most part, giving some wonderful views. Add to that a completely clear sky, no wind and The Cocteau Twins' Four Calendar Cafe on the CD player, it all made for a perfect drive.
And then there were the fireworks. My favourite way to enjoy Bonfire Night is to sit on a hill, watching fireworks go off in every direction. But going on a drive, seeing the different displays is almost as good. Especially if you are not the driver.
I can only imagine the conditions on the M5 last Friday night. I was lucky enough not to be there and have every sympathy for the victims and everyone affected by the terrible accident. There has been some talk about the police beginning a criminal investigation, focusing on the firework display at the nearby Taunton Rugby Club. The Highway Act 1980 forbids 'the discharge of fireworks within 50 feet of the centre of a highway without lawful authority or excuse.' As far as the M5 is concerned, this means about 2 -3 car lengths from the hard-shoulder. The display was apparently over 100m away and the rugby club say the display ended ten minutes before the accident, although smoke from the bonfire could have contributed to the lack of visibility.
Now think back to scenario 2, at the top of this post: Imagine you are driving on a motorway, at night, in occasionally foggy conditions and you are driving at approximately 70mph. Suddenly ahead, you see vehicles braking. Or, your vision in swiftly obscured by fog or smoke. At 70mph you will have covered approximately 20 - 25 metres before you will have even reacted. Assuming conditions are dry, and you react quickly, it will still take you another 70 metres (15 - 20 car lengths) to stop.
It is possible that, if every driver on the road was driving at a speed in which they could comfortably stop in the distance they could see to be clear, were keeping at least 2 seconds from the vehicle ahead and reacted quickly when something unusual happened ahead, that there might still have been an accident. But the chances would have been dramatically reduced.

Meanwhile, the town of Oban, on the West coast, was having very different problems with their firework display (see video above). A "technical hitch" caused all the fireworks to be set off at once, resulting in a short (but impressive) 50 second display.

On Sunday morning it was wonderful to wake to the gentle breaking of waves on Embo beach on Sunday morning. Another near-cloudless sky and I could begin to understand why Embo is twinned with Kaunakakai in Hawaii. But I had lessons in Inverness and Ullapool to attend to, so, after walking the dogs on the beach, I left Jane and co. to enjoy the morning while I scraped the ice off my car for the first time this Autumn (I bet they don't have to do that very often in Kaunakakai).

With a couple of consecutive days of lessons in Ullapool I stayed, as usual, in an hotel. Very nice, you might think, but having a piercing fire alarm go off at two in the morning is anything but nice. What did I do? Well, I lay there thinking "Someone please turn that bloody thing off." I didn't react as I should have done and made my way to safety. I simply assumed that everything was ok and that someone had set the alarm off for a laugh, or by accident. It wasn't until over a minute had passed that I considered that it really could be a fire and I started getting dressed. The alarm was then silenced and I went back to bed. But that minute delay on my part could have cost me my life if it really had been a fire.
The next morning I was considering my delayed reaction and it led me to think about the M5 accident. It is very likely that all it took was for one vehicle not to react to what was happening ahead. I see my pupils do it all the time (and experienced drivers too). They see the car ahead braking (or indicating) and yet they still keep their foot on the accelerator, subconsciously assuming that the situation will have cleared before they have to do anything about it. At the very least, not reacting to what is happening ahead will usually result in firm braking and having to change down a gear or two (something which perhaps could have been avoided with an early response). At the very worst, it could result in a multiple vehicle pile-up on a motorway, with many deaths.

Before I became a driving instructor, I used to think that a 70mph speed limit on motorways and dual-carriageways was outdated and too low. But the thing with speed limits is that people think it is acceptable, even allowed, to go 10% (or more) above the speed limit. So, if they do introduce a raised limit of 80mph on motorways, it will mean there will be plenty of people thinking it is ok to drive along at nearly 90mph. Do you know what your stopping distance would be at that speed? Over 200metres, or over 50 car lengths (again assuming dry conditions). Have a look at www.safespeed.org.uk/background for more information. I wonder how many more deaths there may have been on the M5 with an 80mph speed limit?

So, conclusions to be drawn from this weekend:
1. Police - Don't waste your time scouring every square inch of Taunton rugby pitch looking for 'evidence'.
2. Consider a trip to Embo beach (especially if Hawaii is a bit too far away).
3. Buy, or download, Four Calendar Cafe.
4. When a fire alarm goes off, unless you have been told different in advance, assume it is THE REAL THING and get to safety.
5. When driving, react quickly to whatever is happening ahead of you (brake lights, indicators, pedestrians, junctions, parked vehicles, traffic lights etc), even if it just a glance in the mirrors and easing off the accelerator, until you know everything is safe.
6. If they raise the speed limit to 80mph, get used to leaving a VERY BIG gap between you and the vehicle ahead.

My grandchildren are more intelligent than the driver behind me.

2011-10-31T12:37:00.000Z

What does this big, red 'L' sign mean? Tough question, I know, but I'll give you a clue: You see it on cars being driven by Learner drivers.
Are you still not sure? Is the question too tough for you? Then you are probably one of those drivers who drive within millimetres of the back of my car (and probably every other car).
Ok, so you found the first question a bit too difficult. Try this one: What is a learner driver?
a) Someone who is experienced at driving and, realising that you are way too close, will bring their speed down so that they will not have to brake hard if anything unexpected happens ahead.
b) Someone who is inexperienced at driving and, although very nervous (and distracted) because you are way too close, may still brake hard if anything unexpected happens ahead. Therefore giving you no time to react and avoid crashing into the back of us.
I'm sorry. Silly me. I forgot you (think you) are the world's best driver and will never crash.
Let me give you a free driving lesson: If the vehicle ahead of you is going slower than you would like to go then, by all means, consider overtaking. But, in order to make overtaking easier, stay 2 (or more) seconds back from the vehicle ahead. This gives you a better view of the road ahead (thus avoiding bending your neck at strange angles), it gives you a short distance to begin your acceleration when you want to overtake. And it also gives you time to change your mind if the situation changes. If you keep a safe distance from us and overtake when it is safe to do so, then I promise my pupil and I will not speculate on what inadequacies you have that you are trying to overcompensate with your driving prowess.
I should be used to it by now, but it still stuns me how close following vehicles get to a car that is clearly being driven by someone who is inexperienced at driving. If you get too close to us - perhaps in an attempt to make us speed up - my pupils will demonstrate their superior intellect by bringing their speed DOWN to reduce the chance of an accident. I have joked about wanting a 2 metre wide, flashing neon 'L' plate, but I don't think even that would make any difference to some drivers.

Congratulations to Fiona on passing her test in Inverness this morning. Very well deserved. Just carry on driving exactly the way you do.

Jane and I enjoyed the company of my mother and Peter this weekend, flying up from Bedfordshire. It is always a mini-challenge we set ourselves to try and come up with something new for them to see or do when they visit. But, this time they had it all organised and knew where they wanted to go in advance. It was very nice to be treated to an exceptional meal at Franklin's restaurant, at the Cluny Bank Hotel in Forres last night. But, for me, the highlight of the weekend was Sutor Creek cafe in Cromarty. Delicious potted duck, the freshest mussels imaginable, the best pizza I have tasted outside of Italy, very good wine wine, great coffee and friendly service. It's a two hour round trip for us, but it was so good that we will definitely find excuses to go there frequently.

I have had a few problems with my phone recently. It's a fairly basic Nokia smartphone, but it was all I needed. However, it crashed a few times and I finally lost my patience with it. Consequently, I treated myself to a Samsung galaxy S2, which is just jaw-droppingly good. Initially, it was like some mysterious alien being, which I could only look at from a safe distance and guess what it did. Then my grandchildren came around and, within minutes were watching videos and tv programs, tinkering with the layout, playing games on it and asking to download apps. Now I have gone from someone who, 7 years ago, didn't even want a mobile phone, to one of those bores who can't do a thing without one.
What I really need to do is to work out a way to keep idiotic drivers a sensible distance behind my car - I wonder if there's an app for that?

The return of the Magnificent

2011-10-27T13:08:00.000+01:00

Yuck, yuck and triple yuck.
Ullapool has so much going for it but, as previous posts have described, it has no driving test centre. Not such a big deal during the Summer, but, frankly, a bit of a pain when the weather deteriorates.
Just before the driving test starts, the examiner will ask the candidate if they would like their instructor to accompany them during the test. I genuinely don't mind either way. If a pupil wants me to sit in the back of the car for the test that's fine with me (although I cannot say or do anything). Equally, if they prefer not to have me in the car then that's fine too. If I have a pupil on test in Inverness, Alness or Elgin I can wait in the test centre, read, chat with other instructors, catch up on paperwork, arrange lessons. In Ullapool and Gairloch I have to find another way of killing time while I wait for my pupil to return.
Last Tuesday in Ullapool the weather was as filthy as it gets. The normally placid Loch Broom had been whipped into churning black waves with foaming white horses. Any pedestrians brave/stupid enough to be outside had their hoods up and heads down, and scurried across roads with scant regard for approaching traffic. Ullapool was bad enough, but driving over to Ardmair, several of my pupils had their first experience of having to control a car that is being thrown around by the wind and rain.
So, with four of my pupils taking their test the following day, it was an huge relief, on Wednesday morning, to find that the weather had calmed (slightly). It's the little things that can make a difference and even something such as having to vary the windscreen wiper speed can distract a learner driver from more important aspects of their control. Meanwhile, I am very grateful that I had thought to bring my Keela waterproof - not the most stylish, but always bone dry and great protection from the weather, even on an Ullapool test day.
Nothing distracted Seumas. This was his first attempt and, taking the test in his own car, only recorded two driver faults on his way to passing.
Jorine had the next test, at 9.37am. Jorine had not been with me for long, but had had quite a concentrated course, sometimes taking 4 - 6 hours lessons a week. A little bit of pressure because she was intending to return to the Netherlands for a few months in November, meaning that, if unsuccessful, she may have had to wait until next Spring to try again. Fortunately we had no worries and she passed well with just three driver faults. Gelukwensen Jorine.
A previous pupil had recommended me to Alana, who lives right up in Thurso. I know it's stupid, but I always feel a bit more pressure when they have come a long way. A few months ago I had a pupil come up from Glasgow for an intensive course - it was a very big relief when she passed because I dreaded her going all the way home with the thought of having to take her test again. Anyway, Alana spared us any such concerns when she also passed with just two driver faults and went all the way back to Thurso feeling very pleased with herself.
Three out of three, so far. Could we make it four out of four for the day? My 1.33pm test pupil was on her 2nd attempt. She failed her first attempt for being too cautious and hesitant. So recent lessons have concentrated on making her feel more confident at getting the car quickly up to an appropriate speed when it is safe to do so. She asked me to sit in the back for her test and I was very proud of her driving, especially the way she made good progress when it was appropriate. Unfortunately, a slightly rushed manoeuvre meant that her observations were not as good as they should be - one serious fault. But I was very pleased with her driving and I'm confident we'll crack it next time.
So, 3 out of 4 passes in Ullapool, but I had one more Ullapool (well, Achiltibuie) pupil on test, in Inverness the next day. Typically, with a warm waiting room at my disposal (and even up-to-date magazines), it was warm enough to wait outside if I wanted. On her last attempt (also in Inverness) she only had one driver fault (for correcting her bay park), but fatally hesitated at a green traffic light (due to oncoming traffic) and picked up a serious fault. Unfortunately, that last test was beginning to play on her mind and the nerves were creeping in. As she drove back into the test centre it was difficult to tell from her face as to how it had gone, so I was very pleased to see the examiner start filling in the blue pass certificate.
"That was the worse I have ever driven." My pupil said.
"Well it can't have been, otherwise you wouldn't have passed." I suggested.
Mairead passed with 5 driver faults - hardly a bad drive - but, admittedly, not as good as her usual standard. Still, a pass is a pass.
Like all my pupils, when they pass I am almost sad to see them go, especially when they have been so dedicated, as Mairead (or 'Magnificent Mairead' according to her email address) had been. Still, I can now look forward to seeing how Seumas and Mairead's driving develops when I see them for their Pass Plus course in a month or two.

Meanwhile, a couple of amusing items:

If Carlsberg ran driving test centres.....

2011-10-20T19:40:00.000+01:00

Picture the scene; four ageing driving instructors are sat in Inverness driving test centre. The year is 2041 and driving test centres have changed. The four instructors sit in plush, comfy chairs with their feet immersed in basins while Hepatitis-free fish give them pedicures. Waiting staff bring them a choice of drinks and a selection of tasty food on demand. The sweet vintage sounds of The Pixies, White Stripes, The Clash et al play on the MP7 player, while a 2 metre 3D television plays sport, comedy or films of their choice.

1st Instructor: "Ahh... Very passable this, very passable."
2nd Instructor: "Nothing like a good cup of cappuccino, eh?"
3rd Instructor: "You're right there."
4th Instructor: "Who'd a thought thirty years ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking the finest Italian cappuccino?"
1st Instructor: "Aye. In them days we'd a' been glad to have instant coffee from a vending machine."
2nd Instructor: "A cup of cold coffee."
3rd Instructor: "Without milk or sugar."
4th instructor: "Or coffee!"
1st Instructor: "In a filthy, plastic cup."
2nd Instructor: "We never used to have a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up What Car magazine."
3rd Instructor: "The best WE could manage was to suck the coffee granules that were stuck to the spoon."
4th Instructor: "But you know, we were happy in those days, though the DSA were poor."
1st Instructor: "BECAUSE they were poor. Old David Cameron used to say to us, "Money doesn't buy you happiness. We need to make more cuts."
2nd Instructor: 'E was right. I was happier then and the DSA had NOTHIN'. This test centre used to be a dreary, overheated room with blue, metal chairs and a bathroom where the light only came on when you were leaving."
3rd Instructor: "Bathroom? You were lucky to have a BATHROOM! At Elgin test centre we used to have a tiny, dark room, with no vending machine, just a kettle. And you had to walk next door to the Community Centre if you needed the bathroom."
4th Instructor: You were LUCKY to have a Community Centre. At Grantown test centre there was no room, no bathroom and nowhere nearby if you needed the toilet; you would have to find a plastic bottle."
1st Instructor: "Ohh, we used to DREAM of finding a plastic bottle. At Gailoch test centre, if you needed the toilet, the only way you could get privacy was to wander into a field and squat down in the middle of a flock of sheep. Bathroom? Hhmmph!"
2nd Instructor: "Well, when I say a 'bathroom' it was only an adjoining wall of a building people referred to as the 'test centre', but it were a test centre to us."
3rd instructor: "We were evicted from our test centre. In Ullapool, we had to meet at the Pottery Centre car park, then stand around in the rain, snow and gales, peering through the window, pretending to be interested in pottery for 45 minutes."
4th Instructor: "You were lucky to have a car park! In Gairloch we had to park up on a narrow country lane, stand there in the howling Atlantic weather because the cafe was shut. Then, when you were just about to die from frostbite, you would have to wait even longer because your pupil's test had been held up by a farmer herding his sheep through the village."
1st Instructor: "Frostbite you say?"
4th Instructor: "Aye."
1st Instructor: "You were lucky. At Alness test centre we would have dreamed of dying from frostbite. The few magazines left scattered on the table were so old that you died of boredom before your pupil returned from their test."
2nd Instructor: "Well we had it tough. At Elgin test centre we had to arrive 4 hours early, carry the examiner on our shoulders to the car. Then, if the pupil failed their test, the examiner would leap out of the car and slice us in two with a bread knife."
3rd Instructor: "RIGHT. At Ullapool test centre, we had to arrive 2 days early, walk in front of the examiner, licking the ground clean for him as he walked towards the car. Stand in a blizzard for 3 weeks because our pupil had got buried in a snow drift Then, when the examiner failed the pupil, he would kill us both and dance around on our graves singing "Hallelujah!"
4th Instructor: "But you try and tell the young instructors today that and they won't believe ya."

Your (not so) flexible friend

2011-10-17T17:22:00.000+01:00

In many ways, I am lucky. I don't really have anything I have to commit to on a regular basis. Consequently, I can be very flexible when arranging lessons. Like everyone, I do enjoy my time off, but I don't fix those times. Earlier this year I had a pupil who wanted a two-hour lesson in Alness before their 8.40am test. And a few years ago I had a pupil who desperately wanted a lesson the day before her test, but I was fully-booked, so I agreed to a lesson at 10.00pm. Neither caused me any real problem and were justified by both pupils passing.
But this afternoon I had a telephone enquiry which tested my flexibility: A man called asking if he could begin lessons with me this week.
"Of course.." I replied "what day were you thinking of?"
"Tomorrow at 2.30."
"I'm fully-booked, I'm afraid. In fact, I'm fully-booked until Saturday; would that suit you?"
"Oh........Ok. And you can do every day at 2.30 after that?"
"I will have to check my diary", I said, knowing that I have some pupils who are booked around that time several weeks in advance. "I may be able to do some days at that time, but I have some other customers who have already booked that time."
(Silence......) "And how much do you charge?"
I wasn't going to mess around and told him my full hourly-rate with no mention of block-booking or student discounts.
(another pause...) "But I can't start tomorrow?"
"I'm afraid not."
"Ok. I have to go now but I will call you in an hour."
'I doubt it very much' I thought. As expected, several hours later, he has not called back.
So, whoever you are, good luck with your driving lessons. I hope you find an instructor that can accommodate you. Having said that, would you want an instructor who had that much availability at such short notice? It would be a bit like going to a restaurant in a busy area on a Saturday night and being offered any table you like.

Ticklish noses and wobbly legs

2011-10-10T13:11:00.002+01:00

I have just stopped for lunch at one of Ullapool's finest eateries and, as I strode purposefully into the building, I realised that I was walking like someone who has had an 'accident'. 'What's wrong with my legs?' I thought, as I found a nearby table (to save me walking further).

Yesterday, Jane and I had taken advantage of the improved weather - there had even been some snow on the highest mountains a few days earlier - to ride the ponies in Culbin Forest, a mile north of our house. Jane has two ponies; Dave, an Arab, and Lachie, a Highland. Lachie, although slightly smaller, is much more strong-boned and sturdy, so he gets lumbered with me. Difficult to tell from this photo whether he likes me tickling his nose or not.
Jane has been riding all her life, so she knows what she is doing. Even so, she still likes to take lessons every now and then because she always feels that there is room for improvement. I'm nowhere near Jane's standard. Until recently, I considered it an achievement if I could complete a ride without falling off and with the horse/pony going vaguely where I wanted it to. At first I struggled to understand why it mattered whether my feet pointed up or down, and my use of the reins was basic to say the least. But gradually I am beginning to appreciate what subtle leg movements do, and how to co-ordinate my whole body to guide Lachie where I want him to go.
Driving is similar in many respects. The brake and accelerator are much more than 'stop' and 'go'; steering can be improved by 'feeling' the wheels holding the road. Continuous work on this 'feel' for the controls will improve your driving and free your brain to concentrate on the road ahead (hazard perception).

Just as Raphael Nadal strives to improve his tennis and Jane looks to better her riding, I am always trying to make my own driving just that bit better. This attitude works for Sebastian Vettel, so it should work for my pupils and me.One thing about driving though.... After a two hour drive, you do not waddle like a duck the next day.

Blinded by the light

2011-10-05T14:14:00.000+01:00

I'm not a sunglasses person. I feel stupid trying them on in front of those greased up mirrors on the display rack and I never seem to find any that are in any way flattering. And if I do they will certainly be some stupid price. So those deepening lines around my eyes are caused by years of squinting. When driving, however, I don't care how ridiculous I look, I just buy a cheap pair of sunglasses that will eliminate most of the glare and keep them in my car. Now whereas most people would associate sunglasses with the 'Summer', when driving, they become more useful as the days get shorter and the sun gets lower. The glare (and danger) is amplified in the mornings/evenings when the road is wet (or icy or snowy) as my 8.00am pupil found out this morning; as she rounded a corner the sudden glare from the sun and the wet road temporarily blinded her and I had to take the wheel to ensure she kept to our side of the road.
As always, when driving, look well ahead and, if you see the road ahead (especially after a bend) is brightly lit, anticipate the effect on your vision the sunlight will have and adjust your speed as appropriate. Better still, ignore the fact that you will look like some Z-list celebrity and wear effective sunglasses when there is a sharp contrast in light.
We may not have reached the temperatures of more southerly parts of Britain recently, but it has been nice to have the windows open again, and even the air-con on, though I wouldn't necessarily agree with some of my pupils complaining that it has been 'roastin''.
Just typical! A while back I treated myself to a decent camera after being frustrated with seeing fantastic scenes and only having the pathetic camera on my phone with me. The other morning I awoke to see some very weird and wonderful cloudscapes but, annoyingly, I had left my camera in the car, so the photo (taken with my phone) doesn't do justice to that amazing sky.
While I'm still on the subject of the weather, anyone who has passed their test this year and still not taken the Pass Plus course may want to consider doing so over the next few months. The weather will deteriorate and taking the course will give you more knowledge and confidence if you have to drive in the snow and ice. And it's not just about driving in bad weather; we'll look at night driving, dual carriageways, motorways, rural roads and typical features of town and city roads (such as roundabouts), then you can focus on whatever aspect you feel least confident on.
Also, the Highland Council have recently increased their grant for anyone wishing to take the course so it may be that taking the course will not cost you a penny. There is no test involved and many insurers offer discounts to drivers who have taken the course. You don't even have to have had lessons with me - it could be that your driving instructor wasn't qualified to conduct the Pass Plus course. Call me on 07577 718727 if you are interested.
Finally, Blogger.com, who host this site, have been tinkering with the format and suggested I try out their new interface. I'll give it a try but I'm not too sure. Let me know what you think. Stick with it or go back to the old format?

It never rains......

2011-09-21T13:27:00.000+01:00

Loopallu has been and gone, more of my lessons include the use of headlights and X Factor and Strictly... are beginning to dominate the television schedules. These are the modern indicators of Autumn; it would be impossible to tell from the weather because it is just as wet and windy as the Summer.
I feel sorry for the tourists this year - they have not seen the Highlands at its finest. In Ullapool this morning the weather was atrocious and tourists sat huddled in hotels and cafes wondering why they decided to come here in the first place. It is bin day in Ullapool and the empty wheelie-bins being blown over only added to the miserable scene. But never mind the tourists, I have my pupils to think about.
Unusually, I only have one pupil on test today (lots of pupils waiting for tests though). If you read my previous post, you may remember that I tempted fate by saying I was 99.9999% sure he would pass. As his test began the weather was worsening. It was bad enough in the relative shelter of Ullapool, but, as they drove out to Ardmair bay, the mass of rain in the wind made for awful driving conditions. So, extra credit to Alexander O'Neil (no, not that one - much to my wife's disappointment) for passing with 3 driving faults. And extra relief for me because I was beginning to regret my last post.
Not much else to report at the moment. I had a quick check on my stats for this blog and for my 'professional' website. I have bored you with this before, but it is sometimes puzzling what search terms people use to find my sites. After mentioning Jedward in a previous post I received dozens of hits from people searching for talentless twosome. Inshes roundabout always generates lots of views, it is obviously of concern to Inverness drivers (and not just learners). Someone had come to my blog after searching for 'L1pps on plenty of fish' ????? No, I have no idea what they were really after. Someone from Russia decided my blog was THE place to read about 'розовая машина' (I wish I knew). And, most bizarrely, yesterday someone clicked on this blog after Googling 'dogging grantown tonight'. I'm not sure whether I am relieved or disappointed that I was 29th in the list of results. But dogging in Grantown? Haven't they seen the weather out there?!

A new term

2011-09-16T13:26:00.000+01:00

It feels a little like a new term here on Planet Farle. Over the last 9 days I have had 9 pupils taking their final exams, just as a sudden influx of new pupils begin their studies.
I've already mentioned Holly's test and the less successful test the same day. I have already decided that I will no longer be giving that pupil lessons. Her attitude stinks; no-one is entitled to a driving licence, you have to earn it. Losing her business is a small price to pay. Another instructor can have the aggravation if she decides to continue driving. Rant over.
The following day started with another unsuccessful test. The difference being that, this time, the pupil did deserve her licence, based on her driving ability and her attitude to her training. After starting her lessons in Ullapool, they moved to Inverness and, when we both agreed the time was right, they booked their test. Having a mathematical inclination, they are a bit of a perfectionist. No bad thing, in fact, it's quite refreshing for me to have a pupil who will not accept 'good driving', they want to be a 'perfect driver'. So, when they started their test and got asked to complete a reverse park into a parking bay, they decided that the first attempt wasn't good enough (it was in the bay) and pulled forward to perfect it - 1 driving fault. And that was their only driving fault. Unfortunately, they picked up one serious fault - As they were preparing to stop at a traffic light controlled T-Junction the lights changed to green. So they released the brake and was just about to accelerate when they hesitated because the approaching traffic in the new road were still slowing down (not yet stopped). Of course, the vehicles behind would have expected them to go and would have had to brake because of their hesitation. The examiner was almost apologetic and suggested that it probably only have been a driver fault if there had been no vehicles behind. Next time, no problem.
Day three and another pupil taking their test for the first time. At least, their first British test, and their first manual test. Jennifer had already passed her test in an automatic car, in her native Canada. Then, earlier this year, she moved to Nairn to be with her boyfriend and he has a manual Mini. It's often interesting giving lessons to someone who can already drive. She picked up the clutch and gears very quickly but it was the roundabouts that challenged her - "Why don't they just have traffic lights?" was her view - particularly the spiral roundabouts. But we conquered them in our lessons and she breezed through her test with just three driver faults, and one of those was for the vehicle checks ("He asked me how I check the engine oil level; I heard the word 'engine' and just thought 'engine coolant'. He suggested it was not a good idea to put engine oil in the radiator.").
Congratulations also to Hazel for passing her test, again at the first attempt, on the same day. Have a great time in Australia.
Day four and it was over to Elgin for Laura's next attempt. A thoroughly miserable day, with lashing rain punctuated by bright sunshine, making for quite challenging driving conditions.Laura had come so close on her previous attempt and I have rarely seen anyone less upset at failing their test. When I asked why, she replied that 'she knew that she can drive and would definitely pass next time'. And so it proved, as she passed easily with four driver faults.
Day five was not the most straightforward. My pupil had an 8.40am test in Inverness and we had arranged for me to pick her up from Nairn at 7.30am, enjoy an easy 25 minute drive into Inverness, then spend half an hour going over anything she wanted reassurance on before her test. As I pulled up at her house she came out and told me that she could not find the paper part of her licence. I always remind my pupils, in plenty of time, to make sure they both parts of their licence ready the night before.
"Don't panic. You must have had it for your theory test. We have plenty of time. I'll wait here while you find it."
I waited. And waited. She came back out to tell me she still couldn't find it.
"You need it. It will be somewhere. We're still ok for time. You just need to think where it could be."
The clock ticked on. I listened to the eight o'clock news, then the sport. It got to 8.10am and, with a 25 minute drive to the test centre we had run out of time. I would have to knock on the door and tell her she would have to re-book for another day. Just at that moment she came running out, clutching both parts of her licence. I didn't want to panic her, so I let her drive and would consider calling the test centre if it looked like we weren't going to make it. Luckily her driving is fine, so I can concentrate on the clock. 8.30am now and we still have a few miles to go.
We get there with 2 minutes to spare - deep sigh of relief - and she reverses into one of the DSA bays. One good thing about not arriving too early for a test is that we don't have to wait too long, letting the anxiety build, before the examiner arrives. Anyway, off she goes and I sit there wondering whether the frantic nature of the last hour will affect her.
It didn't. At least, not enough to put her off her driving. She passes with five driver faults but is still too wound up by her morning to completely enjoy the experience of passing her driving test. But well done Kim. I look forward to seeing you for the Pass Plus course (and you will need your licence for that too, so keep it safe).
Day six and yet another first attempt. Unfortunately, she stalled at a set of traffic lights ("You never stall!" was my reaction) and, after re-starting, did not check that the lights were still green before attempting to move away. One of those mistakes that you only make once.
The week was completed when Louise passed her test, first time, on my seventh consecutive day of tests (not counting the weekend), making it 6 (including 5 first-time) passes out of 9. Her driving was helped by the fact that she lives in the midst of a narrow one-way system then has to negotiate Inverness' nastiest roundabouts within minutes of leaving her house. Having being forced to cope regularly with that, I hope she found the test comparatively easy.
Only one more test on the immediate horizon - I shouldn't tempt fate, but it is one I'm 99.9999% confident about - then a bit of a break before a bunch of tests next month. What is the collective noun for driving tests? A Panic of tests? A Perspiration of tests? A Tremble of tests?
Meanwhile, a clutch (or is it a 'nervousness' or an 'excitement') of new pupils are just starting, or about to start. Hopefully, they will all be like Holly, Jennifer, Hazel, Laura, Kim and Louise in attitude, and a LOT, LOT less like the woman who threw a hissy fit because her examiner dared to fail her.

A piece of cake

2011-09-07T16:10:00.000+01:00

A busy day today, but I have half an hour now before my next lesson. But the day began with two tests; one in Elgin, one in Inverness. The words ‘chalk’ and ‘cheese’ spring to mind.
My first test was at 8.40am in Elgin, so it was an early start. I have been getting increasingly casual about what I eat during the day; ‘lazy’ is perhaps more honest. Rather than preparing a balanced lunch, I have been going to cafés or grabbing supermarket sandwiches. It’s not so much the calorific content, but if you add up how much it all costs over a week/month it is rather worrying. So, last night, I had good intentions. I decided I would, in the morning, prepare myself a lunch to enjoy whilst my Inverness pupil was on test (assuming she did not want me to sit in on her test - I don’t think it would have created the proper professional impression). But I forgot and, just as I was dashing out the door, I remembered and grabbed a big slab of fruitcake that Irene, our next-door neighbour, had kindly baked for us.
My first pupil began lessons with me after I had started teaching her son. Her son was not the most natural driver I have ever seen, but he was very dedicated and always determined to improve. He passed his test a few months ago with barely any driver faults and she is very proud of the way he drives.
The mum, however, is….. ‘inconsistent’. Perhaps, deep down, I knew she wasn’t ready. I have mentioned her before and moaned about how she constantly said ‘Well, that’s not what my last instructor told me.’ She would drive along, painfully slowly; the reason being because she was spending more time continually checking her mirrors rather than reading the road ahead.
“Why are you checking your mirrors so much?” I asked.
“Because my last instructor told me to.”
“But WHY should you check your mirrors?”
“I don’t know.”
That was a typical exchange. We had another one the other day: I asked her to pull over because her pedal control did not seem as good as usual…
“Try moving your seat back a notch or two.”
“Why? What am I doing wrong? (Very defensive)
“Nothing, but I think we can improve your control. You seem to be hesitant in bring the clutch up and a bit sharp on the brakes.”
“Well my last instructor never told me that.”
She was full of things that a previous instructor had told her to do, but with no understanding of ‘why’. She works several miles from home and has to rely on public transport. With a reduction on bus services she decided that she had to pass her test, so she went ahead and booked it. I know, I know, I know…. It should be me who decides when she takes her test. I know. But I sympathised with her transport problem and perhaps my ego thought I could get her to a good standard in time. My ego was wrong.
Her test wasn’t good. When she relaxes she can drive well, but as soon as something goes wrong it dominates her thoughts and her concentration goes. Whether it was the pressure she put herself under of having to pass, or whether she made an early mistake I don’t know, but it was probably the least successful test I have had in years.
The examiner was honest in their assessment of her driving, but not rude. I didn’t catch all of the conversation but my pupil had obviously tried to argue her way to a pass. Now let’s make this clear: The examiners do not want to fail you. If, in those 40 minutes, you can convince them that you are safe, in control, are considerate of other road users and have a degree of confidence then you will pass. Once you have passed your test you will be in solo control of a potentially lethal weapon. The examiners will not change their mind and pass you just because you ‘need’ your licence.
Your driving instructor is the best judge of when you are ready for your test, not you, not your husband, wife, mum, dad, boyfriend, girlfriend or even the man in your road who used to be a driving instructor. But whatever your instructor thinks, it is the examiner you need to convince, and you do that by driving well in your test.
I had no time to dwell on the matter, or even arrange her next lesson; I had another test to get to, 40 miles away in Inverness.
Over the rest of the day, the pupil who had just failed sent me a succession of texts, all moaning about how unfair the examiner had been and asking if there was a form that she could fill in to complain about the examiner. I answered her first text, initially apologising that it had not gone to plan (after all, it was partly my fault for letting her take her test) and explaining that the examiners need to ensure that new drivers are safe drivers. But I advised against complaining about the examiner. But after that first text I didn’t bother replying to the others.
This next pupil, as I suggested earlier, could not have been more different. She undertook a fairly concentrated course of 25 hours of lessons, but went out driving regularly with her dad. Whenever I felt there was something she could work on she would ask me to write it down and she would go away and work on it (if we had not completely fixed it in her lessons). So I was as relaxed as I could be when she set off on her test.
Disaster though! I had left my chunk of Irene’s fruitcake in the boot of my car!
Meanwhile, another deluded text from my first pupil came through, still ranting about the examiner and now turning her attack on me. She said that “…doesnt say much for you because (the examiner) made it clear I wasting money and everybodys time!”
My initial reaction was to text back and remind her how well I had taught her son and perhaps the best thing she could do was to spend time in the car with him, watching how he drives. But, it would have been a waste of a text. And sometimes I can be a nice person, so I decided not to aggravate her already bad day.
My pupil returned from her test, passing well with just two driver faults - a fantastic result. Holly and her dad, who was waiting, were thrilled. I was equally pleased, especially as I could now, finally, have my cake and eat it.

Lost and found

2011-09-01T13:47:00.002+01:00

Is it better to be self-employed or employed? Personally, I prefer being my own boss, but there is definitely something to be said for turning up for work at a certain time, going home at a certain time, being paid at the end of the month and also being paid for time off through illness or injury.
Possibly the biggest challenge in being self-employed is continually chasing new business. It was easy when I had my pubs; customers walked in the door, spent money and staggered out. Every day. We worked hard to make the pubs welcoming, ensure the beer and food were of the best quality and make people want to come and spend money with us. But we didn't have to advertise or wonder who our next customer would be.
Being a driving instructor, I have to look after my pupils/customers as best I can while I have them, but I know that, one day, they will pass their test and I will no longer have their custom. Sometimes, especially when I have several pupils pass in a short time, I get people commenting that 'it is bad for business'. Well, yes, it means that (unless they take the Pass Plus course) someone passing their test means no more income from that person. However, by the time we decide they are ready for their test, they are good enough to be driving on their own. So if they don't pass, they rarely have many more lessons; just a lesson or two to work on their weakness and few 'refreshers'. In fact, I think a pupil passing their test will actually generate business, through word of mouth.
But sometimes we lose pupils for other reasons. If I look at my list of pupils from 2011 alone, I have lost pupils because they have moved away, gone to university, lost their job, are spending time travelling, have run out of money or have broken bones in a motorbike accident. But there are one or two pupils who just seem to have 'disappeared'. When my diary is really busy, it is tempting to forget about them and concentrate on those who do seem to want lessons. But there will be times when my diary isn't so busy and I don't want to regret losing any pupil through not bothering to contact them.
This morning I was reading another instructor's blog, and he was talking about losing a pupil because he had not contacted her for four weeks because he did not want her to think he was stalking her. I sympathise. I usually try to contact all pupils on my books at least once a week, but there is always the nagging feeling that the ones that don't reply might think I am harassing them. Once someone has started a course of lessons I presume they want to continue until they have passed their test, but some pupils don't seem to think like that. While I was still with BSM they provided me with a new pupil (it was a rare moment). I looked at the name and thought 'Where do I know him from?'. It turned out he had started lessons with me several years earlier, taken a break, gone to university, then decided he wanted to resume lessons. He had some lessons, went back to university, had some more lessons several months later, went back to university, went abroad, had some more lessons etc. Each time I saw him I began to think 'I wonder how long he will have lessons this time?'. Finally, early last year, he sat and passed his test, nearly four years since his first lesson with me.
And he is by no means an exception. Even last night, I had a lesson with someone who has not had lessons for over five months. I have no idea why she took a break, especially when she still had three lessons still in credit with me.
With numerous pupils taking their test over the next few weeks, I am looking at my diary and wondering 'What happens then?' But I often do this. It is tempting to consider advertising, anything to feel that I am doing something positive about keeping my diary full. The thing about this job is that sometimes I can go a few weeks without any new enquiries, then, strangely, I can get several new pupils within one day, even within a couple of hours.
I sometimes hear of instructors who have a 'waiting list' of people who want to take lessons but can't immediately be accommodated. A nice position to be in (for the instructor), but it has not happened to me. Maybe tomorrow.

(Edit: Within two hours of writing this post I had two brand new pupils booking a block of ten lessons. I should write something similar every week.)

Putting the theory into practice

2011-08-18T14:25:00.001+01:00

When I was a teenager riots had proper soundtracks (Ghost Town by the Specials, as opposed to Nero, or whatever was No.1 at the time), the most sophisticated piece of mobile technology was the Sony Walkman and there was no theory test.
Instead, the examiner would, at the end of the driving test, ask a few questions about the Highway Code. I have no idea how this worked. If you had driven badly were you saved by knowing your road signs? And, if you had driven perfectly, could you still fail if you didn’t know what shape the sign for a roundabout was?
I can’t remember if I have written about this before but, at the end of my driving test I was so convinced I had failed (because I had stalled three times) that I didn’t see the point of the examiner asking me the Highway Code questions. Couldn’t he just get on with it and put me out of my misery? As he turned out, he must have been satisfied with my driving because I don’t think I convinced with my answers to the questions. I vividly remember the last question:
Examiner: “When should you check your mirrors?”
Me: “Um…..” (I had no idea) “Um…..” (I’ll take a guess) “…Every ten seconds.”
Examiner: (Sits there looking at his watch for ten seconds) “That’s quite a long time.”
Me: “Oh…..um…. Every five seconds?”
Examiner: (Looks at his watch for five seconds - it still seemed a long time)
Me: Um… quite often.
I didn’t know whether “quite often” was the precise answer he was looking for, but a few seconds later he was telling me I had passed.

So we had it easy compared to anyone who has had to go through the stress of sitting the Theory Test. These days they are expected to know how many centimetres to compress the chest when trying to resuscitate the victim of a traffic accident (4 -5 cm) and how many compressions per minute (100). They are expected to know where to send their appeal if they think their driving test was conducted unfairly. And they are expected to know exactly what to do if, while driving through a tunnel, they realised their vehicle was on fire. Admittedly, it is quite important that you do DO SOMETHING if your vehicle is a 60mph fireball underground and there are no Fire Stations handy, but I doubt that many people have their plan all worked out in advance.
Although it doesn’t cause as much nervousness as the driving part, I have had many pupils who have been very anxious about the theory test. I guess this is mainly because tests/exams in general tend to make people nervous, but it could be partly because this is the hurdle they need to overcome before they can apply for their test. I have had quite a spate of pupils taking their theory recently. I saw one of my pupils, Seumas, on Facebook, saying that he was nervous about his theory test the next day. One of my former pupils, Andy, gave him some valuable advice about driving 'Make sure you always drive on the left'. (Although I may sometimes be a bit of a pedant, I did restrain myself from pointing out that this does not necessarily always apply). But maybe Andy's advice helped because Seumas passed the next day. Congratulations also to Emma, Jorine, Judith, Julie, Karen and Lawrence on passing within the last week.

The second part of the Theory Test is Hazard Perception. I have to confess, I thought this was a bit of a gimmick when they first introduced it, I don't anymore. To a brand new learner driver, the idea that cars could pull out in front of you, oncoming vehicles could stray onto your side of the road, pedestrians could walk out in front of you and cars could stop dead in front of you with no warning, it all seems a bit far-fetched and exaggerated. This week, in particular, we have seen pedestrians and drivers doing such STUPID things, that I am wondering whether they have been filming a whole new batch of hazard perception clips here.
This morning, Jorine, was driving along Shore St, by Ullapool harbour, and ahead of us, we could see five people having a nice chat IN THE MIDDLE OF A CROSSROADS. I asked her to check her mirror and gradually slow the car as we approached. That would give them time to realise that perhaps they should move. She brought her speed down nice and slow, 2nd gear.....1st gear.... clutch down..... holding the brakes..... still no recognition from the people in the road (it must have been a fascinating conversation they were having).
"Should I toot the horn?" She asked.
"Yes, possibly, but just give them a few seconds." I was sure they would finally realise that they should move.
After another five seconds, with a car approaching us from behind, my patience evaporated and I gave sharp toot on the horn, They just stood there looking at us before finally moving to the pavement.
And it has been like that all week! Twice I have cars approaching us on our side of the road. The first one was (almost) understandable - some Italian tourists turned right out of a petrol station towards us, but forgot that they should be driving on the left (they obviously hadn't see Andy's advice on Facebook). The second car, some Dutch tourists, were heading towards us on the wrong side of a long, straight road - with no junctions for some time previous, it is scary to wonder how long they had been driving like that.
On Wednesday, just as my pupil was about to turn in to Ullapool 'test centre' for her driving test, another Dutch car approached a 'Give way' on our left. The driver saw us (we were maybe three car lengths from the junction) and STILL pulled out in front of us! At least it gave my pupil a chance to practice her emergency stop before the test.
The worse one was on the same road as the chatting pedestrians. My pupil was approaching the Ullapool - Stornaway ferry terminal. Cars waiting to board/exit the ferry have to give way at a crossroads, but usually a policeman directs traffic. As we approached the policeman was giving us a hand signal to stop. We were still a short distance away, so my pupil was just slowing down to a comfortable slow jogging speed. The policeman then clearly gave a 'stop' signal to the cars waiting to board the ferry and waved us on. Just as my pupil went back on the accelerator a (British) car, waiting to board the ferry, ignored the policeman and the 'give way' line and tried to quickly pull out in front of us. Yet another impromptu emergency stop! The policeman yelled at the other car, complimented my pupil on her stop, then returned to the other driver to give him a bollocking. I like a bit of excitement every now and then, but, this week, I think I have had too much.

And all that was before the tests!
Wednesday saw the return of driving tests to Ullapool after, for some reason, having a break in July. It is disappointing that they had only scheduled six tests for the day. Government cut-backs are obviously now extending to DSA examiner overtime. Anyway, I had four pupils on test and, with an extra month to polish their driving to super-shiny perfection, I was very confident in them all passing.
Congratulations to Kyle Menzies on passing, first time, with four driving faults. He had the 8.40am test and asked if I could sit in 'just in case it goes wrong'. Being a slightly damp, very still morning, there were quite a few midges about and, as we all got in the car, about 28 midges joined us. When I accompany a pupil on test I have to sit quiet in the back and not do anything that could be construed as help. But when midges are buzzing around your face, it is very difficult to remain completely still.

13 of the midges remainined in the car by the time Eilidh's MacFarlane's began her test. But I had got used to their company by then, so I did not mind when she also asked me to sit in on her test. A wee bit wizzy round some of the twisting turns on the Ardmair road, but not wizzy enough to worry the examiner, who passed her with just three driving faults. Very well deserved Eilidh. I know how disappointed you were not to pass last time, but I hope you now think it has all been worth it.

Alas, my third pupil did not pass. She will not get another chance for a while as she is returning to university, but I hope she re-books for her next holidays. You were very close yesterday...... Next time.

I have been teaching two sisters from Achiltibuie for the last few months, one in Ullapool and the other in Inverness. There had been some friendly rivalry to see who would pass first. Yesterday it was Tricia MacLennan, who beat her sister to a full licence. Despite your apparent conviction that you wouldn't pass (you are just like your sister), you proved yourself wrong and passed first time. So very well-done Tricia.

To all of you who passed yesterday, don't forget, drive on the left.

Anarchy and alliteration

2011-08-11T14:38:00.001+01:00

In the light of recent events, I am keeping a watchful eye for any signs of agitation and anarchy in Auldearn, disturbance and disorder in Dyke, or upheaval and unrest in Ullapool. In truth, it is hardly likely.... it just isn't the weather for riots and rampaging. All the Highland hoodies are sensibly at home, only causing chaos and carnage on their Playstations.
In fact, the only signs of anti-establishment behaviour are coming from parents of my pupils. I'm exaggerating of course - my pupils' parents are all wonderful people (who just so happen to pay me money) - but one or two of them have dared to question my methods...

Last week, at the end of a lesson, one of my pupil's mum arranged to pay for a block of lessons in the remaining weeks before his test. "And you're teaching him all the test routes, aren't you?" she asked.
Until last year, the DSA published the test routes for each driving test centre. Consequently, many instructors seemed to teach almost exclusively on these routes. You could almost guarantee that a particular road would have 2 or 3 learner drivers practicing their 3-point turns (alright, 'turn-in-the-roads'), and certain junctions would always have someone practicing their left-reverse (I don't think I have ever seen anyone practicing a right reverse). Then someone at the DSA said 'Hold on a minute. This isn't right. If someone is capable of passing their test they should be capable of driving anywhere.' Quite right, too. So, now, the DSA no longer publish their test routes. They still have them, and driving instructors still use them (they get to know them from sitting in on tests), but at least there has been a slight shift away from repetition of test routes.
So I politely replied "There are no set test routes anymore" and explained that I would make sure her son would be competent and confident wherever they took him on test. It simply wasn't worth getting on my soapbox about it.
Perhaps I should have told her the truth. The truth is I am not a nice person, at least not to my pupils. As they progress I will make things increasingly difficult for them. I will take them to the nastiest junctions, ask them to do a reversing manoeuvre in busy roads, and, in short, try to make their lessons as tough as I can. The idea being that, if they can cope with that, then the test should be comparatively easy. After all, once they have passed their test then they will often be on their own, so they need to be able to deal with the tough stuff.

A couple of days later, one of my pupils said that her dad would like to sit in on one of her lessons and would I mind? "Of course I don't mind.... as long as you don't." (it is her lesson, after all). I am always willing to have a pupil's parent/boyfriend/wife/whatever sit in on lessons if they want. But this was the first time in years it has happened. It was only an hour lesson, in Inverness, and I wanted to cover as much as possible to give her dad things to work on in their private practice. Her driving is coming along nicely, so I wanted to concentrate on her weaknesses and made sure that her dad could hear and see all my instruction. At the end of the lesson I turned to her dad to discuss the lesson and what they could work on when practicing.
"Can you tell me the test routes?" was his first question.

Naming and not shaming

2011-08-05T16:00:00.000+01:00

I don't tend to name my pupils in this blog, unless I am congratulating them on passing their test. Exceptions include Anthony, last winter, when I was praising him on his skillful and intelligent driving in the snow.
Similarly, I don't name other driving instructors, even if they are trainee instructors trying to poach my pupils, or they are with RED driving school and driving through a busy town whilst using their mobile phone. I don't really have any qualms, however, naming a company, such as Mohn Aqua, because one of their drivers is driving stupidly fast, and overtaking dangerously and needlessly between Forres and Inverness.
But one of my Ullapool pupils told me that he sometimes reads my blog to see if I have mentioned him. So, Rory, consider yourself mentioned.

Is the grass greener on the other side?

2011-08-04T12:38:00.001+01:00

Taking your driving test is not the most stressful thing in the world you can do, but try telling that to someone about to take their test. I have known pupils shaking uncontrollably because they were so nervous. It is not life or death. Sure, it costs another £62 if it doesn't go to plan, but that is nothing compared to what you will be spending on driving over the next fifty/sixty/seventy years - It's less than it costs me to fill up my fuel tank. As I suggested a few weeks ago, the nerves I believe are largely to do with what you believe others will think of you.
A few months ago I received an email from someone who was looking for an 'intensive course'. I am always a bit wary when someone asks about this. Sometimes there can be good reason, but often, if they have waited 17 years to be able to drive, why not be patient and wait another few months. Anyway, this one was different. She had taken her test (and failed) three times, in Glasgow. I did not investigate too thoroughly, but she decided that maybe a change of location was the answer. I was still wary. I have previously written about Inverness instructors taking their pupils to test in Gairloch (or Ullapool or Kingussie) because they have a higher pass rate and, supposedly, are easier. I also remember, when I was on a pink badge (a trainee instructor), another instructor advising me to take my Part 3 exam in Aberdeen, or Glasgow, because the examiners were more lenient than in Inverness (I didn't take her advice). So, my initial reaction was 'if you are not good enough to pass in Glasgow (where she lives), how will she cope with day-to-day driving once she manages to pass her test in somewhere she believed might be easier?'
Over a few emails she explained what had happened in her tests and I began to think that her driving sounded close to test standard. I explained that I mainly cover three separate test areas (Elgin, Inverness and Ullapool), briefly gave her a description of each, but explained that Elgin and Inverness would have more chance of an earlier test. To her credit, she chose Elgin.
I enjoy teaching in all three areas but, if I was pushed to say which was the hardest, I would say Elgin. Sure, Inverness is bigger, has dual-carriageways and some (slightly) weird roundabouts, but Elgin is much more concentrated. The Inverness - Aberdeen route (A96) flows through Elgin, with no obvious alternative. This means all the small roundabouts on the A96 are quite fast-flowing and, therefore, quite daunting to the novice driver. And some of them are so closely spaced that, as soon as you leave one, you have to prepare for the next.
When I met Hazel last week I quizzed her on her driving. We didn't have much time so I wanted to concentrate on her weaknesses. She suggested that 'meeting traffic' (dealing with oncoming traffic in narrow situations) was her biggest weakness. "Manoeuvres ok?" "Yes." "How about roundabouts?" "They're fine, there's quite a lot in Glasgow."
Ok, Glasgow does have a lot of roundabouts, but it had not prepared her for Elgin, and it soon became clear that, to my eyes, they were her biggest weakness. The secret is, like any junction, to give yourself plenty of time to prepare. You don't want to be still braking firmly as you are looking for the gaps in the traffic, you want to be ready to accelerate into those gaps. The slower you go, the more time you will have to see those gaps, but the slower you go, the bigger the gap you will need - quite a balance.
In her 'mini-intensive course' we covered everything, but really focused on meeting situations and roundabouts. Then, at 12.30 on Tuesday, I picked her up for a final hour before her test. The weather was not kind - it was lashing it down. While weather reports suggested England and Wales were suffering tropical temperatures, Elgin was suffering tropical rain. In addition, I don't think I have ever seen the town so busy with traffic. Not the ideal conditions to soothe pre-test nerves.
With 15 minutes before the 1.33pm test time, I had a gentle 5 minute drive back to the test centre planned. "When we get to the roundabout, turn left." I asked. She checked her mirrors, indicated left, brought her speed down, selected 2nd gear, saw the gap and accelerated...... straight across the roundabout!!! Gulp!
Having to think very quickly about an alternative route, I suggested she took a left turn up ahead. Traffic going in the other direction was at a standstill, so I didn't want to bring her back to that. She turned left only to face a temporary sign 'Road closed ahead'. Big gulp!! We were now a good 5 - 10 minutes from the test centre and less than ten minutes to go. Not only that, but my mind was racing, trying to think of the quickest route back to the test centre. I decided I didn't want Hazel sitting at the wheel in all that traffic, getting increasingly nervous as the clock counted down to 1.33pm. I asked her to pull over and, in what I hoped was a calm voice, suggested that we swap seats so that I could get her through the traffic to the test centre.
While trying to bring an air of calm, I thought I had better ask her what happened at the roundabout, why did she signal left, but not turn?
"I don't know. I think my brain just fused."
It wouldn't have been productive to have analysed the fault so close to her test, so I just reassured her and suggested that it was not something she ought to do in future.
We got to the test centre with about a minute to spare. The rain was getting heavier and the exit to the test centre car park was surrounded by inconveniently parked vehicles. I have to have complete faith in Hazel and trust that I don't need to give her any last-minute warnings about such things. So I simply ask her to drive as she normally does and she will be fine.
She meets the examiner and off she goes. I am the most nervous about a test as I have been in years. It is nothing to do with the badly parked vehicles, nothing to do with the dreadful weather conditions, nothing to do with the slightly frantic last few minutes, and nothing to do with her little faux pas at the roundabout. I am nervous because, after her initial attempts in her home city, she has arranged time away from home, paid to stay in a hotel in Elgin (plus the money she is paying me), and has put her trust in me to polish up her driving and help her pass her test - and this is my one shot at it. I can't imagine her wanting to come back to Elgin/Inverness/Ullapool (all at least three hours from south Glasgow) and do it all again if she is not successful.
It is over 50 minutes before I finally see her drive back into the car park, the rain not relenting at all. I wait outside, standing beneath a porch for shelter. The examiner looks at me and beckons me over. Oh dear, not usually a good sign. The rain is hammering down, so I am pleased I have a 5-door, so I can get into the back seat (rather than stand out in the rain). He is silent while he tots up her driving faults (five), then turns to her and tells her that she has passed. I love that moment. You will rarely see any greater expression of happiness. When the examiner tells a pupil that they have passed, they don't just smile, their whole face beams, their eyes widen and it is impossible to look more happy.
I drove Hazel to the train station and she tried to give me £10 too much. I told her it wasn't necessary and that she should put it towards her first tank of fuel. She replied "No, I shall put it towards some Champagne!" A much better idea, I thought.

Driving on to my next lesson, I had my wrist mildly slapped. Hazel had turned the headlights off after her test and I had driven off without putting them back on. It certainly wasn't dark, but, if I had realised, I would have put my lights on. Anyway, an oncoming car flashed me and I presumed they were suggesting I should put my lights on. But of all the cars that could have flashed me, it had to be an Audi driver. Aargh! The shame of having my driving corrected by an Audi driver! I wonder how they would have alerted the RED driving instructor, a few miles later in Nairn, that they really shouldn't be using their mobile phone while driving - not a good advertisement or a good example.

You are currently approaching Inshes Roundabout. Don't panic!

2011-08-01T10:08:00.004+01:00

One of the most common searches that bring people to this site is variations on 'Inshes roundabout'. Aaarrgh! The dreaded Inshes roundabout, a 6-exit, multi-lane spiral roundabout. Actually, it is not as bad as people make out. Simply, approach in the same way that you would any other roundabout, but look out for road signs which clearly advise you which lane to take. Once you have selected your lane STAY IN IT. If you realise that you are in the wrong lane, don't panic. If you have time, check the appropriate mirror to see if it is safe to change lanes and, if so, indicate to let other know what you are doing. If you do not have time, or it is not safe to change lanes, don't panic. Simply follow your lane as it spirals out and indicate left to exit. Breathe out and look for a safe method of returning to the roundabout.

That's probably not the information your search brought you here for. You want me to tell you, step-by-step how to approach the roundabout from every possible direction, going to every possible exit. Tough. I'm not going to do that. My pupils pay me good(ish) money for that knowledge. However, I am feeling generous and will guide you a little on some of the routes:

Culloden to Hilton

1. Culloden to Hilton (thin red line on 1st photo - you can click on the photos if you want to make them bigger): After you have dealt with the pedestrian crossing, look for the left lane (you are turning left after all). DO NOT SIGNAL LEFT - YOU ARE NOT TAKING THE 1st EXIT. When it is safe to enter the roundabout, wait until you pass the 1st exit (Tesco) before indicating left, then look ahead before accelerating.


Culloden to town centre

2. Culloden to town centre (Raigmore Hospital) (wobbly yellow line on 2nd photo): The direction signs indicate that you should consider this as 'ahead' (rather than 'right'). Therefore, you should look for the lane with the 'ahead' arrow (the centre lane). Once you have entered the roundabout FOLLOW YOUR LANE. It will feel as though you are going out wide. Do not be tempted to accelerate, otherwise you will cut into the lane on your right. Indicate left as you are passing the Police station (3rd) exit.

Culloden to A9

3. Culloden to A9 (Turquoise line on 3rd photo): Easy-peasy. You are turning right (taking the 5th exit), so you should be indicating right and approaching in the right lane. After the second exit your lane spirals out, so follow it and indicate left as you pass the 4th exit. Again look ahead (especially for the pedestrian crossing) before you accelerate). if you get drawn into the next lane on your right, be very careful about trying to change lanes.

Town centre to Culloden

4. Town centre to Culloden (pretty pink line on 4th photo): Even easier! You are following the road ahead (2nd exit), so you are looking for the appropriate lane - road signs and road arrows tell you this is the centre lane. Your lane should be easy to follow, then indicate left as you pass the 1st exit. Because you will not be doing much turning after this point, ensure that you cancel your indicator after leaving the roundabout. Don't forget to look ahead for the pedestrian crossing and the bus-stop.

Hilton to Culloden

5. Hilton to Culloden (lime green line on 5th photo): Admittedly, this is a bit weird. It all starts straightforward enough; you are turning right (4th exit), so you should be indicating right and in the right lane. Enter the roundabout in the right lane (do not be tempted to go into the middle lane). Now, for some strange reason, your lanes splits into 2 lanes (at the little red 'X'). Keep to the left of your lane (unless you want to go to Tescos) and indicate left as you pass the 3rd exit. Again be careful to cancel your signal and look out for the bus-stop and the pedestrian crossing.

A9 to town centre

6. A9 to town centre (Hospital) (yellow line in 6th photo): Now I can understand why some people get completely lost on this one, but don't panic. Firstly, you are turning right (taking the 5th exit), so you should be indicating right and approaching in the right lane. So far, so good. The left lane takes you to Culloden, the centre lane to Tesco, and the right lane takes you to Hilton. You want the next lane after the Hilton one. Blink and you will miss it, and you will end up in the 5th lane (which takes you all the way round to where you started from). Again, you may feel that you are going wide and in the wrong lane. Have a bit of faith in yourself and, keeping it slow, indicate left as you pass the 4th (police) exit. Smile as you realise you have cracked it.

Don't worry when people say "Ooh! That Inshes roundabout... it's impossible." It's easy (there are certainly harder roundabouts in Inverness). Just approach in the same way you would all roundabouts (Mirrors-signal-position-speed-gears-look). Keep looking for the safe gaps in traffic and, once you are on the roundabout, take your time and follow the lanes.

Thank you to Google Earth for the images and apologies for the wobbly lines.

What sort of driver are you?

2011-07-30T09:13:00.002+01:00

The other day an acquaintance drove Jane and I into Inverness. He has been driving for years. I see bad examples of driving every day, but it was very strange being in the car at the time and not saying anything or doing anything about it. We got to our destination and back in one piece, but I’m not sure how. Gear changes seemed completely random, his clearance of other vehicles was alarming, and his speed into bends and junctions was just stupid. I have already confessed to being a reckless driver when I was younger, but it was quite an eye-opener seeing such a bad driver up close.

Last night, I had just finished reading Cloud Atlas for the third time and I needed something else to read. The only thing handy was the Style section of The Sunday Times, which Jane had been reading. Not really my cup of tea, apart from the restaurant review, but then I found a quiz to determine my attitude to fashion. You know the type of thing, you answer a series of multiple-choice questions and, from your answers, you are told what type of person you are. It turns out I am ‘in fashion denial’ and have less interest in fashion than even Mrs Ed Miliband. Doubtless you are not too concerned about my sartorial stance, but it gave me an idea…. I could set you a quiz to find out what sort of a driver you are. Ready?

1. You are taking a journey along a rural road with a 60mph speed limit, then through a village with a 30mph speed limit, then another rural road with a 60mph. You should
a. Drive, within the speed limit, at an appropriate speed, subject to road, traffic and weather conditions.
b. Maintain a steady 40 - 45mph throughout the whole journey.
c. Get there as fast as possible, but why do these other drivers keep getting in my way?

2. You should use your indicators
a. Early enough to indicate your intentions, but not so early so as to confuse.
b. When I work out where I should be going, but it is usually not worth bothering by then.
c. What are indicators?

3. The driving test
a. Should be considered as the minimum requirement to allow you on the road, but you should always strive to continuously improve your driving.
b. We didn’t have driving tests in my day Dear.
c. Is for wimps. Learner drivers should be kept off the roads until five years after they have passed their test.

4. You notice that someone is in the process of overtaking you. You
a. Check your mirrors and the road ahead and maintain a constant speed, but watching out for the possibility that the overtaking vehicle may move quickly back in.
b. Brake and swerve to the left to avoid the maniac.
c. Accelerate - Who do they think they are, trying to overtake me?!

5. You are approaching a roundabout and you want to go straight ahead, taking the second exit. You
a. Check mirrors and keep to the left lane, but looking out for road signs or markings which would indicate otherwise. You bring your speed down progressively, selecting the appropriate gear. When it is safe, you enter the roundabout, keeping to your lane, indicating left as you pass the first exit.
b. Hedge your bets by approaching over two lanes. Stop at the roundabout so that you can work out which way to go. Decide to go anyway (despite the oncoming traffic) and work out which way to go while you are on the roundabout.
c. Obey the Euclidean postulate that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.

6. You are on a 60mph single-carriageway, with few safe overtaking opportunities. Ahead of you there is a convoy of 15 vehicles, all maintaining a safe separation, being held up by a car driving at 45 mph. Your destination is 4 miles away. You
a. Maintain a safe separation from the vehicle ahead, dropping back further if the vehicle behind gets too close. Even if was safe to overtake all the vehicles, we would only get to our destination approximately one minute earlier, so it is pointless considering it.
b. Are the vehicle doing 45mph at the front of the queue.
c. Floor it, overtaking as many vehicles as you can, trailing a cloud of fumes behind you and thinking that all the drivers you are overtaking must think you have a great car and are the world’s greatest driver. You brake and squeeze into the gaps that these vehicles have left when oncoming lorries flash their lights at you, giving them the finger as they avoid you by inches.

7. You are driving in the Highlands when you see the most spectacular view. You
a. Look for somewhere safe, legal and convenient to pull over and take a look.
b. Slow down or even stop right there. Take some photos from the window of your vehicle, then drive off just as the following vehicle is overtaking you.
c. I haven’t got time for ‘views‘.

8. You hear an emergency vehicle siren. You
a. Check your mirrors to see how close the following vehicle is, then try to establish where it is coming from. If it is on your road you try to decide if the best course of action would be to slow down or stop. Then, as they pass, you look for the possibility of there being more emergency vehicles before considering whether an indicator would be necessary or helpful.
b. Panic and stop.
c. Wind the window up because the noise is interrupting your phone call.

9. A learner driver is stopped at an uphill traffic light in front of you. You
a. Keep a good separation distance, allowing for the possibility that the car may roll back or stall.
b. Stop right behind the car and panic when the learner starts rolling back.
c. Stop millimetres behind the car and blast your horn within 2 seconds of the lights changing to green.

10. You are on a winding single-track road with occasional passing spaces. You
a. Drive at an appropriate speed, keeping an eye on where the passing spaces are. When you see an approaching vehicle you check the situation behind you and look for an opportunity for you or the other driver to safely keep to the left. You acknowledge the other driver as they pass and consider whether a signal would be helpful.
b. Wonder why the vehicle in your way is having to reverse.
c. Expect any approaching vehicle to bow down to your superior vehicle and get out the way.

How did you get on? If you answered
Mostly ‘B’s - You are a tourist.
Mostly ‘C’s - You are an Audi driver (or possibly a Subaru Impreza, or a 1997 Vauxhall Corsa pimped to the max).
Mostly ‘A’s - You are a liar. (although I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you are one of my pupils).

BSM Inverness R.I.P.

2011-07-25T14:26:00.000+01:00

I notice that the BSM instructors around here are gradually losing their Fiat 500s and returning to the Vauxhall Corsa. If I was still with BSM I would be disappointed by this, but I imagine I would be in the minority. Prefer the new livery though - the livery on the Fiat did not really stand out.
I also notice (in fact this happened a few weeks ago), that the BSM office in Inverness has finally closed. A shame, because it was where I started. It clearly made good economic sense to close High St centres as people increasingly use the internet to book lessons, but Inverness still had a large walk-in trade.
Good luck to Eddie, the office manager, with whatever he is doing now. He told me that BSM had offered to train him to become an instructor, but he was undecided.
Good luck also to Susan, a former BSM instructor who has now gone independent and, very sensibly plumped for a Clio to teach in.

Life and death

2011-07-24T19:26:00.005+01:00

Carmen and her baby sister

Congratulations to my step-daughter, Anna, her boyfriend, Ross, and their daughter, Carmen, on the birth of their new baby girl (as yet unnamed) yesterday. I am pleased to report they are all well and I can't wait to visit them later today. As the due date approached, it crossed my mind to buy a copy of a newspaper on the birthday for posterity; I changed my mind. Sleep does funny things. I was woken this morning after dreaming about witnessing an airliner plunge into the sea while I was walking on the beach. When I woke my first thoughts were to wonder what on earth the Sunday newspapers would have as their headline news, the plane crash, the horror in Norway or Amy Winehouse. I didn't even consider the nurse in Stockport or the dozens of people killed in a train crash in China (which surely would be the headline news on most days). Thankfully, the dream was not real but, very sadly, everything else was.
It's not my place to announce my thoughts about Norway here. It is completely beyond comprehension. Sometimes when we hear news stories of some atrocity Jane will ask 'How can someone do something like that?' and I am relieved that I cannot even begin to imagine. The best thing that can happen is for the killer to spend the rest of his life rotting in a cell covered with indelible images of all the families of those whose lives he destroyed. His name should not be remembered.
I vaguely remember my parents being shocked when, on the drive home from a family holiday in Dorset, the radio announced that Elvis Presley had died. My strongest memory of John Lennon's death is the girls in art class, the next morning, crying and I couldn't understand why. I remember being disappointed, almost betrayed, when Ian Curtis committed suicide - what would now happen to Joy Division, the band I still consider to be my favourite? Kurt Cobain meant nothing, I just considered it stupid. Michael Jackson was a bit of a shock. But, despite her obvious problems, the death of Amy Winehouse really did shock me. Musical taste is personal and I understand that she was not everyone's cup of tea. Her musical style did not really fit in with my usual taste, but I could listen to 'Frank' and 'Back to black' almost endlessly - she just had a way of making every syllable interesting. One might argue that Adele's voice is just as good, but I am already bored of her albums and I don't own them. If you want to disagree, fine, it would be a very boring world if we all had the same taste.
One thing that surprises me is the number of people complaining that news of Amy Winehouse's death has diverted media attention away from Norway. Both are very tragic. Norway is horrific and I hope that nothing like it will ever happen again, but I find it difficult to understand the mentality of people who have crawled out of the woodwork to slag off a troubled, but very talented young woman because of the timing of her death.
At the moment, the people of Norway and the family, friends and fans of Amy Winehouse might be thinking that they wish the world could end right now. It won't be tomorrow, it may not even be next month, for some people it may take years, but one day they will see that life goes on.....

Ullapool Tall Ships Festival

2011-07-23T06:35:00.003+01:00

The Ullapool Tall Ships festival was great fun. Nice to take a few 'proper' days off and, judging by how busy the village got, driving lessons would not have been too productive. The weather forecast was not good, but, although not exactly 'July' weather, it wasn't too bad. Around Friday lunchtime it was actually quite hot and, even when it did drizzle, it did nothing to dampen the festival atmosphere.
There was talk of trying to beat the world record for the most people taking part in a 'Strip the Willow' dance. About 500 people took part (pictured), some way short of the record, but, even if they had have taken the record, it would have beaten by 2000 people in Oban, just an hour later.
Perhaps it was because Loch Broom is so sheltered, but it was a little disappointing that the Tall Ships did not come into Ullapool under sail. I have to admit, I was expecting a few more ships, but the ones that did dock were very impressive. Jane and I enjoyed the hospitality of Sarah and Sandy Mackenzie, in their B&B overlooking the harbour. The first evening Sandy took us out in his boat to take a closer look at the ships. After that he got his fishing rod out and, in complete contrast to my most recent fishing experiences, caught two pollack and a mackerel within just a few minutes. Now that kind of fishing I can understand.
There was live music on the pier each night. We went the first night, where The Vatersay Boys kept the whole crowd dancing. Afterwards, it was refreshing that, when you heard the thump-thump-thump of an approaching car's sound system, it was Ceilidh music that was being belted out. There was plenty of choice for live music in the pubs and bars on Saturday night, so we passed on The Saw Doctors, but it didn't really matter who had been playing because everyone was just out to have a good time.

Parking was very much at a premium, in fact, a park & ride system was in operation, and sadistic fun was had watching people trying to squeeze into impossible gaps before giving up and driving off. Campervans are not the easiest vehicles to manoeuvre, but I hope that almost all my pupils could have done a better job of parking than the driver of this vehicle... Why use one bay when you can take up four?!

Sitting on the dock of the bay

2011-07-15T11:18:00.001+01:00

What do you think? Should I be blogging regularly - say, every 3 or 4 days - or just when the mood takes me? The reason I ask is because I haven't been too prolific of late, but I see from my Statcounter thingy that various people seem to check this site daily.
Unfortunately, the sad truth is that nothing too dramatic has been happening recently. A couple of new pupils since I last wrote, one test and no buses ramming me.
The test was disappointing. It was her second attempt and recent lessons had given her much more confidence compared to her first attempt. It is always a good sign when they can drive around and I almost forget they are a learner. However, a momentary lapse in her control during the manoeuvre cost her her test and, with only a handful of driving faults, the examiner actually apologised for the result, saying what a nice drive it had been. That was good for her to hear and I'm pleased that she is being so positive and has immediately rescheduled another test and a series of lessons. Too often pupils become a bit sporadic in their lessons after a fail.

I have begun using alternative routes to get around my area, especially Nairn and Inverness. A sudden explosion in the number of new traffic lights in Nairn, plus the building of a Sainsburys (their first branch within over 100 miles of here) has led to a series of roadworks. I don't usually mind this, but it gives me a good reason for taking the scenic route through Cawdor and Croy. This weekend was worse on the A96 (Inverness - Aberdeen) due to the Scottish Golf open at the new Castle Stuart course, a few miles east of Inverness. A lovely course and it was a shame that it coincided with the worst weather for months - it is not often that a premier golf tournament is disrupted by landslides.

At this precise moment, I am sat on a bench at Ullapool harbour, overlooking Loch Broom, enjoying the early morning sunshine while the village slowly wakes. Just when I thought it couldn't get much better, a pupil who stopped her lessons last summer to go travelling in Asia has just walked up to me and paid me for her last lesson (almost a year ago), as well as arranging more lessons now she is back in the village.

The village may be very tranquil at the moment, but I am sure that will all change over the next 24 hours. Not only is it the weekend of the Hebridean Celtic Festival (with Ullapool being the ferry terminal to get to the Hebrides), but the village has been chosen as a guest port for the 2011 Cruise in Company Tall Ships race .
Ullapool is only a small village, with a population of approx 1,400, and, during the winter, it is an easy place to drive around. That starts to change through the Summer when tourists swell the numbers and driving becomes a little more challenging. But with the number of people expected in the village this weekend I don't think conditions will be conducive to productive driving lessons. Conditions will be much more suited to me and Jane taking the weekend off and enjoying all that the Tall Ships Festival has to offer.

(Later in the day). The last of the day's lessons ended just in time. By the time my last lesson today started, the village was getting quite busy and people were just parking anywhere. Approaching an uphill T-junction, we could see cars parked right on the junction, making it very difficult to see when it was clear to emerge. My pupil, Mairead, is quite competent, but this was a real challenge. She slowed right down, selected 1st gear, brought the clutch back up to the bite, allowing her to very slowly creep up the incline at a speed that allowed her to determine whether or not it was clear - perfect. Some prat in a grey VW was getting stupidly close behind her, so she could not afford to roll back. But when she saw an approaching car she dipped the clutch slightly too much, felt the car beginning to roll back and, instead of braking and securing the car with the handbrake, she tried to find the bite too quickly and stalled. A common scenario. No panic, she just started the car and prepared to move off again. The prat behind then thought it would be helpful to toot his horn. What made him think this would help, I have no idea. Consequently, passers-by and people sat in the garden of a cafe turned to look at us, which did even less to help. Mairead managed the clutch perfectly to complete the emerge, but she was, understandably, a little flustered after that. For those of you who may be unsure, the red 'L'-plates on my car mean that it is being driven by a LEARNER driver. At the end of the day, my car and my actions promote my business, so the best thing was to calmly help Mairead move on from the situation..... despite the fact that the devil on my shoulder was urging me to put the car in reverse, just to see the look on his face.

Public image limited

2011-07-04T15:42:00.000+01:00

I burnt my wrist whilst doing some experimental cookery the other day. I didn't think too much about it at the time but, this morning, as I was drawing a diagram for my pupil I noticed the unsightly burns and became quite self-conscious about it. Nothing I could do, as I was wearing a short-sleeved shirt, and it was ridiculous to consider that my pupil may have been bothered by it... she probably didn't even notice it.
Last Summer I was enjoying a day off when one of my pupils called and asked if she could try and fit in an extra lesson before her test. The only possible time was that afternoon and, having nothing special planned, I agreed to give up a couple of hours of my afternoon to try and boost her confidence. Being my day off, I was wearing knee-length shorts and a T-shirt, with flip-flop things on my feet. I usually don't give the slightest consideration to my appearance, as my wife will testify, except when I am working. As soon as I picked my pupil up I became quite embarrassed about the fact that I was not dressed for work.
Ever since I started as an instructor I have always worn a shirt and trousers (or smart jeans) and I usually wear a tie (unless it is too warm). I feel much more comfortable in old jeans and a T-shirt, but, when teaching, I am trying to portray a professional appearance. I am sure that many of my pupils probably don't even notice what I wear, but even if only one does, then it is worth the effort.
It is not just clothes. There are all sorts of factors which may change the perception a customer (or potential customer) may have of me as an instructor.
Are my hands clean? It may sound silly, but they have to touch the same controls that I have been touching (and I keep anti-bacterial wipes in my car for when the odd pupil doesn't look to have the cleanest of hands).
Is my car clean inside and out? There have been some weeks when I have cleaned my car four times, but it doesn't look good if my car is dirty. And, with the exception of my diary, my laptop, an A4 notebook and some carefully chosen CDs , I try to keep the interior of my car as clear as possible.
Of course my driving has to be exemplary too. I have seen other instructors speeding, smoking in their car, parking in inappropriate places and even using their mobiles while driving. But, if I noticed it, then it is possible that a potential customer noticed it too. When I was with BSM there was a junction near to the Inverness office with a road sign indicating 'No right turn', but in small letters beneath it said 'For vehicles over 3 tonnes'. People used to call Eddie, the office manager at BSM, and complain that they had seen an instructor turning right into that road. And it wasn't the only time that someone would call and comment on something that they had seen a BSM car do. Of course, I'm sure their own driving was completely without fault.
Last Thursday afternoon, I was driving between lessons in Ullapool, listening to the women's semi-final at Wimbledon on radio 5live. Maria Sharapova was beating Sabine Lisicki and, being a pleasant warm day, I had the windows open. I was slowing down to approach a cross-roads when Sharapova gave her most enthusiastic grunt. Instantly, every pedestrian within earshot turned to look at my car. I was hoping that she would do another so that everyone would (hopefully) realise it was the tennis, but she had won the point with that shot, so I drove away from the area with all those people probably wondering what on earth was going on in my car. Orgasmic shrieks are not really what you want to hear from the windows of a driving instructors car.

I recognise that face!

2011-06-26T09:06:00.000+01:00

When your dog has this expression on their face, it may be time to consider hanging up your car keys.

(Thanks to Joan and Effie from Ullapool for sending me this)

Va-va-voom

2011-06-25T16:28:00.000+01:00

As promised, I got my Clio back this morning. I had begun to get used to the Peugeot, but it did feel nice being back in my car - the clutch is much more forgiving and the steering has more 'feel'.
When Matthew took his test last week the examiner looked at the Peugeot and asked me "Why have you gone and got yourself one of these?!" He obviously wasn't impressed.
It wasn't the first time examiners have turned their nose up at a car. When I was with BSM and had a Fiat 500, the examiners would often make disparaging comments about it. One time, at the start of a test, the examiner asked my pupil to pop the bonnet and tell him how he would check the oil level. As my pupil lifted the bonnet, the examiner looked into the engine and asked "Where's the rubber band?" The cheek!

Nobody likes a Smartarse

2011-06-22T20:56:00.001+01:00

I had very little experience of teaching anyone to drive before I became a driving instructor. The only time I can think of was when I was Landlord of The Cross Keys, Totternhoe. One of my bar staff said that she wanted to learn to drive and could I teach her? 'No problem, I thought. I had been driving for over ten years by then, thought I knew everything there was to know about driving and would be happy to pass on my expertise to someone else.
I am having a mental block and cannot remember her real name - we called her 'Squirty', in reference to her verbal diarrhoea. I think I had an old Ford Mondeo, but, obviously, no dual-controls. The pub car park wasn't the biggest, but I thought it would be an ideal area to teach her how to get the car moving, do a bit of steering, then she would be able to drive out of the village (looking back, I obviously had no idea then of how to teach someone to drive). Needless to say, we never even got out of the car park and I don't know if she ever learned to drive.
When I met Jane, my wife, her eldest daughter, Rachel, had already passed her driving test. Then, a few years later, her other daughter, Anna, took lessons and passed her test in Inverness while I was still working in Cambridgeshire. So I had no input when it came to how either of them drive (so don't blame me). Anna's boyfriend, Ross, is 23 but had never got around to learning to drive. It's his decision if he wants to learn to drive, or not, so I have never interfered. When Anna and Ross discovered that Anna was expecting their second child, they decided that perhaps it was time Ross finally learned to drive.
So, this morning, it was Ross' first attempt at the driving test. No matter how much I try to relax my pupils, they will be nervous. I have only ever had two, maybe three pupils who genuinely did not seem even the slightest bit nervous before their test. Ross was definitely not one of those.
What is there to be nervous about? It could be various reasons:
It is your first test and you are not sure what will happen.
It is not your first test and you know what is going to happen.
You are not confident in your driving.
Your lessons have not been going as well as you would have liked recently.
You just don’t like exam situations.
You have heard stories about certain examiners or things they might ask you to do.
You don’t want to go through it all again
It could be any, some, or none of the above. I would guess, however, that the most likely reason is the worry of what others might think. Think about it; if no-one knew about your test, would it matter quite so much if you did not pass?
I only remember bits and pieces of my own driving test, when I was 17. But I clearly remember being told that both my parents, my aunties and uncles, my grandparents and my cousin had ALL passed first time…. No pressure then.
I stalled three times in my test and was absolutely convinced I had failed. As we approached the end of the test, all I could think about was my younger brothers finding it hilarious that I had been the first in our family to have failed. Fortunately, my examiner considered that, even having stalled, I had demonstrated that I was safe and (usually) in control, so he passed me and I couldn’t wait to tell everyone.
I think this especially true in Ross’ case. He was nervous because he was probably worried about what Anna, his friends and his family might say. The thing is, because I know his family, and because his girlfriend is my step-daughter, I also felt that same pressure and (stupidly) wondered what they might think about my qualities as a driving instructor if I didn’t get Ross through his test, first-time, with flying colours.
Therefore, I was as happy as Ross when he passed with 3 minor faults. And I was straight on the phone to Jane before Ross had even got out of the car (I allowed him the pleasure of telling Anna the good news).
So everybody’s happy today. Being the dad of his girlfriend, however, I have been robbed of something I could tease him about. Unfortunately, for Ross, there is one thing about which I can tease him: His test was today, Wednesday morning at 10.44am, and we had planned a final lesson on Tuesday evening, after he finished work. Late Monday night he text me to ask “Is it tomorrow night my lesson?” I could not resist replying “Unless you would rather leave it until after your test?”
Don’t you just hate it when your girlfriend’s dad is a smartarse.

Five reasons to be cheerful

2011-06-20T17:30:00.002+01:00

A very happy bunny today as the garage have just called and told me I can collect my Clio later this week.

I had been getting a wee bit concerned as it is over 3 weeks since they collected it and I had not heard anything. The Peugeot has been fine as a replacement, but I will be glad to get my car back. It will be nice to have that extra bit of power, a better biting-point on the clutch, five doors instead of three, a colour that doesn’t highlight every single midge-splat and, most importantly, a better bass on the CD player.

Leaving adequate space either side.

2011-06-18T15:26:00.000+01:00

I see shocking parking every day. Sometimes it is incompetent, often it is just lazy.

Doing some shopping this morning, I was just about to drive off when I saw this Megane approach the parking bays. What tickled me about this one was that they took their time and parked at a nice, careful speed. I suppose it could have been worse, they could have taken up four bays, rather than two.
Maybe they would have been better coming in at speed, shutting their eyes and hoping for the best.

Look before you leap

2011-06-18T15:02:00.001+01:00

When I first became an instructor I often looked at driving instructor forums - either BSM's or independent ones - for news and advice. You should never stop learning, but I rarely look at the forums these days.
One topic that would crop up from time to time is 'observations as you approach a junction'. Should you look 'left-right-left'? Or 'right-left-right-left-right-left-right'? What is correct? Answer: It depends on the circumstance.
As you approach a T-junction, if you can see more clearly to the right, for example, then look right, then look left as that view becomes clear. By now, the situation may have changed on the right, so look right again, and so on, until you are 100% that it is clear on BOTH directions.
If you are approaching a crossroads, then you can usually have an early look at the situation in the road ahead long before you need to consider the left and right, but you will probably need to check the road ahead again as you near the junction.
Where should the last check be? Regardless of the type of junction, your last check should always be in the direction you are about to go. It is very tempting, especially when emerging left, to look to the right as you are starting to accelerate. This is NOT a good idea; anything could be happening in the road you are about to accelerate into.

A few years ago I had been teaching my pupil roundabouts. I had been explaining that, if approaching vehicles were in the outside lane, or moving to the outside lane, then it may be safe to go (NOT ALWAYS). She had been progressing nicely on the numerous roundabouts on Inverness' South Distributor Road, so we went to have a look at (the infamous) Inshes roundabout, a large, spiral roundabout that seems to terrify learners and experienced drivers alike. It was busy and we had to stop and wait for a gap in the traffic. We waited. And waited. I reassured her that there was no urgency, we just needed to be ready so that, when a safe gap appeared, we could go. Of course, both of us are looking to the right, thinking 'maybe after this car... no, maybe after this car...... no, maybe after this car, etc.' Then, all the cars that were coming round started moving over to the very outside lane. I could see her about to release the handbrake when I looked to the left. The reason all the cars were moving to the outside lane was because a car (maybe someone not from these shores) was driving the WRONG way round the roundabout! I got my dual brake and clutch down just as Libby was releasing the handbrake.

Similarly, there was another time when my pupil was waiting at Shore Street roundabout. This is another spiral roundabout in Inverness, and I think this one is even worse because the vehicles come round at an higher speed so you have to be fairly quick off the mark. My pupil could not see a gap so had applied the handbrake. I could again see his fingers clenching on the handbrake when I asked him to look left: Two dozy pedestrians were crossing the road, from left to right, in front of my car just as my pupil was about to go.

This is obviously what happened to the bus driver who hit my car a few weeks ago. He, like us, was having to sit and wait for a gap in the traffic. It is easy to get so focused on looking right to see where the gap is, that you forget to look left before you accelerate. He must have seen the gap, (wrongly) assumed my pupil had moved off and accelerated, without looking first..... straight into the back of us.

The other morning I was heading for my first lesson of the day in Forres. There were two cars in front of me as we approached a roundabout. The first car was indicating left, the second car, a BMW (not an Audi this time), was not indicating. I assumed they were going straight ahead but you never can tell. One other consideration – a pedestrian was walking towards the roundabout's first exit. The first car (and I) saw this, the BMW driver obviously didn't. We could all see that the roundabout was nice and clear, with no cars approaching. The first car saw the pedestrian now crossing the road he/she was about to turn into and stopped. The BMW was only looking right, saw a nice big gap, accelerated and had to brake VERY hard to avoid going into the back of the first car. He/she must have been literally millimetres away from hitting them.

Understandably, given recent events, I have become slightly twitchy about such things, but it is quite scary how easily these things happen.

Panic on the streets of Ullapool

2011-06-16T10:20:00.000+01:00

Test day in Ullapool again. Only three pupils on test today, two first-timers and one having his second attempt. Unusually, for Ullapool, all three of my pupils have the luxury of a lesson before their test; usually here, my pupils meet me at the 'test centre' while we wait for the previous pupil to complete their test, then they may get 5 – 10 minutes practice before their test time.

Phil had the 8.40am test and this was his second attempt. He had been very keen to get a lot of hours in before this attempt and it paid off as he passed easily, with 5 minor (sorry, 'driving') faults (we are not supposed to refer to them as 'minor' faults).

Sadly, my next pupil (on her first attempt) wasn't so successful, not giving adequate clearance to parked cars and failing to cancel a left indicator.

On the day before each test I send a text message reminding my pupil to bring BOTH parts of their licence with them. Then, when I meet them before the test, the first thing I do is to ask them if they have their licence. My 3.27pm test pupil was no different. She had previously been having lessons with another instructor in Inverness before moving to Ullapool and BSM Inverness had been very kind in recommending me to her. This was her first attempt.

When I first met Judith she seemed a nice driver, but her confidence did not match her ability. When I questioned her about it she said that sometimes in her lessons she would do something and her previous instructor would say “THAT would fail you” and, eventually, it knocked what confidence she had. I prefer a different method of instruction: If a pupil makes a mistake, that mistake should be analysed and the possible consequences discussed. Those consequences do not include 'That would cost you your test.'

She is from the Netherlands and we had a funny moment a few weeks ago. A nice sunny day in Ullapool and the harbour area was full of tourists. She was about to turn right into a road and did not anticipate the group of tourists walking out into the road she was about to enter. It was safe for her to enter the road, but she began to accelerate before she fully appreciated the situation. I braked for her as the pedestrians continued crossing the road and, when it was safe, she drove on. But she was muttering and her face was scarlet.

“Were you right to do what you did?” I asked.

“Oh, it's not that,” she replied, “I know I was in the wrong, but it was what they said.”

“I didn't catch what they said.”

“No... it was in Dutch.”

They had said something like “That girl needs her lessons”, nothing offensive, but I would have been very tempted to have driven around and said something in Dutch back to them... My pupil is obviously more mature than I am.

We had a nice hour's lesson beforehand and arrived for the test with a few minutes to spare. Being the last test of the day, the examiner was obviously keen to get going as he was already walking over towards us. “Just drive as you have been doing and you'll be fine.” I assured my pupil. “Geoff (the examiner) is already here, so take your licence and say 'hello' to him”. She grabbed her bag and looked for her licence. “#@%£!!!” (Dutch expletive). She looked in another section of her bag. “F@(&!!!” (Anglo-Saxon expletive). She looked at me. “I haven't got my licence.”

Silence.......

“Oh!......Oh!...... I know what I've done. I've left it in the café where I was having lunch. My friends should still be there.” I got out the car, explained the situation to Geoff and asked if I could have two minutes (a bit optimistic). “Hurry up.” He said (but in a nice way).

Leaving Judith with Geoff, I got in my car and dashed to The Ceilidh Place (keeping within the speed limits, of course!). If this had been a film, The Race by Yello would have been the soundtrack. I reversed into the tightest of gaps, found her friends and they rummaged through a rucksack to (eventually) find her licence. It had started to rain, so, by the time I got back to them, Geoff and my pupil were looking quite soggy. She looked at me as though I had rescued her from a fire-breathing dragon and she was on her way.

Not the best way to start a test – I shouldn't think it did much for her nerves – but she later said that the examiner had been really nice and had completely relaxed her whilst they waited for me. Anyway, she passed, with six driving faults and gave me a big hug as a thank you for my dash to get her licence.

It felt a bit strange only having three tests, but, with seven other hours of lessons, I'm not complaining.

So, very well done to Phil and Judith on their success today. And thank you to Geoff for not being a jobsworth and giving Judith and I a bit of extra time to sort ourselves out. In future I won't just ask my pupils if they have their licence, I will get them to hand it over to me. It could have easily been a much more costly lesson.

Stepping stone

2011-06-10T23:22:00.001+01:00

I struggle to remember my own driving lessons; they were further back than I care to admit. I remember my instructor had a VW Polo, with which I was very impressed, it had a solid, chunky feel. Apart from the first lesson, which was up and down some of the rural roads surrounding Billington, my lessons seemed to consist of driving along the road between Leighton Buzzard and Heath & Reach, doing a 3-point turn, driving back, doing a left reverse, driving back, etc. Although we did one, I can't remember actually doing an emergency stop, although I do remember my instructor telling me he would have to charge me extra ('for wear') when I asked if we could practice the emergency stop before my test.

I remember he seemed really old to me (but my pupils probably think that about me now), and I found it very disconcerting how he would grab my hand when I was struggling to get it into the correct gear (such a bony hand too).

The only other thing I can really remember is my first lesson. It probably wasn't the case, but, on approaching a left turn, it seemed that the instruction was

“Turn left up ahead. CheckyourmirrorsindicatenowbrakechangegearBRAKE..Too late.....we'll try the next one.”

' WHHAAATT!?!?!' Was my reaction. 'Are you mental? How on earth can you expect me to do all those things at once?!' I thought. It seemed ludicrous that so many things had to be done in such a short space of time. So now I take great care in explaining to pupils that, if they begin the M-S-M process early, there is no panic and they should find they have ample time to check mirrors, indicate, think about their position, get to the correct speed, choose the correct gear and look at the situation before they commit themselves to any turn. And, if they do begin the process late, they can still give themselves more time by using the brakes progressively.

As I have mentioned before, it is always rewarding when I see my former pupils driving around. They always seem so confident and competent; very different from their early lessons. Yesterday in Ullapool, towards the end of a marathon 10 hour day, I parked to make a phone call and three of my former pupils, Jayanne, Michael and Karen, approached me and we had a brief chat. They have spent the last year in university, travelling the world and getting up to who knows what. So I asked them the incredibly lame "How's the driving going?' 'How's the driving going?' ?!?! They were great drivers over a year ago. They have driven campervans on the other side of the world. They probably perform quadratic equations in their head and recite Hamlet backwards when they drive. They won't be giving a second thought to their driving by now. But, to me, I still think of them as my pupils. I still remember when they stalled when moving off, or made a complete mess of a parallel park, or sat at a junction waiting for an oncoming car that was three miles away.
So I was just their stepping stone. They have long since crossed that river and doubtless never give me a thought as they reverse into a bay at the supermarket or negotiate a busy roundabout in Glasgow. At least I can console myself that they don't remember me as that stingy old man who used to place his bony hand on mine when I changed gear.

Back in the saddle.

2011-06-04T16:44:00.001+01:00

What a palava. As previously reported, Saturday afternoon after the prang, I was straight on the phone to my insurers to report the claim and request a replacement car. Having a car is quite important for a driving instructor. I was told that it was now 'out of office hours' so she could record my claim, but no-one would be able to do anything until Tuesday morning (Monday was a bank holiday), despite me assuring her that I could not use my car (it was driveable, but no rear windscreen and the hatch was so buckled that it could not be shut).
Tuesday morning, at 9.00am on the dot, I am on the phone, trying to inject some urgency into my case. Shortly afterwards, a car lease company call me to say that will be providing a replacement car (great!), and that it will delivered Wednesday afternoon (not so great).
"Is that ok for you Mr. Rutter?"
"Well, I was hoping to have a car today. I have a pupil on test later in the week and she was hoping for a lesson tonight. Is it possible to deliver it today?"
"I don't think so; you are 'a long way up'."
Very disappointed, I then had to contact all my pupils who had lessons scheduled for Tuesday and Wednesday morning (including a new pupil) to tell them that we would have to rearrange their lessons.
So Wednesday morning I was back on the phone, I needed to know what time the car would be arriving so that I could plan my afternoon. I called the car lease company and spoke to the same woman I spoke to the previous day.
"Your car delivery has been cancelled."
"What? Why?"
"Because you said Wednesday afternoon was not acceptable."
"I said that I was hoping to have it earlier, but NOT CANCELLED!"
(Trying to keep calm) "Well, when can you get the car here?"
"I'll see if I can find a driver. We may be able to get you a car Thursday night."
"But my pupil's test is on Friday and she really wants a lesson before then. Plus, I have already rescheduled other lessons for Wednesday evening and Thursday, because you told me I would have a car by then."
"I will see if I can find a driver, but Thursday night would still be the earliest."
Exasperated, I could only agree, but I got straight onto the GoInstruct, who I lease my Clio from. They were brilliant and told me to forget the other company and they would get a car to me immediately - well, as immediate as it is possible to be when delivering from Manchester to where I live (about 8 hours).
And so, late Wednesday night I was hugely relieved to see my replacement car being delivered to my door. It was a Peugeot 207 1.4 diesel, rather than another Clio, but any car was better than nothing.

It's quite nice. Jane prefers its looks to the Clio and she may have a point. I like the colour - I am considering white for my next car - but, especially this time of year, the splattered bugs are more noticeable. A nice chassis and I prefer the firmer suspension. Only a slightly smaller engine, but it definitely feels less powerful when dealing with hills and overtaking.
Most of my pupils so far have had no trouble adjusting (the biting point is slightly higher), but my pupil taking her test on Friday was reluctant to do so in a car she had not driven before so booked a lesson (and the test) with another instructor who had a diesel Clio. Sadly, she did not pass, and I feel bad that she was deprived of the lessons and the car she wanted. You could argue that, if she is good enough to pass her test she should be able to do so in almost any car, and I would agree with that, but pupils on a test like to have as much reassurance and comfort as possible.
No news yet on when I might be getting my car back, or even if it can be repaired. Meanwhile I am enjoying the Peugeot, I still prefer the Clio, but I think it is easier to learn in than the Fiat 500 and certainly better than the Vauxhall Corsa.
I have since had no less than three letters of apology from the car lease company that decided to cancel my original replacement car. Not much consolation to my test pupil though.

Once bitten....

2011-05-31T16:10:00.000+01:00

By the end of the last century I had been landlord of The Cross Keys, Totternhoe for almost eight years and wanted to do something different. While I worked out what that 'something' was going to be, I went travelling solo though Central America and Mexico for four months. A fantastic experience, despite being pick-pocketed twice, having my passport stolen and being mugged.
The mugging was the worse. I was in Panama City and had walked down to the Bridge of The Americas, which spans the Panama Canal. Walking back to my hostel, I had an uneasy feeling that someone was a bit too close behind me. As I spun round, an arm wrapped around my neck and we both fell to the pavement. The next thing I knew he had his knee pressing into my chest and he thrust his hand into my pockets. When his hand clutched what obviously felt like money, he jumped up and ran off. My initial (stupid) reaction was to run after him, shouting. I soon realised, however, that he had only got away with about four dollars; not worth me running into further trouble for.
I may have only lost the equivalent of about £2.50, but it shook me a bit and made me a more wary person. Even once I had returned home, a couple of months later, I still felt uneasy whenever I became aware of anyone walking behind me. That feeling returned this morning....
My car is still off the road and "because of the bank holiday" I am still waiting on a replacement. However, I managed one lesson yesterday because the pupil wants lessons in her own car. We were in Inverness, working on her approach to roundabouts when we came to a set of traffic lights, with the lights on red. While we were waiting I had that uneasy feeling of someone behind me. No spare mirror in her car, so I turned to look over my shoulder and I could not believe what I saw. Not only was it a bus, but it was the same bus driver that went into the back of me on Saturday! I don't think I have ever felt so uneasy in all my time as a driving instructor. Fortunately, my pupil pulled away nicely from the lights and there was no repeat of Saturday.
Because I was not in my own car, I doubt that the bus driver even considered that it was me in front of him. But I hope he has learned his lesson and will wait for the vehicle in front of him to move away before he brings his clutch up.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction

2011-05-30T14:22:00.000+01:00

Life is determined not to be straightforward.
On Monday Jane and I flew back from Luton to Inverness. The weather reports were not good; extremely strong winds were hammering the north of Britain and we were concerned that our flight would be cancelled. Then, there followed news about another Icelandic volcano also threatening the operation of flights. Our flight was ok, if a little bumpy, but subsequent flights were cancelled.
Yesterday morning I had a six-hour Pass Plus course with James, who passed with about six weeks ago. A very nice driver, he only picked up two driving faults on his test, but he has had had little experience on dual-carriageways and, with the Highland Council helping with a grant, it made sense to undertake the course.
Inverness was getting busy with Saturday shoppers and we approached the Millburn Road dual-carriageway from Diriebught Road, intending to turn right. The road was busy in both directions, but James was able to cross the first lane and wait in the central reservation. It seemed as though we would have to wait some time for a gap in the traffic approaching from our left but we were surprised when an oncoming bus began slowing and flashing his lights. His intention was clearly to let James out. Very nice of him but it was a decision we would all regret.

If you think back to your maths and physics lessons, you may vaguely remember something about Newton's Laws of Motion. I can't remember which is which, but I remember doing lots of sums concerning 'a body of mass, m, subject to a net force, F, undergoes an acceleration, a, that has the same direction as the force and a magnitude that is directly proportional to the force and inversely proportional to the mass, i.e. F=ma. One of the other laws states that a body at rest will remain at rest until acted upon by an external force. When you are at school and the teacher writes this on whatever they use instead of blackboards these day it can initially make you think "?!?!?!". However, in practice, it becomes very clear.
For example: When my car is at rest and is hit by an accelerating bus weighing up to 18,000kg (with passengers), we can apply the formula F=ma, and calculate that the force was effing horrendous.

After the bus let us out, James drove up to the Raigmore Interchange, a big, fast roundabout beneath the A9. He was looking for gaps in the traffic as he approached, but ultimately had to stop and wait. Waiting for a gap at a junction can be streesful even for a more experienced driver, but I always reassure my pupils, telling them not to take chances and wait for a clear gap. Of course, this is not made any easier by the facts that half the drivers on the roundabout are not indicating correctly or are even in the wrong lane. And there is a big bus behind us.
After about a minute, I can see a gap in the approaching traffic. This is a Pass Plus, so I expect James to see this too. He sees the gap, but is slightly hesitant in moving off. WHAM! One instant I am looking at the traffic, making sure it is still safe for James to accelerate, the next thing I know, there is an almighty bang, glass shatters and I am aware of the fact that, for a split second, I am now looking at the interior roof of the car as my head gets thrown back (yes, my head restraint was correctly positioned). Momentum throws us forward and the noise of traffic has increased because the rear window has completely shattered.

I checked that James was ok and asked him to sit in the back of the car while I get out and have a little chat with the bus driver. I actually felt a little bit sorry for him because he had been kind enough to let us out into the traffic (although, with hindsight, I wish he hadn't). His main concern was that he might lose his job. Because he was carrying passengers, it was his obligation to call the police (who were very prompt) and their main priority was obviously to get us moved away from the roundabout as soon as possible. The bus driver asked me to agree that he had given me plenty of room. "Yes....to start with, you did." I replied. He then explained that he thought my pupil was moving off faster than he actually did. There was no question that, regardless how quickly James was moving off, the bus driver was 100% in the wrong (and I had to keep reassuring James about that). Once we had swapped details, and the police were satisfied with what had happened, I drove away.

Luckily, the car was still ok to drive, although it was amazing how much damage a bus could do from a standing start, but I had to pull over when I could to clear as much shattered glass as possible. James comes from Durness, 105 miles and over two hours away. So doing his Pass Plus all in one 6-hour session made sense. I was pleased to hear that, although we would obviously have to end that session prematurely, he was keen to return in the next couple of weeks to complete the course.
Once I finally arrived home I was straight on the phone to my insurance company. Typically, because it was now Saturday afternoon, it was outside of office hours and, although someone was there to register my claim, she could make no promises about how quickly things could be resolved - especially as it was a bank holiday weekend.
So here I sit: No car and three, maybe four days of lessons cancelled. This is particularly frustrating as I had a new pupil scheduled on Saturday afternoon and, even though it is not my fault, it still feels slightly uncomfortable telling a new pupil that my car had been involved in an accident. Many thanks to friends and family who have offered to lend me their cars, but it is in my pupils' best interests if I just postpone their lessons.
I'm beginning to wish that that volcano had erupted a day earlier and our flights had been cancelled after all.

Complete control

2011-05-28T07:57:00.000+01:00

I did something this morning I haven't done in quite a while; I sat and had a chat with other instructors (Fraser, very experienced, and Jaqui, very new, both from Forres) while my pupil was out on test. Always nice to get different perspectives and get to know the people I wave to each day as we pass by.
It was my pupil's first attempt. He actually started lessons with me way back in Spring 2010, but had trouble passing his theory test, otherwise he would have taken his driving test long ago.
I remember his early lessons. A relative bought him a block of ten lessons when I was still with BSM and the early lessons were a bit of a struggle. He lives in Lossiemouth, a fishing village/town with a fantastic beach on one side and an RAF base on the other. The original village is built on a grid system on a hill, with the buildings built very close to the roads. This means lots of uphill and downhill closed (blind) crossroads. From an instructor's point of view, it is a great place to teach junctions and clutch control - driving uphill to a blind give-way, the pupil either has to be very precise with their clutch control, or they just have to stop and apply the handbrake. Obviously, I didn't start my pupil on these tough junctions, but, as he progressed, the fact that he lived in Lossiemouth was an opportunity not to be wasted and we spent many lessons trying to perfect his control.
The test centre is at the larger town of Elgin, just a few miles inland. After about ten lessons my pupil asked me why we had not yet gone into Elgin; some of his friends were questioning the fact that he had still not had any lessons in the larger town and boasted that their instructors had got them going round Elgin test routes within their first ten hours. I stuck to my guns and reassured him that, once we had mastered his clutch control and approach to junctions in Lossie, Elgin would be easy.
And so it proved: In December I wrote about how impressed I was a particular pupil's ability and control whilst tackling the gradients of Elgin in the snow and ice, while more experienced drivers were struggling, slipping and wheelspinning. It was this pupil. The only problem was, having no computer, he had to go to the library or relatives to practice his theory and hazard perception - not ideal - and took several attempts to finally pass.
No such problem today; he passed his driving test easily, first time. I was curious about the de-brief. The examiner faulted him a couple of times for not using the handbrake. The problem was that his clutch control had become so precise, he could easily hold the car perfectly still on a steep incline, just by using the biting point and accelerator. Very impressive, but not ideal for the car, and I have told him that, if he has plenty of time to apply and release the handbrake (i.e. maybe 5 seconds or more), then he should use it. Perhaps his friends were right. Perhaps we did spend too much time on those junctions in Lossiemouth after all.
Anyway, very well-done Anthony. It was all worthwhile in the end.

Ding dong

2011-05-27T16:13:00.000+01:00

We were hardly in the mood for it, but Thursday morning Jane and I flew from Inverness to Luton for the wedding of Chris, my youngest brother, to Sondra, from Canada.

To cut a long story short, we had a great time. Four days of doing practically nothing except lots of eating and drinking. Jane and I are both used to constantly thinking ahead, ticking off items in our mental 'to-do' lists. So it took a while to get used to sitting back and just letting things happen.

Many thanks to Ian and Leslie, and Mum and Peter for their generous hospitality. In between, I thought the staff at Horwood House struck an excellent balance between attentiveness and informality.

A couple of weeks before the wedding, Leanne, Sondra's sister sent secret emails to as many guests as possible, suggesting that we all did a spontaneous flash mob' dance at some point during the evening. It read "Hi! I'm Sondra's sister Leanne, and I'm trying to arrange something very special (and secret) for the wedding of Sondra and Chris: a flash mob! For those of you unfamiliar with the term, this is basically a surprise dance performed by everyone. The "choreography" is very, very simple; the effect is based on surprise and size. It's going to be tricky to arrange, with people coming from around the world, but that's just what makes it special; no way are they going to suspect that this is what we are up to!" You may have seen adverts, or clips on YouTube, where, suddenly, lots of people start dancing in a train station, for example. A nice idea, I thought. It would certainly be a surprise for them. I read the email and thought 'I will discretely keep out of the way – it may be a good time to go to the bar.' Further emails followed, with detailed instructions and even videos on YouTube on how to do the dance (to 'I got a feeling' by The Black Eyed Peas). The choreography was definitely NOT 'very, very simple', but then anything beyond pogo-ing is going to be complicated to me. I was not alone; both my mother and Ian, my other brother, were adamant that they would not be getting involved. We agreed that it would not matter because surely all the Canadian side of the family would be less reserved and happy to join the flash mob.
Friday morning, the morning of the wedding, and Jane and I went to Sondra's so that Jane could do her nails. Leanne was also there and, when Sondra was not listening, asked me if I had been practising the dance? 'Alas not,' I replied - what with Ullapool driving tests and Doris it had been the last thing on my mind - and I made some excuse about not getting time to see the video. "Oh, don't worry," she reassured me, "just follow what I do and there will be a bit where you and Matthew (Chris' son) do a little solo bit, so just follow Matthew at that point." Damn! There seemed to be no way out of this.

We went over to Ian's to get dressed for the wedding and I quickly went online to have a look at Leanne's YouTube video. I tried to con Ian into believing that he HAD to do the dance, so the two of us stood in his front room hopelessly practising this stupid dance - we couldn't even get past the first swirly-arm bit. We both took different options; Ian's was to point-blank refuse to do the dance, mine was to point-blank refuse to do the dance sober.
It was a great day. The weather was perfect, the hotel did a good job of looking after us without getting in the way, I did my MC-ing bit, the speeches were all good and everyone was having a good time. Chris and Sondra looked like they were bursting with happiness.
My step-daughter, Rachel, thought the prospect of me dancing completely hilarious and insisted that someone video the event. Unfortunately for her (but fortunately for me), no-one seems to have done so. So you will just have to take my word for it that, after some beers, wine, champagne and many Tanqueray and tonics, my performance in the flash mob dance would have brought a tear to the eye of Michael Jackson, Gene Kelly and the like.

Let loose

2011-05-27T14:13:00.000+01:00

Always nice to get feedback from pupils once they have passed their test and have done some driving without me.

Last week, Kim was texting me within a couple of hours of passing her test to let me know that she had already insured her car and had been out driving. Then, yesterday, Ruth text me to say “Just thought I’d let you know I drove for the 1^st time all by myself today and I didn’t die!!!”

I replied “That’s great…. Assuming no-one else died.”

Her reply was not the most convincing, “Not that I am aware of, but then I may not have noticed!”

Born to run

2011-05-27T14:10:00.000+01:00

My wife can be a bit impulsive at times. She seems to have no fear of making spur-of-the-moment decisions. In December 2001 we had a pub in Castor, Cambridgeshire and lived there with our ageing Golden Retriever, 'Daisy'. One day she went over to her friend's house and came back with a puppy. Her friend's Parsons Terrier had just had a litter and, when Jane entered the room, one of the puppies clambered out of the bed and stumbled excitedly over towards her. Jane was immediately smitten and, as the puppies were for sale, decided to buy her. We named her 'Doris'. I can't remember exactly why, but it seemed to go well with 'Daisy'.

Daisy was a very patient surrogate mother and never seemed bothered when Doris would grab Daisy's tail in her teeth and swing round in the air as Daisy spun around. I remember the day she arrived, Doris was small enough to sit in the palm of my hand, but it wasn't long before she was big enough to go jogging with me and developed a habit of scampering up me and perching smugly on my shoulder. Her other habits included running off to the village cricket club and returning with long-lost cricket balls that she had found in the bushes. These tough leather balls she then proceeded to rip apart in minutes.

When she was about 6 months old we entered her in the village fête’s terrier race, which, despite being the youngest entrant, she won easily. Then, the next Christmas, she worried us by joining a pack of Fox Hounds as they were just about to start their hunt. She just seemed to get faster and faster. She would run alongside Jane when she was out on her horse and, when I would practice my bowling at cricket, she would start alongside me and still manage to catch the ball before it had bounced twice (although that may be more a reflection of my bowling, rather than Doris' speed).

Even when we bought Daphne, a whippet, as a companion, Doris could (almost) keep up with her. But even more impressive than her outright speed was her stamina; whether it was me riding my bike through Culbin Forest, or Jane riding her horse along the long beaches around Nairn, Doris would continuously run ahead, double back to check that we were keeping up, run ahead again and so on, endlessly running in long loops, so that she must have run at least twice the distance we covered.

Last Christmas, I wrote that the best Christmas present was that, after a week of being ill, Doris recovered. She was soon back out running, and leaping high into the air to catch the water whenever anyone used the hose to water the garden. So it was very worrying when she fell ill again a couple of weeks ago.

Last Wednesday, I was having a good day; three test passes and two new pupils. Then, just before my last lesson, Jane called me to say that Doris had suddenly deteriorated and, the vets not knowing what was wrong, had been put to sleep. Jane brought her home and I had a 90 minute drive home, knowing that I would have to bury her when I got home at 10pm that night.

Apologies if you come here hoping to read about driving instruction in the Highlands. Doubtless you have no interest in my dogs. However, I write this for myself as much as anyone and Doris was such a vital part of my life the last ten years I just wanted to remember her here. We still have Jilly, our black Retriever, and Daphne, the Whippet, and they seem a bit subdued, but there is a big, big void in our house where Doris used to be.

She had a wonderful life and made our life great fun. Doris – The best dog in the world ever (no argument) - R.I.P.

Ups and downs and ups.

2011-05-18T14:52:00.001+01:00

6.47am. Third (sometimes fourth) Wednesday in the month, so you know the score by now. I have x number of pupils taking their test in Ullapool. Yawn. Well, you don't have to read on if you don't want to.

We have been on a really good run. In March I had 6 pupils (out of 8) pass, then last month, all three passed (2 with 1 minor fault, 1 with 2 minor faults). Today I have 5 pupils on test. I am as confident as I can be about all of them, but you never know. Two of them in particular could be chauffeurs, their driving is so calm and precise, but all it takes is one momentary lapse and they come back with a fail.

9.50am. A good start. Congratulations to Matthew, passing with 3 minor faults on his first attempt. I enjoyed a Big Hot Roll (Bacon, sausage and egg) and a pot of Earl Grey at the Tea Store café while he was out and I was mildly concerned when I saw him approaching a motor-home that was stopped opposite the road he wanted to turn into, and immediately before a blind bend – it could not have picked a worse spot to park. No problem; he brought his speed right down, indicated and moved out nice and early before committing himself to pass (although a few minutes later I learned that one of his three faults had been selecting second gear a bit too early at that particular point). Anyway, a job well done and good luck with your band, 'Torridon', on the festival circuit this year.

11.01am. So far, so good. Kim, five months pregnant, and feeling under pressure to pass first time as a result, did just that; passing with 6 minor faults. As a passenger, she is possibly one of the most relaxing drivers I have had the pleasure to teach. A touch careless with the indicators and a bit of coasting, but I'm very pleased that both you and the examiner now agree with me that you can drive.

11.45am. Congratulations to Ruth. Another first-time pass. I shall miss our lessons. It was the theoretical questions she posed me that made her lessons one of the week's highlights. Questions such as “What do I do in my test if there is a spider in the car?” and, on one memorable occasion, when I asked her to pull up just by the next lamp-post, she asked “What's a lamp-post”? I considered that, being an intelligent lady, she was being all philosophical and existential, but no, she was just being dizzy. There were many more questions that tested the limits of my knowledge, but I hope I tested hers too.

Turned a bit chilly now. The sun is trying to come out, but the wind is a bit fresh. I am sat on a tree stump at The Pottery Centre, which is where the tests begin and end. My pupil currently out on test is the only one not taking her test for the first time today. I was so convinced she would pass last time (March), but she allowed herself to get too close to a slow-moving truck and consequently failed. Usually, I could let her drive around without saying a word, but nerves have got to her today and, in the four minutes we had to practice before her test, there were a couple of silly blips, such as slowing right down and engaging 1^st gear for a junction that could easily have been negotiated in 2^nd. Nothing serious, but it won't help her nerves. This is the trouble with Ullapool tests; because they are literally back-to-back, with barely 5 – 10 minutes between them, my pupils are often fairly 'cold' when they go out on test. Virtually all my pupils in other areas ask for an hour's lesson immediately preceding their test; I know I did when I took my test. However, I have two pupils in Elgin, with tests approaching, that both want to just meet me at the test centre, with no lessons beforehand. Their reasoning is that their nerves would build up in the hour before. I will go along with their wishes, but I have told them that I will keep that preceding hour free in case they change their mind.

I was amused earlier to learn that another instructor had been trying to poach one of my pupils. The cheek of it! Not just once, but on several occasions, he has asked her if she wants lessons with him, despite the fact that she has told him she is having lessons with me. Ultimately, it is the pupil's decision, but I just have to make sure that my pupils enjoy their lessons and feel as though they are making good progress. Hopefully then, they will stick with me rather than go with an unprofessional trainee instructor.

1.41pm. Alas, my fourth test pupil of the day was unsuccessful. She had to emerge out of a tricky uphill T-junction, with parked vehicles restricting her view on both sides. I wasn't sat in on the test, so I don't know, but the examiner said that she had not made thorough enough checks on both sides before emerging. At the moment she is angry and concerned that she has 'let me down'. She has done no such thing. I think her driving is comfortably good enough to pass the test, and she never lets me down in her lessons. Perhaps she honestly believed it was safe to emerge, but the examiner had not yet made up his mind. It's no big deal. It's not life or death and she'll get another chance before too long.

My last test pupil of the day is currently out, negotiating the coach-loads of tourists who are wandering aimlessly around the harbour area, and the other drivers who are doing U-turns in crossroads. I have to confess, I'm a bit jittery about her. Her last few lessons have been great and, at the end of her last lesson, I told her I was sad. “Why's that?” She asked. “Because you don't need me anymore.” was my (honest) reply. However, in the lesson immediately before her test she didn't seem to be concentrating fully and her steering was not as accurate as I would have liked. A bit of concentration though, and she should be fine.

2.39pm. Not enough concentration, obviously. Only a handful of minor faults, but a serious fault for her steering. (Hate to say I told you so, as The Hives once said). Sadly, she will not get another chance as she is returning to Poland in a couple of weeks as she and her fiancé prepare for their wedding. At least she went away smiling and confident that she would pass in Poland (so long as she maintains a bit more control on her steering).

As always (with the exception of last month), I am a bit disappointed not to have every pupil pass. Three out of five pupils isn't too bad, but it actually reduces my pass rate. Not that that is of any concern to Kim who has just text me to let me know that she has already sorted out her insurance and has been driving around the village on her own. That's what it is all about and I'm sure the two that did not pass today will soon be able to join her.
Just about time for a quick late lunch and yet another pot of tea before my last five lessons of the day (including two brand new pupils). So, despite the two hiccups and a very long day, I am rewarded with two of the best aspects of this job: Three test passes and new pupils. I would have a little dance, but I might spill my tea.

The storm before the lull

2011-05-18T14:32:00.000+01:00

Tuesday 17th.

I'm actually taking four days off from Thursday – the first time I have taken this much time off in maybe four years. Jane and I are flying back to sunny Bedfordshire for my youngest brother's wedding.

Meanwhile, there is no gently easing into a holiday mode for me; quite the opposite in fact. Today began with two lessons in Elgin, popping in at home to let the dogs out, dropping a birthday card round to my step-daughter's boyfriend in Auldearn, followed by a lesson in Nairn, driving to Inverness to collect some bits and pieces for the wedding, a lesson in Inverness followed by the pupil driving to Ullapool, then five lessons in Ullapool, finally finishing over twelve hours after I started.

Tomorrow is equally busy: Five tests and six other lessons, starting at eight in the morning and finally getting home just before ten at night. Don't misunderstand me – I'm certainly not complaining, I thrive on days like these. I remember a day, a few years ago, where I had five 2-hour lessons. I have to confess that, by the last lesson, I was struggling and probably didn't give the best tuition I was capable of. But, by the ninth lesson today, I still felt that the pupil was getting their money's worth.

And tomorrow isn't so daunting as might first appear: Once the examiner comes out and meets my pupil, there is nothing I can do for the next forty-five minutes. I might wander off for a coffee and maybe update this blog, or I sit in the back of the test and try to enjoy the ride. So it's not as if I will will be working eleven continuous hours.

Anyway, blah, blah, blah, boring, boring, boring..... You've heard all this stuff before.... Virtually every month in Ullapool. So I'll jump ahead to my hols...

Chris, my brother, marries the lovely Sondra in Little Horwood on Friday and, from mine and Jane's point of view, it will be the first time we have returned south of the border in over four years. Looking forward to seeing friends and family that we haven't seen in that time and looking forward to letting my hair down (all 5 millimetres of it). I do have a duty to perform: I am MC at the wedding breakfast. When I used to work at the Newton Hotel and the Bunchrew House Hotel this used to be part of my job. Initially I found this quite daunting as I was responsible for hosting the most important day (hopefully) of a couple's life. I would spend a great deal of time memorising every single detail of the day's itinerary so that there be no hiccups. I cringe when I remember one particular wedding when, just as the bride and groom were about to be piped in to the dining hall, I banged the gavel and announced “Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding and give a warm welcome to.........” I froze... I could not remember their names........ “..............the happy couple.” It was best I could come up with. Hopefully, I shouldn't have that problem with Chris and Sondra.

There's more I want to write about, but, for the time being, it is a secret from some people, so I shall have to wait until I get back on Monday.

Get orff moi land!

2011-05-15T13:16:00.000+01:00

Just down the road from my house is the village primary school. Just behind my house is the village hall, with a small car-park. Inevitably, when parents arrive to drop off or collect their children, they tend to park along the road, as close to the school as possible, rather than park in the car-park. It's only for a few minutes (usually), so it causes us little inconvenience. Every now and then, a parent will park in front of our drive. We know when school starts/ends so, if we anticipate leaving the house around those times, we simply park in the car-park so that we don't get blocked in.

As driving instructors, we have to be careful not to antagonise local residents. Not so much now, but it used to be quite common to see several driving schools all doing 3-point turns ('Turn-in-the-road's if you insist) on the same stretch of road. A ridiculous situation and it must have been irritating to locals using that road. In a few locations, complaints to the DSA have led to the Chief examiner asking driving schools not to use those areas for tuition.

You hear similar stories all over Britain. I particularly liked the story of an estate in England where the local residents repeatedly complained about driving schools using the surrounding roads. All the instructors got together and agreed with those residents that they would no longer drive on those roads. Of course, the residents satisfaction was short-lived when they discovered that no driving school would collect or return pupils on that estate.

The fact is, driving instructors tend to be far more considerate of where they drive and park than most drivers. And when we teach our pupils the very basics of moving off and stopping we emphasise that we look to stop somewhere that is Safe, Legal and Convenient.

So it was particularly disappointing what happened to me today.

We were nearing the end of the lesson and my pupil was approaching a very blind T-junction. Her initial approach was good, but she let the car creep out a bit too fast and I used the dual brakes. I wanted her to pull over so that we could discuss her approach. The road ahead had a row of terraced cottages on the left with double-yellow lines along most of the road. At a few intervals were parking spaces (about 3 cars long) reserved for permit holders. There was not one single car parked on this road. I asked my pupil to pull over in one of the parking spaces so that we could briefly discuss the last junction. We were not parking there, we were pausing there. While we analysed her approach to the junction and the possible consequences, a car (and, of course, it had to be an Audi) approached from ahead and parked on our side of the road, stopping barely six inches from the front of our car. The woman driving the car got out and, without a glance at us, entered the cottage immediately next to her car. My pupil and I were both slightly stunned by this – she must surely have seen us in the car and been aware that we would now have to reverse before we could move off.

Less than a minute later we had analysed the fault and agreed to drive round and approach the junction again. My pupil started the car and, just as we were about to reverse, the woman who had 'parked' the Audi came out of the cottage and started waving something at me. I asked my pupil to turn off the car and I opened the window. I then realised that she was waving a resident's parking permit at me. I apologised and explained that I had asked my pupil to pull up, just for a moment, to discuss the junction. “Well you should be teaching her the rules of the road, such as where she shouldn't park!” was her sharp reply.

There were no other cars parked, so it was not as though we were occupying the only space outside her cottage. It was obvious that it was a pupil learning to drive and not someone who had ignorantly parked their car and gone off somewhere. It was obvious that the woman had parked her car in such a way to inconvenience us as much as possible. It was obvious that she was an arse.

As tempting as it was to spell this out to her, it does me no good to antagonise the situation, so I apologised and assured her that we would not stop there in future.

I think my pupil was as stunned by this woman's attitude as I was and we were both silent for a few seconds as we drove away. I tried to divert our thoughts by talking my pupil through her approach to the next couple of junctions, but my mind was still distracted by this woman's actions. Even now, several hours later, it still niggles me.

Pupils have to learn to drive somewhere and the large majority of people who complain about driving schools will themselves have learned to drive at some time. As I have said before, my pupils learn from the examples of others, good and bad. If I see an example of good, considerate driving, I will highlight this to my pupils and encourage them to follow this example. If we see bad practice we can learn how not to do things.

So, perhaps I should look at the positives. Not only did my pupil learn how to correctly approach a blind T-junction, but she also learned how not to be an arse.

If I were a Jedward

2011-05-10T14:11:00.002+01:00

The Sunday Times published its annual rich list last weekend. Suffice to say, I was not in it this year. The 1000th most wealthy person in the UK is estimated to be worth £70M. I will have to give nearly three million lessons to reach this amount. If I do 40 lessons a week, I could make the list in just over seventy thousand weeks, or, if you prefer, sometime in the year 3,384AD. There has been recent news that people will live to a much greater age - possibly as old as several hundred years - but it looks unlikely that I will ever make the Sunday Times rich list.

Perhaps I could increase my lesson prices. If I set myself the slightly more attainable target of being the 1000th richest person in Scotland, I could reach that by retirement age if I raise my lesson prices to about £1,130 per hour. Hmmm, I'm not sure that would be popular with my pupils.
What is a reasonable price for a lesson? I know that I am not the most expensive instructor in my area, but nor am I the cheapest. You will often see instructors or driving schools offering seemingly very cheap lessons, particularly as an introductory offer to new pupils. I can understand that. Effectively it is the bait on the end of the line, with the idea being that, once a pupil has begun lessons, they will stick with that instructor at the full rate after the introductory offer has ended.
This is what the website http://www.drivingtestsuccess.com/ has to say about 'cheap' lessons:

"Don't be fooled by overly cheap driving lessons. Some driving schools may offer cheap introductory offers such as ten hours driving tuition for £50. These prices don't always add up. Remember cheap in, expensive out. They pull you in with a cheap deal but then you find yourself advised to have more tuition, at the standard rate, than you actually need. All driving schools need to make a profit. You won't get something for nothing.

Quality over quantity. 30 hours of lessons at £20 an hour is cheaper than 40 hours of lessons at £17 per hour. As I say driving instructors have to earn a reasonable living, they have to pay the bills. If an instructor told you you needed several more lessons before you were likely to pass your test would you take their advice? You probably would, but what if the real motive was to compensate for the cheap lesson prices?

In order to earn a living instructors who offer overly cheap lessons need to work exceedingly long hours. This means long hours in control of a car, often with little in the way of proper breaks. Is this safe? Does it affect their ability to teach? Do these long hours spent chasing a livable wage mean the ADI can keep up-to-date with all current training standards as set out by the DSA? They also need to reduce their business costs I.E. use less petrol, which means less driving for the learner taking the lesson.

Driving instructors offering cheap lessons do so because they do not have the teaching skills to charge more. They are likely to offer poor teaching standards with little or no knowledge of how to teach to the needs of each learner. Their lessons will be of the 'one size fits all' variety, which is fine if you fit that size perfectly, not so if you are a unique individual. "
(Cut and paste can be very handy at times).

I once had a pupil ask me how some instructors can charge less than half of what most instructors charge. Basically, they are desperate. They are probably not good enough to generate pupils through recommendations and have to resort to drastic undercutting. By the time they have accounted for their fuel, insurance, servicing, depreciation (or leasing costs) and numerous other expenses, they are making nothing. And they are not taking into account the thousands of pounds they spent on their training and exams to become an instructor in the first place. They manage to keep going by making sure the pupil takes far more lessons than they would have if they had gone with a reputable instructor.
But do you really need an instructor in the first place? Possibly not. It is not compulsory (in this country) to have lessons with a qualified instructor before taking your test, and there are people who pass without having any professional lessons. But even this can be a false economy. A few years ago, a friend of my step-daughter had his own car and spent years driving around on a provisional licence, with family or friends alongside him. After five unsuccessful attempts at the driving test (approx' £310 of test fees), he was advised to take lessons. He had five lessons with me (after all, he had been driving for years) and passed on his next attempt (cost of lessons + test = Approx' £180).

But none of this solves my problem of not being in the Sunday Times Rich list. I have discovered that the least money required to make any part of the survey is £2 million. This is the estimated worth of the =19th richest in Ireland, aged 30 and under. Is this some computer whizz-kid? A land-owner? An inventor? Maybe someone who can sing a bit? No. The =19th richest people in Ireland (under the age of 31) are Jedward. Very little to do with their singing ability, but much more to do with their freak factor and stiff hair.

All I have to do then, is make a tool of myself on national television, move to Ireland, ask my step-daughter to do something zany with my hair, find an identical twin and lie about my age. Then, having done that, maybe I too could have a picture of me with Scooby-Doo in the Sunday Times Rich List.

(Sigh) Maybe I'll just stick to instructing and poverty.

Four (hundred) funerals and a wedding.

2011-05-05T15:28:00.000+01:00

It's been a busy week for news editors; election campaigns, disasters, marriages and deaths all competed for headlines.

Sad to hear about the loss of Ted Lowe and then Henry Cooper. Many moons ago I was Bar Manager at Woburn Golf and Country Club, at the time, home of The British Masters. We would get many celebs there (especially footballers), either playing or giving after-dinner speeches. But the one celebrity that really stood out for me was Henry Cooper. He was being paid to give an after-dinner speech at a corporate event (it was probably an accountancy firm, they often were) and, before the dinner, all these accountants were at the bar acting in the most arrogant and ignorant manner; they treated the staff as though we were something they had stepped in. Of course, when Henry Cooper ventured near the bar they all began competing for his attention and they became even more boorish. But as they were called through to dinner, Henry made the point of returning to the bar and apologised for the behaviour of these people. It certainly wasn't necessary for him to do that, but he obviously felt so embarrassed and ashamed by their behaviour that he felt it was something he had to do.

And then of course, came an end to the reign of the World Champion at Hide-and-seek, Osama Bin Laden. I hope that this event brought some closure to those that lost family and friends in the terrorist atrocities he masterminded. Perhaps in an ideal world he would have been captured and tried in a court, but it wasn't an unexpected end. Glad to see that they have decided not to publish the photos, despite the protests from the ever-moronic Sarah Palin; it would not benefit anyone. If ever I am looking for moral or intellectual guidance I find it helpful to ask myself 'What would Sarah Palin do?' and then do the exact opposite.

The fantastic weather we have been enjoying looks to be coming to an end. We made the most of it, with outdoor lunches at Findhorn Bay and walking the dogs on the beach. But it has caused problems. Some of my pupils have described the 22C temperatures as 'roastin'', but it is the wildfires that are the more serious concern. Torridon and Glen Shiel are among the worst affected areas, with hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of damage, but there has also been several fire fronts at Inverkirkaig, in the stunning landscape north of Ullapool. Hopefully the rain, which is predicted later today will help reduce the damage.

Election day today and I'm not going to dwell on that. All I will say is that, as far as the AV- Yes/No vote is concerned, both sides seem to have made such a poor case that they have both probably helped the opposite cause.

The USA suffered horrendous carnage when hundreds of tornadoes ripped through the South, killing 329 people, with many more missing. The damage was almost unprecedented, but it barely registered on the UK news because of the blanket royal wedding coverage.

It was supposed to be a bank holiday, but you would scarcely have known because everywhere, including schools, were opened. Only the banks shut. My pupils were largely ambivalent or apathetic, like myself. “I'm not a royalist but...” seemed to be a common defence of those that had planned to watch the wedding. Even Bob, the anti-royal host of The Argyll's quiznight, seemed to soften his view and became almost defensive of William and Kate (the tiara belonged to Effie, not Bob).I had a full day of lessons, so I listened to bits and pieces on the radio (it seemed to be on virtually every station) between lessons and, I have to confess, began to regret that I was not at home with Jane, watching it on telly. I particularly liked the bit when they left Westminster Abbey to the Thunderbirds theme. Very classy.

Bespoke lessons, fully-tailored to your requirements.

2011-04-28T13:51:00.002+01:00

When I started out, as a trainee driving instructor with BSM, I remember being surprised by some instructors who seemed almost relieved when a pupil cancelled a lesson, or pleased when they had a quiet day ahead. I remember one even suggesting that I would be the same after a few years. (By the way, I am not just referring to BSM instructors). Well, several years later and I can confirm that they were wrong; If anything, I look forward to my lessons even more than I used to. I particularly enjoy the fact that every single lesson is different. No two pupils are the same and, even with the same pupil, no two lessons are the same.
Recently, with many pupils approaching their tests, I have had a large proportion of lessons where they know what they should and should not be doing, and it is a matter of polishing their skills to the best of our abilities. With so many passing recently and so many new pupils, the large majority of my pupils are now closer to the other end of the ability range. It can take a little adjustment on my part. No matter how many notes I make in my diary, it is impossible to remember just how good/bad a particular pupil's clutch control or parallel park, for example, is.
When I was undergoing my training for my part 3 exam, I had to tailor the level of instruction to the standard of pupil. Sometimes with training, it was easy to think 'Well surely a pupil would not do that?!' or 'Surely if I told a pupil to do this they would do it?'. Wrong. Very occasionally you get a pupil who will listen to my instruction and be able to do it from that point onwards..... very occasionally. With the large majority of pupils, I have to start with explanation (with diagrams and, sometimes, demonstration), then we practice with me giving full step-by-step instruction. When that goes well, we practice with me asking them with questions in advance. For example, "There is a parked car up ahead. What is the first thing you need to do?" Once they can manage the skill without prompts I try leaving them to it, but watching out for anything they might be missing. By working our way through this Explained - Guided - Prompted - Independent process, we hope to get to the stage where they can do it all without me. At this point I cry because they don't need me anymore.
But it gets more complicated than that because, as I said earlier, every lesson is different. And my pupils are human (ish). Sometimes on a lesson, I will ask a trained pupil to turn right at a crossroads, for example, and I can see them hesitating because their mind goes blank and they forget who has priority. Or, conversely, I will ask a relatively new pupil to do something and, just as I am about to instruct them to do something, I see that they are already doing it.
For a pupil who can usually do a particular manoeuvre/skill, they can find it frustrating when, inexplicably, they then have a lesson when they are struggling. What they don't understand is that ALL drivers are like that. ALL drivers have stalled, forgotten to indicate, made a pig's ear of a parallel park or scuffed the curb since passing their test.
Probably the most rewarding part of instructing is when a pupil really struggles with something, then, one day, they crack it. So, at the moment, I have lots of pupils who are struggling with various aspects of their lessons. There are times when, even when we step back a bit, go through a full explanation, followed by full, guided instruction, they can still get it wrong. They get frustrated and I scratch my head and try to think of a different approach. One way or another we get there.
It was only a few months ago that Maggie was struggling with her reversing, James' approach to junctions was causing him problems, and Franci had no idea what was happening around her car. As I wrote last week, they all passed with just four minor faults between them. I would love to have a time machine to take them back to their first lessons to see how far they progressed. But I guarantee that, at some point in the future they will do something stupid while driving and maybe think 'I'm glad Martin wasn't here to see that.'

Room for improvement (but not much)

2011-04-20T20:58:00.003+01:00

10.00am: A bright, sunny morning and Ullapool is a patriotic palette of red tulips, whitewashed cottages and blue sky, with a variety of blossom-filled trees lining the roads. Only three pupils out on test today, so my chances of a 100% pass rate are better than usual.

Maggie is already out, on her 9.37am test. This is her third attempt and, if she can conquer her nerves, she could pass easily. She just finds the artificial aspect of tests (and even her early lessons) intimidating. A few weeks back I simply asked her to drive around Ullapool, going wherever she wanted to go. I suggested that she drive from her house to work, stop off at a shop and just drive as though I wasn’t there. She drove perfectly and I could not fault a single aspect of the drive. So we know she can do it, she just needs to forget that she has someone sitting next to her.

11.03am: Fantastic! Maggie was still shaking at the start of her test, but she passed with only 1 minor fault. Very pleased for her as she decided, early on, that, having started on her course, she was going to see it through until she passed. It’s surprising, but not every pupil is like that.

James is currently out on his 10.44am test, his first attempt. He was with me when I was waiting for Maggie to complete her test, so he knew how well she had done. “No pressure James, but you have to beat Maggie’s result.” I suggested.

1.52pm: Alas, James could not better Maggie’s result (who could?), but he came very close, passing with just 2 minor faults. Surprisingly, they were both for just holding back slightly when it was safe to go up towards the speed limit. But that is a big effort on his part because early lessons involved a lot of me trying to slow him down.

I am trying to rush a smoked mackerel and beetroot salad and an espresso at The Ceilidh Place. Shame, because it is too good to rush, but Franci is currently out on her first attempt and will be finishing soon. High hopes that Franci will complete a clean sweep for me because, since she concentrated on her use of mirrors, it has been hard to fault her driving; I could almost nod off and have a crafty sleep during her lessons.

8.40pm: Finally, after three tests and six lessons, I am done for the day. Franci could not beat Maggie’s result either, but she matched it, passing with one single minor fault (not indicating to move off when there was a car ahead approaching). Absolutely fantastic drives from all three pupils and I finally have my clean sweep at an Ullapool test day. Ok, it was only three tests, but still 100%. James’ mum was asking me if I get nervous waiting for my pupils to return from their tests. I do; it doesn’t matter how good I think their driving is, there is always the possibility that they will make a silly mistake and I will have to gee them up and get them thinking about their next attempt. Today, I was as sure as it is possible to be that all three would pass, but Maggie, James and Franci excelled themselves and I am extremely proud of them.

It’s going to be hard to better today’s tests next month, but I will certainly try.

Baa

2011-04-19T17:07:00.000+01:00

The scenario: 6.30am and my pupil is driving along the A96 (a reasonably straight road with many overtaking opportunities) to Inverness. There are 5 cars evenly-spaced ahead of us, all cruising at a comfortable 55 – 60mph, and we have about 16 miles to go. Everyone seems happy and no-one seems bothered about overtaking. Ten minutes later, a car approaches us from behind, sits there for a minute or so, then progressively overtakes us and the cars ahead. This acted as a trigger for one of the cars ahead to decide that they too would overtake. Then another one, and another one, until there was just the initial leading car ahead of us. So, for 10 – 12 miles, everyone seemed quite happy with their speed, but as soon as one car overtook, four other drivers then decided that they wanted to go faster – especially pointless considering that they were, by that point, only a few miles from Inverness.

2^nd scenario: I am heading home from my lessons in Elgin, again in free-flowing traffic. Ahead is a 4-way roundabout with the road ahead being slightly to the right (about 1 o’clock if thought of as a clock face). The correct approach is to treat it simply as a ‘straight-ahead’ and approach in the left lane, with no signal. By doing that, traffic approaching from the opposite direction will be confident that they will not have to give way. The first few cars approach correctly, then one car approaches in the right lane, indicating right (the only exit on the right is a private road). Naturally, oncoming cars begin to slow, expecting him to turn right, but he carries on ahead. But then other cars ahead began to copy him, indicating right and moving to the right lane, even though all of them went straight ahead.

3^rd scenario: My pupil is in Inverness, approaching some traffic lights where I have asked him to turn right. He checks mirrors, indicates and moves into the lane (which an arrow indicates is for rights turns only). The lights are red and he has to stop behind three cars, none of which are indicating right. My pupil then cancelled his indicator.

“Have you changed your mind? Are we going somewhere else?” I asked him.

“No.” He replies, puzzled.

“So why have you cancelled your indicator?”

“Because this lane only goes right and the cars ahead aren’t indicating.”

“Ok. Imagine you are a pedestrian about to cross that road there,” I said, pointing to the road we wanted to turn into, “and you look at these cars and see that they are not indicating right. Where do you think they are going?”

“Ahead.”

“So you might think it was safe to cross the road just as those cars started moving?”

“So why are the other they not indicating?” He asked, referring to the cars ahead of us.

“Because they are not good drivers.” (not exactly the words I used).

It’s a sheep mentality. In every one of the above (real) situations, drivers were, initially, doing the right thing, then decided to copy someone else who, in these cases, was doing something wrong. For me, these situations are useful because they all provide learning opportunities and I can highlight the consequences of mindlessly copying what other drivers are doing.

Time to go; I’m getting hungry. I fancy mutton for dinner now.

Revolting pedants

2011-04-18T12:51:00.001+01:00

Just wanted to share this real exchange on Facebook that someone alerted me to (it appeals to the pedant in me):

Lindsay: F**k fake peeple that talk shit on FB
Daniel: *people
Lindsay: Shut up Danel! I'm pissed i'm not looking at my spell check!
Daniel: *Daniel
Lindsay: STOP!!! GET OF MY PAGE!!!!
Daniel: *off
Elizabeth: Daniel, please stop! she has had a rough day! her Dad and me are trying to help her threw a problem! and you are not helping!
Daniel: * through
Lindsay: Daniel now your f**king with my family! STOP!!
Daniel: * You're as in you're making this too easy for me.

There are many more like this at http://www.someecards.com/2011/04/06/the-best-obnoxious-responses-to-misspellings-on-facebook .

Died and gone to heaven

2011-04-16T15:59:00.005+01:00

Did you know, and not a lot of people know this, that, when you die, the afterlife is much more ordered and planned than real life. All your earthly experiences are re-lived, but grouped into similar categories. For example, you will spend approximately 20 – 25 continuous years sleeping. You will spend about 3 – 4 years doing nothing but eating and another couple of years drinking. You will spend maybe a year lying on a beach and all your sexual experiences will be continuous. This all sounds great but there is a downside: You will suffer all your pain at once; for 27 hours you will do nothing but cut yourself, break bones and worse. You will endure over five months sat on a toilet. Plus there is the boredom too; day after day of waiting in airport terminals, fifteen months searching for lost items and perhaps even longer wondering where other drivers are going (because they are not indicating).

Sadly, I’m not the person who created this idea of the afterlife. It is pinched (and tweaked) from “Sum: Forty Tales from the Afterlives” by David Eagleman. I'm beginning to wonder if I am already in the afterlife (or, that particular version of it), things seem to be either very good, or very bad. After a period of relative dolce vita, endless consecutive test passes (well, eight), good weather and general plain sailing, I then had a particularly unpleasant week; lesson cancellations, rubbish weather, bursting tyres, lost debit cards, crashing computers and a pupil failing their test after making a pig's ear of their reversing manoeuvre. The roads seemed less safe too; whilst one of my Nairn pupils was driving to Inverness one morning - keeping up with the flow of traffic at a nice, steady 60mph - a complete prat in a red VW Golf (SX03EEW) thought it would be a good idea to overtake us as we approached a right-hand bend. When an oncoming car came around that bend he/she was forced to brake sharply and swerve violently back in front of us, avoiding the ditch by a matter of nanometres. The 'Baby on board' sign, restricting their vision, only added to my despair.

Then, last Wednesday, the clouds lifted, the temperature started creeping into the twenties, the sun shone and life, in general, improved...

A few weeks earlier one of my pupils had bizarrely not shown up for his driving test. I had tried calling and texting him, but without reply. Very strange. It turned out he had been rushed to hospital that morning with lung problems, so the driving test was far from being his priority. Last week he called me to explain and to say that he had re-booked his test in Alness (he didn't want to wait for an Inverness test). Could I help? (he had given me two days’ notice). Luckily (and thank you to my obliging pupils), I was able to reschedule a few lessons and we were on for Alness. I used to teach in the Alness/Invergordon area when I lived in Glen Urquhart, but had not taught (or even been near the place) for over three years. We only had an hour to have a quick look around the area, but it should not matter if they don't know the area, if he just applies what he had learned in Nairn/Inverness, there should be no problem. And so it proved, so congratulations to Norman on passing first-time (sort of).

My computer then made a miraculous recovery. The computer engineer had told me that it was beyond repair and I would have to replace it. I'm not sufficiently skilled in computer repair to quibble, but I undertook the complex procedure of turning it off, leaving it to fester for a few days, then turning it back on again, and that has seemed to fix the problem.

A new debit card was received, I had three enjoyable days of pupils taking their Pass Plus course, Jane and I enjoyed an overdue horse ride in Darnaway Forest, Liverpool (and Andy Carroll) sprang to life (against Manchester City), some pupils paid for blocks of lessons and, to top it all off, the four new pupils who had their first lessons booked this week all turned up!

In the chapter referred to in David Eagleman’s book, he concludes by suggesting that, in this version of the afterlife, you covet a more earthly life where experiences are split into smaller swallowable pieces, where one enjoys jumping from one emotion to the next. I have to agree, imagine supporting a football team who win everything in sight for two decades, then nothing for the next two decades..... Oops! Forget that last comment.

It never rains but it pours

2011-04-05T13:13:00.000+01:00

Taking the title of this post literally, I watch with trepidation the forecast for the West Highlands; 24 hours of heavy rain with probable flooding. I have an 8.40am test tomorrow morning (meaning a 6.30am start), then three very full days of very soggy lessons on the west coast. Such a shame as it is 18C and very pleasant sunshine here in Elgin at the moment, where I am enjoying an extended lunch-break.

Last week I had 4 new pupils booked and, with a full diary, I was looking forward to the week. Silly me.....
On Thursday, one of the new pupils cancelled at the last minute. This was an omen of the next 24 hours to come. Later in the day I went to meet another new pupil. Her husband had booked her lesson but, when I got there, she decided she did not want a lesson at that moment, but wanted me to help her booking her theory test. Two wasted gaps in my diary.
Potholes are a major problem. Not just in Highlands and Moray, but all over the uk. I teach my pupils to look out for them and avoid them if it is safe to do so. Obvious stuff really, but sometimes my pupils seem oblivious to the fact that they are heading towards one. Not only do they risk damage to my car, but they also risk a loss of control.
The A835 between Inverness and the far NW Highlands has some dreadful potholes. Some are on bends, which pose a particular risk to control. I drive that road several times each week, so I know which stretches of road are particularly bad, but I got badly caught out last Thursday.
Heading home from Ullapool, after a long, lesson-filled day and heavy rain left some large puddles. I avoid the large puddles where it is safe to do so, but oncoming traffic meant I could not avoid one particular puddle. WHAM! I was shocked at the impact. There had obviously been a nasty pothole beneath the water. This was about 15 miles from Ullapool (64 miles from home) and nothing but mountains, rivers, waterfalls and deer for the next 20 miles. I knew there was a lay-by a few miles ahead but, before I had even got there the increasing vibration told me I had a flat tyre. Car manufacturers make sure you are prepared for such an event by providing a spare wheel. Worryingly, it seems to be increasingly common for cars to be 'equipped' with 'space-saver' wheels or, even worse, tyre-inflation kits. Mine has a tyre-inflation kit.
This pathetic piece of equipment is an electric pump, with a canister of foam that is supposed to seal the puncture. Once repaired, you are then advised to drive at a maximum of 50mph to the nearest garage. The nearest garage was 45 miles away and certainly would not be open at 8pm. I would have to hobble home and try to get it repaired first thing the next morning (when I had a full schedule of lessons booked).
It got worse. The puncture was too big for the foam to seal properly so, after I had repaired and inflated the tyre, it was only a couple of miles before I felt the tell-tale vibration again. Merde! (Excuse my French). I had no choice but to call the recovery service, only to find that my car-lease, for some completely unfathomable reason did not cover me (when it quite clearly says on my contract that it does). I spent the next half-an-hour inflating the tyre, driving for a few miles, inflating the tyre, driving for a few miles etc, until the tyre gave up and would not even inflate. No choice but for Jane to drive the 40 miles to collect me. Neither of us were happy.
I got the tyre replaced and the wheel repaired (the whack had been big enough to dent the wheel rim) the next day, but I had had to cancel six hours of lessons. Even less happy.

That evening, I switched on my laptop to update my records and check my emails. Nothing, just an error message saying that there was a fault and the computer could not fix it. Neither could the man from the computer shop the next day. "It is a common problem on Compaqs and Hewlett Packards," he told me. "Not a lot you can do if it is out of warranty." (it is).

Thus, I am in Elgin library, foresaking the wonderful weather outside, checking my emails, updating this blog and looking for a new laptop. It may be that I have to use the library computers to update this blog for a while, but the computer sessions are time-limited, so my posts will probably be shorter than usu

A matter of life or death

2011-03-28T08:24:00.001+01:00

Some people think the driving test is a matter of life or death. Some of my pupils assure me it's much more important than that.
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about one such pupil who was SO desperate to pass his test. He contacted me months before his 17th birthday to arrange an intensive course of lessons, practised regularly with his parents, passed his theory and had his driving test booked for only a couple of weeks after his 17th birthday. His lessons were going so well that, not only was I convinced he was going to pass, but it was hard to imagine he would even pick up a minor fault. As you may have previously read, his test went very well (I sat in the back) until, 20 seconds from the end of the test, he misjudged the intentions of an oncoming learner driver and crossed in front of him. Result - serious fault and a failed test. I have seen pupils upset after a test, but I don't think I have ever seen anyone as shocked by a fail. There is no explaining it; I can think of several pupils who, over the years, have been almost faultless in their lessons, but just do something inexplicable on the day of the test.
Anyway, Friday was his second attempt. In the lesson beforehand his driving was good, but not quite as good as it usually is. Difficult for me to put my finger on what it was, maybe just a fraction rushed. I was surprised when he asked if I would sit in the back of the test again, but I was happy to agree. Whereas, in his first test, I had been relatively relaxed (until the last 20 seconds), I wasn't so relaxed this time. Especially when it came to his reversing manoeuvre. The examiner asked him to do a parallel park - something he could do with ease. But, he just rushed it and I could see we had to gone too far round and was heading for the curb. No problem, just stop the car and pull forward to correct his position. He did not stop. He slowed right down, slow enough so that he didn't actually 'bump' the curb with any force, but I could see the shock on his face. The rest of the drive was 'ok' - a bit shabby by his usual standards, but nothing serious.
At the end of his test, the examiner totted up the faults (7) and my pupil hung his head. It was hard to say whether he was more shocked last time, learning that he had failed, or this time, hearing that he had passed. Afterward the examiner had left, he was still slightly phased and babbled about how he was sure he had failed after his parallel parking. I explained that the examiner had decided that the manoeuvre had been completed 'under control' (but I wasn't entirely convinced, and nor was Andrew).
So, well done Andrew. Your determination and eagerness paid off in the end.

Out with the old and in with the new, as my next lesson was with a brand new pupil. She has set me a bit of a challenge: She passed her theory test back in mid-May 2009, with the intention of taking lessons then. But moving house and getting married delayed that plan and she recently realised that, unless she passed her driving test within two years of passing the theory test, she would have to sit the test again. So she has set me a deadline of less than 7 weeks to get her through her test - from scratch. I like a challenge.

My final pupil of the day was one who, back in December, had begun to lose her interest in driving. She had had lessons with another instructor prior to me and she had got it in her head that it was too long since her very first driving lesson. Was it worth the effort? she wondered. At the time I had suggested booking her driving test for a few months time so that she had a goal to aim for. Unfortunately, her progress had not been as good as we would have hoped and, with her test scheduled for next week, I did not think she was quite ready. I had to break the news.
"But I really want to pass. It's been so long since I started driving." She said. (It hasn't really.... many people take much more than a year from their first lesson to passing.)
I had to persuade her that it was in her best interests and that, no matter how disappointed she may feel about my advice, she would be more disappointed at failing her test. The killer question was "Do you think you can drive around the town without ever needing my help?" "No." was her honest reply.
She agreed to postpone her test. Later that evening, however, I was concerned when she text me to say that she could not get another date until June. I was anxious that she wouldn't wait that long and decide not to change her test date, but, to her credit, she did postpone it and has arranged immediate lessons.

As much as I agree with the DSA's motto, Safe driving for life, it is very rare to have a pupil who's main aim is to learn to be a very good driver, however long it takes. The large majority just want to get their licence to drive as quickly and cheaply as possible. But rushing the process is likely to be a false economy as driving tests cost two-and-a-half to three times as much as driving lessons, so you don't really want to take too many, even if you 'just want to give it a go'.

My final pupil of the night was even more detemined to succeed. Jordan, my 10 year-old grandson was at our house and he enjoys his computer games. I only have a few Playstation 2 games and his favourite is Gran Turismo. He is so determined to beat me (I won't let him win - I'm a bad grandad) and, over the last year, he has reached the point where he is at least equal to me. Suspecting that, one day, he will trash me, I suggested playing Tekken 5 instead. Unfortunately, this was not the best idea as the previous night I had got careless slicing up some ginger for a stir-fry and had lost the tip of my thumb. Despite being bandaged, the rigours of defending my Tekken credibility opened up the wound and I had to lose real blood in order to beat Jordan. You see, I can be just as determined as anyone else, even if it is only to beat up my grandson.

Who is he kidding?

2011-03-24T07:47:00.002Z

"Motorists have been thrown a lifeline in the current harsh economic conditions....." an industry 'expert' has said, by Chancellor George Osborne cutting 1p from fuel duty in yesterday's budget. There are hundreds of similar headlines to this in today's papers.

WHAT RUBBISH! He has reduced the price of fuel by 0.7% and we are supposed to sink to our knees and prostrate ourselves at his feet, pledging our eternal thanks for his benevolence? Not only does it not come close to reversing the huge increases in fuel prices recently, but it is virtually meaningless for most people.
You can do a far better job than George Osborne, and safe yourself much more than 0.7% of your fuel costs, by using eco-safe driving techniques:
Anticipate what is happening on the road ahead in order to avoid sudden braking and harsh acceleration.
Keep your tyres correctly inflated.
Use the gear that suits your speed, using the highest gear that doesn't cause the engine to struggle.
Don't carry excess weight around in your car needlessly.

There are many more tips to help you save much more than 1p a litre. You can search for them online or, maybe, I'll get around to producing a more comprehensive list one day.
But if you are happy with the Chancellor's announcement, good for you. I think it is an insult.

Edit: I was out on the west coast yesterday morning and did not think I had sufficient fuel to get back to Inverness, so I was forced to pay 149.9p a litre to put some fuel in my car. Needless to say, I only put in enough to get me to Inverness.

She who hesitates

2011-03-23T17:22:00.001Z

Firstly, congratulations to Ali and Steven on passing their tests this week. It made it 8 passes out 10 tests in the week for me. And it was nice to see Ali out driving this morning (even if he didn't see me).

I've previously mentioned the tracker-gadget-thingy which provides me with all manner of trivial statistics about people visiting this site. Sometimes it gives me useful information, but, more often than not, the statistics it provides are just of curiosity value. Recently, I seem to be getting lots of people from various European countries coming here after searching for 'Swindon's magic roundabout'. Why this may be of interest to people in Belgium, Poland, Austria, Sweden and several other countries I can't imagine.
But it was someone who recently visited this blog after going to a search engine and searching for 'how do you teach a driving pupil about hesitation?' that caught my attention. A tough question, and I would not like to try to answer it in any depth here. With some pupils it is never an issue; if anything, I find that some pupils are not cautious enough. But it is the ones that seem to want to triple-check, when it is clear they are able to 'go', that can be a challenge.
I had one such pupil this morning. She has been with me for quite a while. Manoeuvres are good, control is good, observations rarely need to be remarked upon. But the only thing I regularly have to prompt her on is "is it safe to go?" Whether it is emerging from a give-way, crossing traffic or moving on after waiting behind an obstruction (such as a parked car), she is over-cautious and often ends up stopped, in first gear and waiting for a big gap before she thinks it is safe to go. 'What's wrong with that?' you may ask. Not only may the oncoming cars be holding back slighlty, expecting her to go, but the vehicles behind her may assume she will go and misjudge their braking. Also, if vehicles are already stopped behind someone who is too hesitant, they may get frustrated and rush to overtake before they get a safe opportunity.
I usually find that my pupils miss opportunities to go if they approach the junction/situation too quickly; then they are still braking at the point where they should be looking to see if they can accelerate. Getting them to bring their speed down in good time works wonders because, having done most of the braking early, they then have a few seconds to look at the junction and decide whether it is safe to go.
I teach my pupils to try and drive in a manner that doesn't cause other road users to change their speed or direction. That's fine in principle, but sometimes hard for them to judge, so instructors try to use 'knowledge transfer' - apply what they do know to something they don't. For example, when a pupil is approaching a side road to turn right, if they look like they will hesitate and wait for an oncoming vehicle when they have plenty of time to cross, I could ask "If you were a pedestrian, would you think it is safe to walk across the road here?" The theory being that they will have had experience as a pedestrian and will be able to judge whether it is safe. If they think it is safe to walk across, they will have time to drive across.
This happened to my pupil this morning. She was approaching a road to turn right. She had checked her mirrors, indicated, braked and was selecting 2nd gear when she began to brake more. I realised that she had seen the oncoming car (which was some distance away) and was going to wait until it had passed...
"Do you have time to walk across before that car?" I prompted.
No answer, She selected 1st gear and stopped, waited until the car had passed, then I had to tell her it was safe to go because I could see she was looking at another oncoming car which was even further away. I asked her to pull over and repeated my question...
"Did you not think you had time to safely walk across the road before that first car?"
"Hmmmm. Probably not."
"Really?! We had to wait some time before the car passed us. I think I could have comfortably walked across in plenty of time." I suggested.
"I'm a nervous pedestrian." was her response. I had no answer to that.

Ullapool tests

2011-03-17T12:52:00.001Z

Tuesday 15th March 2011

7am Tuesday morning and I’m enjoying two hours of tea and tranquillity, but bracing myself for what is to come: 18 hours of lessons, plus no less than nine tests in the next three days.

Once one of my pupils has passed their theory test we discuss when to book their driving test. They can pay me and I will do it for them, or they can do it themselves. For my Inverness and Elgin pupils I advise them to quote my ADI number when booking, to avoid two pupils booking tests that clash. Where my Ullapool pupils are concerned, there is no chance of a clash because one examiner comes up once a month and he can obviously only conduct one test at a time.

A few months ago one of my Ullapool pupils told me they had booked their test at 1.33pm on 16th March. I checked my diary and saw that another of my pupils had already booked a test in Ullapool at that time. I assumed that one of them had made a mistake and did not immediately worry about it. The next week, a similar thing happened; two pupils told me they had booked their test for 10.44am on 16th March. Then two more pupils booked their test for 8.40am on the same day. What was going on? Surely they could not all be mistaken? I went online to check and, sure enough, they were all correct.
I called the DSA to find out what had happened. They confirmed that the test time were correct because TWO examiners were being sent to Ullapool that day. The problem is I only have ONE car!
I explained the situation to all six pupils and discussed the options:
1. Move their test back to a later date (not popular).
2. Try to find another test time on that date (there were none that did not clash with some of my other pupils’ tests).
3. Consider taking their test in Inverness or Gairloch (again, not popular).
4. Try to find another car.

Lots of phone calls and texts ensued and I managed to juggle a few tests around. I was still left with three pairs of clashing tests, but I had managed to switch tests around so that two of the clashing tests each had a pupil who was happy to use their own car.
With two weeks to go I still had two pupils who had no other car they could use and neither were willing to move their test back to a later date. The nightmare scenario was that, without the problem being resolved, both pupils would turn up at the test centre for their test and I would have to toss a coin to see who took their test - unthinkable.
The situation was finally resolved when I placed an ad in the local paper, asking if anyone taking the 9.37am test would be willing to swap to 10.44am. Someone responded to the ad and I was able to call the DSA and swap the two tests over. Finally. Problem solved.
Well, not quite. One of my pupils who was going to take the test in his own car has now got a problem with his car that cannot be fixed before his test. So he has been forced to ask another instructor if he can use his car.
Today I have nine pupils having lessons, then Wednesday I have eight pupils on test (plus three additional lessons). I would love to predict that all eight will pass - and they are all good enough to pass - but mathematical probability suggests it is unlikely. The big problem comes if a few of them don’t pass because they may then have to wait until June, or even July, to retake their test.
Fingers crossed then, but I have done what I can, it’s down to my pupils now.

***********************************************************
Wednesday 16th March 2011
I never used to be an early bird, I was much more of a night owl, but these days I often find myself waking up before my alarm - particularly on test days.

Wednesday morning it was the bright morning light that woke me soon after six. A pristine Ullapool morning with not a speck of cloud. Although maybe it was anxiety that woke me early. Yesterday, two of my lessons were with very new learner drivers and, with eight tests the following day, I was particularly anxious for them not to hit any curbs. I have only ever had two pupils damage tyres by hitting the curb, but, with no full spare tyre in my car, I dread it happening just before a test.

By eight o’clock I had refuelled, washed my car and was heading to my first lesson. I had two pupils taking the 8.40am test, with one of them using his own car (which, without power steering, was hard work for him on the manoeuvres). Ruairidh (in his own car) had previously asked if I could sit in the back of his test. It would have been strange sitting in the back of someone else’s car, watching another pupil go out in my own car, but, when the time came, Ruairidh decided he would be fine without me in the back. He was fine, passing with 2 minor faults. Unfortunately, my other pupil misjudged a junction and failed for his approach speed. A mixed start to the day.

I have three or four pupils taking their test today whose approach to junctions and hazards is perfection. Heather, taking the 9.37am test, was one such pupil. She had kindly let me move her test around a couple of times to accommodate other pupils, so I especially wanted her to pass. Seven minor faults is more than we would have liked, but still a comfortable pass.

My next pupil, taking the 10.44am test, was an equally good driver. Her pedal control is so good that her gear changes are seamless. It was therefore a big shock when the examiner opened the door at the end of her test and beckoned me over. She had been on the 60mph road to Ardmair when, in front of her, a truck had been struggling to get up the hill. Rather than hang back and look for a safe opportunity to overtake, she had let herself get too close and the examiner deemed it a serious fault. Whenever a pupil fails their test I wonder if I had left a gap in their knowledge. I may be blowing my own trumpet, but this is almost never the case. With this pupil however, I am blaming myself because, although we covered safe following distances, we rarely had the opportunity to see it in practice (most of her lessons were on quiet Sunday mornings), so I am not convinced that I had made her understand the concept. I always feel bad for the ones that don’t pass, but I do feel especially bad for her because her driving is usually textbook.

The 11.41am test was taken by a pupil who, in addition to the lessons in my car, has had plenty of practice in his parents’ car - an automatic. At first I wasn’t sure whether this was a good idea, but his clutch and gear control have not been a problem, so no harm done. His early lessons were very promising, but I seem to have spent most of his lessons trying to slow him down. My advice finally sank in and he has realised how much easier driving is when he gives himself plenty of time on approach to hazards/junctions. This was proved when he passed today with 2 minor faults. So well done Daniel, I look forward to seeing you for the Pass Plus course (and thanks to your mum for the delicious meal).

A while back I wrote about trading driving lessons for goods and accommodation. Last October, the manager of an Ullapool hotel suggested a deal where I taught his wife in return for food and accommodation. A wonderful suggestion because I usually need to stay 2 or 3 nights a week in Ullapool and his wife, Anna, was always happy to fit in wherever I had a gap in my schedule. On test days they spoil me in the hotel by providing me with a corner turreted room that overlooks several junctions (as I mentioned last month). And so it was this week. But the weather was so nice today that, while waiting for my pupils to complete their tests, I was happy to sit down by the harbour, rather than hide up in my hotel room. An heavily pregnant Anna ensured that I will have to pay for my Ullapool accommodation from now on by passing easily with 3 minor faults. Although her lessons were, effectively, free for her, Anna always continually tried to improve her driving and was always asking me very technical questions about all sorts of hypothetical driving situations. I wish all my pupils were like her. Warmest congratulations Anna and best wishes for your new arrival.

I had another pupil out on test at the same time as Anna. Ruaridh has had many lessons with me, but was happy to take the test in his own car. Unfortunately, a crack in his windscreen meant that this would not be possible. The cheapest option was to ask another instructor if he could use their car. This instructor, quite rightly, insisted on an assessment lesson before he would agree to this. This morning, while waiting for one of my pupils, I met Ruaridh and wished him well for the test. He then asked me some technical questions that had been raised by the other instructor giving advice which conflicted with the instruction I had given him:
While parallel parking I once had a pupil fail a test because, after pulling alongside the car, she secured her car and looked all around. While she did this a car was approaching from behind. Obviously, with her car in neutral, there was nothing to tell the approaching car that she was about to reverse and the car stopped just behind her, expecting her to drive on. The examiner had to tell her to drive on and she failed her test as a result. Consequently, I always advise my pupils to give a signal to approaching cars (indicator and reversing lights) as soon as possible. The other instructor told Ruaridh he needed to secure the car before selecting reverse gear.
The other conflicting advice involves an unusual situation where the examiner asks them to complete a U-turn within a rural crossroads. They have to turn left into the side road, then swing the car back round to the Give-way line, check to ensure it is safe before continuing the turn right. I advise my pupils to signal left before turning into the first road then, because they are then effectively turning right at a crossroads, they need to signal right. The other instructor told him a right signal was not necessary.
I felt sorry for Ruaridh because two instructors were giving him conflicting advice. I couldn’t say the other instructor is wrong. I could only tell Ruaridh to imagine the situations from the perspective of other approaching drivers and use his common sense. He must have done so for at least forty minutes because he too passed.
Struan had the last test of the day. All that practice in his parents’ estate car paid off because he passed with 3 minor faults. Well done Struan. See you for the Pass Plus.

It was quite a contrast then, after a whole day of test-standard pupils, to have lessons with three novice pupils, but that is one of the beauties of this job.

I am now settled, for the last night in my hotel room, watching the cliché-fest that is Masterchef. I should be proud that I had six pupils pass their test today - a record for me - but it is the two that didn’t pass that weigh on my mind. One day I will come to Ullapool and have all my pupils pass……. next month maybe?

Tested to the limit

2011-03-14T08:11:00.005Z

The week started to so well, with Liverpool beating Man Utd, and the weather making it feel much more like Spring than Winter. But, gradually, the week got worse.
Wednesday morning I was stunned to look out of my window and see the return of snow. Fortunately, it didn't last too long, but it stayed long enough to cause more road accidents (or rather, it was a factor in some drivers not dealing with the conditions). So Wednesday and Thursday weren't great, but Friday was the day from hell.

I have a pupil who is just DESPERATE to drive. He first contacted me about six months ago - five months before his 17th birthday - and spent the next few months arranging lessons and asking almost every question imaginable about the process of learning to drive and the tests. Finally, a few weeks ago, as soon as he turned 17, he began taking a course of 3-hour lessons, passed his theory test and applied for his driving test. He practiced every day with his parents and became possibly the most dedicated pupil I have yet had. I pushed him and pushed him and, as his test approached, his driving was virtually faultless.
The day of the test arrived and, despite his ability, he was still a little nervous, so he asked me if I would sit in on his test. I have probably said it before, but, although I will always agree to do so, sitting in the back of my car while a pupil is out on test is not the most relaxing experience for me. I can’t say or do anything - I have to make myself as invisible as possible. I usually sit behind the pupil and watch the road ahead, silently urging my pupil to react the way I would and squirming if they don’t. With this pupil I was doing very little squirming. I wouldn’t exactly say I was relaxed, but there was mild clenching rather than squirming.

After he successfully negotiated a particularly tricky parallel park, in a road that is barely wide enough for two cars, he was directed to Lossiemouth, where he dealt superbly with several awkward meeting situations. By the time he had tackled some blind, uphill crossroads and had begun the road back to Elgin test centre I had completely relaxed (not even the mildest of clenching). I had counted three minor faults and was very proud of his overall drive. He just had to turn right into the test centre. Approaching the junction from the other direction was another learner driver. Presumably this was a fairly new learner driver, as they were approaching the junction rather slowly. My pupil was waiting patiently then the oncoming leaner slowed right down (approx 2 - 3mph) to take the turn. My pupil mis-interpreted this as an invitation to cross and began turning right, in front of the learner. I clenched and squirmed like never before. Why? Why? WHY?
Twenty seconds later he had parked at the test centre and the test was over. The examiner sighed. "Why did you think you had time to turn? He asked.
"I thought he was slowing down to let me go first."
The examiner turned to me and asked "Did you think that?"
"No," I had to honestly reply, "he was slowing down because he was a learner driver."
The examiner gave the bad news to my pupil, who was completely shocked that he had failed, and added "It's a pity." as a he left the car.

After that I went to Inverness train station to meet another pupil for his test. He had had lessons and failed his first test with another instructor, but this instructor had booked a holiday that coincided with the pupil's second attempt, so the pupil had called me and asked if I could give him a block of lessons and take him to his test. The lessons were fine and I was confident that he would pass. By 12.10pm my pupil had still not arrived, so I decided to call him. Unfortunately, on my stupid replacement phone, I did not have his mobile number saved, but I had his home number in my diary. I called and his mother answered. Sometimes pupils keep their tests a secret, so I just explained that he was late for his lesson. His mother said that he was in Fortrose today - I began to get a bad feeling - but she would call him. Ten minutes later I had still not heard anything, so I called the mother again.
"Oh. Has he not called you?" She asked. I said 'no' and asked for his contact number so that I could call him. No reply. I sent him a text. I was just glad that we still had an hour and a half before his test. I had visions of him asking me to collect him from Fortrose (which was possible in the time). Still no reply. What should I do? I decdied that the best course of action would be to stay where I was, as it was, just a few days ago, where we had agreed to meet.
Another Inverness pupil had previously asked if he could have a lesson this afternoon, but 3.00pm (after my pupil's test) would have been too late for him. I considered calling him to see if he still wanted the lesson, but I decided not to in case my test pupil turned up. At 1.45, he had still not turned up, so my only option was to drive to the test centre in the hope that he had gone straight there. No, he had not. I could not understand it. The examiner called out his name, so I knew that the pupil had not given me the wrong date/time. Who knows why he did not show. He has still not replied to my calls or text, so I can only conclude that he had forgotten and was too embarrassed to get in touch. Maybe I will never know. He may have wasted his £63 test fee, but he cost me three, possibly four, hours of income. Not happy.

I drove on to my next pupil. She has her test within the next month and I don't think she will be ready in time, so I decided to give her a mock test. Her control and awareness can be as good as anyone's, but she lacks concentration. I was hoping, after the wretched morning I had just had, that she would prove me wrong and do well in the mock.
She didn't prove me wrong. In fact, it was probably the worse she had driven for weeks. I had a suspicion that she was relying on me a little too much, so a mock test would test this suspicion. I'm not going to go into detail but it went so badly wrong that, half-way though, she stopped the car and asked if I could drive her home.

I love my job but I had just had a bad day. I looked forward to getting home, opening a bottle of wine and doing some experimental cookery.
I got home, opened a bottle of wine and, while I perused the cupboards for ingredients I had a little rant about my day to Jane. Then I switched on the telly and learned of the terrible and tragic events in Japan. It put my day in perspective.
So if you ever catch yourself saying "I've had the day from hell", just think back to Friday 11th March 2011, because the people of Honshu really did have 'The Day from Hell'.

Disconnected

2011-03-14T07:14:00.002Z

In a lesson with a pupil recently and we were discussing her next lesson. Her usual slot was not available because another pupil has a test booked, so I said I could text her my available times for next week. She replied "I don't have a mobile." These days, that is a bit like saying 'I don't have a television', it is almost taken for granted that everyone has one.
I remember my dad getting a 'mobile' phone back in the 80's. It was one of those ones with a huge separate battery. Being a self-employed builder, I could understand why he needed one. But, as they became smaller they became more ubiquitous, although I often wondered why people had them. For a time, it seemed that I was the only person in the world that didn't have one. Why would I want one? I was a publican and rarely ventured out into the pub car park, let alone be far enough away to be out of contact. If anyone desperately wanted to contact me when I was at the wine merchant, or bank, or wherever, they could leave a message on my answerphone and I would return their call when I returned.
Finally, about seven years ago, roughly when I began my training to become a driving instructor, I decided that perhaps I should get one. The trouble is, once you have got one, you don't know how you ever managed without it. Last year I moved on to my second mobile phone - one with all sorts of stuff on it which I don't use. But, it does have a useful calendar/diary function which I use, plus easy acces to the internet, which has enabled me to book driving tests while I am out in my car.
Last Friday morning, I checked my phone and was surprised to see no new messages. I tried to send a message to one of my pupils and the phone just crashed. No amount of taking the battery and SIM card out and switching back on again could bring it back to life. Disaster.
I write my bookings in a diary, as well as entering them into my phone's calendar, but I had lots of lessons to arrange and no way of doing so. Luckily, I had an hour's gap in the afternoon, so I took the phone into the 3 shop to ask them to fix it. They could not fix it and said it would have to be sent away (in four days time). In the meantime they provided me with another phone (which, a week later, I'm still trying to get used to). The trouble was (and I did not know this at the time), all my messages and contact numbers had been stored to my phone's memory, not the SIM card. So, when I finally got home, charged up my replacement phone, and switched it on, I still had no way of contacting all the pupils I needed to contact.
Since then, I have received dozens of texts that I have not known who they were from. It has been quite embarassing having to reply 'Sorry, ..... who are you?'. Fortunately, I have recorded many of my pupils' contact details in my diary, so I have been spending ages entering all my contacts into my temporary phone. This time, however, I have not repeated my mistake, and have saved them all to the SIM.

I still don't really see the point in spending too much on a phone just because it has features on it that you will probably never use, but I have been converted. When people in my pub used to say 'Oh, I couldn't manage without my phone' I now know EXACTLY what they meant.

Whistling with a shoe full of slush*

2011-03-01T13:12:00.003Z

March 1st already. The year has really got a gallop on.
Yesterday, I was in Ullapool with an half hour gap between lessons. It was such a beautiful day I fancied sitting outside The Ceilidh Place and enjoying a coffee while I read a book for twenty minutes. As I pulled up opposite, Robbie and Murdo, who live a couple of doors down, were sat outside their house with coffee and invited me to join them. We sat there, in short-sleeves, chatting and exchanging pleasantries with passers-by while the sun beat down on us, bouncing off the whitewashed houses and turning Loch Broom a pearlescent blue. If I had not been driving, a jug of Margarita or Singapore Sling would have made it perfect, but the coffee was fine. It was hard to believe that it was still only February.
Later that afternoon, I drove home over the Diridh and through Inverness. I had Saint Etienne on the CD player, but The Byrds or Teenage Fanclub would have been just as suitable. Something was different. Everyone seemed to be driving at a constant speed, keeping generous gaps and not overtaking, even on the A9. In Inverness I witnessed the strange phenomenon of cars indicating correctly and being courteous to each other. No-one seemed to be in a rush and it made the drive a real pleasure. What was happening? Either everyone was on happy pills, or they were all listening to Saint Etienne, or the hint of Spring had mellowed everyone.

Heston Blumenthal gives his diners an MP3 player with headphones with certain dishes. For example, while eating a seafood dish, they may hear sounds of the seashore, or the sound of a distant lawnmower with a summer salad. He also has waiting staff who may squirt a complementary (and complimentary, I would hope) scent (freshly-cut grass with the salad, for example) to further enhance the whole sensory experience. Could this multi-sensory experience be applied to driving?
With the warmth of the sun on my face, Foxbase Alpha on the CD and the pure air of the Highlands coming through the open window, I could not help but feel blissed-out as I drove home yesterday. With my first lesson this morning, his driving was making me feel slightly less relaxed. He was putting too much priority on changing down the gears and not enough on using the brakes to bring the speed down. It is a common fault and I explained how coming off the accelerator earlier and braking progessively would give a smoother, more controlled approach to the junctions/hazards. It took a while, but he finally cracked it and we enjoyed a much more relaxed second hour of the lesson.
It crossed my mind to 'do a Blumenthal' and play soothing background music and light some joss-sticks as an experiment to enhance and encourage my pupil's more chilled approach to driving. But I was out of joss-sticks.

(* - "Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush." - Doug Larson)

The best laid plans....

2011-02-21T09:29:00.000Z

Just over a month ago I wrote about a pupil, "Zoe", who I had to reluctantly advise not to take her driving test, even though it would be her only chance before her theory test pass expired. This really upset her and she said that she was going to give up driving as she 'obviously was not a natural driver'. I suggested that she took a break from driving for a few weeks to see how she feels but (naturally) I advised her not to give up.
Yesterday was her first lesson after that short break. As I drove to her house I considered how best to proceed with her tuition. Had my fault analysis been good enough before? Because she could drive around Elgin and she could manage all the reversing manoeuvres, I had perhaps been guilty of ignoring the warning signs when things went wrong - only little things, but there was enough there to suggest that she would struggle driving without an instructor beside her. As a result, I had sometimes let mistakes pass with brief on-the-move comments about them, but maybe I should have pulled her over and got to the root of the problem.
So, yesterday, as she went through her cockpit drill, I explained that we were going to make a determined effort to perfect every aspect of her driving - not necessarily starting from scratch, but being more thorough than before. We were not going to jump around doing a few junctions, a parallel park, some rural driving, a turn-in-the-road, some more junctions etc. We were going to do junctions (including roundabouts) until they were perfect. Then, and only then, we would do, for example, parallel parking until it was perfect. If that meant weeks and weeks of junctions then so be it.
Unfortunately, the lesson did not go to plan - but in a good way. Whether it was extra concentration on her part or benefitting from the short break I'm not sure, but she drove around Elgin (almost) faultlessly. However, on the three occasions she did make a fault, I asked her to pull over and we discussed what had gone wrong, the possible consequences of that fault, and how best to fix it.
Who knows, perhaps next week she will have a disastrous lesson, but we are going to stick to our new 'no-nonsence' training programme until she is breathtakingly good at all aspects of her driving and she is bursting to pass her test and get away from me picking her up on every single little imperfection.

Room with a view

2011-02-19T08:47:00.003Z

It feels quite a while. It’s only been two months, but it seems longer than that since we had any driving tests in Ullapool. Not sure why. December’s tests went ahead as scheduled, but, for some reason, there didn’t seem to be any tests at all in January. Maybe after last winter the DSA thought it best not to risk cancellations due to the weather but, as it turned out, mid-January was fine in Ullapool.

Anyway, I have four pupils taking their test today; two first-timers and two on their second attempt. First up, at 8.40am was Jason. Although he lives in Ullapool, he had his first attempt in Inverness last Summer. On that occasion he gave me the wrong test time and I actually had someone else out on test at a time that clashed with his. My daughter, Rachel, came to the rescue with her boyfriend’s souped-up turbo Astra, which made Jason’s eyes light up at the prospect of driving it, but, of all the things to fail on (considering the power he had beneath his right foot), he failed for hesitation at a roundabout. Since then, he has been working down in Perth and has waited before returning home to take his test. Yesterday he had a two-hour lesson and I made it as tough as possible for him - parallel parking in the busiest road, 3-point turns (sorry, ‘turn-in-the-road’) in a narrow street and every junction from every direction. Hopefully, his test could only be a piece of cake in comparison. It paid off and he has just passed with 3 minors. A very good result (but one minor fault more than he picked up in the whole of yesterday’s lesson).

The 9.37am test was not so successful. She stalled at a crossroads, something she NEVER usually does, and lost confidence after that. I didn’t sit in the back, so I can’t be sure, but sometimes, for some unknown reason, pupils drive differently in tests to how they do in lessons. Who knows. At the moment it’s not too bad, we only have to wait until April for another attempt.

No time to muck about because the next test was at 10.44am. This meant Seonag only had about five minutes to drive round a few junctions and do one parallel park before returning to the test centre. The relative rush didn’t seem to phase her though and she passed well; again with three minor faults.

My last test of the day was another first-timer. Lisa has been very conscientious and, rather than just trying to get through her test in Ullapool, has also taken lessons in (much busier) Inverness. My 2nd floor corner room at the Caledonian Hotel overlooked the village and gave me a great view of many junctions - I felt a bit like Ed Harris' character in The Truman Show. As she drove by I could see the examiner recording a fault, but could not make out whether it was a driver (minor) fault or a serious fault. It must have been one of her six driver faults because she had no serious faults and passed. A good thing too, as she had told everyone when her test was and now she could look forward to breaking the news at The Seaforth Inn.

That was only half the day done as I still had four more lessons in Ullapool. 3 passes out of 4 tests isn’t bad, but I’ll keep trying for that 100% test day. Next month I have potentially eight pupils taking their test on the same day, so 100% then would be fantastic.

The shame

2011-02-16T23:09:00.002Z

A quick question: Describe the UK highway roadsign for a roundabout.

This week I’ve been in hiding. I haven’t been able to show my face the last few days. In one instant last Thursday night I plummeted from my perch.

There I was, enjoying Bob’s quiz night at The Argyll in Ullapool. It was quite busy for the time of year and there were more teams than usual taking part. Our team, ‘The Devine Comedy’ (a cheesily topical Scottish politics/14th century Italian literature pun) had got off to a bad start, but we were in 2nd place. Smooth-as-coral Bob then asked “Which is the only circular British road sign with three arrows?”
‘Easy… it’s a mini-roundabout. Wait, hang on minute…. Haven’t I seen circular roundabout signs? No… a roundabout is a triangular (warning) sign……’ My thought process continued…. ‘Hmmm, I’m sure I’ve seen some circular roundabout signs….’ And I convinced myself that I had seen circular roundabout signs in both Inverness and Elgin. Bob was starting to ask the next question, so I put down ‘roundabout’.

At the end of the round we swapped answer sheets and Bob read out the answers. “The only circular British road sign with three arrows is a mini roundabout.”
Now, I used to compile and host pub quizzes, so I believe that the quizmaster is always right. This is especially true in Bob’s case as the quizzes are bought in, so he can only read the answer he is given. The trouble is, I had somehow convinced myself that, every day, I saw circular roundabout signs. I could even strongly picture, in my mind, a circular roundabout sign near Elgin leisure centre. So I voiced my objection. After all, it wasn’t just my quiz reputation now at stake, it was my reputation as a driving instructor. My 99% score in my Driving instructor theory test would count for nothing if I got this wrong. Of course, people in other teams gleefully produced Googled pictures of triangular roundabout signs on their smartphones, but my memory had stubbornly tricked me into being convinced that some roundabout signs were circular and I persisted with my claim. I even vowed to produce photographic evidence at the next quiz.
If I had stopped to think about it, I would have logically realised that a roundabout sign could not be circular (a circular sign is an order…. Although that logic doesn’t explain why a mini-roundabout sign is circular). A few days later, I was teaching in Elgin, and I we approached the leisure centre…. “Nooooo!” The roundabout sign there was, indeed, a triangle. I frantically struggled to think of where I might have seen a circular roundabout sign. For the next few days I was still convinced that I had seen circular roundabout signs and I looked in vain for them.

I KNEW that a mini-roundabout sign is circular, so I can’t imagine why I did not put that answer down. “Never mind,” you may say, “it’s only a quiz.” But, to me, my reputations as both a quiz fiend and a knowledgeable driving instructor have been vaporised. Tomorrow night I will have to slink in to the Argyll and hope that no-one remembers to ask for photographic proof of my mythical circular roundabout signs. Perhaps I will sneak in a copy of the Highway Code, just in case Bob asks any more driving-related questions.

Hurricanes, facial hair and cheeseheads.

2011-02-07T16:09:00.001Z

After a quiet December and a steady January, February is proving to be a very lively month - in almpst all aspects.
Last Tuesday evening, the forecast for the West coast was wild; hurricane force winds and plenty of snow were expected. As it turned out, the snow only settled on the high ground, but the windspeed reached gusts of 90mph, which proved an unusual challenge for pupils. It proved even more of a challenge back home, where signposts were snapped and our front gate was ripped from its hinges.

When you are self-employed it can get worrying when your diary is not as full as it should be. Through December my diary looked ok, but all it takes is a few cancellations to create worrying gaps and, although I do everything possible to help my pupils become good drivers and pass their test, when they do pass that means I have one less pupil. You might think that, with people turning 17 every day, new pupils would be fairly consistently spread out. Somehow it doesn't work like that. I went several weeks without any new enquiries but then, last week, 3 new pupils started, this week 3 more start, and 3 more start the week after that. A few nights ago I dreamt that I had taken on even more new pupils. The dream was so realistic that, when I woke, I was slightly panicked, wondering which of my new pupils were real and which were imaginary (they have all been real so far, I am relieved to say).

From a sporting perspective, the week could hardly have gone better. It would have been perfect if Andy Murray had not lost the final of the Australian Open. Liverpool have won their last 4 league games, without conceding a goal and, amazingly (considering where we were a month ago) are now 6th! I was worried that Torres would score against us, but I did not take into account the legend that is Jamie Carragher returning to transform our defence. It's not been the best of seasons, but, with beating Chelsea and Man Utd losing to Wolves, it was a great week.

To end the (sporting) week, I stayed up to watch the Super Bowl. After visiting friends in Wisconsin a few years back, I am an adopted Cheesehead, so I was on the edge of my seat as the Green Bay Packers clung to their lead towards the end of the game. With the Packers 3rd down and 10, with less than 6 minutes remaining, I accidently woke our dogs up (at nearly 3am) when Jennings held the catch to release the pressure and I leapt up out of the sofa.

In other news, I experimented with a beard for a couple of weeks - not a full-face one, but moustache-chin-combo type beard. It made me look even more ridiculous and I began subconsciously stroking it, so it had to go. In other facial hair news, I tried shaving underwater - not in the local swimming-pool, you will be relieved to hear, but in the bath. It is a very weird sound, shaving underwater, it sounded as though my face was being ripped off. I won't be doing that again.

Congratulations to Anna on passing her test. I bet you can't wait to take your car out on your own. See you on the roads.

I'm sure there was something else I was going to tell you........ Nope, can't think what it was. Oh well.